A Word Of Encouragement

[MissScripture]

I've gotten my third letter from my sister, and in each one she seems to be more and more joyful. You can just feel the joy coming from her words. It still leaves me a little bit in that emotional roller coaster of missing her so much, but being soooo happy for her! I can tell differences in my life because of her being there. I know some if it comes from her prayers for me. And some of it comes from me making an extra effort to do more in the way of praying and going to daily Mass, because I know that she and I are "together" in those. And she has commented in 2 of the letters about how she feels so close to me, even though we are so far away and don't get to talk like we used to. And I definitely don't feel as though we've been apart as long as we have.

So, i guess I just wanted to offer a little bit of encouragement to those who are nervous about being so far from their families. It really will bring you closer! It's amazing and wonderful.

[HopefulBride]

Thanks MS, that is VERY encouraging. My sister and I are very close and if all goes well I will be on one end of the country and she will be in another (literally).

Thanks for sharing!
HB

[ksterling]

I seem to recall that your sister entered the Nashville Dominicans. I am interested in this community - I've been resisting a bit since my SD says it is the perfect community for me and I'm not sure. I think it's just a little too structured and hierarchical but I'm still interested and planning a visit. What details does your sister give about her daily life (insofar as you can share) - is she in school? Do the postulants ever get "off campus?" Is it about what she expected or are there surprises?

Kat

[MissScripture]

[quote name='HopefulBride' timestamp='1285956971' post='2177336']
Thanks MS, that is VERY encouraging. My sister and I are very close and if all goes well I will be on one end of the country and she will be in another (literally).

Thanks for sharing!
HB
[/quote]
I'm very glad you find it encouraging. Prays for your preparation to enter.

[quote name='ksterling' timestamp='1285972758' post='2177398']
I seem to recall that your sister entered the Nashville Dominicans. I am interested in this community - I've been resisting a bit since my SD says it is the perfect community for me and I'm not sure. I think it's just a little too structured and hierarchical but I'm still interested and planning a visit. What details does your sister give about her daily life (insofar as you can share) - is she in school? Do the postulants ever get "off campus?" Is it about what she expected or are there surprises?

Kat
[/quote]

Yes, she's a Nashville Dominican and she is still in school. She said they have classes in the morning at the college, and are home for the rest of the rest of the day, but they do have some classes there, as well (like their postulant class...it has a real name, but I don't remember it, because I like "postulant class" better. ). And apparently the postulants drive themselves to the college campus (2 van fulls!) and the first day, on the way home, they got lost! LOL And they ended up getting home a half hour late! I think next year (novice year) they only have classes at the convent, and thats more about their formation and such than their education degrees.

I don't know much else about day-to-day life, other than can be found on the website (and a few random things I've asked about...like how they do laundry. LOL). But she's told me about all sorts of fun things they get to do. Like she said that they got to have a movie night on the front lawn over labor day weekend. And they got a special posutlant movie night put on by the novices when they had been there a month. And they got to go a couple different places now to celebrate feast days or something like that (but that was in my mom's letter, and she just mentioned it, so Idk what it was all about). Oh! And they have three postulants from Australia, so they all watched the Footy Championship or something like that, just recently. My sister told me I'd love it, because it has even better fights than hockey.

I'm not sure if it's what she expected, because I'm not entierly sure what she expected...but it's not quite what I had expected for her...or me, for that matter. I mean, it wasn't like I expected them to be locked away or anything, but they have do a lot more things than I had really expected --like I didn't really figure they'd have movie nights and the like. And I expected it to be a lot harder to be that far away and not be able to call her or e-mail her or Facebook here. LOL I mean, I DO miss her a LOT, but I do feel much closer to her than I could have ever expected (despite certain people insisting I would. )

I don't know if that answered any of your questions, but I hope it helps.

[ksterling]

Thanks for the "color commentary" - I am very encouraged by this response. I was worried they were too regimented - it seems that there is a nice balance in their lives.

