Leaving Younger Siblings

[ameliabedelia]

what hurts me the most about joining a religious order is leaving my younger brother. He is only 10 and i know he wouldn't understand why i left and what religious life really is until he was older. I want to be there for him during his middle school and teen years but i also i want to follow Gods will. I dont worry about my parents as much because they have a much better understanding (while still not the best) than a 10 year old does.

anyone advice???
anyone else in the same boat???
[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/nun1.gif[/img]

[Sarah147]

You can continue to try to explain through letters, visits, phone calls, etc. through the years. One Postulant I know, who has a HUGE family, with some siblings around 4 or 5 at the youngest... they call her a lot, and they come and visit from time to time. They just need the connection to continue. They seem to handle it well.


When they meet, boy are there HUGS! So much love in that family. The children just love her and she is good with children.



What hurts me about potentially entering down the road, is the distance from my best friend, who is the most loving and spiritual person I've ever met, and the best of friends I've ever had. I don't know how to handle that. It's hard for me to think about.

Edited August 30, 2010 by JoyfulLife

[Tridenteen]

JMJ
In the book "No Turning Back" Fr.Donald Callowqay does a magnificent job of addressing this issue through his own experiences.

[CatherineM]

I was 3 years old when my first brother went off to the service. That was 1965, so not a minor thing. My mom got a big map out of the world, and put it on the living room floor to show me where we were, and where he was going. He sent me post cards and presents from Thailand and Vietnam. One of my favorite pictures is of me and him together in his uniform. I came up to his knees.

Even at that young age, I knew what he was doing was important. It was something about the uniform. Eventually by the time I was 10, 3 of my brothers had been overseas in the war. I have a picture with each of them in their uniforms. I still have the postcards.

So that's my advice. Have yourself in habit and take a picture just with your brother. The rest of the family is good, but give him one just of the two of you. I know you won't be in jungles or beaches in exotic places, but send letters, letters just to him to make him feel special. Make him know that you haven't forgotten him with small gifts. I remember doing a 50 cent puzzle of an elephant until it fell apart.

[ameliabedelia]

[quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1283213142' post='2165684']
I was 3 years old when my first brother went off to the service. That was 1965, so not a minor thing. My mom got a big map out of the world, and put it on the living room floor to show me where we were, and where he was going. He sent me post cards and presents from Thailand and Vietnam. One of my favorite pictures is of me and him together in his uniform. I came up to his knees.

Even at that young age, I knew what he was doing was important. It was something about the uniform. Eventually by the time I was 10, 3 of my brothers had been overseas in the war. I have a picture with each of them in their uniforms. I still have the postcards.

So that's my advice. Have yourself in habit and take a picture just with your brother. The rest of the family is good, but give him one just of the two of you. I know you won't be in jungles or beaches in exotic places, but send letters, letters just to him to make him feel special. Make him know that you haven't forgotten him with small gifts. I remember doing a 50 cent puzzle of an elephant until it fell apart.
[/quote]

aww thats so sweet!!! thanks this made me feel a lot better! [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/nun1.gif[/img]

[ameliabedelia]

[quote name='Tridenteen' timestamp='1283206245' post='2165626']
JMJ
In the book "No Turning Back" Fr.Donald Callowqay does a magnificent job of addressing this issue through his own experiences.
[/quote]

ill check this book out! thanks!

[TeresaBenedicta]

And you'll be surprised how much younger siblings can understand! Heck, St. Dominic Savio wanted to be a priest at age ten!

It'll be tough, but I'm sure your brother will look up to you in an even newer and more profound way.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1283213142' post='2165684']
I was 3 years old when my first brother went off to the service. That was 1965, so not a minor thing. My mom got a big map out of the world, and put it on the living room floor to show me where we were, and where he was going. He sent me post cards and presents from Thailand and Vietnam. One of my favorite pictures is of me and him together in his uniform. I came up to his knees.

Even at that young age, I knew what he was doing was important. It was something about the uniform. Eventually by the time I was 10, 3 of my brothers had been overseas in the war. I have a picture with each of them in their uniforms. I still have the postcards.

So that's my advice. Have yourself in habit and take a picture just with your brother. The rest of the family is good, but give him one just of the two of you. I know you won't be in jungles or beaches in exotic places, but send letters, letters just to him to make him feel special. Make him know that you haven't forgotten him with small gifts. I remember doing a 50 cent puzzle of an elephant until it fell apart.
[/quote]

How sweet. I think we often forget how meaningful relationships can be with our younger siblings.

[Luigi]

My cousin entered when she was eighteen and her sister & brother were, like, four and two. The convent was in another city. She wroked very steadily - I won't say "hard" but maybe consciously - to stay in touch and to develop solid relationships with her much younger siblings. As others have mentioned, phone calls, cards, letters, little gifts (the best gifts aren't expensive, they're the ones that a kid actually wants & uses - like CatherineM's elephant puzzle), actual conversations rather than just small talk, etc.

