Solution To Bullying

[Lil Red]

so, in spite of the programs kids are taught in school, despite all the talk, there is an explosion of bullying going on. so what's the real solution to stop bullying?

[CatherineM]

Zero tolerance I guess. There are still some people who believe it is part of growing up. My husband was bullied so badly he had to drop out of highschool. He's got 2 Masters and a Doctorate, but no highschool diploma.

[HopefulBride]

From experience, I would say not responding to it, many times those bullies just want a reaction and not giving them that satisfaction would help the situation. Now, in cases of violence where there is a need to stand up for one's self, you should act in an effort to discourage the bully.

Overall I think the idea is to be mature when responding to bullying, not to engage in a back and forth battle and to know when to seek adult help. Many times young ones try to handle the bullying themselves. In my case though I ignored my bully I shared what was going on with my dad who in turn contacted the school who in turn contacted the parent (it stopped) but then again this was over 10 years ago, I don't believe many parents get involved in stopping these kind of behavior now days. In fact, I have read some disturbing cases where parents have been part of the bullying.

There are also new ways to bully someone now, it's not just shoving in the hallway or yelling out something. The cyber attacks are rampant and that is where the need for some serious intervention comes in. To counter that, I would say there needs to be laws that specifically address cyber bullying (I don't believe there are any in place right now, at least not in all states)

Edited October 18, 2010 by HopefulBride

[Lil Red]

i dunno - is "zero tolerance" really the answer though? many schools have that policy in place, supposedly, and yet you still have a problem with bullying. where's the line between letting kids handle it between themselves, and stepping in?

[MIKolbe]

zero tolerance policies end up being opportunities to swat flies with sledgehammers.

[MichaelFilo]

The answer to bullying?

School vouchers and home schooling.

Kids only bully when they feel weak. Now it could be their parents, but there has not been a rise in overbearing parents (in fact, probably the opposite.) Schools have become draconian places of compulsion which would be overbearing for any adult today. With that much in mind, giving kids freedom to choose schools (which would vet out those policies) and of course being in the care of loving parents at home, means that it will root it out.

[tinytherese]

I agree that part of the problem is that the kids try to handle the situation themselves and this leads to battling back and forth. A lot of kids also take the approach of simply not telling anyone and suffering in silence, sometimes not even telling their parents.

Another part of it is that even when kids do tell the school, it doesn't do anything or they do punish them a little or have a weak little, "No no, don't do that. Apologize," them let them off scot free. Schools should have appropriate punishments (which are actually in force) AND even get a decent child (or adolescent) psychologist to get to what the problem is and trying to solve it. I know that decent therapists in general are hard to come by though (from personal experience. ) The therapist would need to actually try to solve the problem and not merely study the bully like they are a fascinating subject to study, but do nothing to try to reform. (An example of that is found in C.S. Lewis' The Silver Chair at the beginning before the particular kids escape to Narnia. The girl was bullied and the headmistress merely watched the bullies in fascination.) Sometimes the parents of the bullies don't care or encourage the bullying. They should be held accountable for that by the law somehow.

[Socrates]

[quote name='MIkolbe' timestamp='1287416434' post='2180368']
zero tolerance policies end up being opportunities to swat flies with sledgehammers.
[/quote]
Agree.

Kids need to be taught how to stand up for themselves, not constantly mollycoddled.
Teaching kids martial arts and self-defense skills, along with (especially) non-violent means of confronting conflict is a great way to start.

Obviously, when the matter is clearly serious, direct action needs to be taken, and serious physical violence should never be tolerated.

I don't in anyway condone or encourage bullying, but kids have always had to learn how to put up with bullies growing up. It's a necessary survival skill for boys to grown into men. It's an ugly reality, but life is often ugly.
I think zero-tolerance could breed over-protected weaklings.

And cyber-bullying? What's that? Posting mean things on Facebook?
Real bullying meant kids beating other kids up for their lunch money.
If kids would get off their interwebz and spend more time playing outdoors, that problem would be solved.

Kids today - sheesh!

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Socrates' timestamp='1287425057' post='2180417']
Agree.

Kids need to be taught how to stand up for themselves, not constantly mollycoddled.
Teaching kids martial arts and self-defense skills, along with (especially) non-violent means of confronting conflict is a great way to start.

Obviously, when the matter is clearly serious, direct action needs to be taken, and serious physical violence should never be tolerated.

I don't in anyway condone or encourage bullying, but kids have always had to learn how to put up with bullies growing up. It's a necessary survival skill for boys to grown into men. It's an ugly reality, but life is often ugly.
I think zero-tolerance could breed over-protected weaklings.

And cyber-bullying? What's that? Posting mean things on Facebook?
Real bullying meant kids beating other kids up for their lunch money.
If kids would get off their interwebz and spend more time playing outdoors, that problem would be solved.

Kids today - sheesh!
[/quote]
i have this mental image of you right now. sitting in a rocking chair on your front porch, smoking a hand-rolled cigarette, yelling at 'those d'rned kids!'

