Lack Of Fellowship

[tinytherese]

I've experienced a lack of fellowship everywhere but PM ever since I became devout, but it has been eating at me lately. Even if someone supposedly is solid when it comes to knowing and upholding Church teaching, that doesn't guarantee fellowship (other than personality clashes.) Plenty of Catholics at my university, (which are small in number as it is,) I just don't feel comortable with. There are people who are active in campus ministry and attend mass multiple times a week, but I wonder if they get what being Catholic really is.

I don't want to sound self-righteous, because I know that I have my sins alright, but there are some things I just don't expect to see here. There are students who are orthodox-they know Church teaching alright and most of them can even defend it really well, but apart from mass, devotions, theology classes, campus ministry activities, ect. there are issues. Some of them are known to get drunk, tipsy, or serve alcohol to people who don't drink responsibly. One of them said that everyone should experience pot at least once in their life. Ironically, most of the guys are known to not have a good reputation when it comes to treating women with dignity. They don't have premarital sex (as far as I know,) but I think many of us on here know that that isn't the only way not to respect a woman. One of them says that he is thinking about the priesthood, yet got really cuddly really fast with one of my friends who didn't know about his discernment. (To my knowledge she still doesn't know about that.)

Some are known just not to be particularly responsible (or striving to be responsible,) which is ironic because some of them are RAs. A couple of them just seem to be consistently rude. One of them definitely gets to hate the sin, but he unfortunately hates the sinner as well. Punching someone with same sex attraction for disagreeing with Church teaching is definitely wrong. No wonder there are people on campus who think that pious Catholics following Church teaching are judgmental! There's also fowl language in public consistently (typically loudly I might add) without many instances of seeming remorseful about it and being way too harsh with correcting people. How can you call yourself a Christian without even attempting to love one's neighbor? I've just seen times where there was a lack of compassion and just bizarre thinking, like one of them who said not to share one's conversion story so as not to promote sin. Unless they didn't convert, than they are not promoting sin. I can see how people might share too much information, but his reasoning was just too extreme. How sad it is when liberal Catholics and people outside the Church put faithful Catholics to shame with being far more charitable.

This was a rant of mine. I'm sorry if I sounded uncharitable, but this has really been bothering me. I am open to criticism and discussion. What do I know anyway?

[Micah]

Hm, I don't want to condone what those people are doing, because I'm not. But honestly, they sound human.. Like young college/university humans to be exact. I strive pretty hard on a day to day basis, but since my baptism I've definitely told bad jokes, cussed, drank too much, and even kissed a girl under not the most chaste of circumstances. Not to mention a whole host of other daily sins. and it's only been a year.

At the same time, it is frustrating, especially if you're really in good shape spiritually, because a bright light wants to see its reflection in other people, and that is in fact quite a charitable sentiment. Don't let it get you down. Be gentle, remind people when they screw up, and thank God for how much better they are now then they would be without Him. C.S. Lewis explained it like we're all factories. Some of us have great machinery and can be productive all day long. Others of us have rusty old machinery, but man we're trying hard!! And even if we only get a few blankets made, it's okay. Because Jesus is going to come and give us a reno soon.

[tinytherese]

It's true, we're all human. I think that the lack of charity (and not having remorse for it,) hating the sinner, and the men not respecting women are what really get to me. I don't feel comfortable opening up to people like that and get irritated with them. I may be just a perfectionist or an idealist, but it just frustrates me none the less. Doing stuff like intentionally getting drunk and proudly proclaiming it strikes me as scandlous. I was hoping for more. I'd like to Yet another instance when I feel older than peers who are my own age. I'm far from the Immaculate Conception though and I know that I have my own logs to remove from my eye.

[Mrs. Bro. Adam]

Sorry - this is Brother Adam, I am not used to the Mrs being logged in on phatmass.

I am a real introvert so it takes me a long time, sometimes years, to develop a strong friendship, and I have relatively few. About 1/2 of them are phatmassers. Due to my line of work, I have tons of people I encounter and get a long with on a daily basis. It has really helped me see these people as friends of sorts and associate with them without divulging more sensitive information to them about who I am. It makes the lack of their prolife attitudes, some of the crazy not good stuff they do easier deal with without sounding judgmental or self-righteous.

Edited December 8, 2010 by Mrs. Bro. Adam

[Ephrem Augustine]

They are probably just reacting against their lax, liberal, sinful, and careless past, now that they care, they don't know how to be catholic, compassionate, and consistent with church teaching.
They could certainly use a little bit more temperance in their application of church teaching in some areas, and little bit more temperance with alcohol as you suggest.
I think you are on to something. I have had more frustrations with catholics that do not care about their faith at all, and that has left me nearly as frustrated. and i probably came across much like these guys that are leaving you so angry.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1291630316' post='2191179']
It's true, we're all human. I think that the lack of charity (and not having remorse for it,) hating the sinner, and the men not respecting women are what really get to me. I don't feel comfortable opening up to people like that and get irritated with them. I may be just a perfectionist or an idealist, but it just frustrates me none the less. Doing stuff like intentionally getting drunk and proudly proclaiming it strikes me as scandlous. I was hoping for more. I'd like to Yet another instance when I feel older than peers who are my own age. I'm far from the Immaculate Conception though and I know that I have my own logs to remove from my eye.
[/quote]


We ARE talking college kids right? You are asking for a maturity level that mostly isn't found in college kids. Learning charity takes receiving charity, learning to hate sin but not the sinner can take years, and as for men respecting women - where in this culture can a man learn that? Your life experiences has taken you on a different path than many and pushed your growth and maturity past your friends, and that is something you will have to accept - they are simply not where you are - yet. These lessons are usually learned slowly and I might add, very painfully, over time. Most people hide a lot of pain in their lives, be it from rejection, isolation, cruelty etc and for many the first way to deal with it is taking it out on others.
Alkso remember that getting drunk and acting stupid is what college kids in many cases think is what they are supposed to do, so they do it to fit in with the stereotype. This is the age when you experiment with different identities to find out who are you and who you can be, and not be where you came from. The bottom line in some ways, is that these are kids being kids, and you will find this behavior in a catholic school, a protestant school or any other location with hormonal humans who are not quite sure yet of who they are, where they are going/how to get there and how they fit into life. Back in the day when I was in college there was a popular poster that said" Be Patient - God isn't finished with me yet."