Also, back in the old days, many saints left family & friends to go to the missions or whatever, and they maintained actually very close relationships - in spite of the long distances, the time it took to get letters from one continent to another, and so forth. Mother Duchesne (St. Philippine Duschesne) stayed very close with her sisters and cousins for thirty-five years even though she never saw any of them after she left France and came to the US.

It might take some conscious effort, but you can do it.

[JTheresa]

[quote name='ameliabedelia' timestamp='1283205223' post='2165623']
what hurts me the most about joining a religious order is leaving my younger brother. He is only 10 and i know he wouldn't understand why i left and what religious life really is until he was older. I want to be there for him during his middle school and teen years but i also i want to follow Gods will. I dont worry about my parents as much because they have a much better understanding (while still not the best) than a 10 year old does.

anyone advice???
anyone else in the same boat???
[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/nun1.gif[/img]
[/quote]

I am definitely on the same boat. I am leaving to enter in about 5 days, and I have three younger sisters: one is 16 (she has been my best friend my whole life) one is 9 and the youngest is 2 1/2. I dont really have advice because I am experiencing the same feeling of being torn. The age gap between me and the youngest two is really large so I knew no matter what I did I was going to miss out. But for my 16 yr old sister... man its hard thinking about everything that I'll miss. I wont be there for her first date, or her senior prom to help her pick out her dress and do her hair, or be there for her graduation ceremony. I wont be able to help her decorate her dorm for college, or be able to give her tips on how to keep away all the guys that I know will be after her. I am her only older sibling and so I feel very responsible for her in a huge sisterly way. Its going to be really hard saying good-bye to her in less than a week.

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1283206100' post='2165625']
What hurts me about potentially entering down the road, is the distance from my best friend, who is the most loving and spiritual person I've ever met, and the best of friends I've ever had. I don't know how to handle that. It's hard for me to think about.
[/quote]

Yeah, I feel you there too. My best friend (outside my sister) left for college two weeks ago, and I really hate how we wont be able to sit on the phone and rant for hours about something stupid that happened to us. I'm really going to miss her.

Hopefully in both cases I'll be able to write a TON and my family won't get writers cramp, or become too lazy to tell me everything that is going on in their lives. We aren't really allowed to do phone calls, except for when the family cant visit. its all snail mail for me. (well, for the first three years at least, but after that EVERYTHING changes!!!!)

[tnavarro61]

hey, i can feel what you feel (and thanks for your suggestions to her).. i am on the same boat. I am quite ashamed to share this: I was in a five day discernment retreat in a religious community. it was a silent retreat and on my first two days I cried. I am a guy, and it might appear awkward to you. but honestly I cried because I missed my younger brother so much. He's 14 years old but has special needs. He is mentally retarded. That time he underwent a minor surgery and he told me, "please take care of me" but I can't because I am leaving. The words "please take care of me" rung in my head before I sleep, and that was enough to make me cry.

When I went home, I asked him how he is, and he's recovering very fast and was very talkative about his recovery! I don't know if he understood what I am doing (because of his mental condition) but I believe his heart understood.

I was thinking, what if I'll be gone for lifetime? Well they could visit me by the way but I will really miss him!

[LaPetiteSoeur]

I have no idea how my sister will react once she finds out or when I leave. She's 13 and a completely normal teenager. My mom says I was the 'easy' one. Letters, definitely. And sometimes families can visit...I know the ND have a family visit somewhere in the postulant and novice years. One just really has to make an effort to communicate.

I moved to another state when I was five. But through letters, I've kept in touch with a friend that known me since I was 1! Writing really allows us to see the soul of a person.

Missing friends will also be really hard. One friend is like my sister and is not religious at all, but is ok with the whole "nun-thing" (as she refers to it). But I have five years before I could even think about entering a convent, so there's a while to figure things out..

Dieu vous benisse

[IrishSalesian]

I'm sure it will be hard to leave siblings. But keeping in contact does help. I do not know what your availabilities are, but I use Facebook, mail, and skype, and phone calls to keep in touch with my family.

[Piccoli Fiori JMJ]

+JMJ

I know leaving my sister will be very difficult for me. One, joining a cloistered order makes communication a lot more difficult (but not impossible!), and two, I'm like a second mom to her, mainly because I am so much older than she is and she is always asking me if she can do things, instead of our mom! We are very close, although she is not very religious and tends to be very cranky in the morning. I just want to tell her to write as often as she can, even if I won't get every letter right away.

[vee]

I think one thing to remember is that the younger brothers and sisters will grow up and what an amazing example they will have to have a priest or religious Brother or Sister as their own bro or sis! Plus they gain an extended family from the community you will join.so instead of losing a sister they are going to get a lot more!