Hey Guys (And Gals) How Did You Know That Your Wife (Or Hubby) Was The

[SaintOfVirtue]

[sidemunch88]

MY [size="7"]name[/size] IS MATT AND I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS!

[Totus Tuus]

It's definitely different for everyone. I just had a lot of peace about being with my fiance. I think we might have bypassed the infatuation stage that most couples go through, so there was not really a head-over-heels experience for me, but I am grateful for that and I think God knew it was what I needed after my monastery experience and another failed relationship before I met Jose. Our relationship has been a process and I'm glad for the long engagement. I would say that to know that a person is "the one," three things need to be there:

1. You share the same values. Common ground is necessary before you can go into honestly thinking about spending the rest of your life with someone no matter how much you think you love them.
2. You can honestly take a look at your relationship and think about yourself without him/her and know you'd be OK. There needs to be an absence of fear and a level of peace -- that other person can't be taking God's place in your life because they will inevitably let you down if that is the case.
3. Deep sense of peace about being with them. Even if there are periods of difficulty or doubt, I think the peace comes from knowing that no matter what, God is going to take care of everything, and the graces of the sacrament of marriage will help a lot, too!

[In The Arms of The Lord]

I'm entering the religious life and after reading all these responses; they make me think of my relationship with Our Lord. Most of those who are discerning the religious life or have entered will also say that they just know.

[Archaeology cat]

Not a guy, but I'll give my answer, if that's OK.
[b]How did you know that you wanted to marry the person you married?[/b]
As others have said, I just knew. I knew before we started dating, in fact.

[b]Did you have a strong idea that this was someone special when you first met?[/b]
No. I honestly don't remember our first meeting. I know it must have been during our sophomore year of uni, second semester (since I was studying abroad the first semester), and it was probably at a SCF (student Christian fellowship) meeting. The following year I got to know him more and thought he was goofy and nice. The following year (senior year) was when I really got to know him, though.

[b]If not, how did you know you wanted to ask her (him) out?[/b]
I loved spending time with him, just talking or hanging out. He taught me how to play Bushido Blade II, and we watched Strong Bad emails (yeah, that's right, we're cool), and just had fun. Even so, during that autumn semester, I didn't get up the nerve to make it anything more than that. I graduated in December and moved a few states away, and missed being around him like crazy, so I started emailing him. He asked me out the following April.

[b]Did you relate well to each other? Feel comfortable around each other? Simply enjoy each other's company?[/b]
Definitely.

[b]Did physical attraction have anything to do with it?[/b]
Yes and no. I was attracted to him, yes, but it's the personality that made me love him.

[b]Any blinding sign from God?[/b]
I suppose. I'd been praying about the fact that I was very strongly attracted to him (before we were dating). I'd asked God to take the attraction away if it wasn't meant to be. On the day of my graduation, when we were going in, he was the first person I saw, and I took it as a sign (especially since he was ill - who goes to a graduation when ill?).

[b]Were you just desperately in love? If so, how much did that play into the decision?[/b]
Yes, but my ever-logical husband wouldn't let that be the basis of the decision.

[b]Or does it seem like people tend to be attracted to opposite-gendered versions of each other?[/b]
sometimes yes, sometimes no

[b]Were you friends first and then you fell in love way after that?[/b]
Yes. Well, maybe not way after that, I think it kinda happened simultaneously. As we got to know each other more, both our friendship and our love grew.

[b]Were you attracted first and were thus motivated to strike up some sort of friendship?[/b]
Not really. I just liked being around him.

[b]Were you friends first and then never really fell deeply in love, but still wanted to marry?[/b]
We're still deeply in love - more so than when we married, I'd say.

[b]Did you both agree on how many kids you wanted to have before you got married?[/b]
No. I wanted 6, he wanted to take it one at a time. We pretty much just take things as they come.

[b]Seriously, how did you figure it all out?[/b]
It just felt right, and we prayed about it, but we were both determined to make it work, too. It was a long-distance relationship until we'd been engaged for 2 months.

[quote name='rachael' timestamp='1290373292' post='2188409']
Hey Eyeseepee...

