Preparing For The Religious Life

[Sarah147]

Hello,

[b]Laetitia[/b], please include what you've learned before you enter!

[b]To everyone:[/b] I'd like to know [b]what Religious order's and spiritual director's have advised, in the way of preparing for Religious life[/b]. This goes for all that are discerning, entering, have been in Religious life, or are Religious. And when I say preparing for Religious life, I mean [i]what have they said you should do with your life to be prepared for the life of a religious[/i], for if you are called to the life (even if still discerning the call). Also, [i]what you yourself have learned you should do to prepare. [b]What should you do with your life until you are there?[/b][/i]

The exterior actions, the emotional/mental/spiritual -- everything.

Please read all of this: Like, preparing for the demands and schedule of convent life, living with a certain amount of silence, less socializing, regular Office prayer, somehow practicing the evangelical councels, more Mass/Adoration/confession, more spiritual direction, certain reading/study, volunteering, preparing for certain apostolate, how to spend your time each day, detachment, working on certains vices/faults/imperfections/sins, talking to other discerners, thoughts on using PhatMass forums, keep up a job, move to a certain type of job, Bible study, Church activites, what you watch/read/listen to on PC/TV/radio/etc., how to be with friends and loved ones, handling the adjustments, and so on.


Please be very detailed.


God bless you! Edited September 27, 2010 by JoyfulLife

[TeresaBenedicta]

Hm. Good question. I might have to add things as I think of them.

The first, and I think most important thing that my spiritual director ever said to me about discerning religious life was this: Focus on growing closer to Jesus. The closer you are to Jesus' heart, the more surely you will know His will. So let's focus on that. The rest will fall in place.

Another thing that sticks out to me has to do with friends. My spiritual director never advised me to "pull back" from friends or become more distant... but it sort of happened naturally. And it really, really bothered me-- I didn't understand why I was slowly drifting away from my friends. My spiritual director helped me see that it was okay, because the Lord was taking me to Himself.

As for prayer, my spiritual director really emphasizes keeping a consistent prayer life: daily Mass, daily Holy hour, daily rosary, and LOTH. Now that I've been accepted, if I'm slacking on any of the above, I get a gentle reprimand. That never really used to be the case-- he let me, for the most part, be in charge of when/how I pray. Now it's more structured.

But some of the best advice I've had comes from a priest friend of mine. I think I've posted it here before... but he has really emphasized that right now I should be praying, loving, living as one destined for religious life. Allowing my desires for human relationships (which, right now, I'm very alone-- separated from my friends) to be satiated in God alone-- to love Him for His own sake principally, and then loving others secondarily, [i]in my love for Him[/i].

... I know there's more... Let me think about it for a bit.

[HopefulBride]

I am currently discerning with a community and I am in the application stage. One of the advices that my SD gave me early on is to stay rooted in prayer - we have 24 hour adoration in my parish and he has encouraged time in front of the Blessed Sacrament.

Now when it comes to my day to day life, I can say that not much has changed, at least not in a drastic way. I have scaled back on feeding my shoe-loving habit and my mani-pedis are only once a month or so (I'm a big girly girl and so these seemingly little things are HUGE for me) I attend daily mass and do the LOH and make an effort to do my rosary daily. However, given my schedule it is hard to keep a "religious" schedule. Unfortunately I am currently in the world and so I must live according to my current commitments and obligations while trying to incorporate prayer into my daily life. For example, my daily mass schedule is 7:00am before work. However there are times I cannot attend mass because of an emergency at work requiring me to be there early. I also teach some afternoons and so on a day that I happen to miss morning mass, if it is a teaching day I cannot make mass in the afternoon.

As far as volunteer work and ministry work, I have always been involved in my parish (women's guild; Legion of mary; YA ministry, VBS and Religious Education) I have had to slow down on that because in addition to work and these ministries, I could not maximize time spent in prayer. Though I am still involved in VBS and RE, I have scaled back on some of the other things, my involvement is more sporadic. I do go to confession regularly and meet with my SD regularly, but my spiritual reading is not as much as one would think - at least for one seekign to enter religious life.