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

[quote name='ksterling' timestamp='1286027256' post='2177491']
Thanks for the "color commentary" - I am very encouraged by this response. I was worried they were too regimented - it seems that there is a nice balance in their lives.
[/quote]

Not having ever been in religious life, I have no idea if or how postulancy is diferent for the ND's compared to other orders.

However, expecially in active orders, I expect that the time in the noviatiate--or living in the Motherhouse--may be more regimented than it is for Sisters "out in the field." For example, in a teaching Order, you may be called to teach in another state, and you will live with several other Sisters from your Order in a smaller Convent. In that case, the extent of regimentation will probably depend a lot on the Order, the "style" of the senior Sister in the convent, and exactly what your individual apostolate consists of. I've also gotten the feeling (and please correct me if I'm wrong), that in many Orders (again, more likely active Orders, but even some contemplative orders) that certain freedoms are allowed after first profession, and perhaps some more after final profession (such as, in some Orders, the ability to use the Internet.)

The retired Sisters who live near me have certain assigned chores and responsibilities, and certainly set times for Mass and other Community prayers, but I also get the feeling that there is a decent amount of "free" time. (Not that they sit around--as long as their health is good, the Sisters in this Order seem to like to be active, but they seem to have some choice.) Also, for example, when Sister Helen's brother died, she was not only given leave to attend the funeral and wake, but also, over the following weeks to visit the widow. However, her family lives fairly close by--it might be different for a Sister whose family lived further away. I don't know how much of this flexibility is due to the Order, and how much is due to the fact that the Sisters are retired, and no longer teaching full-time.

I was pleasantly surprised to hear how many "fun" activities have been planned for the ND postulants--I have no idea if this is typical. But, I do get the feeling that, in every Order I've heard about, there is still a certain amount of additional regimentation and supervision--sometimes a lot more, particularly until first profession, but continuing until final profession. The time of "formation" is the "dues" that every new Sister and nun has to pay--it's like basic training. So, Sisters/nuns in the novitiate are often not as free to go home, use the Internet, write letters, etc. as she might be later. And, every new Sister or nun has to pay the same dues--whether entering as an 18-year old or a professional woman in her 30's. I'm sure it's tough for women who are used to having a lot of control over their lives, but I also expect it also is a good and giving one's will to God. An 18-year old who has lived under her parents' authority may find it easier in some ways--but then again, there may be other things she might find harder, that an older entrant might find easier.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='IgnatiusofLoyola' timestamp='1286056570' post='2177530']
Not having ever been in religious life, I have no idea if or how postulancy is diferent for the ND's compared to other orders.

However, expecially in active orders, I expect that the time in the noviatiate--or living in the Motherhouse--may be more regimented than it is for Sisters "out in the field." For example, in a teaching Order, you may be called to teach in another state, and you will live with several other Sisters from your Order in a smaller Convent. In that case, the extent of regimentation will probably depend a lot on the Order, the "style" of the senior Sister in the convent, and exactly what your individual apostolate consists of. I've also gotten the feeling (and please correct me if I'm wrong), that in many Orders (again, more likely active Orders, but even some contemplative orders) that certain freedoms are allowed after first profession, and perhaps some more after final profession (such as, in some Orders, the ability to use the Internet.)

The retired Sisters who live near me have certain assigned chores and responsibilities, and certainly set times for Mass and other Community prayers, but I also get the feeling that there is a decent amount of "free" time. (Not that they sit around--as long as their health is good, the Sisters in this Order seem to like to be active, but they seem to have some choice.) Also, for example, when Sister Helen's brother died, she was not only given leave to attend the funeral and wake, but also, over the following weeks to visit the widow. However, her family lives fairly close by--it might be different for a Sister whose family lived further away. I don't know how much of this flexibility is due to the Order, and how much is due to the fact that the Sisters are retired, and no longer teaching full-time.

