Hey Guys (And Gals) How Did You Know That Your Wife (Or Hubby) Was The

[XIX]

How did you know that you wanted to marry the person you married?

Did you have a strong idea that this was someone special when you first met?
If not, how did you know you wanted to ask her (him) out?
Did you relate well to each other? Feel comfortable around each other? Simply enjoy each other's company?
Did physical attraction have anything to do with it?
Initial attraction?
Any blinding sign from God?
Were you just desperately in love? If so, how much did that play into the decision?
Am I crazy?
Or does it seem like people tend to be attracted to opposite-gendered versions of each other?

Were you friends first and then you fell in love way after that?
Were you attracted first and were thus motivated to strike up some sort of friendship?
Were you friends first and then never really fell deeply in love, but still wanted to marry?
Did you both agree on how many kids you wanted to have before you got married?
Seriously, how did you figure it all out?

Really looking for a married guy's perspective here, although the ladies are welcome to reply as well.

Thanks!

[CatherineM]

Hubby is sitting right here, so I asked him. He knew I was the one because all the other women he dated expected him to be something he wasn't. I accepted him the way he was. He tried to be very logical, and he wanted a Catholic girl who was smart. Love wasn't immediate. When we met, he said that he fell in lust at first. He was afraid to fall in love in the beginning. He has often said that he fell in love after listening to me lecture on the Treaty of Sevres, and it leading to the Muslim Brotherhood, and current day radical Islam. Women who know about military history turn his gears.

As for me, I can't remember that exact moment that I knew. I think I was also afraid. When he proposed, I suppose that was the moment I realized that I didn't need to be afraid, and the da[i][/i]m broke.

[Ash Wednesday]

I think it's different for everyone. You "know" for sure once you're at the altar, the rest is just details. I had a traumatic breakup prior to dating my husband and had some baggage to get rid of. So he "knew" we were going to marry and had much stronger convictions before I fully was able to trust and had it all figured out on my end. As for the litter...ALWAYS discuss children and make sure you're on the same page about that before getting married!

I think it all just takes a lot of prayer above anything. It all gets figured out with time and prayer.

[fides quarens intellectum]

met someone, eh, XIX?

[fides' Jack]

My wife told me about this post.

The way I knew she was the one was that she was helping me be closer to God, and that's the God honest truth. There was definitely some physical attraction, but most of it, I think, was her humility and modesty. We're definitely not "opposite-gendered versions of each other." We fell in love pretty quickly, within a month of dating, but we weren't really interested in each other when we first met. After a time, we were comfortable around each other, but the real interest began when the faith came up.

If you think you are in love, you probably are, or if you think you might be in love, you probably are. Just make it more about God, and less about you.

[IcePrincessKRS]

My husband doesn't post much, but I will try to give you as many answers from his perspective as I can.

[b]How did you know that you wanted to marry the person you married?[/b]
I am not sure exactly [i]how[/i] he knew, but I do know that he decided/understood/knew right away, much sooner than I did. He talked to his dad about it and planned when he wanted to propose so that we would have been dating for a decent period of time, 8 months to a year. He asked me after 3 months of dating, we'd known each other for almost 4 months total. For me, when people ask how all I can say is "I just knew." I didn't necessarily plan a way to make it happen, but when he asked me I knew it was right. There were no doubts. Before that I knew I loved him and I hoped he felt the same way, I knew we had something special going on, I just didn't know how far into it we were or how far it would take us.

[b]Did you have a strong idea that this was someone special when you first met?
If not, how did you know you wanted to ask her (him) out?[/b]
I'm going to go with yes. I know he thought I was cute. We met at a party and we stayed up the entire night (literally) talking. He went to a different college, in a different state, so we didn't date right off the bat. He emailed me, then he came to visit for New Years (about a month after we met) and we decided to do the long distance thing. You don't strike up that kind of deal if you don't think you've got something special.

[b]Did you relate well to each other? Feel comfortable around each other? Simply enjoy each other's company?[/b]
Yes to all of the above.

[b]Did physical attraction have anything to do with it?[/b]
Yes.

[b]Initial attraction?[/b]
What was the initial attraction? Physical is an obvious first, he was cute, we started talking. Once we got talking I liked him because he is a good person, and he is fun (and a whole bunch of other things). I liked being with him. It didn't take long to figure that out.

