How Do You Know?

[Klaudi87]

So Im wondering....those of you who are discerning with a particular community....how did you know that community was the right one for you??? or what attracted you???

[ameliabedelia]

i first realized my call to religious life after meeting two of the NDs. i was amazed by their joy and wished to only experience a tiny piece of that... little did i know that was where God was calling me. i spoke with the sisters and searched the website for hours and completely fell in love with their order. i was captured by their call to "contemplate God and share with other the fruits of that contemplation." i looked at many others but felt myself always comparing them to the NDs. The real test came when i visited them. As soon as we pulled up i felt like i was looking at my future home. i felt that many of the sisters would be my friends in the secular world too and i could see myself living there as a sister.
many people ask "how do you know is he is the one to marry?" and get the reply "you just know"
same with religious life. all the pieces come together and "you just know"

[Klaudi87]

[quote name='ameliabedelia' timestamp='1288928272' post='2185015']
i first realized my call to religious life after meeting two of the NDs. i was amazed by their joy and wished to only experience a tiny piece of that... little did i know that was where God was calling me. i spoke with the sisters and searched the website for hours and completely fell in love with their order. i was captured by their call to "contemplate God and share with other the fruits of that contemplation." i looked at many others but felt myself always comparing them to the NDs. The real test came when i visited them. As soon as we pulled up i felt like i was looking at my future home. i felt that many of the sisters would be my friends in the secular world too and i could see myself living there as a sister.
many people ask "how do you know is he is the one to marry?" and get the reply "you just know"
same with religious life. all the pieces come together and "you just know"
[/quote]


I guess that makes sense kinda like when you are discerning a vocation...you kinda just know. I will be visiting the Franciscan Sisters of the Immaculate in December and I feel this excitement and joy I've never felt for the other orders I've visited...its wierd.

[TeresaBenedicta]

God had to essentially do this to me:

I was [i]so[/i] convinced that I was called to the Dominicans, that I didn't even consider discernment with the Order that I will be entering. When I first met the sisters, I thought, "Aw man, I [i]love[/i] these Sisters! Too bad I'm gonna be a Dominican." I was so drawn to them... I visited fairly often and never realized that my growing attraction actually said something.

And the sisters, God bless them, never spoke of discernment with me... They just let me hang out every now and then, haha. Eventually one of the postulants, a friend of mine that I went to school with the year before, took me aside and asked me where I was in my discernment (although I had never spoken to her about it prior). And I answered honestly that I was getting confused, because I had always thought I'd be a Dominican, but now there was this strange attraction to her Order... And she smiled and said, "You are Servidora, you are one of us!!"

That was basically when I came to grips with the possibility that that was where God could possible be calling me. I have to admit it took me a while to really accept it. I had to overcome two very important aspects of the community: they are missionary and have a spanish flavor. And the fact that I wanted so badly to be a Dominican!! But, with the help of my spiritual director, and a lot of prayer... I realized that I was holding onto things that [i]I wanted[/i] and not necessarily being open to what [i]God wanted[/i].

Looking back now, it seems very obvious to me. I felt so [i]at home[/i] anytime I was with the sisters. When I left the convent after my first visit, I actually thought to myself, "I could stay here forever!" And their Marian devotion and charism of evangelizing the culture, along with their special preference for the intellectual development of their sisters in the Thomistic tradition, resonated so deeply with my own spirituality and intellectual interests.

[Hinter dem Horizont]

At first I thought I was being called to the Conventual Franciscans then the Trappists but that slowly faded away because it was not my true calling. A year later I discovered the Extraordinary Rite/Latin Mass and went to my first one with my mother. I became hooked on that. Then that is when I found the Priestly order called Institute of Christ the King Sovereign Priest who only serve the Latin mass. It felt like a perfect fit for me and whenever I think about being one of them there is a peacefulness. There never was a peacefulness like this when I thought of other orders.

[tnavarro61]

i don't want to appear so "dark" in here, but I think one really knows that the community is the right one when you've [b]persevered[/b] in that community.

I felt called to a particular community that is contemplative but not monastic. I am a lay member of that community so I got the charism, the mission and the vision in my heart. I went to a silent discernment retreat for almost a week and I know deep in my heart that I am really called to be a "consecrated" member of the community, although the retreat was done away from the "mother house" ... so the retreat is kinda part of an "informal" discernment process. Anyway, my retreat director was a formator in that mother house and in our country for a temporary mission.

