E-Mailing With Sister-In-Law On Church Matters And Forgiveness

[rhetoricfemme]

So, my SIL is one of those Facebook posters who likes to leave cryptic messages so people go, "Oh no! What's going on?" And other messages of the like.

To paraphrase, this morning she left a post reading something like, "Who needs God when the minister and people of your church are awful." She deleted her post after I responded, so I can't remember it exactly, but she did go on to say that she liked her previous pastor way better (don't know where that was or why she doesn't go there anymore), and that the current minister "blows."

I simply commented saying that if she hates that church so much, she should try to find a church that better represents Christ, but that she should also pray for those "awful" people because they probably need it. She deleted her post right after that, but I did get an e-mail of her would-have-been response.

[i]"Better to know they are there, our church minister lets them freely enter the church nursery and molest a child at our church, thats why I can't stand my minister or my church for that matter chrissy. So no I don't pray for people like that, there is no recovery or forgiveness." [/i]

I should also mention that in college she was raped. Obviously, this is horrible and has a lot of bearing on how she feels now, but still. She's the kind of person who loves attention, drama, and if you aren't agreeing with her, then you get deleted. It's a very recurrent thing with her on several topics. She also claims to be a Christian but is a big advocate of abortion and I feel like while she's seeking God, she's seeking to find a church whose theology she likes, instead of one that convicts her to Christian living. Below is my off-the-cuff private e-mail to her. I wasn't sure what else to say, but I figured this is a start. I'm pretty sure she'll e-mail me back, but I don't know what she'll say, and I don't know where to go from here. But I feel like I need to be sticking up for Christ on this one, so she has at least one person who can tell her to persevere.

Help?

[i]I'm really sorry that happened. For the betterment of everyone involved the guilty people involved need to be reported and dealt with and removed, yes. I don't know the details of that particular situation, but did the pastor know for a fact that something was going on and then fail to confront the molester(s) before an unfortunate situation had to happen?

I'd urge you to still pray for them. The things they do will never ever be okay, and there's no other way around it. But forgiveness is something every human being is allotted, even though not a single one of us deserves it. God will be the one dishing out their punishment, and it will be far from anything we can imagine, or should try to imagine. They'll get what's coming to them, and we should leave it at that. Forgiving isn't easy and it's not simple, but without it, we just let hate, bitterness and negativity fester in our hearts. To forgive is not to pardon atrocious acts. To forgive is to simply let God take the reins and not look back. Anything less than forgiveness is like saying whatever God decides is not good enough.

I think as Christians we're responsible for two things: convicting people of those wrong-doings whenever we can; reporting them, notifying people about them, pursuing them with the law, etc. But we're also responsible for forgiving them. Ours is a flawed world full of awful people and situations. That's why we have Christ.[/i]

[i]I hope you find a church that does better to represent Him both in and out of the church building. It's not an easy thing, that's for sure, but just hang in there.[/i]

[elizabeth09]

We should, because Jesus says that we should forgive eath other, because God forgave you.

EPH 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Others I have fould on forgiving.

http://www.biblebb.com/files/tniv/FORGIVEN.TXT

[Lil Red]

Forgiveness does not equal niceness.

Forgiveness does not mean you are friends with that person. It does not mean you have to go out of your way to be nice to them. It does not mean that you do not report unlawful behavior (sometimes that can be merciful if indeed they suffer from a compulsion). It does not mean you ignore very real problems.

It 'only' means you simply forgive them of the wrongdoing, and wish them no evil or harm, and ultimately hope that they, too, will be in union for eternity with God.

Matthew 5:43-48:
[i]You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have? Do not the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what is unusual about that? Do not the pagans do the same? So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.[/i]

Luke 6: 27-36
[i]But to you who hear I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. To the person who strikes you on one cheek, offer the other one as well, and from the person who takes your cloak, do not withhold even your tunic. Give to everyone who asks of you, and from the one who takes what is yours do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. For if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do the same. If you lend money to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit [is] that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, and get back the same amount. But rather, love your enemies and do good to them, and lend expecting nothing back; then your reward will be great and you will be children of the Most High, for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as [also] your Father is merciful.[/i]

This concept has taken me a long time to learn, and I am still learning. It is a process (ugh, I hate that phrase!) of imitating Christ in His mercy, forgiveness, and compassion. I won't be judged on their behavior, they will be judged for what they did. But I will be judged on my behavior, and if I forgave my enemies.

[Dara]

[font="Verdana"]I was also taught that forgiveness, like love, is an act of the will and not an emotion. The fact that you forgive someone, does not mean you are not hurting or angry anymore. It means that you are willing to try and let go of the hurt and the anger, and wish the other person well. [/font]

[rhetoricfemme]

Thanks, all. You said some very true things!

I was surprised with the short e-mail she sent back to me. It simply stated that she's been working on it. No arguments or debates. I'll definitely be praying about what to write to her next.

[MithLuin]

[b]RF[/b], your email sounded quite compassionate to me, and likely her facebook updates were written out of anger and shock. If she just found out about this incident, that might color what she is saying about her (former) pastor and the people at that church. I hope she is able to navigate these difficulties without becoming bitter, but I would urge you to respond privately (rather than on facebook) in the future so that the conversations do not have an audience. If she does generate drama, that might mean it's better to talk to her privately.

[rhetoricfemme]

[quote name='MithLuin' timestamp='1292109736' post='2192206']
[b]RF[/b], your email sounded quite compassionate to me, and likely her facebook updates were written out of anger and shock. If she just found out about this incident, that might color what she is saying about her (former) pastor and the people at that church. I hope she is able to navigate these difficulties without becoming bitter, but I would urge you to respond privately (rather than on facebook) in the future so that the conversations do not have an audience. If she does generate drama, that might mean it's better to talk to her privately.
[/quote]
Agreed. Yeah, the first comment I left her was coming from two places in me. While I do care about her and especially her journey looking for a Christ-centered church, another part of me was fed up with the dramatic posts she tends to post. I'm glad to have sent the private e-mail, though. We got some clarity on it for sure, and it's also a conversation that may have taken our relationship with one another to a closer level, instead of just, "that SIL I see every once in a while."