Talking To Family About Vocation

[1catholic]

I don't no how to tell my fam that I want to join the carmelites. I know they wouldn't stop me but I guess Im just not sure how to say it. I do think itll surprise my mom at least because she thinks im rebelious (not sure why lol) and well my dads jewish so im not sure what he'll think....

until fairly recently i was planning on going to college, studying philosophy, then maybe pursuing teaching or more schooling (if i got in .... these were high hopes... at oxford for a phd), marrying, and adopting a bunch of kids...

this is how my parents see me...and as it was rather a sudden change for me...i can't figure out how to tell them as it will be sudden for them too....(my mom stressed when i changed my mind from english to philosophy for a major option)

...

I just don't know how exactly to broach the topic. Any advice...or how ur own parents reacted would be great :D

I do think i would tell my mom b4 my dad

Thanks

[HopefulBride]

Hi 1Catholic,

Fortunately my family (siblings, parents and cousins) are quite supportive. The only issue that I had was with my sister, though I knew she would be love and support me, I didn't know how much it would hurt her and when we first started discussing it, we would end up arguing and she would avoid the matter completely. Eventually, I took it to Christ and I also waited for some further developments before telling her. I had stopped talking to her about my discernment until I had the chance to visit some communities.

What I am trying to say is first pray about your concerns, then let your family know that you are discerning to know where the Lord is calling you in (Marriage, single life, religious) and that you are open to it as you hope they are. Hopefully as you discern with different communies and hit some milestones, the conversations will get easier.

Good Luck

[ameliabedelia]

i slowly started mentioning things to my family. they saw that i was getting very into my faith..but in a textbook fact kinda way. i hid the actual spiritual part from them..and still mostly do. but i slowly started mention things and they kinda got the hint that i was thinking about religious life. im not saying this is what you should do im just saying i was to chicken to flat out tell my parents. [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/blush.gif[/img] lol. my parents started asking all these questions that i was NOT ready to answer! only over the past month have they realized how serious i am about religious life...and now their real panic has begun.

So thats where i am right now [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/like.gif[/img]

[ameliabedelia]

duplicate

Edited October 13, 2010 by ameliabedelia

[LaPetiteSoeur]

[quote name='1catholic' timestamp='1286935471' post='2179379']
I don't no how to tell my fam that I want to join the carmelites. I know they wouldn't stop me but I guess Im just not sure how to say it. I do think itll surprise my mom at least because she thinks im rebelious (not sure why lol) and well my dads jewish so im not sure what he'll think....

until fairly recently i was planning on going to college, studying philosophy, then maybe pursuing teaching or more schooling (if i got in .... these were high hopes... at oxford for a phd), marrying, and adopting a bunch of kids...

this is how my parents see me...and as it was rather a sudden change for me...i can't figure out how to tell them as it will be sudden for them too....(my mom stressed when i changed my mind from english to philosophy for a major option)

...

I just don't know how exactly to broach the topic. Any advice...or how ur own parents reacted would be great :D

I do think i would tell my mom b4 my dad

Thanks
[/quote]

It took me a year to tell my parents. I also told my mom before I told my dad, although I think he knows already! Just don't tell your parents when they are driving a car. Bad idea.

My parents were supportive, although they made a single ultimatum: I [b]have[/b] to finish university and get a degree. That means in four years, hopefully, I can enter. We had a friend who had entered at 18--about fifteen years ago--and had no education. She couldn't do anything and her mother was very sick. Thankfully, she had some good friends in the States who helped her get a job.

My parents know that I really want this, that I feel that God is calling me to this. They just want me to finish university.

Because you said it would be sudden, I'd pray about it a bit more before I definitely told them. Ask Mary for help: she had to tell her parents that she was [i]pregnant by the Holy Spirit[/i]. Can you imagine that conversation?

Bonne chance et Dieu vous benisse!

LaPetiteSoeur

[1catholic]

[quote name='ameliabedelia' timestamp='1286940919' post='2179391']
...i hid the actual spiritual part from them..and still mostly do. but i slowly started mention things and they kinda got the hint that i was thinking about religious life...my parents started asking all these questions that i was NOT ready to answer! [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/like.gif[/img]
[/quote]

kinda feeling that right now and worried about their questions

but first i need a way to start the subject...im going on a college visit next week and i think i should say something before then otherwise im going to be lying all weekend to ppl from the college :0

[1catholic]

[quote name='LaPetiteSoeur' timestamp='1286976306' post='2179418']
Ask Mary for help: she had to tell her parents that she was [i]pregnant by the Holy Spirit[/i]. Can you imagine that conversation?

Bonne chance et Dieu vous benisse!

LaPetiteSoeur
[/quote]

lol ya thanks :D so true

[krissylou]

Oh, oh, I wrote an Advent meditation on that part of Mary's story for church last year.

Gabriel comes to talk to her.

She says "Let it be done to me according to your word."

And then Gabriel leaves. When it really would have been handy to stick around and make some more housecalls.

And what is the very next thing that Mary does? Gets the heck out of Dodge. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go directly out of town.

Off to the house of Elizabeth -- who was herself miraculously pregnant and just might be the one other person around who could understand Mary's situation.

And when Elizabeth provides refuge, and rejoices, that's when we see Mary start to rejoice too.

Who can be your Elizabeth?

[1catholic]

[quote name='krissylou' timestamp='1287201253' post='2179923']
Oh, oh, I wrote an Advent meditation on that part of Mary's story for church last year.