I was pleasantly surprised to hear how many "fun" activities have been planned for the ND postulants--I have no idea if this is typical. But, I do get the feeling that, in every Order I've heard about, there is still a certain amount of additional regimentation and supervision--sometimes a lot more, particularly until first profession, but continuing until final profession. The time of "formation" is the "dues" that every new Sister and nun has to pay--it's like basic training. So, Sisters/nuns in the novitiate are often not as free to go home, use the Internet, write letters, etc. as she might be later. And, every new Sister or nun has to pay the same dues--whether entering as an 18-year old or a professional woman in her 30's. I'm sure it's tough for women who are used to having a lot of control over their lives, but I also expect it also is a good and giving one's will to God. An 18-year old who has lived under her parents' authority may find it easier in some ways--but then again, there may be other things she might find harder, that an older entrant might find easier.
[/quote]

As far as the communication, I think it's partly to help, honestly. I mean, it keeps family or friends from being over-dramatic while the postulant is trying to settle in and such. (But then you have my family getting sick right and left, and having to call down to ask for prayers! My mom was convinced they would think we were doing it on purpose! We didn't actually talk to my sister at all, but just asked them to let her know what was going on) And it's kind of a time to develop a family feeling --sort of like when you get married. You WANT some time to spend without everyone from the outside being overbearing. I don't know when they'd have time for it, either! Their days seem so packed as it is! And I think sometimes it would be freeing, especially nowadays, with such a dependence on cell phones and internet, to not even have the temptation to sit on the internet and not be productive or something. But, like you, I don't know for sure, because I'm just the sister of a sister.

I know that for my sister, she could attend funerals of Grandparents and immediate family. And I want to say she'd be allowed to come if immediate family were in critical condition, but I'm not positive.

I was excited to hear about all the fun things they got to do, as well! I was really not expecting all of that! When reading one letter to my husband, after she was talking about some of the stuff, I was like, "We need to be Sisters! That is AWESOME!" He just rolled his eyes at me. lol.

[MithLuin]

The motherhouse of the Nashville Dominicans has two sets of bocce balls marked 'Cecilia' and 'Dominic'. In case you were curious.

I think they are very good at giving their postulants and novices plenty of things to do (and many of them fun), but many of the rules and restrictions will stay in place after the novice period is over. Do not think that just because they go off to be teachers the family can now call/email. My cousin took her final vows this past summer, and if I want to talk to her, I have to write a letter. She teaches in Tennessee, and does not live at the motherhouse. Of course, the day she took the vows, we could visit, and she could receive phone calls. And her mother mentioned that there was something different about the visit now that she was in final vows - so yes, [i]some[/i] of the rules change, but there are still rules.

I don't know if she would be allowed to attend my wedding or not. If I happened to get married during one of her home visits (as my cousin did), then yes. If not...probably not. She was not able to attend either of her sisters' weddings (or my sister's). I think she was a postulant when the oldest one got married and in first vows when the other two did. Since I am not planning a wedding, this is not really an issue . But I think other active orders are a bit less strict about such things.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='MithLuin' timestamp='1286119617' post='2177626']
The motherhouse of the Nashville Dominicans has two sets of bocce balls marked 'Cecilia' and 'Dominic'. In case you were curious.

I think they are very good at giving their postulants and novices plenty of things to do (and many of them fun), but many of the rules and restrictions will stay in place after the novice period is over. Do not think that just because they go off to be teachers the family can now call/email. My cousin took her final vows this past summer, and if I want to talk to her, I have to write a letter. She teaches in Tennessee, and does not live at the motherhouse. Of course, the day she took the vows, we could visit, and she could receive phone calls. And her mother mentioned that there was something different about the visit now that she was in final vows - so yes, [i]some[/i] of the rules change, but there are still rules.

