Giving Alcohol To The Underaged

[tinytherese]

So I was hanging out with some of my classmates at one of their apartments. He was and a few other people (including me) we old enough to have it, but there were three people there who weren't. He made margaritas and some people had it, including those who weren't old enough. One of the girls who was under 21 had vodca, but not to the point of tipsiness or drunkenness. Most of the other people only had one or two small cups of the margarita. The host and I were the only ones who didn't drink that. (I'm not a fan of much alcoholic beverages. I only like the kind that are like smoothies. I've tried beer and wine before and didn't like them.)

I felt uncomfortable with the fact that the host willingly gave those who were too young the alcohol, even though it wasn't that much. From what I was told, two of the underaged drinkers had been there before and had a lot more to drink. One of them got drunk and the other got tipsy (and she showed up to her morning class like that in the morning.)

I don't like the idea of going back to the host's apartment if next time he is going to give drinks to those who are too young, especially if they are going to drink such a significant amount. As a matter of fact, I don't even want to be there even if the people getting drunk are old enough to consume. I wonder if going there knowing that this would happen could be me giving tacit approval of what they're doing, especially the host. I'd prefer to talk to the host who would be giving them the drinks in the first place about not doing that. I don't know him very well and I don't want to seem rude or judgmental. I also am not sure what I'd say if he were to ask me why I felt uncomfortable with it.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1290104686' post='2187868']
So I was hanging out with some of my classmates at one of their apartments. He was and a few other people (including me) we old enough to have it, but there were three people there who weren't. He made margaritas and some people had it, including those who weren't old enough. One of the girls who was under 21 had vodca, but not to the point of tipsiness or drunkenness. Most of the other people only had one or two small cups of the margarita. The host and I were the only ones who didn't drink that. (I'm not a fan of much alcoholic beverages. I only like the kind that are like smoothies. I've tried beer and wine before and didn't like them.)

I felt uncomfortable with the fact that the host willingly gave those who were too young the alcohol, even though it wasn't that much. From what I was told, two of the underaged drinkers had been there before and had a lot more to drink. One of them got drunk and the other got tipsy (and she showed up to her morning class like that in the morning.)

I don't like the idea of going back to the host's apartment if next time he is going to give drinks to those who are too young, especially if they are going to drink such a significant amount. As a matter of fact, I don't even want to be there even if the people getting drunk are old enough to consume. I wonder if going there knowing that this would happen could be me giving tacit approval of what they're doing, especially the host. I'd prefer to talk to the host who would be giving them the drinks in the first place about not doing that. I don't know him very well and I don't want to seem rude or judgmental. I also am not sure what I'd say if he were to ask me why I felt uncomfortable with it.
[/quote]
Serving alcohol to minors is against the law and they are legally liable for anything that happens to the guests while they are intoxicated. Alcohol in such settings is usually offered as an inducement to unprotected sex, drug use, and possibly rape. Being there, knowing the host is serving minors is a tacit approval of the behavior, and is a bad idea.

[rhetoricfemme]

You're absolutely correct in how you feel about all of this. Maybe a solution for you would be to tell the host how you feel about the whole thing, and if they aren't willing to change it, then you could tell them that you'll no longer be hanging out at their place.

A good friend of mine who went to Michigan State University and lived outside of the dorms. During his first two years there he had a lot of friends who were still underage, and some still even in high school, and his place was kind of the hangout. I don't know if you know anything about MSU, but it's big on both partying and people getting busted for partying, and my friend made a conscious decision not to allow alcohol into his apartment during social gatherings when he knew underage friends would be there. People were mostly okay with it, and would usually show up anyways cause it was just good times and good company even without the drinks. If anyone complained he just let them know that he wasn't about to cater alcohol to any minors and take the chance of them leaving and getting caught intoxicated, with the drinks leading back to his doorstep. That was good enough for most people.

At the end of the day, two plain and simple facts: it's illegal, and can make people do stupid and/or dangerous things.

[CatherineM]

I've done it. I really regretted it later.