It's interesting to note...Matt asked you after 3 months of dating? Well, I have been asked after 6 months of dating. My mom - she was asked after 1 month of dating (although, she knew my dad for a year beforehand). All I can reply to people I know is I just know. I may not be married yet, but it feels right.
[/quote]
Awesome

[Brother Adam]

[b]How did you know that you wanted to marry the person you married?[/b]
She was my best friend and I fell in love with her.

[b]Did you have a strong idea that this was someone special when you first met?[/b]
We couldn't stand each other for the longest time. She said "You are the last person on earth I would date". We had dated a couple of times and broke it off, then became friends, then best friends.

[b]If not, how did you know you wanted to ask her (him) out?[/b]
It just kind of happened after we became friends.

[b]Did you relate well to each other? Feel comfortable around each other? Simply enjoy each other's company?[/b]
Yes.

[b]Did physical attraction have anything to do with it?[/b]
Sure, but it should always be attraction in a God honoring way.

[b]Any blinding sign from God?[/b]
No, but she did hit me up side my head once so hard I saw a flash of white. That was all part of the "training".

[b]Were you just desperately in love? If so, how much did that play into the decision?[/b]
We loved each other deeply. Being best friends and in love it just made sense to get married. I don't buy into the "there is one other person out there" for you thing. There are many different people you could marry and live long happy holy lives together with. That is why the process of prayer and discernment are so important before the commitment.

[b]Or does it seem like people tend to be attracted to opposite-gendered versions of each other?[/b]
LOL. If you knew us you know we are nothing like each other.

[b]Were you friends first and then you fell in love way after that?[/b]
Yep.

[b]Were you attracted first and were thus motivated to strike up some sort of friendship?[/b]
Our first relationship was based in lust and all about kissing and holding hands and did not last. Then we became friends and fell in love and had good boundaries in our relationship.

[b]Did you both agree on how many kids you wanted to have before you got married?[/b]
No, and still don't. As long as she can have children

[b]Seriously, how did you figure it all out?[/b]
I listen to her. She told me her ring finger was lonely, so I bought her a diamond. She is the boss and I am the man. The sooner I had that figured out, the happier all of us have been. Seriously, take it one day at a time and trust in God. We all long for companionship, and God has a plan for you, and his plan will make you happiest, even though you may have to wait for it all to work out.

[tinytherese]

I'm concerned that I'm just too picky. Finding a man who is modest in speech when it comes to purity isn't easy (let alone men who want to live out chastity.) I know Catholic guys at my school who are on fire for the faith, but let's just say that apart from campus ministry, adoration, and mass I question whether they get what it means to really be Catholic. Some of them are known to go and get drunk, serve alcoholic drinks to the underaged (and even if they were old enough, it isn't usually done in moderation,) or they have a bad reputation when it comes to how they treat women. I know that one of them said that everyone should experience pot at least once in their lives and even though he said he was thinking about the priesthood got publically snuggly really fast with a girl who to my knowledge he hadn't told about his discerning to. (She was lying across his lap and the two of them were whispering I don't know what most of the time to each other. I hadn't even seen the two of them hang out before then.)

Another one is known for let's just say being as blunt as possible (including swearing without a thought and rarely with remorse) and let's just say not being charitable when it comes to evangelizing/correcting people. Oh and he doesn't regret it not being charitable in plenty of situations. He can often sound mean the way that he talks, though he doesn't seem to care how awful he sounds. (He punched a man with same sex attraction when he asked what was so bad about how he and his partner were being very physically affectionate in public and what the Church's problem was with homosexuality.)

I wonder to what extent should one just realize that we are all sinners and when one should just stay away from someone who has different values. Not to sound high and mighty, but I often feel that the guys my age are too immature for me.

[rachael]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1290536892' post='2188827']
I'm concerned that I'm just too picky. Finding a man who is modest in speech when it comes to purity isn't easy (let alone men who want to live out chastity.) I know Catholic guys at my school who are on fire for the faith, but let's just say that apart from campus ministry, adoration, and mass I question whether they get what it means to really be Catholic. Some of them are known to go and get drunk, serve alcoholic drinks to the underaged (and even if they were old enough, it isn't usually done in moderation,) or they have a bad reputation when it comes to how they treat women. I know that one of them said that everyone should experience pot at least once in their lives and even though he said he was thinking about the priesthood got publically snuggly really fast with a girl who to my knowledge he hadn't told about his discerning to. (She was lying across his lap and the two of them were whispering I don't know what most of the time to each other. I hadn't even seen the two of them hang out before then.)