I don't know if she would be allowed to attend my wedding or not. If I happened to get married during one of her home visits (as my cousin did), then yes. If not...probably not. She was not able to attend either of her sisters' weddings (or my sister's). I think she was a postulant when the oldest one got married and in first vows when the other two did. Since I am not planning a wedding, this is not really an issue . But I think other active orders are a bit less strict about such things.
[/quote]
They also name their vans after Lord of the Rings characters, I believe. After watching a clip from Beloved about them, my 11 year old cousin said, "DO THEY PLAY PAINTBALL?!? THAT'D BE AWESOME!"
As far as weddings go, I have a friend whose sister is a Sister and has taken final vows, and she's allowed to come home for her sister's (my friend's) wedding. She also came home for her other sister's wedding, which was just before her final vows, but that may have been a special situation. I don't know that they'd allow it for cousins, though. ETA: No one in my family is much worried about weddings, since all of us are married.
My sister and I had a joke that where she went to teach, my husband and I would move, too, and send our kids to her school, so she could teach them...and then mysteriously they'd need a lot of parent-teacher conferences.

Edited October 3, 2010 by MissScripture

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

MS--I'm very glad that you're posting some of the specific things your Sister sister is doing. We see Web sites, but not what life in a specific community is like on a day-to-day basis.

It sounds as if the ND's try to give the postulants time for fun as a balance to all the new ways of life they are having to learn--which has to be hard, even if it is fulfilling. Also, the ND's seem to choose postulants who like to be active--hence the sports etc. (At 20, you couldn't pay me to play sports--volleyball would be a mortification.) It makes sense to choose young women who want to be active, because it is hard work being a teacher, and the ND teachers, from the tapes I've seen, bring a lot of energy to the classroom.

What I'm going to be interested to see (because I don't know) is how much the fun activities continue or if one of their main purposes is to help ease a postulant into religious life--especially a postulant who is a naturally active person. MithLuin's post was very helpful and interesting, because it gave some insight into the rules of the Order as a Sister takes vows and is longer in religion.

I'll be particularly interested to hear your sister's experiences next year as a novice, when she is no longer in school, and spends more time in the Motherhouse concentrating on her religious life. (Not that she is not doing that now--but it seems more "concentrated" during the canonical novice year.)

I was looking at the ND Web site recently, and wondered to myself if the novice year isn't really the "make or break" year. Earlier this year, I had seen pictures of those who were clothed as novices in 2009. It was a large group. I never counted--but it looked like at least 15 women, maybe more. The Web site now shows this same "class" of novices as they took their first vows this past summer--I recognized several faces. Nine women from the class took first vows after their novice year.

This is not a negative thing--if anything, it is positive, because it says that the novice year has prepared the women well for what life is like in this Order, and caused a number of Sisters to make the very difficult decision not to take first vows. As we know from posts on PM and from reading other Web sites, Sisters who decide not to stay with the ND's often do not leave religious life altogether. We frequently read of Sisters/nuns entering other Orders who previously were with the ND's. If the novice year is helping these Sisters better realize where God is calling them, even if it is not with the ND's, but with a different type of Order, then, to me, the program is successful. And, if it helps Sisters realize that they are not called to be ND's, it is good that they realize it sooner, rather than later. And, it is good for both the Sisters and the Order if the women who do go on to take first vows aren't just "going with the program" but have made a positive choice that the ND's is where God is calling them.

And, for women who go on to follow Christ by being wives and mothers, I suspect that former Sisters bring to their family a deeper understanding of what it means to live for Christ. Also, the self-discipline taught in religious life can only help a woman no matter what her future life is. (That's not to say that women who have not been in the religious life don't make great mothers, too--just different. To paraphrase a saying I heard somewhere--There is no such thing as a perfect mother, but there are hundreds of thousands of ways to be a wonderful, loving mother.)

So, it made me wonder what the life of novices was like, and the ways it differs from that of postulants. I hope you continue to keep us posted on your sister's life, because I am finding it interesting. And, it's so wonderful to hear how happy your sister is. It's obvious that that happiness is not coming from fun things like "movie night"--but something deeper. And, I haven't heard many people talk about what it is like to have a religious in the family--it's great how things have changed for you and your family even in such a short time.

