Ok Women, What Is Your Take On This.

[HopefulBride]

[quote name='Seven77' timestamp='1291314609' post='2190403']
i'm a dude. your lovely friend seems unstable. stock up on some holy water and blessed salt and you should be good.

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvh_JAQdbWQ[/media]
[/quote]

OMG!!! I used to find these Hilarious Where did you find those? Now I've got to go google some clips.

[Socrates]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1291296816' post='2190342']
Ok. I need some insight/wisdom from the woman of phatmass (although anyone's contribution is welcome).

Around the first month of the semester I met this girl. We got along well and started hanging out. We probably spend several hours together everyday. I'm not trying to turn it into a romantic relationship with her, but I do genuinely enjoy spending time with her and really like her as a person. She really does have many wonderful qualities. She is extremely smart, she's intense and has more than her fair share of spunk, she's also funny and really very interesting to talk to. However there are some problems.

-The parameters of the relationship. She is somewhat misanthropic. She loves her friends but dislikes most people. So even just being friends with her is intense, which I am fine with. But I don't think she knows what she wants out of this. She has asked me before if I have romantic feelings for her. I've told her 'no' which is true. She has told me that if I ever fall in love she will never speak to me again. I find that melodramatic but inconsequential. If she were interested in a relationship I probably would be too, but those feelings haven't developed yet and I have no intention of working to develop them. And I can even understand why she might have been suspicious at first that I didn't have feelings for her. She is beautiful and has a lot of sexual charisma (although she's not sexually active at all). The strange thing is that she acts like we are in a relationship. She is territorial towards other women. For example, there is a freshman girl who has some sort of crush on me. I could understand why she would dislike her. The girl gives off a vibe of being used to being a princess. I mean, she's a sweet girl, and a religious Catholic, but you still can tell that she's used to being the pretty and popular girl. That can be obnoxious, particularly if you are like her (the girl I'm friends with), in that you are used to being this dominate, desirable feminine figure and now some bubbly freshman comes in and expects the world to revolver around her. If she wants to be catty with her I really don't care. But sometimes she is hostile towards other women I am friends with. A friend of mine is having roommate issues and asked slept in my dorm (on a extra bed I have since my old roommate moved to a larger dorm) a few nights ago. When she found out about this she asked questions that made it clear that she felt like the friend had feelings for me (which is not the case). "I thought she was X's (more former roommate) friend?" 'Yeah, but we're friends too' "Well. Aren't you popular". You get the idea. A mutual friend of ours developed feelings for her. We talked the night he told her. Right before he sister picked her up to go home for the break she said something odd. "So Y (some friend of hers who was around that morning, I forget her name) asked me once you left why we aren't dating. She was just like, 'but you two would be great together!'". You get the idea. I find her conflicting attitude confusing. If she wants a relationship, I'd be fine with it (not to say that I would want to actually take he up on it). If she doesn't want a relationship I'm fine with it. But seeming to go both directions at once is odd.

-She comes off very insecure about my attitude towards her. I feel like I have to constantly reassure her that I respect her and see her as being on my 'level'. She has told me that she needs me to see her as a threat. That is, as someone who could be her enemy (as I understand it). She is used to being intimidating. She is sexy and intense. If she were less attractive I think most men would not find her intimidating, she's just be seen as a beesh (I disagree with that view that many have of her. She really can be a wonderful and sweet person if she likes you). But because her intense, in your face attitude is combined with her sexual appeal, men tend to be intimidated by her. Women also find her intense and a Alpha personality. I think they are also intimidated by her because they know she can sway men and turn men against them if she wants. Unfortunately for her, I'm just not intimidated with her. I'm not an actively dominate person with her. I'm pretty deferential. I'm just happy to spend time with her. It really doesn't matter what we do. Unfortunately, she is observant enough to be able to distinguish an attitude of general deference with an attitude of being genuinely intimidated. That I am not intimidated by her seems to bother her. She also seems used to being able to play to drama and have people eating out of her hand. On the margin, I've shown that I'm willing to deal with her drama and cater to it, but when push comes to shove I've been pretty clear that I'm not going to let her really jerk me around. Once we had a fight of sorts. She had been emotional all night and jerking me around with some supposed paranoia that I had slept with a female friend of mine (not true). Finally she just got up, said that 'this isn't going to work' and just left, despite that I called after her. I texted her, saing that I didn't want things to end. She responded with a lot of drama. How things with her are always had, and this 'this very conversation was proof that things wouldn't work'. So finally I lost patience. I texted her back saying that I'm confused why she's doing this, I really enjoyed the time we spent together and I'll miss her, but if that's what she wants then fine, if she wants to talk let me know. I wasn't mean or vindictive. I needed to talk to a friend of mine. When I found him she in the room and was reading my text. I came in. Before I could talk to him, she started talking.
"What the hell was that?!"
'What? I thought that's what you wanted?'
"That's kind of harsh, you went to the other extreme don't you think?!"
I kind of threw up my hands, because I was genuinely annoyed be her vacillating, told her we could talk about it later, addressed what I needed to with my friend, and then left. Honestly, I think what bothered her was my attitude. I was clearly a little irked by her behavior, but I was pretty calm about the whole thing. That wasn't an act. I would prefer to continue what we had but I also got piece of mind by things coming to, what at the time seemed like, a conclusion.