[Mr.Cat]

I have to agree with zero-tolerance. I remember my Junior High for the most simple of things could get you detention and Saturday school. In fact in hind sight it stopped a lot of problems dead in their tracks. In particular any student who received less than %50 on any assignment, test, exam, or class received detention and Saturday school. In our detention we had to copy down the ([i]forgot the name[/i]) rules and Saturday school was hours of boredom and busywork ([i]I decided I was never going to do that again[/i]). Which we knew Saturday School was aimed both at student and parents, if you missed one or two Saturday Schools you were suspended. Though I was a good student, I only received Saturday school once and detention maybe five times? A lot of other students received a lot more than me.

I admit I do think there needs to be better teachers, counselors, and administrators involved in the educational system. I also think incorporation of better student-unions, discipline, athletics, self-defense, and uniforms.

Bullying wasn't quiet a good description of the problem I observed when in school, sure it happens, it seems more fundamental than that. Was I bullied, I guess sometimes I was, but most of the time I dealt with it in my own way.

There were two girls in Elementary, one who's features grew much too quickly and one who looked more mature than she really was, both were severely teased and I felt terrible for the both of them. Though the former in Junior High received more sexual harassment than teasing, which is another [s]growing[/s] problem in schools in my opinion. The latter I felt really terrible for, I never joined in on the teasing because I felt bad for her, it seemed like she didn't have a friend in the world. I recall one day when we were alone in a class working on something, I was quiet as to not become target of the same teasing, she asked me if I would be her friend because I wasn't mean to her... I said no, something I sort of regret to this day. It was a cowardly thing to do, even though I was still a little kid.

I remember my freshman year of high school this one guy kept making sarcastic remarks at me, I didn't do anything till one day he pushed me ([i]I'm not even sure WHY he did[/i]), so I pushed back. He flew a decent three yards, fell backwards, and hit his head on the brick wall as he fell. If it wasn't for some guy SERIOUSLY taller and bigger than me I would of done more ([i]me being almost 6 feet, 190lbs, and maxing out minimally at 250lbs on everything (even more now), so this was a SHOCK[/i]), but he literally picked me up by the hand cord on my backpack having me suspended in air, shook his head and said "[i]you don't want to do that, go to class.[/i]" SO, I DID! NO freakin idea who he was, never saw him again my entire time at the High School ([i]I was looking for him[/i]). But conversely, the other guy never said a thing to me again, in fact it was an awkward silence...

Both these stories in my mind illustrates the inherent problems that are faced. In the opinion of teachers the guy I nearly gave a concision to was "[i]asking for it[/i]", they were tired of the guy's nonsense and were a bit pleased to turn their heads when it happened. The two girls, well... The world is tough on girls and its rare for people to really stand up when they really need it, its easy to say, hard to do.

I have a friend with tourette syndrome, she was heavily bullied before her diagnoses... when it was discovered the administration, counselors, and teachers explained to her class what it was and gave some clarification of what that would mean. The teasing inside of her class stopped, which there was a lot of in her recollection, but not throughout the school who weren't informed.

Cyber-bullying? I am not sure how to enact any laws or ordinances against it that doesn't involve censorship or suppression of free speech, communication, media, association, or assembly... Though I tend to agree, there needs to be some kind of law to handle this. When it comes to student-to-student" interaction I think it falls within the jurisdiction of the institution they are enrolled in, which might be a better way to handle this sort of bullying, even when outside of school functions.

What is the soultion to problems like these? I am not sure if we have good solutions, because really these are problems even experienced on Phatmass and in any social group. As we grow up and things become more voluntary, free, distant, and adult we tend to be insulated from them... but its still there. It just exists in different ways. The same problems fixing these social problems is the same problems inherent to fixing the problems in schools.

Edited October 18, 2010 by Mr Cat

[Sojourner]

I was picked on throughout much of my schooling experience, although I am not certain it would qualify as "bullying." I would say that I was the object of comments and actions meant to humiliate and manipulate me, which I suppose is a form of bullying.

I am not convinced that a zero tolerance policy is the way to go. Like Miko said, people can (and do) abuse zero tolerance rules. I've learned over the years never to assume that common sense will rule the day -- no matter how common-sensical the people in charge appear to be. The other problem with those sorts of scenarios is that bullying continues long into adulthood. You have to learn how to handle it in a mature and self-confident way. Zero tolerance policies teach children that they should depend on someone else to fight their battles for them, which I think sets a kid up for serious disappointment.

Honestly, I think bullying is a parenting issue, both on the part of the kid who's bullying and the kid who's being bullied (which may well be the same kid, in different scenarios). I don't think my own parents did a great job of teaching me how to handle being picked on, but I did eventually figure things out for myself.

[MIKolbe]

The solution to bullying?

Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God.

But then He's kinda the solution to all our problems...

[Lil Red]

[quote name='MIkolbe' timestamp='1287430148' post='2180440']
The solution to bullying?

Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God.

But then He's kinda the solution to all our problems...
[/quote]


as a priest friend of mine says "the answer to any test question is always Jesus". lol

[Dizzy]

As someone who was bullied throughout elementary, middle, and high-school, I must say the solution to bullying is to fight back.
My school had a supposed zero-tolerance policy but it didn't make a difference; the principals were full-grown bullies themselves.

What finally ended it was my hitting back. I'm not condoning violence, but it worked lol.

[sixpence]

sigh... potential future spouse was bullied in school and now says would refuse to send our imaginary future children to catholic school ( or probably any school) because of it

I on the other hand only had one single experience of being bullied (in the 7th grade)... and i solved it by ignoring it and/or acting like i thought it was funny..