Uneasy Feelings

[willguy]

[quote name='Brother Adam' date='Apr 18 2004, 10:54 AM'] Thank you for your responses. It was a lot of good input. Sitting at mass last night (Saturday night), part of me felt right at home and yet part of me was going "You've totally lost your mind, what the heck do you think your doing sitting here yearning for their communion".

I've been reading Scott Hahn's The Lamb's Supper the past two days. I can usually put away his books inside a day. I keep putting it down though going "No, this is making too much sense, and I can't deal with that". The more I think about it the more I think I may be being called to the Catholic Church much sooner than I would like. I always figured, if it was true, than maybe in 5 or 10 years.

*Sigh*, but for now, I'll keep my claws firmly dug into the ground and refuse to move for anyone but the only One who can move me anyway.

Kicking and Screaming all the way,
Bro. Adam [/quote]
Br Adam,

Well, as you probly know, I'm not a convert. However, what you describe sounds like the discernment story of most priests, monks, and nuns. What I've found is that that "uneasy feeling" is the fact that all your life you've had these dreams and plans and visions of what your life would be like and what was right and wrong. No matter how much your heart and mind say otherwise, it is difficult to let go of these dreams.

[marielapin]

I've been thinking about your question for a day or so now, and this is what I have come up with.

I know that when I was discerning joining the Church I was "uneasy" 1-because I was in a type of limbo - I wasn't Catholic yet and I wasn't Methodist anymore.
2-the Catholic Church has a completely different culture than protestant churches, in prayer life, devotions, icons, saints, miracles, pilgramages, etc. I love and embrace that culture now, but truly it was a culture clash at first, almost like visiting a different country for a while. 3-I don't know if this true in your case but in mine Satan was throwing everything he could at me to try and distract me from the Church. This made me feel quite uneasy.

If I had to guess I would say that 1 and 2 are the ones that we might share.

[Brother Adam]

I know that hindsight is always 20/20. Most of the time anyway.

It is so hard to be patient sometimes. Yet I know there is still so much reading I need to get done to make an honest decision.

But it is true. I'm not Catholic, but I am no longer Baptist. That is for sure.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Brother Adam' date='Apr 20 2004, 03:11 PM'] But it is true. I'm not Catholic, but I am no longer Baptist. That is for sure. [/quote]
Yeah, I lived in that limbo for a while. It's not a very fun place to be.

[Ellenita]

I think it's completely understandable to have moments when you feel uneasy if you've come from a protestant background!

I can really identify with what Marielpin describes. I felt 'in limbo' for some time which was very confusing - in my heart I felt Catholic and yet I wasn't officially and there were all sorts of things going round in my head like panic over what if I die, will my family get me a priest of a minister, and other really rather odd worries!

If you've had a life time of being a protestant - in my case, many, many years! - then 'undoing' the culture and understanding and living a new culture, which also has a completely different language takes time - I know for me that RCIA hasn't resolved all of this, but it has set me on the journey and it's exciting and challenging.....incidently I think you're much further on this road already Bro Adam than I am!

I also believe that there were 'forces' who absolutely did not want me to make the decision, which to some extent got stronger the closer I got the Easter Vigil - at some points I really felt like there were two different people arguing inside my brain, but without a doubt I knew that going to Mass, praying the rosary etc had made my relationship and my love for God more real than I had ever experienced before, and this was without me asking for or expecting it, so it was despite myself! Once I had realised that, I knew that it was completely the right decision for me to make the committment at the Easter Vigil.....

[Caitlin]

For me, converting to Catholicism brings up a whole different sort of "worship service" and the fear of alienating my family. The person who brought up the point that there's an entirely different culture in the Catholic Church than there is in most Protestant Churches is definitely on target.

I don't know if this is anything like what your unease toward Catholicism may be, Bro. Adam, but mine has to do a lot with culture shock!

All my life at church I've been taught to sit still and behave in church and do nothing. No kneeling except at communion and a sense of each person as their own and totally on their own -- isolation.

My first experience during Catholic Mass was quite different -- there's a sense of culture shock, supposing that's as best as can be attributed to the feeling. There is that solemnity in the Catholic Church that I grew up with in the UMC...and yet the Mass is so much more demonstrative and has a lot more to remember-- for lack of better words -- without being overly exuberant and flamboyant. Solemn yet demonstrative with a touch of this and that which you need to remember!

The whole demonstrative thing is what weirds me out more than anything else -- mainly because me being me I'm shy! And because I'm deathly afraid of messing up during the Mass and not knowing what I'm doing and offending someone.

Though, this past Sunday I made the sign of the cross without thinking twice about it. I was totally surprised. Goes to show that repetition works in washing away the fears.

[lil bull 04]

I completely and totally understand what you are saying. I really understand this from two aspects of my life. I have less than 2 weeks before I graduate from high school and well I'm still not sure if I would rather go into the Marines or the Navy. I know I want to do one more than the other but I have no idea why. I know that if i go one way my parents are not going to be too supportive of me and the other way they will love me like normal. Of course the whole me becoming Catholic they have no idea about yet and well when I drop it on them after I come back from boot camp I think they are gonna wanna kill me because I was raised Lutheran and have pretty much been Lutheran up till about a year and a half ago when I met someone who I feel has been a very important person in changing my view on religion and he is the one that introduced me to this site. I'm not sure if he'll read this or not. Having someone explain things to you before you make your decision is great and having someone you consider your friend doing it helps the transition even easier. I'm just not sure how to tell my parents. Anyone have any suggestions?

[Thy Geekdom Come]

Lil Bull, good to see ya!

Hang out with us on the Open Mic and Alien boards!

By the way, this is Lupus.

[homeschoolmom]

LOL... let me tell you, Lil Bull... I'm in my thirties and it isn't any easier!! My husband still hasn't told his parents (he's gonna this weekend). They've been snowbirding all winter, so it's not like a phone call would have been good... I've been on both sides of this (parent and child-- read my conversion story)... From the parents' side, they will be hurt... no doubt, especially if they bothered to send you to private school... Even if you lovingly tell them about it, they will hear you slamming the door in their faces... Sooner rather than later... sooner rather than later... trust me. Before boot camp...

[Sojourner]

Yeah ... I haven't told my parents either. I probably get to do it this coming weekend, if I don't chicken out.

[Mickey's_Girl]

Brother Adam, Ellenita, Lil Bull--

I hear you on all counts. There's definitely a weirdness there, Bro Adam. Even as I learn more about Catholic theology, and have grown to believe some things I never expected to (the Real Presence!!!), there's still a lot of "kooky"-feeling stuff going on. Ellenita: been Protestant all my life. TOTAL paradigm shift. Lil Bull: I'm praying that the Holy Spirit will give you the words to say to your parents, and that you won't be too discouraged if they are totally weird at first.

MG