How Do You Find Out Someone's True Colors

[MithLuin]

I understand the temptation to test someone, though, especially if your suspicions have been raised.

It's like in [i]The Wedding Singer[/i] (the Adam Sandler movie with 80s music) where she asks him how he knew that his ex didn't really love him. And he said that, at the time, he didn't put it together, but looking back, he saw some signs. As a 'for instance,' he points out that they were flying out West, and he'd never seen the Grand Canyon before (she had)....but she didn't offer him the window seat so he could see it when they flew over. He said it was little things like that that should have clued him in. He didn't 'test' her, it just happened.

So, later in the movie, when she is flying to Vegas to elope with her fiance, and feeling a bit insecure (since eloping was his idea), she asks her fiance, 'Can we switch seats? I've never seen Vegas before, and I want to see it all lit up....'

Yes, she's blatantly testing him. But only because she's already nervous about his treatment of her.

He fails the test miserably, of course, saying that he doesn't want to sit on the aisle, because the drink cart always hits him in the elbow...and when she gets hit by it later, she catches on that maybe this guy is not interested in what is best for her. (He's also flirting with stewardesses and other blatant things, since this is a movie after all).

In other words, she uses the test to confirm her suspicions (or, if he had passed, to quiet her fears). But she didn't just set out to inflict random tests on some poor unsuspecting guy. I think girls who do that get dumped pretty quickly, and with good reason!

[Winchester]

torture

[CatherineM]

I wasn't suggesting to purposely run tests on your intended. I just meant those kinds of things are the kinds of things that can definitely bring out someone's unbetter side. I didn't have to do anything like that for my husband. All I had to do was kiss him. He thought I was a Russian spy trying to poison him with my chapstick.

Oh, and he hates it when I tell that story.

[Norseman82]

Aside from perhaps hiring a private investigator to run a background check, the only other things I might add would be:

1) How does he behave around alcohol?
2) Are children comfortable around him?
3) Get to know longtime friends of his.

[rachael]

ugh.

[tinytherese]

Dad is really good with little kids, except with most of his kids.

Dad was also much more considerate of mom than he was when they were engaged and now married. Now he refuses to cooperate most of the time. There's one thing he does which he claims is a favor for her, but she's told him multiple times that though she appreciates that he thinks of her, that this particular gesture actually doesn't help her, much makes what she is doing harder. He does it anyway though, disgusted that she doesn't appreciate his little act of kindness. How do you spot a man who is arrogant. Dad hid it for three years.

[tinytherese]

[quote name='rachael' timestamp='1291945952' post='2191870']
ugh.
[/quote]

[rachael]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1292080361' post='2192113']

[/quote]
not towards you.

[Lilllabettt]

the fact is, all vocations involve risk, and marriage is no different.

Anybody who decides to marry you cannot be certain that 15 years down the road you will not turn into some kind of monster. Nobody can have that certainty about themselves let alone somebody else. That's life. The world, the flesh and the devil are always gaming for us.

[Socrates]

[quote name='Semper Catholic' timestamp='1291817151' post='2191573']
People change without even trying. Obviously not monumental changes but rarely is someone going to wake up 20 years later and be the same person they were 20 years before. Even if they didn't experience and defining moment.

People are a lot like Rock formations in that sense.
[/quote]
I think the basic idea is that a girl shouldn't marry someone who's an abusive alcoholic jerk who cheats on her behind her back, expecting once they're married she'll be able to transform him into a sweet wonderful guy (to use a somewhat extreme example).

What risk to herself (and future kids) is she willing to take while her sweet love works it's glacial, rock-carving magic?


Small flaws are another matter, though. Those girls looking for flawless men wonder why they end up old maids.

[Socrates]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1292090818' post='2192145']
the fact is, all vocations involve risk, and marriage is no different.

Anybody who decides to marry you cannot be certain that 15 years down the road you will not turn into some kind of monster.
[/quote]
That's why it's important to exercise extra discretion and caution when dating men involved in scientific research. Especially if they are obsessed geniuses who spend many secretive hours alone working on their pet projects.

The unforeseen results of teleportation research tend to be especially gruesome and tragic.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1292090818' post='2192145']
the fact is, all vocations involve risk, and marriage is no different.

Anybody who decides to marry you cannot be certain that 15 years down the road you will not turn into some kind of monster. Nobody can have that certainty about themselves let alone somebody else. That's life. The world, the flesh and the devil are always gaming for us.
[/quote]
That's why in the vows it says, "For better or for worse!"

Basically, you're going to need to trust your instincts, trust your future spouse and put a LOT and a LOT and a LOT of trust in God.

[Paddington]

Listen to the Tesh show if you don't already, because he explains a lot of useful stuff and knows how to put you at ease while doing so. I feel like he is my good friend. Someday I will meet him. I will make sure of it.

[Era Might]

[quote]How Do You Find Out Someone's True Colors[/quote]
Take a picture of them standing beside a rainbow.

[Sarah147]

[quote name='fides quarens intellectum' timestamp='1291676712' post='2191318']
Does the man place Christ first in all things - I mean, is he truly a man of prayer, a man who would never love you more than he loves the Lord, etc? How does he treat his mother (and grandmother, if she's still around)?

In my opinion, the answer to both of these questions will say a lot about who a man really is.
[/quote]