Gabriel comes to talk to her.

She says "Let it be done to me according to your word."

And then Gabriel leaves. When it really would have been handy to stick around and make some more housecalls.

And what is the very next thing that Mary does? Gets the heck out of Dodge. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go directly out of town.

Off to the house of Elizabeth -- who was herself miraculously pregnant and just might be the one other person around who could understand Mary's situation.

And when Elizabeth provides refuge, and rejoices, that's when we see Mary start to rejoice too.

Who can be your Elizabeth?
[/quote]


My friend, J....and the fact it was st. theresa's feast day yesterday :D Lol funny thing is i told my friend about it yesterday and she got all excited....and last night i told my mom ! it was still an awk conversation...and i was silly but its taken care of

[ameliabedelia]

[quote name='1catholic' timestamp='1287199137' post='2179920'] kinda feeling that right now and worried about their questions

but first i need a way to start the subject...im going on a college visit next week and i think i should say something before then otherwise im going to be lying all weekend to ppl from the college :0
[/quote]

talk to them after the visit!! thats what i did. then they wont pull the "you dont even know anything about college" thing. after you can honestly say i have seen both world and i chose religious life.

GOOD LUCK!!

[Chiquitunga]

[quote name='1catholic' timestamp='1287234586' post='2179964']
My friend, J....and the fact it was st. theresa's feast day yesterday :D Lol funny thing is i told my friend about it yesterday and she got all excited....and last night i told my mom ! it was still an awk conversation...and i was silly but its taken care of
[/quote]

That's great you were able to tell your mom. You probably feel at least some relief now. For me it was a lot easier tell my mother, but actually it was fine telling my dad too .. because he was a big fan of St. Teresa already The only thing that was hard for him to accept at first though was my decision leave college to so I could focus more on prayer/discernment, etc. But now he understands completely. So sometimes it just takes a little time.

Anyway, so here's a video I recently found that I thought I'd post here of a couple parents talking about their daughter's discernment with the Carmelite Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Los Angelos. She went through college thinking she wasn't called .. but then met one of the sisters there. So anyway, here it is ..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-AsLmc8Mns

Edited October 18, 2010 by Chiquitunga

[1catholic]

[quote name='Chiquitunga' timestamp='1287368717' post='2180279']
That's great you were able to tell your mom. You probably feel at least some relief now. For me it was a lot easier tell my mother, but actually it was fine telling my dad too .. because he was a big fan of St. Teresa already The only thing that was hard for him to accept at first though was my decision leave college to so I could focus more on prayer/discernment, etc. But now he understands completely. So sometimes it just takes a little time.

Anyway, so here's a video I recently found that I thought I'd post here of a couple parents talking about their daughter's discernment with the Carmelite Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Los Angelos. She went through college thinking she wasn't called .. but then met one of the sisters there. So anyway, here it is ..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-AsLmc8Mns
[/quote]


Thanks!

[Klaudi87]

[quote name='ameliabedelia' timestamp='1286940919' post='2179391']
i slowly started mentioning things to my family. they saw that i was getting very into my faith..but in a textbook fact kinda way. i hid the actual spiritual part from them..and still mostly do. but i slowly started mention things and they kinda got the hint that i was thinking about religious life. im not saying this is what you should do im just saying i was to chicken to flat out tell my parents. [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/blush.gif[/img] lol. my parents started asking all these questions that i was NOT ready to answer! only over the past month have they realized how serious i am about religious life...and now their real panic has begun.

So thats where i am right now [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/like.gif[/img]
[/quote]


This is kinda where Im at too. Hinting here and there.... though it becomes harder the more you get serious about it lol May Our Lady aid you in your path!!

[Hinter dem Horizont]

[color=#606060][font=arial, verdana, sans-serif][size=2][b]Like ameliabedelia, I approached them cautiously and slowly. I revealed more and more about the matter as time went on. My mother is very supportive because she is a religious and pious woman. My father has not really said much. My mother and father are dedicated to the idea that, since it is my life, I am able to choose whatever path I want. I've shown them maturity about the idea, stating that God won't let me go down the wrong path as long as I pray to Him and listen to Him with my heart. My parents said they will gladly come to my ordination and be proud of me.[/b][/size][/font][/color]
[color=#606060][font=arial, verdana, sans-serif][size=2][b]
[/b][/size][/font][/color]
[color=#606060][font=arial, verdana, sans-serif][size=2][b]So, advice would be to not reveal it all at once. Especially if they are sensitive people.[/b][/size][/font][/color]

[Tally Marx]

Well, I didn't really have to jump anything on my parents. Even if I hadn't been saying, "I want to be a nun!" off and on since I was age four, they still wouldn't have been surprised, because when I seriously began to discern I started telling them the life stories of saints and founders of orders. "Isn't Saint-So-and-So cool?!?"
Then I asked them if they had ever thought about becoming religious when they were younger. (Answer: No)
Then I asked if they thought I'd make a good religious. "Dear, I think you'd make a good anything you put your mind to." "Okay, mom... I'd really like to put my mind to being a sister."
My mom's thrilled. My dad wanted me to be a rich and influential telecommunications engineer, so he's still trying to get used to the implications.
But mostly they took it fine. They are now taking me to come-and-sees at various communities across the country, and enjoying it themselves

It was more difficult telling my boyfriend....

I'd just say, introduce the idea to your parents slowly, and only when you are very serious about your discernment (i.e., when you find a spiritual director and begin looking into different communities)