Though a part of me wishes I could work in my parish or something with Catholic Charities the reality is due to my bills I cannot leave my current job (and I also happen to love it, it is in education one of the apostolates of the community I am discerning with) I have always been a HUGE fan of EWTN so now I listen to it at work in addition to the car and my house. I have never had a huge circle of friends so I have not noticed a change in my relationship with any of them. I have however noticed that some of my friends are weird - in a funny way - around me. They won't curse, if they do they apologize for it and they will give me a hard time if I admit a boy is cute.

Based on my experience, I think the most important thing for someone preparying for Religious Life is staying rooted in prayer and as TB mentionned to stay close to Christ (adoration/daily mass/etc) the change in job, the way I dress (which was never an issue) who I hang out with and my social life I don't feel is necessary. I go out to dinner with my friends and will even hang out with them at a bar. I don't have to get drunk or make a fool of myself to have fun, never did so I don't feel that is something I should do. I still have girls' night out with my girlfriends and we enjoy ourselves in a fun and respectful way.

I think where I have been lucky is in the fact that a lot of my friends are either catholic, Lutheran or the like so they understand where I am coming from. I never had an issue with my social life being something that needed radical change so I haven't changed my social life much, as a matter of fact the way I see it, I should spend as much time with my friends as possible because for the first 3 years I won't be able to email them whenever nor will I be able to just pick up the phone and call them.

I know this was super long but I tried to address everything you asked about. If I left something out let me now.

God Bless,
HB

Edited September 27, 2010 by HopefulBride

[TeresaBenedicta]

Oh! I almost forgot some of the practical stuff: Money and "stuff."

Because I'm in the position of not being able to enter due to student loans, I have to be very careful with my money I'm earning. Essentially everything goes to (a) food, (b) gas, or (c) my student loans. I don't do a lot of "extra" stuff unless it's something that involves taking my niece and nephews somewhere or spending some money on them.

I'm trying to ask for practical things for birthday/Christmas-- either money or items that I'd be able to take with me into the convent. Or, as is the case for this Christmas, I'm asking for two plane tickets to go visit my best friend back at college. But, I've already got enough "stuff" and I really don't need anymore. Especially if I'm only going to use it for a few more months anyways.

Books have managed to be the only real exception to all of this. And I'm trying to stop that. It's just hard. I love books.

[Sarah147]

Thank you so much everyone.


[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1285552483' post='2176158']
The exterior actions, the emotional/mental/spiritual -- everything.

Please read all of this: Like,

preparing for the demands and schedule of convent life,

living with a certain amount of silence,

less socializing,

regular Office prayer,

somehow practicing the evangelical councels,

more Mass/Adoration/confession,

more spiritual direction,

certain reading/study,

volunteering,

preparing for certain apostolate,

how to spend your time each day,

detachment,

working on certains vices/faults/imperfections/sins,

talking to other discerners,

thoughts on using PhatMass forums,

keep up a job,

move to a certain type of job,

Bible study,

Church activites,

what you watch/read/listen to on PC/TV/radio/etc.,

how to be with friends and loved ones,

handling the adjustments, and so on.
[/quote]

To everyone:

Some more thoughts...

How do you mentally prepare for this new way of life in a convent, forever?

How are you going to handle all the tears and emotions after you've left loved ones, and while living on the convent and missing loved ones?

Have you been preparing for the obedience such as by obeying parents you may live with, SD, etc.?

Have you been preparing for chastity by extra guarding your thoughts and magazines/TV/websites?

Have you been preparing for poverty by living on simpler food, downsizing your belongings, simpler clothes, etc.?

Has spiritual direction taken a new focus?

Have you been advised to read any particular works?

What do you do with your free time -- are you trying to always use it for God or prayer now, just like in the convent, and have you changed your internet socializing, surfing, and phone socializing habits?

Have you changed your socilaizing to be less of idle, wasteful talk, and more about needful or spiritual talk?

Detachment -- have you been trying to break away from things you won't have in the convent?

Are you working on Holiness, and on vices/faults/imperfections/sins, unlike before?

How has talking to other discerners and Religious helped you?

How will you handle living with soooo many Religious?

Growing in things needed for Religious life -- COMMITMENT, responsibility, maturity, being a doer, passion, focus, dedication, etc.

How do you handle the fearful COMMITMENT? The commitment of always following the schedule for life, living there for life, GIVING YOUR SOUL TO JESUS IN MARRIAGE, and such.