Just as an FYI--The postulant class of 2009 had 23 women, and 20 of them went on to be clothed as a novice this summer.

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

ksterling--Can I take the liberty of making a post that is coming out of nowhere, and may be totally "off the mark." If it is, feel free to ignore any or all of my comments. I am "shooting in the dark."

Somehow, I see you has been more content in a smaller community, rather than one as large as the ND's. A couple of reasons.

It is not that a small community is less strict, or less regimented than a larger community, but if you are the only postulant (or one of only 2 or 3--that perhaps entered at different times) you might be treated more as an individual. This is not a criticism of the ND's AT ALL, but a postulant class of 27 has to be run very differently than if there is only one postulant. As far as I can see, ALL religious communities have more regimentation--usually far more--than the way most secular people live (except perhaps those in the armed forces). Following the horarium of a Community is part of the way a Sister learns discipline, and giving up her own needs and desires, and eventually her whole self, to Christ.

When Sisters on VS have picked Communities, I've heard very few of them pick the community based on the horarium, but instead, base their final decision on which Community she feels God is calling her to. Then she learns to adapt herself to the rules of that Community. Obviously part of choosing a Community is the Sister's personality, and what apostolate she feels called to, but adapting oneself to the horarium, especially the parts that don't come naturally, is part of the price a religious pays.

I hear less talk on VS about a Community being adaptable enough to fit a particular Sister's needs. However, I suspect a smaller Community has a little more room for adaption because making small adaptions for a specific postulant does not set a precedent. If there are 27 postulants, the rules have to be less adaptable--if one postulant is allowed to do something a little different from the usual, then others might want to do the same thing. This obviously would vary by community.

Similarly, I see a small community as being more likely to need any specific skills a Sister brings to the community. I would suspect that the ND's probably have a number of Sisters with accounting degrees, so they may or may not need your specific skills. A small community probably doesn't have anyone with a formal accounting degree, so might be more likely to need whatever skills you bring. But, also, in a small community every Sister is likely to be called on to do a bit of everything--whatever is needed. And, this isn't a bad thing, because you might well discover some skills and gifts that you never realized before.

Just a small aside on skills--Although I have a Master's degree, I discovered that some of my best gifts have nothing at all with my degree. For example, I didn't discover my love of animals until it was far too late to major in animal behavior. So, I had to start from scratch in learning about animals. However, my skill in talking to the public and being able to answer questions were very helpul--although I learned them on the job, and not in college. So, even in your 30's, you may (in fact, probably) have skills and gifts you haven't even discovered yet--even things you might like better and be better at than accounting.

As I've read about others' experiences in religious life, here is an issue that has come up for me. It may resonate with you, too, but if it doesn't, that's fine. I think one of the great difficulties that I, as a skilled professional would have joining any religious community is that one thing they all have in common is that you have to start over--start as a beginner. Even if I have "paid my dues" several times over, I would have to pay my dues again, and start out as a humble beginner, the same as someone who just graduated high school. "Formation" is forming yourself into the religious life, making yourself fit. It would be very hard for me to start at the beginning again, and humbling to realize that some of the young women just out of high school were better (maybe much better) at being a religious than I was. From what I can tell, college and job experience helps you know yourself better, but most of the skills you learn there aren't the ones needed to be a true religious. My former training and job skills might help decide your future role in the community (or not), but at least for the first 3, probably 5-7 years, any skills I had in the past would make no difference--I'd be a rank beginner. In fact, an 18-year old, who had been under obedience to her parents, and hadn't gotten used to leading an independent life, would probably find it easier than I would, and would make a much more successful relgious. Or, at least, she might find it easier to adapt herself. Because, in the end, it is the religious who has to discipline herself to adapt to the community, not the other way around.

Personally, I would find this very difficult. And, I don't have the faith (or, more importantly, the health) to force my body and mind into the whole new way of living and thinking required by any religious community.

