Love

[Lilllabettt]

When I was leaving the convent, one of my superiors told me: "I don't love you, Sister ---, on an emotional level. I just don't." At the time, this hurt me a lot, mostly because I had idolized this Sister. I loved her on an "emotional level" and wanted to be like her when I "grew up" in religious life.

Recently I read C.S Lewis' "4 Loves." And he talks about how there are the levels of love, and the highest kind of love is Christian love. But he goes on to say how even though that is the highest love, that is the love nobody wants. Nobody wants to be loved by somebody who has to grit their teeth and "will" it. We want people to love us because we are loveable.

That is one thing about religious life. Not only is there not that one person whose sun rises and sets on you, but the people in your religious "family" do not necessarily love you on an emotional level. You may not have people in your life who find you lovable.

I had not thought of it before, because for my part, I find it easy to love people emotionally. It is the selfless, higher love that I need to work on.

But its kind of a big deal and a major thing to consider about religious life.

[Sarah147]

I think it's something all of us have to work on.

Why did your Superior say that to you? Does anyone think that was inappropriate of her Superior? Would you say that was a bad order or had trouble people?

[Lilllabettt]

That community and that Sister are both good. It was a hard time for everybody and we are all human. I don't know why she said it, it was as I was leaving. But I would rather this thread not turn into a commentary about that specfically.

It really is a reality of religious life that you and the people you live with do not choose each other. How to deal with that? I guess the point is, you should look to God first for love not your religious family.

Edited October 18, 2010 by Lilllabettt

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1287364204' post='2180253']
That community and that Sister are both good. It was a hard time for everybody and we are all human. I don't know why she said it, it was as I was leaving. But I would rather this thread not turn into a commentary about that specfically.

It really is a reality of religious life that you and the people you live with do not choose each other. How to deal with that? [b]I guess the point is, you should look to God first for love not your religious family.[/b]
[/quote]

[i]Exactly.[/i]

This has been something I've been reflecting on [i]a lot[/i] lately. To quote the words of a priest friend of mine, "The call of the religious and the priest is to allow our craving for human relationships to be satiatied most profoundly in our relationship with the Lord Jesus. That is the heart of the celibate: room for God, no single human affection to crowd God out, living and loving for God principally and others for his sake."

That's the call. That's how we are to love.

I think it may seem too difficult or too harsh at first. But, in entering religious life, one really does forsake [i]all[/i], including special human love.

[HopefulBride]

You know, I think of what St. Therese de Lisieux said in her realization the her vocation was to love. I think this is the love that she was talking about, the love that as Christians we must will that is not in itself emotionally-based.

[Sarah147]

Yet there is supposed to be strong Sisterly love, Christian charity, in the Religious life. It's not just you and God in there; each is to love her neighbor wholeheartedly. Saint Therese is a good example. She was always trying to show love to the Sisters, even the difficult, elderly Sister.

Similar to marriage, it's a matter of learning how to love the other, making the effort, learning all about the other.

Edited October 18, 2010 by JoyfulLife

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1287366077' post='2180260']
Yet there is supposed to be strong Sisterly love, Christian charity, in the Religious life. It's not just you and God in there; each is to love her neighbor wholeheartedly. Saint Therese is a good example. She was always trying to show love to the Sisters, even the difficult, elderly Sister.
[/quote]

I don't think one could grow in love of God without growing in proper love of neighbor. If the latter is not increasing, I question the former.

[Sarah147]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1287366222' post='2180261']
I don't think one could grow in love of God without growing in proper love of neighbor. If the latter is not increasing, I question the former.
[/quote]

I have questioned that in some Sisters I have seen that seemed like "loners" in a way; unless I confused it with a deeper maturity. Though pride may have been an issue, or they were just contemplative or solemn those days.

Edited October 18, 2010 by JoyfulLife

[regina_coeli]

In charity, I cannot imagine a context in which it would ever be appropriate to say "I don't love you, Sister ---, on an emotional level. I just don't." to anyone. If I understand correctly, and you left for health reasons, why would you need to know this? What need in herself was she satisfying by hurting you that way?

And bless you for being so kind in your reaction!

[krissylou]

It seems that very very often, not 100% always, but very very often, when people deliberately will to love, the emotional love follows too. This is a gift of God.

People are made to connect. God wired us this way. It is not good for (hu)man to be alone.

[Lilllabettt]

Regina, I think she just made a mistake. I made plenty of these when I was leaving too; I was very emotional. I think maybe God permitted me to hear that so that I would have a clear understanding about what love in religious life is - and what it isn't.

Like I said before, I would rather this thread not be about that specific instance. It was a fact whether I knew it or not .. and to me it is a slightly disconcerting fact, one a discerner must definitely "adjust" to.

[LaPetiteSoeur]

Everyone shares the same fundamental vocation: to love. God calls us, however, in different ways to love. Some are called to love as married couples. Others are called to love the Church with their whole being (priests, brothers, monks). Others are called to love Christ as their Divine Spouse. Still others are called to be witnesses of God's love by being single.

Humans cannot live without love. It's impossible. People can actually become physically ill because of loneliness.

Now, I don't know why your superior said that, but maybe she was going through a time of weakness. I can't judge, though. As you said, Lilllabettt, perhaps God was working through her.

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='LaPetiteSoeur' timestamp='1287435906' post='2180489']
Everyone shares the same fundamental vocation: to love. God calls us, however, in different ways to love. Some are called to love as married couples. Others are called to love the Church with their whole being (priests, brothers, monks). Others are called to love Christ as their Divine Spouse. Still others are called to be witnesses of God's love by being single.

Humans cannot live without love. It's impossible. People can actually become physically ill because of loneliness.

Now, I don't know why your superior said that, but maybe she was going through a time of weakness. I can't judge, though. As you said, Lilllabettt, perhaps God was working through her.



[/quote]

I think there is a real difference between how a husband and wife love another and how religious brothers and sisters love on another, however. And I think this is the point that Lillabett is making. A husband and wife love each other on an emotional level, as well as deeper levels. The religious gives up this emotional and singular love for love of God. All other love, including love for their brothers and sisters in community, flows from this singular love of God. But the love between community members is not necessarily going to include love on an emotional level-- as Lillabett pointed out, we don't necessarily choose who we end up living with.

Yes, we cannot live without love. But the call of the religious is to live by the love of God alone, sustained by the love of God alone. And to love others because of this love of God.

[LaPetiteSoeur]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1287437006' post='2180499']
Yes, we cannot live without love. But the call of the religious is to live by the love of God alone, sustained by the love of God alone. And to love others because of this love of God.
[/quote]

Well put! In theology class we're learning about vocations and the current chapter is "Discearning God's Plan to Love." I'm borrowing some of the ideas from this fourm for my class.