TeresaBenedicta Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 An anonymous follower on my tumblr asked the following question. I made a response, but I'd be curious to hear what others have to say about it. [quote]I'm Catholic, but I've never really been sexually attracted toward anyone. If I were to get married, engaging in the marital act would be a sacrifice at best. So, considering my lack of enthusiasm for consummation (to put it lightly!) Would it be moral for me to get married? Thanks![/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Adam Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 I think it would be best to recommend that this person seek a spiritual director or priest who can help them further. There are just too many unanswered questions and whether it is moral or not seems to be irrelevant for this person. Are there deeper rooted problems that are causing this person to feel they are not sexually attracted to anyone? It is not normal to see the marital act as a chore or a sacrifice, even if one is called to religious life. I find that most people who ask questions like this end up having a background that includes abuse that has not been dealt with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 Okay. I didn't get married until I was 43. No real experience before then. I always thought that I'd be one of those, "lay back and think of England" kind of people. Falling in love changed all that. I also believe that having a marriage where there are no barriers makes a difference. There is real chemistry involved. The longer we are married, the more attractive he becomes to me. He says the same thing about me, but then he is certifiable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Adam Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 [quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1293772434' post='2195387'] He says the same thing about me, but then he is certifiable. [/quote] WIN. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeresaBenedicta Posted December 31, 2010 Author Share Posted December 31, 2010 [quote name='Brother Adam' timestamp='1293772160' post='2195385'] I think it would be best to recommend that this person seek a spiritual director or priest who can help them further. There are just too many unanswered questions and whether it is moral or not seems to be irrelevant for this person. Are there deeper rooted problems that are causing this person to feel they are not sexually attracted to anyone? It is not normal to see the marital act as a chore or a sacrifice, even if one is called to religious life. I find that most people who ask questions like this end up having a background that includes abuse that has not been dealt with. [/quote] Yeah. And there are definitely deeper rooted issues. Unfortunately... well, there are difficulties in getting her the help she needs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 (edited) That person could even have a hormonal imbalance somewhere, and in that case would need full sex hormone testing. Edited January 3, 2011 by JoyfulLife Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 perhaps she has been scarred by previous sexual encounters, i.e. saw bad behavior modeled to her by her parents, etc.? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 It is possible she has never fallen in love yet. It could also be possible that this person simply lacks a sex drive. Sexuality is on a continuum and while most people will be a 4-5-6 some people are just a 1. Its not particularly hormonal, its their basic makeup, so I doubt if they should seriously consider marriage as an option. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tab'le De'Bah-Rye Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 (edited) Dominus Vobiscum Maybe to be related to the gospels,some are born eunuchs(chaste) some are made that way by people(experience) and some become eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven,JC states this(can't remember the digits,am not so good at remembering locations of verses) Life Long lay chastity is not a new phenomenom possibly and also maybe this person is called to the priest hood,i would recommend increased meditation on the mysteries of the rosary(or to learn by heart what these mysteries are if unkown, and not just the verse but also the surrounding verses of each mystery to enhance the meditation experience of the rosary),more simple dialogue prayer with god ie:let it all out,and a fervant participation of the sacrements whenever able to and last but not least to read the gospels many times over and occasion the other books in the bible. God Bless Edited January 13, 2011 by Tab'le Du'Bah-Rye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tab'le De'Bah-Rye Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 [quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1293772434' post='2195387'] Okay. I didn't get married until I was 43. No real experience before then. I always thought that I'd be one of those, "lay back and think of England" kind of people. Falling in love changed all that. I also believe that having a marriage where there are no barriers makes a difference. There is real chemistry involved. The longer we are married, the more attractive he becomes to me. He says the same thing about me, but then he is certifiable. [/quote] wonderful,what heart warming sentiments,has warmed the cochels of my heart. amen and alleluia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anastasia13 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 [quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1294899094' post='2199590'] It is possible she has never fallen in love yet. It could also be possible that this person simply lacks a sex drive. Sexuality is on a continuum and while most people will be a 4-5-6 some people are just a 1. Its not particularly hormonal, its their basic makeup, so I doubt if they should seriously consider marriage as an option. [/quote] Largely agreed, except... I joined an Asexual forum and was reading up on it. A lot of these people desire the intimacy of a relationship, even possibly leading to a marriage. The degree of a person's tolerance and the level of sex drive in the sexual partner affect the state of Asexual/sexual relationships. Every once in a while, asexual's meet and maybe marry. Also, I think there was a special blessing in the Church for a sexless marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rkwright Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 [quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1294998913' post='2200001'] Largely agreed, except... I joined an Asexual forum and was reading up on it. A lot of these people desire the intimacy of a relationship, even possibly leading to a marriage. The degree of a person's tolerance and the level of sex drive in the sexual partner affect the state of Asexual/sexual relationships. Every once in a while, asexual's meet and maybe marry. Also, I think there was a special blessing in the Church for a sexless marriage. [/quote] hmmm I'd like to see the blessing from the Church on a sexless marriage - if it exists? I know it is a valid ground for annulment if the marriage is not consummated, so based on what I know I cannot see a blessing for a sexless marriage. But am open to correction.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 My mother in law did not allow my father in law to have sex with her for 5 years. He was being urged by his family to get the marriage annulled because he was in his 30's by then and wanted a family. As a last effort, he took her on pilgrimage to Assisi in Italy. I just don't understand why someone who didn't want to have sex would marry someone who really wanted a family. If both parties are asexual, that's a different matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anastasia13 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 [quote name='rkwright' timestamp='1295014384' post='2200014'] hmmm I'd like to see the blessing from the Church on a sexless marriage - if it exists? I know it is a valid ground for annulment if the marriage is not consummated, so based on what I know I cannot see a blessing for a sexless marriage. But am open to correction.... [/quote] (Perhaps permission would have been a better term?) After a brief google search, I may have been confusing something for infertile couples. I don't know. I thought I read something in an answer here, but that was a year and half to at least three years ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anastasia13 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 [quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1295035512' post='2200105'] My mother in law did not allow my father in law to have sex with her for 5 years. He was being urged by his family to get the marriage annulled because he was in his 30's by then and wanted a family. As a last effort, he took her on pilgrimage to Assisi in Italy. I just don't understand why someone who didn't want to have sex would marry someone who really wanted a family. If both parties are asexual, that's a different matter. [/quote] Family's can be adopted. Usually if one person has a strong desire for sex and the children that would produce, and the other was not interested, those marriages don't last often and are unusual in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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