Most Surprising Thing

[Sister Marie]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1285344812' post='2175689']


How EXTRA SENSITIVE you get to things that happen with others, or little annoyances in prayer time (ex. noisy breathing/moaning, noisy Rosary, etc.)


[/quote]

This is one thing that I have not gotten used to in community life. I don't know if it is possible to get used to that sensitivity to the others around you. I'm an active religious so I have times away from community while I'm working, I can't imagine how much more sensitive someone would be in a contemplative community. The sensitivity you feel though is a real gift to the growth in holiness, in spite of the discomfort it causes. I love my sisters very much but there are soooo many things that drive me crazy... even just the tone of one sisters voice can be enough to drive me wild some days.

Then there is the sensitivity that comes with the constant reminder that I'm no piece of cake to live with either. I have terrible habits as well, and some that aren't terrible but just annoy people all the same! It is a real test in both humility and charity.

I think you are all much more prepared than I was when I entered. I only entered a few years ago but I still see a great amount of realistic thinking in your discernment. I never thought about any of these things until I came and saw it first hand. Maybe that is what God meant for me. Maybe if He had showed me I wouldn't have come! haha. I don't know!

Know of my prayers for you and may you continue to grow in God's knowledge and truth!
Sister Marie

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1285375416' post='2175801']

For example, the problem that others have brought up about not being able to be oneself and Recreation being stiff and formal -- not so here. Recreation is a laugh a minute and I feel I CAN be myself, crazy and fun and full of life if I want, or quiet and reserved if I am feeling a little more 'interior' that day. One of the words they use is 'individuation'. [b]They want to be individuals within a community. That takes away a lot of the stress about trying too hard to be perfect. It's hard to explain because it is an attitude and a feeling rather than a custom or a rule. [/b]

[/quote]

Ahh, this (bolded bits) is [b]exactly [/b]how I would describe my future community in regards to just being there. As one Sister said to me, "[i]You know the old saying, '[/i]When you've met one Dominican, you've met ONE Dominican.'[i]? -- Well, it's true. Absolutely true. We are [b]individuals [/b]within in a community, living in union of mind, heart, and soul.[/i]" That's something that really stuck with me. And beyond that, you could really sense it there, very profoundly. It was awesome.

And when you say, "It's hard to explain because it is an attitude and a feeling rather than a custom or a rule." -- all I can say is, "Amen!" to that!

[Lilllabettt]

I was surprised that all the personality types I didn't like in the world were there in the convent. Before I entered I'd run into people who were, lets say, "brisk" ... and I'd think "why can't people just be nice?" I was surprised to find myself saying that in the convent too. I was surprised that nuns could get angry at each other and use a "tone," or that there would be tension on occasion ...The thing is it is in many ways a microcosm of the world ... God calls all kinds of people to religious life, or at least to spend time in the convent ...

I was surprised by how tiring the schedule was ... it was very monastic, so I thought it wouldn't be that draining ... but it turns out, praying can be exhausting!

I was surprised at how easy it was to just go through the motions. All the spiritual exercises didn't mean a thing unless I put effort in. I realized this half way into my postulancy ... I was so busy just treading water, I thought: "Okay but this is an emergency. Once I get a handle on "the system", and things are under control, then I can pay attention to that." I had to remind myself: umm, "that" is actually the point of all this, dumbo.

I was surprised at how hard it was to take correction, and how exacting a "life of perfection" could be ... I felt I had to be careful what I said or did, and on my toes at all times. There turned out to be a ton of stuff about being a "good Sister" that I didn't know and needed correcting for. That surprised me.

All of this bad stuff I found surprising. I wasn't surprised by any good stuff ... but not because there wasn't good stuff! There was! But none of it was a surprise to me. I was expecting religious life to be a slice of heaven, and it was in many ways. There is nothing like the joy that comes from community life. There is nothing like sleeping under the same roof as Jesus. There is nothing like waking up in the morning and thinking: "I am a Sister. I am living a life consecrated to God." It is, like the best Christmas ever X 500.