[b]Any blinding sign from God?[/b]
Not for me, but he did. After we first met and parted ways he went to adoration and prayed about whether or not he should ask me. He asked God for a sign, a very specific one, and when he looked up he saw exactly what he'd asked for. That was when he called me to ask if he could come visit my family for New Years.

[b]Were you just desperately in love? If so, how much did that play into the decision?[/b]
I don't think I'd say it was love at first sight or anything quite as stunning as that. We definitely liked each other and were attracted, but it wasn't instantaneous. It grew, and grew very quickly, and continues to grow. Attraction is why I said yes to dating, love is why I said yes to marriage.

[b]Am I crazy?[/b]
Probably. But you're not the only one.

[b]Or does it seem like people tend to be attracted to opposite-gendered versions of each other?[/b]
Ummm... I guess some people do. I don't think my husband and I are like that, but I am sure in a lot of ways we are. I mean, you have to have common ground somewhere. But there are always differences, too.

[b]Were you friends first and then you fell in love way after that?[/b]
Yes, basically. We built a friendship first (I was never sure I was going to date him until it actually happened), and being long distance we were "forced" to keep communication at the forefront. Love and friendship go hand in hand. He is my best friend and I am his.

[b]Were you attracted first and were thus motivated to strike up some sort of friendship?[/b]
I suppose so. I know the first time he saw me he thought I was cute, and I had a similar reaction to him.

[b]Were you friends first and then never really fell deeply in love, but still wanted to marry?[/b]
No. Deeply in love was definitely in play by the time we wanted to get married.

[b]Did you both agree on how many kids you wanted to have before you got married?[/b]
We never actually agreed on a set number. We both wanted kids, though. He wanted 11, I wanted to take it one kid at a time. After seeing how difficult my pregnancies can be he reevaluated and agreed with me. lol

[b]Seriously, how did you figure it all out?[/b]
By the Grace of God and communication and trust and love. I never could have picked him out of a crowd and said "I am going to marry him." It was a process, I prayed for my spouse daily long before I ever met him. I think that's part of why I got such a good one. I guess I probably have actually answered most of this from my perspective after all, but I hope it helps you anyway.

[MIKolbe]

[b]How did you know that you wanted to marry the person you married?[/b]
In the end..I just knew. However, I knew the rough life she had, but refused to let it effect who she wanted to become. I saw her with her little cousins, taking care of them, her love for them. I saw determination, love, and a fighter. She put others before herself. I saw in her, something I wanted to become.

[b]Did you have a strong idea that this was someone special when you first met?[/b]
No. She seemed cool, she was pretty, and was actually willing to talk to me for over 5 minutes. I was too amazed at my luck to think about that.

[b]If not, how did you know you wanted to ask her (him) out?[/b]
I enjoyed my time with her. We loved to talk together. I figured I would ask her out. I was only 16, I was not the cerebral giant I am today. I just liked being around her.

[b]Did you relate well to each other? Feel comfortable around each other? Simply enjoy each other's company?[/b]
ABSOLUTELY, yes. Many times, very early on in our relationship, we both frequently commented on how comfortable we felt talking and sharing with eachother.

[b]Did physical attraction have anything to do with it?[/b]
I would be lying to say my rugged handsomeness had nothing to do with it. And she was pretty much the most beautiful girl in ALL of school. So yes, I was attracted to her in that way, but it did not cast a shadow over the whole relationship. Was physical attraction there, yes. Was there only physical attraction, no.

[b]Initial attraction?[/b]
Not sure I understand this question.. yes, I was initally attracted to her. She was cute. Then we talked, and then she was beautiful.

[b]Any blinding sign from God?[/b]
Other than my mom REALLY DISLIKING Shea, no.

[b]Were you just desperately in love? If so, how much did that play into the decision?[/b]
Did we go through the "I-love-you-no-I-love-you-more-no-I-love-you-more" phase? yeah.. But that phase comes quickly and ends even quicklier. If there is no substance, you know it.

[b]Am I crazy?[/b]
You really want me to answer that?

[b]Or does it seem like people tend to be attracted to opposite-gendered versions of each other?[/b]
sometimes yes, sometimes no

[b]Were you friends first and then you fell in love way after that?[/b]
We did not have a "let's be friends for 3 weeks, THEN we can love eachother" type of thing. I really liked her, liked being around her..I would say that we became friends before we 'fell in love' with eachother. How can one fall in love with someone they don't know?

