TeresaBenedicta Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 I think I posted a few months ago about meeting some Franciscan Sisters of the Eucharist and finding out that not only do they have a convent nearby, but also that some of them attend daily Mass at the parish at which I work. For the past two months, I've chatted with one of them a few times after Mass (she's the sister I met initially, at the Grotto). Never about discernment or anything, mostly about how work is going for me. But I get "the look" often from both this sister and two of the other sisters that come to Mass here (one of those sisters saw me praying the Office one morning and commented on it, giving me "the look"). You know "the look", that knowing, smug, I-can-see-religious-vocation-written-all-over-you, look. Anyways, I've been encouraged by a priest-friend of mine to make friends with these sisters (which, admittedly, I've wanted to do from the get-go... I mean, who doesn't want to be friends with religious sisters?!). I've hesitated, though, because I don't want to "give the wrong impression", LOL! I feel like I'm concerned about a boy, haha! But, in all seriousness, as much as I want to know these sisters better and be able to talk with them about my own journey (I have [i]no one[/i] here at home that understands my desire to enter religious life, no one who can support me in an encouraging way), I don't want to take advantage of them or give them the wrong impression. I'm set on the Order I'm to enter. Heck, I'm pretty darn set in my discernment in general (barring any change God wants to direct in my life). But, I've also been in need of [i]some[/i] sort of community, [i]some[/i] sort of support, [i]some[/i] sort of [i]something[/i]! And the way these sisters came into my life, even from the get-go, seemed arranged by God. But I've hesitated because I don't really want to give the wrong impression. I mean, I guess I don't really think that the sisters would only be interested in befriending me because they think I might join their Order or that they think I'm at the beginning stages of discernment. And they are willing to befriend me, so to speak. My first encounter with Sister, she gave me the contact info for their convent and gave me an open invitation to visit. And today I was talking with Sister after Mass-- she's so wonderful. She was asking me how the Rosary night went and then asked me about my dad, since I had prayed for him during intercessions. Then I was all awkward and asked which days she worked across the street... to find out that she works there M-Th, from 9-12 and then has to hustle over to a different campus to teach at 12:30... so I was like, "Ahh, I guess that means you haven't much time to do lunch sometime, eh?" But she was all nice and excused my awkwardness, haha. And she said, "Afraid not-- I eat a coagulated milk sandwhich in the car on my drive! But you haven't been down to our place, have you?" "No." "We should fix that." "Alright." "Alright!" So, I know that it's definitely open for me to visit and spend time with them. I just don't want to be deceptive, you know? And I don't know... Is it okay to spend time with an Order even though you don't plan discerning with them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MithLuin Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 I once visited an order that I was not discerning with. They had one of those open invitations....for single women between the ages of 18-35. I said I wanted to visit, but that I wasn't discerning a religious vocation, and they welcomed me anyway. I wasn't being 'touristy' but was honestly curious about their lives. It was (in my mind) a retreat of sorts. I'm not sure what they viewed it as. Maybe that wasn't 'fair' of me, I don't know, but I felt I was honest with them and they were honest with me, so.... And they were very gracious the entire time I was there. Anyway, they've obviously been friendly and invited you to get to know them. If you take them up on the offer, the topic of your own discernment is bound to come up at some point, and they'll find out that you aren't interested in their order. If they want to cut you off at that point, that's on them, but I can't imagine that would be their reaction. I'm sure they have friendships with many lay people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
organwerke Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 [quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1286826326' post='2179141'] I don't really want to give the wrong impression. Is it okay to spend time with an Order even though you don't plan discerning with them? [/quote] I can't think of a reason for it wouldn't be ok to spend time with an Order you are not discerning, on the contrary I think it can only be positive. This can be strange, but if I'm not wrong I heard of an Order that in discernment programm requires that you spend at least a weekend with another community you could be interested in, before asking admission (to their Order) just to be sure that you are called there... And, honestly, but how could you give them the wrong impression ? it seems almost impossible to me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeresaBenedicta Posted October 11, 2010 Author Share Posted October 11, 2010 [quote name='organwerke' timestamp='1286827793' post='2179143'] I can't think of a reason for it wouldn't be ok to spend time with an Order you are not discerning, on the contrary I think it can only be positive. This can be strange, but if I'm not wrong I heard of an Order that in discernment programm requires that you spend at least a weekend with another community you could be interested in, before asking admission (to their Order) just to be sure that you are called there... And, honestly, but how could you give them the wrong impression ? it seems almost impossible to me! [/quote] I'm not sure why I'm so self-conscious about it! Like you said, I really do think it can only be positive. I guess I just don't want to disappoint their expectations, if they even have any. And I don't want to "use" them, you know? I'm not sure what I can offer to them when I know how much friendship with them will benefit me. I don't know, I can't really place my apprehension. Maybe that's a sign that it's not very well founded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopefulBride Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 It seems the sisters are genuinely interested in what is going on with you. I am sure during the course of your conversations with them, the opening will present itself for you to share your journey with them. And you can even let them know yourself by talking about the lack of[i] community [/i]that you have right now as you prepare yourself for your own community. I think you are ok meeting with them, as long as there is no pressure from them to consider their community which believe me I've been on the other end of and that is not fun. Just take it as it comes and ask God to guide your in yoru conversations with them. Good Luck, HB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