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1285388015' post='2175816']

All of this bad stuff I found surprising. I wasn't surprised by any good stuff ... but not because there wasn't good stuff! There was! But none of it was a surprise to me. I was expecting religious life to be a slice of heaven, and it was in many ways. There is nothing like the joy that comes from community life. There is nothing like sleeping under the same roof as Jesus. There is nothing like waking up in the morning and thinking: "I am a Sister. I am living a life consecrated to God." It is, like the best Christmas ever X 500.
[/quote]


This

[MissScripture]

[quote name='laetitia crucis' timestamp='1285348344' post='2175701']
P.S. -- On a somewhat humorous note -- something else that came as somewhat "surprising" to have annoyed me so much was that during times of silent prayer in chapel, the distinct sound of one specific Sister's foot or leg constantly and quickly moving/shaking from side to side... it's the [b]only [/b]thing I could hear during those times. For a FULL HOUR of silent prayer and Adoration. It drove me insane. Though, of course, I tried my best to "offer it up", but man... I wanted to scream. And just for the record, I know for a fact that this Sister did not suffer from Parkinson's or any other illness that might cause this type of movement.
[/quote]
In that Sister's defense, she may not have been aware she was even moving her leg. I bounce my legs constantly, and it annoys the snot out of some people who sit next to me during class and whatnot, but I sincerely don't even realize I'm doing it.

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1285388349' post='2175817']

[quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1285388015' post='2175816']

All of this bad stuff I found surprising. I wasn't surprised by any good stuff ... but not because there wasn't good stuff! There was! But none of it was a surprise to me. I was expecting religious life to be a slice of heaven, and it was in many ways. [b]There is nothing like the joy that comes from community life. There is nothing like sleeping under the same roof as Jesus. There is nothing like waking up in the morning and thinking: "I am a Sister. I am living a life consecrated to God." It is, like the best Christmas ever X 500.[/b]
[/quote]

This
[/quote]


Ditto!!! (Especially the bolded bits!)

[quote name='MissScripture' timestamp='1285390973' post='2175818']
In that Sister's defense, she may not have been aware she was even moving her leg. I bounce my legs constantly, and it annoys the snot out of some people who sit next to me during class and whatnot, but I sincerely don't even realize I'm doing it.
[/quote]



This is totally true, MIss. I really don't think she was aware. So, that's what I always had to remind myself to keep my sanity. "She doesn't realize it. She doesn't realize it. She doesn't realize it., etc." I think that was my mantra in Adoration. Along with, "Dear God, help me love! Help me LOVE!"

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='laetitia crucis' timestamp='1285398105' post='2175834']

This is totally true, MIss. I really don't think she was aware. So, that's what I always had to remind myself to keep my sanity. "She doesn't realize it. She doesn't realize it. She doesn't realize it., etc." I think that was my mantra in Adoration. Along with, "Dear God, help me love! Help me LOVE!"
[/quote]

I might have reached over and put my hand on her leg to make her stop!

[Indwelling Trinity]

This is one of the most real threads on religious life i have read on phatmass! It is the reality of what religious life entails. Religious life is both deep joy and crucible.

Thank you all for your posts.

[krissylou]

A good friend of my mother's entered a convent as a young woman, but left early in formation.

She is a very giving, generous sort of person -- which is a big part of what attracted her to a life of service to God and neighbor as a Sister.

In the convent, she found, EVERYONE was like that -- which meant there was very little outlet for generosity because everyone wanted to be giving and no one wanted to receive.

Hmmm.

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='krissylou' timestamp='1285423828' post='2175868']
A good friend of my mother's entered a convent as a young woman, but left early in formation.

She is a very giving, generous sort of person -- which is a big part of what attracted her to a life of service to God and neighbor as a Sister.

In the convent, she found, EVERYONE was like that -- which meant there was very little outlet for generosity because everyone wanted to be giving and no one wanted to receive.

Hmmm.
[/quote]


Sounds like an incredible place to live - if everyone was completely self-giving! I simply can't imagine such perfection. At least I haven't seen such a thing personally

[krissylou]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1285429831' post='2175875']
Sounds like an incredible place to live - if everyone was completely self-giving! I simply can't imagine such perfection. At least I haven't seen such a thing personally
[/quote]

Yes and no ...

Okay this was forty years ago, and got passed down through a couple intermediaries and after all plenty of people DID stay and likely had different perceptions etc etc etc.

But, the phenomenon of wanting to give to everyone else and not being able to or willing to receive yourself is a real one, and it's not perfection. It is a subtle form of pride.