So I went home very happy and very contented. I just have to wait for the right time for my entrance, and possibly for another retreat for a more formal discernment.

But the community that I am talking about was suppressed last month. I felt devastated, I felt I lost my identity, i felt I lost my vocation. I was very sad, really sad for what happened but now I think I have moved on, yet I find it hard to look for another community. I still feel called to live our particular charism.

Obedience indeed is the most beautiful and the best sacrifice one can offer. Since this incident, obedience to the Church has been so dear to me.

Also, with this incident i realized the insight which I wrote as the first sentence.

please feel free to correct me. Take care and God bless!

[krissylou]

I'm not as far advanced in the process as some others in this thread, and I'm discerning lay affiliate relationships, not consecrated life.

That having been said. i'm particularly focused on one community, and one thing the Sister said that struck me is that of course as you get more and more involved in a community that will shape who you are (and you'll shape them too). That's how it's supposed to work.

But on another, deeper, level, as you look at various charisms and spiritualities, you're looking less for "Yes this describes the person I want to be!" than "oh my, this is who I already am, I just didn't know it had a name." When you come across a spirituality that speaks to you like THAT, that's a really good clue.

[Sr Marianne]

When I visited the FSM sisters I can only say I felt at home. Just as much able to be myself as in my family home. Real people with real lives and a common focus on the Lord that attracted my own heart.

[Piccoli Fiori JMJ]

+JMJ

I didn't even start discerning where I was being called until I got a kick in the pantaloons from some lovely Dominicans. I thought maybe I was being called to be a Dominican, but it looked like it was not after my visit. The life was beautiful and had many of the things that [i]I like[/i], but it just didn't feel like a good fit for me. I then visited the Poor Clares and it was so utterly clear in my heart that this was it.

It was a Friday afternoon when I arrived for my first visit to the monastery and it was near the end of their weekly Benediction. I quietly came in and kneeled in a pew. I looked up and immediately my eyes were caught in the gaze of the monstrance, the gaze of Jesus. My heart felt like a little fish caught on a line coming right from Jesus Himself, enthroned in the Monstrance, and He was tugging my heart closer and closer to His Eucharistic Heart. It was here that I just knew that I had found home.

It's rather kind of interesting as well, that Mother Vicaress knew that this community was it because she just wanted to climb through the 'keyhole' to the nun's choir. Now, the 'keyhole' is an opening between the public & cloistered chapels where the Monsterance is placed for Benediction & Adoration and when the Monstrance is not there, there is a beautiful Crucifix instead. This picture is also on my profile, but I thought I would post it here to illustrate what I am talking about:

[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v359/LausTibiChriste/Catholic/keyhole.jpg[/img]

[Sister Andrew]

[quote name='tnavarro61' timestamp='1288959010' post='2185103']
i don't want to appear so "dark" in here, but I think one really knows that the community is the right one when you've [b]persevered[/b] in that community.

I felt called to a particular community that is contemplative but not monastic. I am a lay member of that community so I got the charism, the mission and the vision in my heart. I went to a silent discernment retreat for almost a week and I know deep in my heart that I am really called to be a "consecrated" member of the community, although the retreat was done away from the "mother house" ... so the retreat is kinda part of an "informal" discernment process. Anyway, my retreat director was a formator in that mother house and in our country for a temporary mission.

So I went home very happy and very contented. I just have to wait for the right time for my entrance, and possibly for another retreat for a more formal discernment.

But the community that I am talking about was suppressed last month. I felt devastated, I felt I lost my identity, i felt I lost my vocation. I was very sad, really sad for what happened but now I think I have moved on, yet I find it hard to look for another community. I still feel called to live our particular charism.

Obedience indeed is the most beautiful and the best sacrifice one can offer. Since this incident, obedience to the Church has been so dear to me.

Also, with this incident i realized the insight which I wrote as the first sentence.

please feel free to correct me. Take care and God bless!
[/quote]

Thank you for sharing something that is so close to you. My prayers are with you and the community.

[HopefulBride]

LOL My experience is somewhat similar to TB's - God had to really get my attention and even after I still was being stubborn

When I first started to seriously discern it took some pursuing on God's part to even convince me that He was calling me to Religious life and when I came to accept that I had it in my mind where He wanted me (I was to be a ND sister) and then I visited them and although I enjoyed the visit, there was a bit of a detachment that I felt and it led me to realize that that is not where God was calling me.