[Sternhauser]

Drinking alcohol to excess is wrong. Providing alcohol to someone when it is obvious they are irresponsible or already drunk is wrong. But providing alcohol to responsible people under 21 is not wrong. A statute against it does not change its moral character. It's a [i]malum prohibitum[/i] penal statute, nothing more.

I'd estimate about 30% of the population cannot comprehend anyone drinking while not intending to get drunk, and fully 90% assume that anyone who says "I went out drinking last night" is a person who intended to and did get hammered. There are plenty of people well over the arbitrary age of 21 (or 18 or 19 in Canada! Gasp!) who drink irresponsibly, and its statutory approbation does not make it any more moral in the slightest. They're people who think the party [i]is[/i] the alcohol, not that there can be alcohol [i]at [/i]a party. In fact, the majority of such people probably treat alcohol as they do because it was such a tempting, "big boy/girl" thing all during their childhood. It was an act of rebellion to partake of it, and as such, they abused the substance when they got the chance. I've got little respect for anyone who abuses any substance, whether they are under or over the pretty arbitrary age of 21.

I wouldn't return to that place, given what happened. Responsible people don't provide alcohol to irresponsible people. On the other hand, you must separate the distinct acts of inappropriate imbibing and the act of providing alcohol to someone under a certain age. It's not wrong in itself, and a bunch of politicians saying it's wrong doesn't make it wrong, either.

~Sternhauser

Edited November 18, 2010 by Sternhauser

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Sternhauser' timestamp='1290118054' post='2187923']
Drinking alcohol to excess is wrong. Providing alcohol to someone when it is obvious they are irresponsible or already drunk is wrong. But providing alcohol to responsible people under 21 is not wrong. A statute against it does not change its moral character. It's a [i]malum prohibitum[/i] penal statute, nothing more.

I'd estimate about 30% of the population cannot comprehend anyone drinking while not intending to get drunk, and fully 90% assume that anyone who says "I went out drinking last night" is a person who intended to and did get hammered. There are plenty of people well over the arbitrary age of 21 (or 18 or 19 in Canada! Gasp!) who drink irresponsibly, and its statutory approbation does not make it any more moral in the slightest. They're people who think the party [i]is[/i] the alcohol, not that there can be alcohol [i]at [/i]a party. In fact, the majority of such people probably treat alcohol as they do because it was such a tempting, "big boy/girl" thing all during their childhood. It was an act of rebellion to partake of it, and as such, they abused the substance when they got the chance. I've got little respect for anyone who abuses any substance, whether they are under or over the pretty arbitrary age of 21.

I wouldn't return to that place, given what happened. Responsible people don't provide alcohol to irresponsible people. On the other hand, you must separate the distinct acts of inappropriate imbibing and the act of providing alcohol to someone under a certain age. It's not wrong in itself, and a bunch of politicians saying it's wrong doesn't make it wrong, either.

~Sternhauser
[/quote]
You might not consider it wrong to give alcohol to minors, but it is still illegal, and hence a crime.

[Vincent Vega]

A crime, yes. Immoral, not necessarily. Just like how going 18 in a 15 mph zone is illegal but not immoral. Now providing to the point of excess would be getting closer to the immoral side of things.

[Semper Catholic]

Yo you're in college. CAAAAHHHHHLLLLL-LEEEEEGGGGE.

99.9% of the people who drink in college are barely responsible enough to own a goldfish.

Also people don't drink because "omg Mom and Dad did it" they drink because it makes you feel good bro. Now granted you drink to much you end up feeling bad, but that's the great thing about booze, Karma works much more quickly then usual.

[tinytherese]

Hmm, the question is how I talk to the host about this. He may have a medical issue or whatever which explains his significant social awkwardness. He is also known for friend begging, what with anyone showing him attention then he wants to invite them to everything, sometimes even planning social activities ahead of time-even without informing people that they are invited.

He also might be forming an attraction to me and I don't want to lead him on or hurt his feelings because of what kind of guy he is. I'm more used to handling perves, other kind of weirdos, and skirt chasers looking for anything that's just human and female to say cheesy lines to and I don't have a problem with turning them down.