[HopefulBride]

You guys are giving me so much to think about. I knew that religious life wouldn't be easy (especially thinking of st. therérèse's little way) however I never imagined how much the little annoyances from the outside world might surface behind convent walls. Thanks for sharing.

Now I am going to think in terms of the sisters o have spent some time with and will repost.

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='krissylou' timestamp='1285438345' post='2175893']
Yes and no ...

Okay this was forty years ago, and got passed down through a couple intermediaries and after all plenty of people DID stay and likely had different perceptions etc etc etc.

But, the phenomenon of wanting to give to everyone else and not being able to or willing to receive yourself is a real one, and it's not perfection. It is a subtle form of pride.
[/quote]


Perhaps I was yanking your chain just a little, but it did seem a little too perfect for words that everyone wanted to give all the time. don't take me too seriously, ok? I have found nuns to be very 'normal' human beings, just like me. Sometimes they will have the patience of a saint, and other times they will snap at a seemingly small thing (like Therese when her pillows were being fluffed while she was very sick).

But you are right, pride is a very subtle thing, and it manifests itself in a variety of ways in community life. The secret for me is not to focus on the other sisters or their apparent failings, or even to spend more time than necessary considering my own, but to try to keep my gaze on Jesus as much as possible. If even the just man falls seven times a day, then I can expect that this will be my lot as well. It is the getting up again that is important.

As for difficulties in receiving... I am experiencing this right now because I am sick, and I hate being sick. My sister tries to take care of me and I hate that I need to inconvenience her in any way. Of course, she gets pleasure out of helping me, but I still don't want 'to be a bother'. I am not sure if this is pride or not, but it is certainly humbling to be dependant on others, that's for sure. I always think the elderly sisters in the convent are so humble because they have to be dependant on others to help them do things and they usually accept this help cheerfully and gratefully. God always gets us in the end.... no escape

[Antigonos]

One thing that really stands out, to me, in this thread, is that none of you have ever been married. The annoyances that you describe may be different in some of the particulars, but they are common to every husband and wife that have ever lived. The difference between moaning/breathing heavily or leg jiggling during prayer, and underwear and towels continually dropped on the bathroom floor and squeezing toothpaste from the middle of the tube really is one of quantity vs. quality.<IMG class=bbc_emoticon alt= src="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif"> Normally, folks don't get divorced because one [or both] of the partners is a slob; you learn to live with it.

Edited September 26, 2010 by Antigonos

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='Antigonos' timestamp='1285506936' post='2176028']
One thing that really stands out, to me, in this thread, is that none of you have ever been married. The annoyances that you describe may be different in some of the particulars, but they are common to every husband and wife that have ever lived. The difference between moaning/breathing heavily or leg jiggling during prayer, and underwear and towels continually dropped on the bathroom floor and squeezing toothpaste from the middle of the tube really is one of quantity vs. quality.
[/quote]


You made me laugh because your words conjure up such vivid images. The fact is that some of us currently discerning religious have actually been married or even raised families, and even for those who haven't, just sharing with siblings or parents or flatmates can often cause the same small annoyances and grievances to spring up, so there is plenty of opportunity for everyone to experience what you describe.

The main difference in religious life, is that there is often less 'wiggle room' for distractions to take one's mind off of the petty irritations. Even in active communities, there is usually a set horarium, and many of the activities must be done in common, like it or not. In a marriage or family or with flatmates, an individual can often choose to say something to the offender (not encouraged in community), or leave the room or find some other coping mechanism.

In a cloister especially, there is often no recourse at all except to grin and bear it, all for the love of God and neighbor. That's okay, because religious life is all about letting God shape one, but that doesn't mean it isn't difficult to do.

My daughter is in the military, and her life is much like a convent, except that at the end of her shift, she goes off base to her apartment. And on her days off (none of these in the convent) she can do whatever she wants.

So, although I agree that there are similarities between family life and religious community life, there are also some rather striking differences as well. The main one being that in religious life, one tries to align their self-will with God's will 24/7. The only thing that I think compares even remotely to this kind of unrelenting surrender is raising a child. That too, is a 24/7 job of giving and that's why it's best done with two people, who can take turns relieving each other.

Just some thoughts....