It's funny, if I had my fantasy community, it would almost be like a "religious community lite." Obviously, most communities have lay associates, or oblates (there are a variety of names). But, associates continue to live in their own homes and lead their regular life. What I yearn for is community, and lay religious communities don't have this. I'd love to have a community that had a more active religious life than the one I had now, but not so strict as the horarium of every religious community I've ever read about. Obviously, in any community, you have responsibilities to others and can't just go off and do whatever you want, but, within reason, I'd want to be able to call or email, or go home if my parents died or were seriously ill. It might not be reasonable to go to the wedding of every cousin, but weddings of brothers and sisters and close relatives. I'm visualizing something halfway between a completely independent life and the life of a religious. If any such communities exist, they are probably very rare, and might not fit what I need anyway. Not everyone is able (or called) to give their entire life to God, but I can visualize a community where the members gave more of their life to God than the average person, but not the life and calling of a true religious.

Members of religious communities don't feel like they "aren't being treated like adults," they feel, as I understand it, that they are living this life of discipline and giving up many things, as part of giving their whole selves to God. I know I don't have this gift, but it doesn't stop me yearning for a community where I belonged and was loved, and who lived their lives closer to God than the average person.

This probably is not what you would ideally like, I just threw in the last few paragraphs to help explain where I am coming from.

You may not realize it, because you and I have never talked to each other, but I do think about and pray for you.

[MissScripture]

In response to Iggy's post to me, but I didn't want to quote it all:
Talking about people making the decision to leave: One thing that struck me at my sister's grad party was when her S.D. showed up and my husband had just come upstairs, and I introduced my husband, and then (totally joking) told my husband, "This is the guy sending my sister to the convent!" And her SD said, "It's not ME sending her there, it's where God wants her [b]right now[/b]" And that "right now" part really has stayed with me. Partially because I know several people who have tried religious life and it didn't work out the way they expected, but that doesn't mean they weren't supposed to go when they went. I know all of them learned a lot from the experience. It really bothers me sometimes, because other people act like it was a mistake that they were there, but just because they didn't stay forever doesn't mean that wasn't where God wanted them RIGHT THEN.

And I will be happy to keep y'all updated on her life, because there are a limited amount of people who don't look at me like I'm insane when they find out my 18 yr old sister is a Sister. And you're right, there is a much deeper joy coming from what she's saying. I mean, she's a happy person, and I'm sure that she could find it in herself to be happy no matter where she was, but this is a joy, not just a happy. And I can't get over how genuinely CLOSE we feel, despite the earthly distance. And it's always a comfort to know that I got a "whole pile of nuns" praying for me. (That was always what my sister told me when she'd ask them to pray for me this summer -- "Don't worry, you have a whole pile of nuns praying for you!")

Edited October 3, 2010 by MissScripture

[dominicansoul]

I agree. Just because a woman doesn't stay in the convent, doesn't mean the Lord wasn't calling her there in the first place...

[vee]

[quote name='MissScripture' timestamp='1286144880' post='2177691']
And I will be happy to keep y'all updated on her life, because there are a limited amount of people who don't look at me like I'm insane when they find out my 18 yr old sister is a Sister.
[/quote]

Your 18yo sister is a Sister?! Y'all are

edit cus im dumb

Edited October 3, 2010 by vee8

[MissScripture]

[quote name='dominicansoul' timestamp='1286145686' post='2177692']
I agree. Just because a woman doesn't stay in the convent, doesn't mean the Lord wasn't calling her there in the first place...
[/quote]
I figured you would, Ex-Con.

[quote name='vee8' timestamp='1286148143' post='2177698']
Your 18yo sister is a Sister?! Y'all are

edit cus im dumb
[/quote]


Well, the best part is, like, what did they want ME to do about it? Even if I hadn't liked her decision, it's not like I could do anything to stop her! People are weird.

ETA: Besides, she's almost 19!

Edited October 4, 2010 by MissScripture