Confession Fear

[Ada]

[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/wave.gif[/img]Hi! I'm new to this forum. Not sure where I could post this, but here it is...

I've been trying to become a catholic for a few years now, and I am currently in RCIA. I come from a strong protestant christian background. So it was a surprise to me that I found myself being drawn to catholicism! I am determined to keep going in this direction, I want to be catholic, no matter what other ex catholics/anti catholics or agnostics around me say and no matter how much I may feel like God is not there...He just has to be.

But I have a problem, I am terrified of confession, especially for the first time. I do not know how I will get through it. And I feel like, even if I do get through it, I feel as if I still shouldn't have communion. I feel like what I say won't be good enough. And what if what I say is not enough? or what if I say too much? or what if I say something that doesn't need to be said? What if I don't do confession right? What if I come across as stupid for not knowing whether or not that it's wrong, or even just stupid for anything that I've done. I know, I should just forget that, and just do it, because it's important. I need to forget the embarrassment, panic and humiliation I may feel. But it's sooo hard. I feel like I am too shy. And I also worry that once I am really catholic, I will always worry about sin. Why does it have to be so hard? SO hard? I feel like...what if I will just end up in hell?

Sometimes I desire so much to be devoted to God. I want to have a true faith. I want to do what God wants. I want to really love God. I just don't know if that's possible, or if I am just fooling myself.

[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/eek.gif[/img]

[rhetoricfemme]

Hi, Ada! I have no advice to offer, really. I just wanted to greet you and let you know that you may as well have picked this from my own mind.

I'll be praying for you! Also, in my uneducated still-non-Catholic-opinion, I don't think there's a wrong way to do confession? I mean, I don't even know if there are certain things you say when you start and finish a confession, but as far the rest of what you say, I would imagine just lay out your heart for your priest, and you've done your job!

[Ada]

[quote name='rhetoricfemme' timestamp='1292070798' post='2192094']
Hi, Ada! I have no advice to offer, really. I just wanted to greet you and let you know that you may as well have picked this from my own mind.

I'll be praying for you! Also, in my uneducated still-non-Catholic-opinion, I don't think there's a wrong way to do confession? I mean, I don't even know if there are certain things you say when you start and finish a confession, but as far the rest of what you say, I would imagine just lay out your heart for your priest, and you've done your job!
[/quote]

Thanks
"Confused Christian" that sounds like me! I still am confused, but I am trying to trust this direction I am going in.
I recently wrote a poem, I thought I'd share.

Teach me your way, O Lord
Help me
Guide me
As to not fall away
It is you I wish to live for
It is you I wish to know
It is you I wish to follow
It is you, please don't let me go
Teach me your way, O Lord
Help me
Guide me
As to not be deceived
For the little faith
I do have
Please help me believe
Teach me your way, O Lord
Help me
Guide me
Lead me in the right direction
Help me to see
Where it is you are hiding
Waiting for me
Teach me your way, O Lord
Help me
Guide me
Oh God I'm afraid
Grant me the courage
To follow your way

[fides quarens intellectum]

[quote name='Ada' timestamp='1292070055' post='2192093']
[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/wave.gif[/img]Hi! I'm new to this forum. Not sure where I could post this, but here it is...

I've been trying to become a catholic for a few years now, and I am currently in RCIA. I come from a strong protestant christian background. So it was a surprise to me that I found myself being drawn to catholicism! I am determined to keep going in this direction, I want to be catholic, no matter what other ex catholics/anti catholics or agnostics around me say and no matter how much I may feel like God is not there...He just has to be.

But I have a problem, I am terrified of confession, especially for the first time. I do not know how I will get through it. And I feel like, even if I do get through it, I feel as if I still shouldn't have communion. I feel like what I say won't be good enough. And what if what I say is not enough? or what if I say too much? or what if I say something that doesn't need to be said? What if I don't do confession right? What if I come across as stupid for not knowing whether or not that it's wrong, or even just stupid for anything that I've done. I know, I should just forget that, and just do it, because it's important. I need to forget the embarrassment, panic and humiliation I may feel. But it's sooo hard. I feel like I am too shy. And I also worry that once I am really catholic, I will always worry about sin. Why does it have to be so hard? SO hard? I feel like...what if I will just end up in hell?