Another one is known for let's just say being as blunt as possible (including swearing without a thought and rarely with remorse) and let's just say not being charitable when it comes to evangelizing/correcting people. Oh and he doesn't regret it not being charitable in plenty of situations. He can often sound mean the way that he talks, though he doesn't seem to care how awful he sounds. (He punched a man with same sex attraction when he asked what was so bad about how he and his partner were being very physically affectionate in public and what the Church's problem was with homosexuality.)

I wonder to what extent should one just realize that we are all sinners and when one should just stay away from someone who has different values. Not to sound high and mighty, but I often feel that the guys my age are too immature for me.
[/quote]
What kind of qualities are you looking for in a man?

[fides' Jack]

[quote name='Micah' timestamp='1290380940' post='2188432']
I'm noticing a common theme amongst married couples, this whole idea that they "just know" or they know right after meeting someone that this is the person they'll marry. My sister and her fiance said the exact same thing. I was pretty skeptical, but I guess they (you guys) prove me wrong.
[/quote]

Honestly, I'm not super sure about that, either. That sentiment presupposes that there is only one person for every other person who is "destined" to be married. I believe that God put my wife and I together for a reason, but had I passed up the opportunity, or messed it up (like I have with so many other things in life), God, I think, will always have a plan B. I hope that doesn't sound callous at all toward her - I'm grateful and I count my blessings every day since we've been together.

I think "I just know" might even be a little dangerous, since most of the time it seems to be about the emotion that is love, rather than the action that is love. By action, I'm referring to the constant action of self-sacrificing oneself for the good of the other. If a marriage is based on what people think is love, then they are likely to end quickly. I chose my wife because she was already helping me to be a better person, and that I knew she could continue to help me, not because "I just knew". I could see Christ in her, and since Christ is the ultimate end, I made my decision.

I guess what I'm saying is that "We just knew" makes it sound like it's a matter of infatuation, rather than true love.

I'm not making that determination about anyone here; I'm speaking in general terms.

[fides' Jack]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1290536892' post='2188827']
I wonder to what extent should one just realize that we are all sinners and when one should just stay away from someone who has different values. Not to sound high and mighty, but I often feel that the guys my age are too immature for me.
[/quote]

I'm sure you're right. It's a well-known fact that women mature more quickly than men.

I don't think I'll have to give up a man card for admitting that.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='fides' Jack' timestamp='1290542570' post='2188837']
Honestly, I'm not super sure about that, either. That sentiment presupposes that there is only one person for every other person who is "destined" to be married. I believe that God put my wife and I together for a reason, but had I passed up the opportunity, or messed it up (like I have with so many other things in life), God, I think, will always have a plan B. I hope that doesn't sound callous at all toward her - I'm grateful and I count my blessings every day since we've been together.

I think "I just know" might even be a little dangerous, since most of the time it seems to be about the emotion that is love, rather than the action that is love. By action, I'm referring to the constant action of self-sacrificing oneself for the good of the other. If a marriage is based on what people think is love, then they are likely to end quickly. I chose my wife because she was already helping me to be a better person, and that I knew she could continue to help me, not because "I just knew". I could see Christ in her, and since Christ is the ultimate end, I made my decision.

I guess what I'm saying is that "We just knew" makes it sound like it's a matter of infatuation, rather than true love.

I'm not making that determination about anyone here; I'm speaking in general terms.
[/quote]
I know what you mean, and it can come across that way. I think what my husband and I meant by it was more that we knew we could make it work, as well as that we knew we loved each other (in both the emotional sense and the sense of service). We love each other, and there's also the sense of, "because we are married, we will love each other", if that makes sense.

[rachael]

[b]How did you know that you wanted to marry the person you married?[/b]
I just know.

[b]Did you have a strong idea that this was someone special when you first met?[/b]
Well, I met Matt while coming in to have a little [i]chat[/i] with someone else I had previously been dating at the time. That guy had been treating me horribly, and frankly, I was sick of it. He heard a few select words from me. Well, I went to workout and came back and there was Matt. Matt had been living about two hours away from the station and had stopped by on the way back from visiting his mom. He introduced himself as a 'probie." I called him on it. In fact, he had been a member of the station for seven years. We got to talking, and before we realized it, we were the only ones left in the station...and it was past midnight. We continued talking throughout the night and the next morning we took a walk and had breakfast, lunch and dinner together. I hadn't ever met someone who has been able to make me smile like that. Ever since then, we've been inseperable.

