Sexuality And Singles

[Ephrem Augustine]

Love and Truth
i appreciate your questions
i am having a hard time following your posts
but i will try my best to give what insight i have

as a guy, i find a girl who is very attractive, i give her to God. i bring her up in prayer, and say a quick prayer for her. if i don't bring God into the equation, i have learned over several years, that it will likely get out of control.
also as a guy, i appreciate that girls will occasionally make an effort to dress gorgeous and attractive in a feminine way, it is boring to see girls always in tshirts and jeans like they always have to be boys. i was much more bothered when i was younger, not only were midriffs in, but so were those skanky tattoos right above the um... bottom...
apparently modest dress is a very complicated issue, and there seems to be more controversy over this then should be. but i think if more guys would have the audacity to actually affirm girls who can find a good balanced pretty feminine modesty it would certainly help take the pressure of yourself, and many other young women who are not being given clear precise guidelines on the matter.

i think our sexuality is actually rooted in how Jesus relates to the Church. it does not mean that there is not supposed to be any thrill or excitement in sexuality. i think our western civilization is demented and lopsided, because that is all we talk about. we do not talk about the responsibility for someone else's heart. we do not talk about the responsibility for creating life. we do not talk about finding yourself before finding someone. we do not talk about the tradition of our faith, or what God might think. we, good catholics, are trying to restore the balance by acknowledging the need for self sacrifice.
anyways enough rambling out of me for today. hope that may be of some help.

[Sternhauser]

[quote name='Ephrem Augustine' timestamp='1289946515' post='2187470']
i was much more bothered when i was younger, not only were midriffs in, but so were those skanky tattoos right above the um... bottom... [/quote]

Say it with me. "Tramp stamp."

~Sternhauser

[eustace scrubb]

Everything's pretty much been covered, but I just want to make sure that Sternhauser's post wasn't the last one in this thread.

[Anastasia13]

[quote name='eustace scrubb' timestamp='1290235778' post='2188179']
Everything's pretty much been covered, but I just want to make sure that Sternhauser's post wasn't the last one in this thread.
[/quote]

Edited November 20, 2010 by Light and Truth

[MithLuin]

Yeah, not sure what else to add.

It is not wrong to spend time on your appearance, or to make efforts to be attractive. You can dress up a bit for *yourself* - it doesn't have to be for the intention of attracting a future husband (though that of course can happen, too). There are pitfalls to avoid, but throwing out the baby with the bathwater isn't the solution to avoiding them. One pitfall is becoming too wrapped up in your own appearance - spending a lot of time, effort and money worrying about looking 'just right' is not healthy, even if you do come across as decently modest. Pride is one of those insidious things that can invade even the best of intentions. Another pitfall is to use your good looks to get what you want from other people (attention, favors, staring, whatever.)

Modest dress shouldn't be tasteless. Sex isn't [i]bad[/i] - it's not like your feminine curves are some horrible thing that must be hidden from the world. Sure, there are plenty of opportunities for sinful thoughts in all of this, so where to draw the line can be complicated. I don't do bare shoulders; a friend of mine doesn't do sleeveless. Personally, I think my shoulders look better with a shirt on them, but there are times (in the summer) where it is more comfortable to wear sleeveless shirts. I don't feel 'indecent' wearing one, and I don't think I distract guys inappropriately (I'm 30, not 21 - people don't stare at me often.)

I do find that I get more attention when I wear a skirt than when I wear pantaloons. People are much more likely to comment on my appearance and tell me I'm looking good when I have on a skirt. (Boots, too, actually.) I don't think this means that I shouldn't wear skirts or boots. It means that I should pay attention and set boundaries. Be aware that some clothes are too skimpy, too form-fitting, or just not very flattering on my figure. I like for my skirts to fall past the knee, and if they are borderline, I try to make sure I wear stockings with them to mitigate the effect.

But a lot of the clothing you would see on a college campus in the spring time is simply not modest or appropriate. You don't have to go for 'stylish nun' but 'smart and tailored' can be fine. Or 'decent and comfy' - depends on the circumstances. Clothing is an expression of you as a person - if you dress slovenly, you probably aren't going to feel very good about yourself. Unless of course you dressed that way to help someone paint, in which case, you will feel great about yourself in your paint-splattered old baggy clothes!

Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Dress in a way that encourages people to treat you with respect. That means not skank...but not burqa, either. People should be able to tell you are a woman when they look at you without having to guess. [I've never seen a picture of you, so I hope that is not offensive. I realized after I wrote that that if it were about a specific person it would be really mean.]




As for dating....you don't marry everyone you date. So, yes, it is acceptable to date someone that you do not feel physically attracted to. At first. If the first thing that draws you in is his personality and enjoying the time you spend together...well, that's enough to be going on with. If the physical attraction never develops between you, though....you probably don't have the makings of a long term potential marriage relationship. So, you might lose a friend over your decision to date, but I don't think it's morally wrong, either. My only advice would be...be careful not to lead him on. Don't 'fake' attraction or flirting. Be genuine. If there is no 'spark', he'll see that it is lacking eventually, too. Or...who knows. Maybe something will spark between you, and you won't be able to fathom why you didn't notice how attractive he was before! Falling in love [i]makes[/i] people attractive to you, I think. You're allowed to go out for dinner and a movie before this happens, though.


If you spend all your efforts focusing on the sexual sins aspect of human sexuality, it's depressing. You also lose perspective, and forget that there is something positive and Godly there. God [i]created[/i] you. When you think about what that means..... We aren't dirty. We aren't ugly. We aren't just garbage. We are flawed, sure. We are fallen. Human nature is not naturally holy, unfortunately. It takes a lot of effort to have a healthy, loving relationship with another person (even just a friend). But don't forget about the goal and get hung up with what you can't do or what is wrong.

Don't forget 1 Peter 4:8

"Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins."

Sometimes it is better to focus on the positive good of loving your neighbor rather than the negative of the sin that is to be avoided. Christian morality is ultimately about the battleground for the human heart. If you will what God wills...you aren't going to stumble so much, right?