[b]Were you attracted first and were thus motivated to strike up some sort of friendship?[/b]
I just liked being around her. I didn't think about it so deeply, but then I was only 16 and was happy someone wanted to talk to me. I was attracted to her, yes..but I wanted to talk to her because she seemed nice to talk to.

[b]Were you friends first and then never really fell deeply in love, but still wanted to marry?[/b]
No, we did fall deeply in love. I mean, could you blame her? srsly? I think now you have to be deeply in love if you are going to be willing to sacrifice to help get her to Heaven.

[b]Did you both agree on how many kids you wanted to have before you got married?[/b]
No. I wanted one. She wanted 3-5.

[b]Seriously, how did you figure it all out?[/b]
I still don't have it figured out. I do wish there was a checklist..I tend to be orderly like that...like meet- check....talk- check...enjoy time with her- check...go on date- check...

but there isn't one that I know of. It's something I just knew. But then, I tend to work that way at times. Sometimes you just know something..you don't know how to explain it..you just know. Granted...enjoying time with her, knowing her, loving her (et al) need to be there..but in the end, I just knew. Perhaps I lack the capacity to explain it better (which I doubt, as I am extremely intelligent )

[b]Really looking for a married guy's perspective here, although the ladies are welcome to reply as well. [/b]
hope i helped
Thanks!

[dominicansoul]

Mikolbe, I thought Shea was the only girl who ever said yes when you asked her out??

[rachael]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' timestamp='1290361254' post='2188381']


[b]How did you know that you wanted to marry the person you married?[/b]
I am not sure exactly [i]how[/i] he knew, but I do know that he decided/understood/knew right away, much sooner than I did. He talked to his dad about it and planned when he wanted to propose so that we would have been dating for a decent period of time, 8 months to a year. He asked me after 3 months of dating, we'd known each other for almost 4 months total. For me, when people ask how all I can say is "I just knew." I didn't necessarily plan a way to make it happen, but when he asked me I knew it was right. There were no doubts. Before that I knew I loved him and I hoped he felt the same way, I knew we had something special going on, I just didn't know how far into it we were or how far it would take us.

[/quote]
Hey Eyeseepee...

It's interesting to note...Matt asked you after 3 months of dating? Well, I have been asked after 6 months of dating. My mom - she was asked after 1 month of dating (although, she knew my dad for a year beforehand). All I can reply to people I know is I just know. I may not be married yet, but it feels right.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='rachael' timestamp='1290373292' post='2188409']
Hey Eyeseepee...

It's interesting to note...Matt asked you after 3 months of dating? Well, I have been asked after 6 months of dating. My mom - she was asked after 1 month of dating (although, she knew my dad for a year beforehand). All I can reply to people I know is I just know. I may not be married yet, but it feels right.
[/quote]

Congratulations! I am totally stoked for you.

Matt's parents were engaged in less time than we were, too (I want to say it was only a month or two, but I can't recall, I will have to ask Matt). And married sooner as well. Sometimes you really DO just know. And that's all you need. To know, to be sure, and you're good to go. If you can make it work for the long haul the time it took to get to popping the question isn't really significant.

[CatherineM]

He popped the question 3-4 months after we met online, and two weeks after we met in person.

[rachael]

A guy I dated once told me that he would never even consider proposing to a girl until he's been dating her for at least 4 years. His reasoning? I don't want to rush things. My question to him was...what if you know it's right? What if she knows it's right? He replied to me, "Well, she will just have to wait." Meanwhile, he told me that the one thing he wanted more in life was to get married and start a family.

My point is, if you know, you know. It just feels right...and it's something you want to run after.

[Micah]

I'm noticing a common theme amongst married couples, this whole idea that they "just know" or they know right after meeting someone that this is the person they'll marry. My sister and her fiance said the exact same thing. I was pretty skeptical, but I guess they (you guys) prove me wrong.

[CatherineM]

Some of the things that allowed us to know quickly is that we communicated so much before meeting in person. We pretty much knew everything about each other by that time. We are also older. When you've got one foot in the grave, it doesn't make sense to put things off.

[Era Might]

I knew when she visited my family for the first time and just started helping wash dishes as if she lived there and did it all the time. It's a small thing, but it told me everything I needed to know about the kind of person she is.