Sometimes I desire so much to be devoted to God. I want to have a true faith. I want to do what God wants. I want to really love God. I just don't know if that's possible, or if I am just fooling myself.

[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/eek.gif[/img]
[/quote]

Hi, welcome to Phatmass! Prayers for you during your time in RCIA - what an exciting time for you!

I think the fears you feeling are natural. I know you mentioned you are shy, but one thing you may want to consider is making an appointment with the pastor (or another priest) to see if you can talk to him about some of your spiritual concerns - I am sure he would be more than happy to go over some of the questions you mentioned here, especially since you are coming into the faith. Plus, I don't think it could hurt to build a more personal relationship with your priest as a soon-to-be Catholic. As for the fears specifically regarding confession, I still get pretty nervous before going in (It is never easy to admit when you've done something wrong!), but then most priests are so patient and understanding of how nervous people get about that they are more than willing to guide us along if we stumble during the process. For your first time, especially, he will know that it is your first time as soon as they hear you tell them that at the beginning, so I am sure he will be very patient with you and help you when you need assistance.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='Ada' timestamp='1292070055' post='2192093']
[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/wave.gif[/img]Hi! I'm new to this forum. Not sure where I could post this, but here it is...

I've been trying to become a catholic for a few years now, and I am currently in RCIA. I come from a strong protestant christian background. So it was a surprise to me that I found myself being drawn to catholicism! I am determined to keep going in this direction, I want to be catholic, no matter what other ex catholics/anti catholics or agnostics around me say and no matter how much I may feel like God is not there...He just has to be.

But I have a problem, I am terrified of confession, especially for the first time. I do not know how I will get through it. And I feel like, even if I do get through it, I feel as if I still shouldn't have communion. I feel like what I say won't be good enough. And what if what I say is not enough? or what if I say too much? or what if I say something that doesn't need to be said? What if I don't do confession right? What if I come across as stupid for not knowing whether or not that it's wrong, or even just stupid for anything that I've done. I know, I should just forget that, and just do it, because it's important. I need to forget the embarrassment, panic and humiliation I may feel. But it's sooo hard. I feel like I am too shy. And I also worry that once I am really catholic, I will always worry about sin. Why does it have to be so hard? SO hard? I feel like...what if I will just end up in hell?

Sometimes I desire so much to be devoted to God. I want to have a true faith. I want to do what God wants. I want to really love God. I just don't know if that's possible, or if I am just fooling myself.

[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/eek.gif[/img]
[/quote]
I'm not sure if this will be much of a comfort, but at least a "you're not alone" sort of thing --I'm a cradle Catholic and I still get nervous going into confession (and I typically go at least once every other month, sometimes more). Really, there isn't a "too much" in confession, I typically worry about forgetting. But the beauty of it is, if you genuinely forget and didn't intend to just "hide" those sins, so to speak, you're still absolved of them (though you should confess them the next time you go, if you do remember them). And as far as coming across stupid --unless this is like a brand new priest who has only heard a few confessions, I'm sure that the priest has heard it/seen it before. Another great thing --in a lot of places you can either go behind the screen or face-to-face. So, if I go behind the screen, that has always helped me feel less stupid, because at least they can't see who it is. But really, if the priest is judging you, that's on him and not your problem. And he can't say anything about it to anyone else, even if he does. It's not like he can leave and go, "Oh wow! I just had so-and-so in confession and you wouldn't believe how much she screwed up!" They can't talk to ANYONE but God about it. It is really, really hard to go, but once you get done, you feel so FREE! And it gets easier the more you go. And some priests give better confessions than others, so try not to let one bad experience keep you away. Just try a different priest the next time.

I hope that helps at least a little bit, and I'll say a prayer for you.

[fides quarens intellectum]

[quote name='MissScripture' timestamp='1292080098' post='2192111']
It is really, really hard to go, but once you get done, you feel so FREE!
[/quote]

yes!

[rkwright]

I might add, I always do my best to make a good confession - but sometimes when you go in, you're listing off things, and then you just kinda go blank, maybe its nerves or something. Then I'll walk out and be like aww man I should have said this or that...

At the end of my confession I started saying "for these sins and any I am forgetting, I am truly sorry". If you really mean it, and you truly forget (not just avoiding saying it).