organwerke Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 [quote name='TeresaBenedicta' timestamp='1286828425' post='2179144'] I don't know, I can't really place my apprehension. Maybe that's a sign that it's not very well founded. [/quote] Oh, I think it is simply a sign that you have a very pure intention! Why not simply saying that you'd appreciate very much their friendships because of the reasons you wrote here? After all, they invited you to their convent. I don't think they will be offended, and I think it is in the interest of the whole Church to help a future very good sister! Good luck, I'll say a hail Mary for this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 It's not just that you could use their friendship, but that they could use yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeresaBenedicta Posted October 11, 2010 Author Share Posted October 11, 2010 [quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1286831669' post='2179149'] It's not just that you could use their friendship, but that they could use yours. [/quote] I hope that's true. I think that's part of why I feel so apprehensive. I feel like that I'll be the only one with anything to "gain" from this friendship. And I can't stand to think of establishing a relationship that is all 'take' and no 'give.' I have nothing I can really offer them. And I don't mean for this to sound so much like a business arrangement, I really am speaking about friendship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dominicansoul Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 I discerned with the daughters of st. paul for 4 whole years. then I met the carmelites of the Divine Heart of Jesus. I wanted to visit them just for friendship, too... ...in 6 months time I was applying to their convent for admission... ...so... you never know what God has in store for you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeresaBenedicta Posted October 11, 2010 Author Share Posted October 11, 2010 [quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1286832423' post='2179151'] I discerned with the daughters of st. paul for 4 whole years. then I met the carmelites of the Divine Heart of Jesus. I wanted to visit them just for friendship, too... ...in 6 months time I was applying to their convent for admission... ...so... you never know what God has in store for you... [/quote] Haha, true, God could certainly change His plans for me. Heck, I found [i]"my"[/i] community exactly in this way... Just visited them for friendship. And kept coming back. And back. Until I finally accepted that God was hitting me over the head (it was very clear to everyone, even, I think, to myself, though I didn't want to admit just then). But, unless God has some major plan shifting in store for me, I'm pretty set. I've applied, been accepted, and am ready to enter once my financial situation is clear. I don't mean to be closed off to God's will, but He'd have to make it pretty darn clear that He wants me to change directions at this point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stlmom Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 When the opportunity presents itself, just very simply share some of your vocation story and your hopes for the future. You'll be able to tell rather quickly by their response if they seem genuinely happy for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 Of courrse it's okay to become friends with them. I've had lots of active religious sisters as friends, even though I knew I wanted to become a Carmelite. To ease your own mind, maybe when you visit and are asked about your plans, you could mention that you've been accepted into (and name the community). They might have friends in that community too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 My dad used to like to play practical jokes on priests. He wouldn't invite them to dinner, he'd invite them out to watch a game and have a beer. He said it can be hard to remember priests are men first. That goes the same for women religious. Sometimes they need to let their hair down so to speak, and just be regular women. I'd go to movies with them. In fact a couple are coming in the door as I speak to eat some turkey, so I have to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherie Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 I can understand your apprehension. It's natural. Having been associated with many communities over the years, I can attest to the fact that there are many communities who are genuinely interested in the friendship of a person whom they know is destined for a different community than their own. It's a beautiful thing to see! I'm sure once you get to know and visit these Sisters, your vocation story will come out and they will know you are set on the community you are going to enter, and they'll still be friends with you. Honestly, it's not a relationship that is all "take" and no give, and I know that from my own experience. When you are with your future community, and young girls are visiting for vocation discernment, and they talk to you about how they love your community but they really don't feel called there, is there any other community they could join? You'd have a great, personal recommendation for the Sisters you are currently establishing a friendship with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vee Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 [quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1286832423' post='2179151'] I discerned with the daughters of st. paul for 4 whole years. then I met the carmelites of the Divine Heart of Jesus. I wanted to visit them just for friendship, too... ...in 6 months time I was applying to their convent for admission... ...so... you never know what God has in store for you... [/quote] :CARMELITESOUL: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now