How will you adjust to living in such a way where there isn't that casualness, deepness, and affection (hugs, laughs, teasing, smiles, etc.) like with loved ones? (There is a distance needed in Religious life so as not to build attachments and block your relationship with Jesus.) This question is ESPECIALLY for those that need that strong, loving support system in their lives.

[Lilllabettt]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1285626654' post='2176302']


How will you adjust to living in such a way where there isn't that casualness, deepness, and affection (hugs, laughs, teasing, smiles, etc.) like with loved ones? (There is a distance needed in Religious life so as not to build attachments and block your relationship with Jesus.) This question is ESPECIALLY for those that need that strong, loving support system in their lives.
[/quote]


Hmmm ... even in the very traditional community I was in, there were plenty of hugs, laughs, smiles and yes, even some gentle teasing. Although there was definitely no "casualness." That took some getting used to (I never really did).

Communities are different, though. I know some do not hug. I know others do have that "casual" sort of family spirit.

[CatherineM]

Learn to sleep on a single bed if you've had a bigger one.

[Sarah147]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1285628595' post='2176306']
Hmmm ... even in the very traditional community I was in, there were plenty of hugs, laughs, smiles and yes, even some gentle teasing.[/quote]



[img]http://ic2.pbase.com/u8/erichmangl/upload/13293897.Grin.gif[/img]





You can't see how happy it makes me to hear that. So if this is any indication... lol

[TeresaBenedicta]

How do you mentally prepare for this new way of life in a convent, forever?

I think there are some things that really just come with the experience. What I mean is that religious life really [i]is[/i] a new way of life. So there's a lot you simply can't prepare for, I don't think. Mostly, I'm trying to prepare by living the spirit of the counsels, especially obedience. What does that mean practically? When I have to do something for work that I'd rather not do at the time, instead of doing it with a grumbling spirit, I try to do it joyfully, thinking to myself that this could be very similar to what it feels like when I'm told to do something I don't want to or disagree with. The same goes with the other two counsels. I try to live the spirit of the counsels as best I can in my current state of life because, in religious life, it is in living the counsels that I will be able to live the life of a religious.

How are you going to handle all the tears and emotions after you've left loved ones, and while living on the convent and missing loved ones?

I'm not sure. You know, I went pretty far away for college. All the way across the country. I think the longest stretch I went without visiting home was... seven months. It was tough. I definitely got super homesick by the end of that period. But I managed fairly well, I think.

I don't really think this will be the most difficult struggle for me. I have a good relationship with my family. I love them dearly. But I do fairly well when I'm away from home. And the Order that I plan on entering allows for home visits on a fairly regular basis. So I think I'll be okay.

Also-- right now I'm struggling with missing my best friend from college. Being back home... it's tough. But we've seen the good God is drawing from our separation, including preparation for when one (or both) of us enters.

Have you been preparing for the obedience such as by obeying parents you may live with, SD, etc.?

Well, one should always practice obedience in regards to their spiritual director. As for parents... I don't know. I don't think my parents really [i]ask[/i] anything of me. They treat me like an adult. When they ask me to do anything, I try to do it, because that's just part of what it means to live in a family.

Have you been preparing for chastity by extra guarding your thoughts and magazines/TV/websites?

Not really applicable, I suppose. One should always be living the spirit of the counsel of chastity, according to one's state in life. So this hasn't changed for me since preparing for religious life. Granted, I've also been blessed by not having to struggle very often with temptations against chastity.

Have you been preparing for poverty by living on simpler food, downsizing your belongings, simpler clothes, etc.?

I could probably do a better job of this. Food-wise, I eat whatever my parents buy/cook. I don't really purchase much regarding "stuff" (except books!!). As for clothing, I wear modest clothing, but not necessarily "simpler" clothing. And I don't think it's necessary... but again, I've never really been a huge fashion person either.

Has spiritual direction taken a new focus?

Hm. Yes and no. We have to talk about some of the practicals-- how the fundraising is going, conversations with the VD, etc. But not a whole lot in regard to what you've asked about here. Again, my spiritual director really focuses on prayer. We'll talk about other things as they come up... but really, it's about prayer. Always has been.

Have you been advised to read any particular works?