[CatherineM]

What I usually tell my RCIA students is that there is little you will say in the confessional that he hasn't already heard. I've only had a priest drop his book once (watch a League of Their Own for an explanation). The worst that can happen, is that you get denied absolution. I've also had that happen. Long story.

Non-Catholics often have trouble with the idea that of telling your deepest secrets to a stranger. They would pay a therapist a couple of hundred dollars an hour to listen to them though without giving it another thought.

[rkwright]

[quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1292092438' post='2192149']
What I usually tell my RCIA students is that there is little you will say in the confessional that he hasn't already heard. I've only had a priest drop his book once (watch a League of Their Own for an explanation). The worst that can happen, is that you get denied absolution. I've also had that happen. Long story.

Non-Catholics often have trouble with the idea that of telling your deepest secrets to a stranger. They would pay a therapist a couple of hundred dollars an hour to listen to them though without giving it another thought.
[/quote]

oo one more thing on that...

I had a priest once give a talk about confession. He said he's often hears scary things in the confessional. What is not scary is to hear sins. To him what is scary is "Father, for the most part I'm a good person" - this is pride in the confessional.

[let_go_let_God]

[quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1292092438' post='2192149']
What I usually tell my RCIA students is that there is little you will say in the confessional that he hasn't already heard. I've only had a priest drop his book once (watch a League of Their Own for an explanation). The worst that can happen, is that you get denied absolution. I've also had that happen. Long story.

Non-Catholics often have trouble with the idea that of telling your deepest secrets to a stranger. They would pay a therapist a couple of hundred dollars an hour to listen to them though without giving it another thought.
[/quote]

If you've seen A League of Their Own the priest will not pop his head out to see who you are. Catherine is right the absolute worst is that you are denied absolution, but this happens if a priest believes that you are not being sincere in your Confession or feels that you are leaving things out of your Confession. I've never had absolution denied from me, but I have had the book dropped a few times. The reasons that it happened for me was not because it was something extremely horrible but rather things that were extremely out of my normal character, the priests knew me personally before coming priests and they had been only ordained a short time.

God bless-
LGLG

[CatherineM]

It can be fun to go to new priests just learning to hear confessions. I wouldn't recommend that for your first time, but when you're an old cranky Catholic, it can be a bit fun. Of course then you have to go to confession for tormenting new priests.

[elizabeth09]

Good luck. I will be praying for you.

[Papist]

[font="Arial"]You are no different than anyone else. I still get nervous, anxious, butterflies in stomach, etc. walking into the confessional. But then when I walk out, I feel light as a feather, like I am walking on a cloud. Find a good examination of conscience document and spend time(preferably before the Blessed Sacrament) examining your conscience. I actually bring a cheat sheet list of my sins into the confessional to make certain I don't forget. [/font]

[font="Arial"]When he was asked why he became a Catholic, G. K. Chesterton replied: "To get my sins forgiven."[/font]

[font="Arial"]Jesus came to earth for that purpose. "You shall call his name Jesus ["Savior"], for he will save his people from their sins" (Mt 1:21). And the Church, since it is his Body, continues his work. Therefore the Church's purpose on earth is to extend through time and space this kingdom of forgiveness.[/font]

[font="Arial"]Not just forgiveness, but Christ's forgiveness. Forgiveness, like the Church herself, is wholly Christocentric.[/font]

[font="Arial"]After his Resurrection, Christ sent his apostles so that repentance and forgiveness of sins should be preached in his name to all nations. The apostles and their successors carry out this 'ministry of reconciliation,' not only by announcing to men God's forgiveness merited for us by Christ, and calling them to conversion and faith; but also by communicating to them the forgiveness of sins in Baptism, and reconciling them with God and with the Church through the power of the keys[the Sacrament of Penance], received from Christ (Mt 16:19; 2 Cor 5:18;CCC981).[/font]

[font="Arial"]How important is forgiveness? Eternally important! "'Were there no forgiveness of sins in the Church, there would be no hope of life to come or eternal liberation. Let us thank God who has given his Church such a gift'" (CCC 983)[/font]

[font="Arial"]God's mercy is AWESOME. Without our sins, he could not show/give His mercy. Trust in His mercy.[/font]

[size="3"][font="Arial"]God bless you![/font][/size]

[Ada]

Thank you [i]very much[/i] everyone for your replies!

[Guest brawsky]

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