[b]If not, how did you know you wanted to ask her (him) out?[/b]


[b]Did you relate well to each other? Feel comfortable around each other? Simply enjoy each other's company?[/b]
We're book awkward, dorky, and like to learn from each other. We will sit on the couch night after night and watch documentaries from Netflix.

[b]Did physical attraction have anything to do with it?[/b]
Of course! The first time I saw him, I did a double take. He said he did too...even though I hadn't showered in two days and was in workout clothes.

[b]Initial attraction?[/b]
I was initially attracted to his sense of humor and the wrinkles around his eyes.

[b]Any blinding sign from God?[/b]
Nope.

[b]Were you just desperately in love? If so, how much did that play into the decision?[/b]
I wouldn't say desperately. Just normal.

[b]Am I crazy?[/b]
[url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViwtNLUqkMY"]Crazy in Love[/url]

[b]Or does it seem like people tend to be attracted to opposite-gendered versions of each other?[/b]

They do, but they won't always admit it.

[b]Were you friends first and then you fell in love way after that?[/b]
See above.
[b]Were you attracted first and were thus motivated to strike up some sort of friendship?[/b]
See above.

[b]Were you friends first and then never really fell deeply in love, but still wanted to marry?[/b]
See above.

[b]Did you both agree on how many kids you wanted to have before you got married?[/b]
Neither of us want very many.

[b]Seriously, how did you figure it all out?[/b]
I say, after dating some serious guys, you just know.

Really looking for a married guy's perspective here, although the ladies are welcome to reply as well.

Thanks!

[tinytherese]

[quote name='rachael' timestamp='1290541077' post='2188834']
What kind of qualities are you looking for in a man?
[/quote]

1. A Devout Practicing Catholic Who Is Faithful to the Magesterium of the Church Who Loves God Above All Else
2. Doesn’t See Divorce as an Option
3. An Authentic Gentleman- genuine, chivalrous, not arrogant or rude, not possessive, not the jealous type, not abusive, lovingly protective, faithful, willing to sacrifice out of love, confident, striving for purity of thought action and speech, cooperative, respectful, responsible, and trustworthy

4. Not Clingy
5. We love each other for who we are.
6. He agrees with me that when it comes to children that we should take it one at a time and make decisions about when and if we have more depending on the will of God and what is best for our family.
7. When it comes to whether or not I stay at home to raise the children or not, that we do what God calls us to and what is best for our entire family. My temperament may just not be right for it or we may not have the finances to do so.
8. He has a sense of humor.
9. We are physically attracted to each other. We don’t have to be right away, but if it never comes then it is a problem.

[Sternhauser]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1290557723' post='2188904']
1. A Devout Practicing Catholic Who Is Faithful to the Magesterium of the Church Who Loves God Above All Else
2. Doesn't See Divorce as an Option
3. An Authentic Gentleman- genuine, chivalrous, not arrogant or rude, not possessive, not the jealous type, not abusive, lovingly protective, faithful, willing to sacrifice out of love, confident, striving for purity of thought action and speech, cooperative, respectful, responsible, and trustworthy

4. Not Clingy
5. We love each other for who we are.
6. He agrees with me that when it comes to children that we should take it one at a time and make decisions about when and if we have more depending on the will of God and what is best for our family.
7. When it comes to whether or not I stay at home to raise the children or not, that we do what God calls us to and what is best for our entire family. My temperament may just not be right for it or we may not have the finances to do so.
8. He has a sense of humor.
9. We are physically attracted to each other. We don't have to be right away, but if it never comes then it is a problem.
[/quote]

http://nashvilledominican.org/

~Sternhauser











I keed, I keed!

[fides' Jack]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' timestamp='1290542974' post='2188839']
I know what you mean, and it can come across that way. I think what my husband and I meant by it was more that we knew we could make it work, as well as that we knew we loved each other (in both the emotional sense and the sense of service). We love each other, and there's also the sense of, "because we are married, we will love each other", if that makes sense.
[/quote]

I completely relate to that. I think that's very well put.