Yes, actually. My spiritual director specifically advised me to read a manual(s) on the spiritual life. To really familiarize myself and know the progression of Christian perfection and prayer.

What do you do with your free time -- are you trying to always use it for God or prayer now, just like in the convent, and have you changed your internet socializing, surfing, and phone socializing habits?

I don't have a lot of free time considering my job. I spend time with my family-- I have two adorable nephews and an adorable niece, all under the age of 6. I also spend a lot of time on Facebook/Phatmass... I've realized that it's been an inordinate amount of time. I need to cut it back and replace that time with study, I think.

Have you changed your socilaizing to be less of idle, wasteful talk, and more about needful or spiritual talk?

What socializing? Haha.

Detachment -- have you been trying to break away from things you won't have in the convent?

Gotta say that I need to work on detachment from the inter-webs. But, I've found it to be a pretty simple transition when I do go away from the webs. Still. Overly attached right now.

Are you working on Holiness, and on vices/faults/imperfections/sins, unlike before?

Unlike before? No. It's been a pretty constant.

How has talking to other discerners and Religious helped you?

Phatmass has been awesome for this. And conversations with my best friend. It's nice just to have someone who [i]understands[/i]. That's a huge support in of itself. And the encouragement. Sometimes difficult encouragement. But good.

How will you handle living with soooo many Religious?

I have [i]no idea[/i]. I'll let you know when I am!!

Growing in things needed for Religious life -- COMMITMENT, responsibility, maturity, being a doer, passion, focus, dedication, etc.

God's grace. Continuing to grow in Him. He will provide.

How do you handle the fearful COMMITMENT? The commitment of always following the schedule for life, living there for life, GIVING YOUR SOUL TO JESUS IN MARRIAGE, and such.

Hm. I think I just try to remember that EVERY state of life requires a commitment. I also remember this when I get scared... [i]To whom else would you go?[/i]. God has captured my heart. I couldn't give myself to another man without somehow loving God [i]a little bit less[/i]. That's usually enough to put me at relative peace. But I think it wouldn't quite be right if it weren't scary.

How will you adjust to living in such a way where there isn't that casualness, deepness, and affection (hugs, laughs, teasing, smiles, etc.) like with loved ones? (There is a distance needed in Religious life so as not to build attachments and block your relationship with Jesus.) This question is ESPECIALLY for those that need that strong, loving support system in their lives.


I don't think I'll to worry about the hugs and laughs and smiles, haha.

But as for the deepness... well, I think I'm going to return to the best advice I've been given thus far (and shared many a times already)... as a religious, we allow our desire for human relationships to be satiated in God alone. It'll be tough. I'm used to deep conversations, deep friendships. But as celibates... well. It's tough. It's gonna be tough. But worth it.

[Ephrem Augustine]

How do you mentally prepare for this new way of life in a convent, forever?

same way as you mentally and emotionally prepare for life forever in heaven... in other words you do have to really die to yourself and the world. i hate to break it to you, but there are thorns in the roses of religious life. i would recommend doing some of those things you love to do, and are happy to give up, like going to six flags for rollercoasters or a few rock gigs, knowing that you won't be able to savor those things anymore get my drift? tell the people you love that you love them, and make sure they know you will be praying for them.


How are you going to handle all the tears and emotions after you've left loved ones, and while living on the convent and missing loved ones?

you can't handle it, i can't? i mean somehow God gets us through. it is part of what brings us closer together in community, and in prayer before God... just dont make the mistake i did by not being emotional, by not crying, and by pretending like i am not missing them. it is supposed to happen.

Has spiritual direction taken a new focus?

Spiritual Direction has never seemed so essential in life. I think it would also answer the previous three, because believe it or not going to spiritual direction actually helps me live more simply as well as more chastely.

Have you been advised to read any particular works?

Story of a Soul, The Seven Storey Mountain, Confessions of Augustine, Life of St. Antony you know those ones.

What do you do with your free time -- are you trying to always use it for God or prayer now, just like in the convent, and have you changed your internet socializing, surfing, and phone socializing habits?

Seasonally, I am more social or less social. Summer times I am always more social... formation requires me to be in chicago for theology during the year, then back in my own province for the summer. so i use the phone and facebook more during the summer, and almost hardly the rest of the year. Sometimes the socializing i also need to do more of i have learned, even over the internet and phone is other friars who i do not get to live with.