He may just be lonely and is trying to be a nice guy, but doesn't know how to properly behave around his peers in normal situations. I'd rather not form yet another friendship out of pity. One of my friends is encouraging me to spend time with him, saying that he has his reasons for why he acts the way he does and that he really is a nice guy. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt, but truth be told I'm just not comfortable around him for his extreme awkwardness and because of a couple of "That's what she said" remarks made by him.

Edited November 19, 2010 by tinytherese

[Sternhauser]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' timestamp='1290142968' post='2188002']
You might not consider it wrong to give alcohol to minors, but it is still illegal, and hence a crime.
[/quote]

It's not illegal, and it's not a crime, any more than the Fugitive Slave Act was a "law," and any more than breaking it was a "crime." I don't use their incorrect terminology, just like I don't use the term "gay marriage." There's no such thing.

~Sternhauser

Edited November 19, 2010 by Sternhauser

[tinytherese]

The question that might come up is, "What if they only have one glass? They won't get drunk then and nobody would be in danger from just having that much." It's still illegal.

[Sternhauser]

[quote name='Semper Catholic' timestamp='1290149651' post='2188011']
Also people don't drink because "omg Mom and Dad did it" they drink because it makes you feel good bro. Now granted you drink to much you end up feeling bad, but that's the great thing about booze, Karma works much more quickly then usual.
[/quote]

Why do young people smoke? Because those those first few packs are so awesome? Because it makes you feel good to cough up a storm and sear their lungs the first few times? No, they do it in great part because it's forbidden by their parents, and they feel rebellious and "grown-up" by smoking.

~Sternhauser

[Sternhauser]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1290187409' post='2188047']
The question that might come up is, "What if they only have one glass? They won't get drunk then and nobody would be in danger from just having that much." It's still illegal.
[/quote]

Don't hang around with irresponsible people. He's obviously irresponsible.

~Sternhauser

[Semper Catholic]

[quote name='tinytherese' timestamp='1290153349' post='2188014']
Hmm, the question is how I talk to the host about this. He may have a medical issue or whatever which explains his significant social awkwardness. He is also known for friend begging, what with anyone showing him attention then he wants to invite them to everything, sometimes even planning social activities ahead of time-even without informing people that they are invited.

He also might be forming an attraction to me and I don't want to lead him on or hurt his feelings because of what kind of guy he is. I'm more used to handling perves, other kind of weirdos, and skirt chasers looking for anything that's just human and female to say cheesy lines to and I don't have a problem with turning them down.

He may just be lonely and is trying to be a nice guy, but doesn't know how to properly behave around his peers in normal situations. I'd rather not form yet another friendship out of pity. One of my friends is encouraging me to spend time with him, saying that he has his reasons for why he acts the way he does and that he really is a nice guy. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt, but truth be told I'm just not comfortable around him for his extreme awkwardness and because of a couple of "That's what she said" remarks made by him.
[/quote]

-Have party, make drinks with my sweet new Margarita mix, and because no one wants to go to party without booze
-Cute girls come over, some bros, everyone's having a good time
-Next day weird girl I didn't know comes up to me accusing me of having a mental illness and trying to get with her

Don't be so self absorbed. If being a normal college student means "having a medical condition" then America has a problem worse then a zombie outbreak.
Just because he was a good host and let you into his party does not mean he's forming an attraction to you. Stop acting like you have Asperger's.

[tinytherese]

[quote name='Semper Catholic' timestamp='1290221984' post='2188123']
-Have party, make drinks with my sweet new Margarita mix, and because no one wants to go to party without booze
-Cute girls come over, some bros, everyone's having a good time
-Next day weird girl I didn't know comes up to me accusing me of having a mental illness and trying to get with her

Don't be so self absorbed. If being a normal college student means "having a medical condition" then America has a problem worse then a zombie outbreak.
Just because he was a good host and let you into his party does not mean he's forming an attraction to you. Stop acting like you have Asperger's.
[/quote]

The social awkwardness has nothing to do with the partying and I say that he might be forming an attraction because he's been trying to spend a lot of time with me and singling me out for special attention. Multiple people on campus have commented on his social awkwardness and have tried to get out of spending time with him because he is known for being clingy.