Convinced that I was still called to the Dominican Order, I tried to make arrangements to visit the DSMME but God just kept diverting me away (didn't realize that then) I even went as far as to purchase a plane ticket and pay my registration fee but that didn't work out; so finally I made arrangements to visits yet ANOTHER Dominican Community. I truly enjoyed the time with these sisters and even spoke to the VD about getting an application but the Lord had His plans - I felt restless about the decision to apply. Meanwhile, I had been in sporadic contact with the community I am hoping to enter and made plans to visit them but it was primarily for a silent retreat.

When I finally got the chance to visit the sisters it was just wonderful, I spent a couple of days wih them before my silent retreat and wanted to spend my whole time with them! At the end of the visit I felt such a peace and I just knew that the peace I felt was the Lord's way of letting me know that I was home.

Amelia is totally right, when you know, you know. And let's not forget that the Holy Spirtit is there as a guide and the peace that He gives us is in itself our confirmation that we are following the Lord's path.

Navarro, I am sorry about the suppression of your community; I shall keep you all in my prayers. The Lord will surely use this to bring out something beautiful and trust in the fact that perhaps He is calling you to something else. Perhaps he wanted to spare you the heartache and disappointment of having to leave a community after entering so soon. I always say "God willing I will be with the sisters one day and 8 years from now I will make final vows" I am completely aware and open to the fact that He might call me to something else, either marriage or another community. If that ends up being the case, at the very least this discernment process would have taught me the importance of patience, obedience and trusting in the Lord.

Pax!
HB

***Sorry about this being long, I meant for it to be just a couple of paragraphs

Edited November 5, 2010 by HopefulBride

[Tally Marx]

Well, this is a very nice thread.
Thank you for asking this question, Klaudi87!
And thank you, everyone else, for sharing! It's helpful


I spent forever praying about a vocation to the religious life[i] in general[/i] (I was looking for a giant billboard that would be give me specific directions about God's will for me), before my spiritual director basically ordered me to start looking into specific orders. So, I've only recently begun doing come-and-sees, visiting sisters, etc. etc.
I wrote to the Institute on Religious Life, and they gave me a giant list of orders, and a bunch of vocation directresses started emailing me, and I was inundated with info on about 50 different orders...
It took a while, but I eventually looked at all the websites and read about their apostolate and founder and charism.
I found three that I could see myself being with (this decision, based mainly on their apostolate--it's something I could see myself doing). I set up a correspondence with all of them, and am now in the midst of visiting them all to experience their charism and spirituality (which will be what my final decision is based on). I'm leaning toward the Daughters of Saint Paul at the moment; I love their work and the sisters themselves, and certain asepcts of their spirituality. But I also like the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal (whom I have not been able to visit yet for various reasons ).
I'm not exactly sure how I will know in the end. I'm expecting to know, by which spirituality and charism helps me, personally, grow closer to Our Lord and Lady (which I will know after careful study and evaluation). But maybe I will suddenly be hit with a 2X4 and I won't have to work on deciding half so hard as I think I will[i]. [/i]I might end up somewhere I never anticipated![i] [/i]Who knows? I'll just have to wait and trust that God will lead me wherever He wants me in the end.

Pax,
~Tally

PS: I will be praying for you, Navarro!

Edited November 5, 2010 by Tally Marx

[Klaudi87]

Thanks for all of your insight!! Obviously everyones walk is different but it helps me to learn from others:like: ....like listening to God before or haha though thats always hard. It's part of our fallen nature to hold on to what we want. I guess the main thing I have heard from you guys and talking to people is that you get a sense of being at home. Thanks for reminding me to be open and trust in the Lord. My prayers go out to you Navarro...may Our Lady show you her son's will!

[ameliabedelia]

[quote name='krissylou' timestamp='1288960652' post='2185104'].

But on another, deeper, level, as you look at various charisms and spiritualities, you're looking less for "Yes this describes the person I want to be!" than "oh my, this is who I already am, I just didn't know it had a name." When you come across a spirituality that speaks to you like THAT, that's a really good clue.


[/quote]

EXACTLY!! this is such a good way to put it! [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/clap2.gif[/img]
you realize that your hearts deepest desires are right in front of you.

Edited November 5, 2010 by ameliabedelia

[littlesister]

Nice answer, krissylou. Something like that happened to me, too, a lifetime ago now. I was planning on a Franciscan community, that I still dearly love, but the apostolate just didn't "fit." Then I met the Little Sisters of the Poor. Everything fit. End of story.

There's a great line in an old Irish song, "I know where my heart belongs." When you find the place where your heart belongs, don't be afraid to follow it there.