Have you changed your socilaizing to be less of idle, wasteful talk, and more about needful or spiritual talk?

Detachment -- have you been trying to break away from things you won't have in the convent?

Are you working on Holiness, and on vices/faults/imperfections/sins, unlike before?

Definitelly. sometimes the vices are much more magnified, and sometimes others vices are more magnified. formation can become a competition for some. they want to point out their own success, and belittle others. sometimes people have had problems with me that i never understood, and that was because they were unable to confront something in themselves. be aware you could be in the same position, and if you are incredibly bothered by someone else ask yourself what you are ignoring in yourself. of course good SDs can point these things out. but you never know if someone else is having a good SD...

How has talking to other discerners and Religious helped you?

it would be impossible without this.

How will you handle living with soooo many Religious?

you always gotta remember that you live with humans and not saints, and someday you learn to love them in all their imperfections, idk call it grace?

Growing in things needed for Religious life -- COMMITMENT, responsibility, maturity, being a doer, passion, focus, dedication, etc.

These things all happen in some way during religious life whether we choose to or not let them happen. All i can say, is pray and reflect, to find creative ways to take initiative with the holiness that God is giving to you. You cannot expect any perfect convent, any perfect spiritual director, any perfect formation, or any perfect novice mistress to do this for you. God is already leading you, you just have to follow that initial movement. Of course all of these things will help considerably.

How do you handle the fearful COMMITMENT? The commitment of always following the schedule for life, living there for life, GIVING YOUR SOUL TO JESUS IN MARRIAGE, and such.

It is fearful, and all commitment is fearful. it is egotistical in some ways, our fear. we fear that we will really screw up Jesus call for ourselves. i hate to break it to you but we can only screw up what Jesus expects of us. and he calls us, and however screwed up we can be, he loves us, and calls us screwed up people to do beautiful things.

How will you adjust to living in such a way where there isn't that casualness, deepness, and affection (hugs, laughs, teasing, smiles, etc.) like with loved ones? (There is a distance needed in Religious life so as not to build attachments and block your relationship with Jesus.) This question is ESPECIALLY for those that need that strong, loving support system in their lives.


there are laughs, teasing, and smiles in religious life, the hugs are nothing to brag about though, yet there really is affection it just isnt expressed so externally.

[Indwelling Trinity]

[quote name='Ephrem Augustine' timestamp='1285696293' post='2176466']
How do you mentally prepare for this new way of life in a convent, forever?

same way as you mentally and emotionally prepare for life forever in heaven... in other words you do have to really die to yourself and the world. i hate to break it to you, but there are thorns in the roses of religious life. i would recommend doing some of those things you love to do, and are happy to give up, like going to six flags for rollercoasters or a few rock gigs, knowing that you won't be able to savor those things anymore get my drift? tell the people you love that you love them, and make sure they know you will be praying for them.


How are you going to handle all the tears and emotions after you've left loved ones, and while living on the convent and missing loved ones?

you can't handle it, i can't? i mean somehow God gets us through. it is part of what brings us closer together in community, and in prayer before God... just dont make the mistake i did by not being emotional, by not crying, and by pretending like i am not missing them. it is supposed to happen.

Has spiritual direction taken a new focus?

Spiritual Direction has never seemed so essential in life. I think it would also answer the previous three, because believe it or not going to spiritual direction actually helps me live more simply as well as more chastely.

Have you been advised to read any particular works?

Story of a Soul, The Seven Storey Mountain, Confessions of Augustine, Life of St. Antony you know those ones.

What do you do with your free time -- are you trying to always use it for God or prayer now, just like in the convent, and have you changed your internet socializing, surfing, and phone socializing habits?

Seasonally, I am more social or less social. Summer times I am always more social... formation requires me to be in chicago for theology during the year, then back in my own province for the summer. so i use the phone and facebook more during the summer, and almost hardly the rest of the year. Sometimes the socializing i also need to do more of i have learned, even over the internet and phone is other friars who i do not get to live with.

Have you changed your socilaizing to be less of idle, wasteful talk, and more about needful or spiritual talk?

Detachment -- have you been trying to break away from things you won't have in the convent?