After that she asked me to come by. She acted like she didn't understand what was going on. It was just weird.

Last night we had a similar spat. She was in a good mood and we were having fun before she left because I wouldn't back down on something she wanted. She left. I texted her. She told me to leave her alone. We said a few small things and she stopped responding. Honestly, I neither know what to do. I really do like her. I really do want our relationship to continue, but at times she just acts childishly and honestly I'm reluctant to feed into it.

So my question to the women of phatmass (or men) is this.

Based on what I've told you, what do you think her deal is? Honestly, what I want to do is find a nice way to say, "Look. I really do like you. You can trust me. I'll be there for you. But you need to drop the bull poo and mind games" I can't really give her an ultimatum though. I know she's been hurt in the past by unreliable people and she often feels that people will leave her when they find out how extreme she is. I'm fine with her extremes. But I want to get past her testing and pushing to see if I'll leave.

Questions? Comments? Advice?
[/quote]
In all seriousness, drop her.

If she's paranoid, excessively jealous, unreasonably distrustful of you and you and your friends, accusing you of sexual relations you didn't have, emotionally insecure and manipulative, these are all [i]very bad[/i] warning signs.
Things will only get worse if you enter into a more serious relationship, and you'll soon be in relationship hell. The sooner you break things off the better.

This is not a woman you want to be in a relationship with. I speak from past experience.

[Socrates]

[quote name='Sternhauser' timestamp='1291298188' post='2190346']
Hassan, stay in the relationship. It's clearly not healthy now, but she'll change. Really.

~Sternhauser
[/quote]
I trust you're being sarcastic/ironic here?

[4588686]

[quote name='Socrates' timestamp='1291318414' post='2190432']
I trust you're being sarcastic/ironic here?
[/quote]

Oh wow. I must really be sleepy because I thought Stern just gave odd advice. I missed the sarcasm that in retrospect seems thick enough to cut with a knife.

Thank you for your advice, Socrates. It's unfortunate but I think you are spot on.

[sistersintigo]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1291321837' post='2190440']
Oh wow. I must really be sleepy because I thought Stern just gave odd advice. I missed the sarcasm that in retrospect seems thick enough to cut with a knife.

Thank you for your advice, Socrates. It's unfortunate but I think you are spot on.
[/quote]
Don't feel bad. I missed it the first time too.

[CatherineM]

She sounds like she has a nice case of borderline personality disorder.

[ardillacid]

You are giving her the boot just because she's a little weird? Nobody's perfect (myself excluded, naturally). Gotta have someone around to spice up life. Never a dull moment, wot wot

[Winchester]

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJJj-TlrikM&feature=related[/media]

[HisChildForever]

[quote name='Socrates' timestamp='1291318296' post='2190431']
In all seriousness, drop her.

If she's paranoid, excessively jealous, unreasonably distrustful of you and you and your friends, accusing you of sexual relations you didn't have, emotionally insecure and manipulative, these are all [i]very bad[/i] warning signs.
Things will only get worse if you enter into a more serious relationship, and you'll soon be in relationship hell. The sooner you break things off the better.

This is not a woman you want to be in a relationship with. I speak from past experience.
[/quote]

I agree.

Hassan, it is better to drop her sooner rather than later because a person like this will be resistant to your decision - and will attempt to rekindle the relationship in unhealthy ways. Dropping her sooner may lessen the strength or obsessiveness of the attempts, but like I said, it will happen.

[loveletslive]

chick sounds crazy. cut her off.

[Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam]

I once dated a girl similar. She had trust issues and got jealous and such but I did like her very much as a friend. We eventually dated and my friends told me it was a bad idea and so did my brother. I did not listen and I should have. I would recommend weighing the advice of the good people here at phatmass, but also I would recommend finding someone who you are close to, someone who will give it to you straight, who has a good head on their shoulders and isn't afraid to tell you how it is. Find someone who can be an objective third party observer and who has good judgment and get their advice. Trust them. If one can't make a judgment concerning a case because they are too close or whatever, going with someone you trust and who seems to have good judgment is never a bad idea. My brother was this person for me. He knew me well and could be that objective third party observer. Hope everything works out, man.

[MithLuin]

Knock back the intensity a bit and everything should be fine. A friend you call up and hang out with from time to time is not the same caliber of headache as someone who expects to spend hours a day with you and have long conversations about your 'relationship.' The reason everyone keeps asking if you're together is because [i]she's acting like your girlfriend[/i] - she's hanging around a lot and acting jealous/territorial. I'm sure people pick up that vibe loud and clear.

If she's not happy with 'just' being friends, it means she was after a romantic relationship all along and was just playing mind games.