Are you working on Holiness, and on vices/faults/imperfections/sins, unlike before?

Definitelly. sometimes the vices are much more magnified, and sometimes others vices are more magnified. formation can become a competition for some. they want to point out their own success, and belittle others. sometimes people have had problems with me that i never understood, and that was because they were unable to confront something in themselves. be aware you could be in the same position, and if you are incredibly bothered by someone else ask yourself what you are ignoring in yourself. of course good SDs can point these things out. but you never know if someone else is having a good SD...

How has talking to other discerners and Religious helped you?

it would be impossible without this.

How will you handle living with soooo many Religious?

you always gotta remember that you live with humans and not saints, and someday you learn to love them in all their imperfections, idk call it grace?

Growing in things needed for Religious life -- COMMITMENT, responsibility, maturity, being a doer, passion, focus, dedication, etc.

These things all happen in some way during religious life whether we choose to or not let them happen. All i can say, is pray and reflect, to find creative ways to take initiative with the holiness that God is giving to you. You cannot expect any perfect convent, any perfect spiritual director, any perfect formation, or any perfect novice mistress to do this for you. God is already leading you, you just have to follow that initial movement. Of course all of these things will help considerably.

How do you handle the fearful COMMITMENT? The commitment of always following the schedule for life, living there for life, GIVING YOUR SOUL TO JESUS IN MARRIAGE, and such.

It is fearful, and all commitment is fearful. it is egotistical in some ways, our fear. we fear that we will really screw up Jesus call for ourselves. i hate to break it to you but we can only screw up what Jesus expects of us. and he calls us, and however screwed up we can be, he loves us, and calls us screwed up people to do beautiful things.

How will you adjust to living in such a way where there isn't that casualness, deepness, and affection (hugs, laughs, teasing, smiles, etc.) like with loved ones? (There is a distance needed in Religious life so as not to build attachments and block your relationship with Jesus.) This question is ESPECIALLY for those that need that strong, loving support system in their lives.


there are laughs, teasing, and smiles in religious life, the hugs are nothing to brag about though, yet there really is affection it just isnt expressed so externally.
[/quote]

this is a wonderful and insightful post LC... yuu may be a carminican yet!

[vee]

[quote name='Indwelling Trinity' timestamp='1285703451' post='2176503']
this is a wonderful and insightful post LC... yuu may be a carminican yet!
[/quote]

pssst Sister LC did not write that

[chrysostom]

Just bumping this as I was about to write a similar thread.

 

Obviously I am discussing this with priests but I would appreciate some more feedback on this thread as well.

 

In a conversation with a former seminarian today he said one of the reasons for the huge dropout rate was the difficulty of adjusting to the rigor of that life, like entering boot camp.  I am sometimes afraid that I would experience similar problems when (if it be God's will) I eventually enter religious life. 

[SilentJoy]

From my (rather) limited experience...

 

I'm sorry, you might have posted elsewhere and I didn't see, but are you discerning with a particular Order, Joyfullife? If so, it might be an Order where a community would allow you to come and stay for a week or even a few months if possible. No obligation for you to enter their community afterward.

 

I had some ridiculous anxieties about what cloistered life might be like. A lot of that vanished when I was able to spend a week within the cloister and observe what kind of life they were living. All of the advice anyone could give me couldn't have done for me what a week's live-in did; it began to look like something that was very, very survivable.

 

Also, religious life is NOT something that, ultimately, you can plan (unfortunately -- I love plans). :hehe2: So its good to improve in the meantime, but don't worry too much about trying to do everything "right". You can't accurately predict how it will all play out. Trust that God is going to take care of you, regardless of the outcome, regardless (or even through) the sacrifices and obstacles that you will face. Anxiety makes it awfully difficult to hear and trust God; that is something that I'M working on as I wait.

[TheresaThoma]

I can't say what religious life is like but I know that going from life on my own to life in community is a HUGE adjustment. I'm doing a year of service where I live in community and honestly at times in the first two months the only thing that kept me from leaving was knowing that I had committed for a year and I had to honor that commitment. It can be tough. I did however spend 5 days visiting before I made the decision to commit to the year of service which did help, but even that didn't prepare me for what it really is like. God though gives the grace to persevere so if He wants you there He will provide the grace to keep you there.