Finding Peace

[OnlySunshine]

It's been about a month or so since I decided to unofficially end my discernment to the religious life. I had a mixture of emotions in the beginning, mostly very sad that I could not pursue this beautiful vocation because of my illness. There were times where I wondered if I was giving up too quickly and I would look at religious community websites and get the feeling that I should perhaps just go and see to make sure that God wasn't calling me. However, I have surrendered to the fact that my vocation is elsewhere. The fact of the matter is that I cannot find a religious order because I have a canonical impediment that is a risk to community life because of the care I will need and the medication I will require for the rest of my life. I also believe that I would be detrimental to the community because sometimes I cannot do things because of my illness and I fear it would cause unnecessary problems.

Some other discerners have voiced concern over the fact that I cannot enter because of my illness and they say I should continue discerning because it really should not be a problem. I have to face reality. The reality is that no order is willing to accept me because they cannot by canonical law. Even Visitation monasteries, which are known to be less strict in penances, have said they cannot accept me. This may seem hurtful, and I originally thought I was being discriminated against, but I know now that it is not that they don't want to accept me, but that they cannot. Many of them have given me such wonderful advice and offered prayers that I would find my vocation that I harbor no ill will towards them, and how could I? I have nothing but deep respect and admiration for nuns because of their life of service and love to the Lord.

Since ending my discernment to religious life, I have felt nothing but peace in the deepest part of my soul. I feel it is God's will that I remain in the world. He has a life for me here and I am waiting with open arms to find out what my true vocation is. Right now, my vocation is being a college student. I am finishing up my 2-year degree so that I can transfer to a university and complete the Bachelor's program. I am not 100% certain what I want to major in, but I have some ideas and I am doing some research to help equip me for when it is time to make a decision.

And so I ask for your prayers. Please do not judge the communities that will not accept me. Like I said, I harbor no resentment towards them and I hope no one else will either. I continue to pray that someone will be able to take my place in religious life since God has given me this cross to bear, which will inevitably bring me closer to Him. I am seriously considering becoming a lay spiritual director later on because of all that I have learned. There seems to be a shortage in my community of trained spiritual directors, and I am deeply interested in guiding young souls to their vocation.

My words of wisdom are simple: discernment is not an exact science. Don't take for granted what God has in store in your vocation if you feel you are called to serve in consecrated life. Like the great John Paul II said: [i]Be not afraid![/i] God bless!

[alicemary]

Why are you giving up? There are many opportunities for you, maybe not in the cloister, but in the world. The Lord would not give you the desire to be of service to the Church, yet give your some type of ailment, without reason. Look toward being an oblate, a third order member. There are many groups out there, Carmelites, Dominican and Benedictine among many. It is very possible to live a good life, in union with Our Lord, while being in the world.
Your journey has only begun, dont waste time in what ifs, and should haves, embrace the life the Lord has given you and move on.

[Indwelling Trinity]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1282453390' post='2161331']
It's been about a month or so since I decided to unofficially end my discernment to the religious life. I had a mixture of emotions in the beginning, mostly very sad that I could not pursue this beautiful vocation because of my illness. There were times where I wondered if I was giving up too quickly and I would look at religious community websites and get the feeling that I should perhaps just go and see to make sure that God wasn't calling me. However, I have surrendered to the fact that my vocation is elsewhere. The fact of the matter is that I cannot find a religious order because I have a canonical impediment that is a risk to community life because of the care I will need and the medication I will require for the rest of my life. I also believe that I would be detrimental to the community because sometimes I cannot do things because of my illness and I fear it would cause unnecessary problems.

Some other discerners have voiced concern over the fact that I cannot enter because of my illness and they say I should continue discerning because it really should not be a problem. I have to face reality. The reality is that no order is willing to accept me because they cannot by canonical law. Even Visitation monasteries, which are known to be less strict in penances, have said they cannot accept me. This may seem hurtful, and I originally thought I was being discriminated against, but I know now that it is not that they don't want to accept me, but that they cannot. Many of them have given me such wonderful advice and offered prayers that I would find my vocation that I harbor no ill will towards them, and how could I? I have nothing but deep respect and admiration for nuns because of their life of service and love to the Lord.

Since ending my discernment to religious life, I have felt nothing but peace in the deepest part of my soul. I feel it is God's will that I remain in the world. He has a life for me here and I am waiting with open arms to find out what my true vocation is. Right now, my vocation is being a college student. I am finishing up my 2-year degree so that I can transfer to a university and complete the Bachelor's program. I am not 100% certain what I want to major in, but I have some ideas and I am doing some research to help equip me for when it is time to make a decision.

And so I ask for your prayers. Please do not judge the communities that will not accept me. Like I said, I harbor no resentment towards them and I hope no one else will either. I continue to pray that someone will be able to take my place in religious life since God has given me this cross to bear, which will inevitably bring me closer to Him. I am seriously considering becoming a lay spiritual director later on because of all that I have learned. There seems to be a shortage in my community of trained spiritual directors, and I am deeply interested in guiding young souls to their vocation.

My words of wisdom are simple: discernment is not an exact science. Don't take for granted what God has in store in your vocation if you feel you are called to serve in consecrated life. Like the great John Paul II said: [i]Be not afraid![/i] God bless!
[/quote]

In time my sister you will see that all of this is only the Lord preparing you for greater union with him for he is purifying your soul only to give you even greater love for him. The cross on one level exists only to expand out hearts in love not withstanding its significance of being a means of salvation for ourselves and others. I do not know you illness but having practiced medicine or a number of years i cant help but wonder if there is not some remedy.

tenderly, your little sister,

Indwelling Trinity

Edited August 22, 2010 by Indwelling Trinity

[stlmom]

Mater,
Your post really reflects the degree of consideration you've given to acceptance of a tough situation. God bless you in whatever pursuits you undertake in the future. God's will for us unfolds over time, so be patient. Look for the good you can do here and now on an everyday basis. In time, becoming a lay associate with a religious community may also be attractive to you, or maybe you'll be happier as a Third Order member or Oblate . Religious orders need us layfolk as we need them, I know this to be true!!!


BTW, I'm partial to the Benedictine way of thinking, it is so balanced in spirituality. Not that I would want to influence anyone here.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='alicemary' timestamp='1282491216' post='2161442']
Why are you giving up? There are many opportunities for you, maybe not in the cloister, but in the world. The Lord would not give you the desire to be of service to the Church, yet give your some type of ailment, without reason. Look toward being an oblate, a third order member. There are many groups out there, Carmelites, Dominican and Benedictine among many. It is very possible to live a good life, in union with Our Lord, while being in the world.
Your journey has only begun, dont waste time in what ifs, and should haves, embrace the life the Lord has given you and move on.
[/quote]

I'm not giving up! . I am looking into becoming a Dominican tertiary, but I am having trouble locating a chapter near me. I have mentioned this on my other posts in the forum. .

[OnlySunshine]

I need some advice. I just got an email from the Associate Vocation Director of the Religious Sisters of Mercy pertaining to the message I sent to her months ago. What do I do or say? Since I have stopped looking, I really don't want to pursue a religious vocation. I have told my mom that I am not discerning anymore. I don't have a spiritual director. I am quite happy with the idea of becoming a Dominican tertiary. I just don't think I can handle getting rejected again. I have a low stress threshold, which is one of the many reasons I gave up discerning convent life in the first place. I'm not in a good place to discern right now.

How do I explain this, though? If any of you were in the same position right now, what would you do? I would appreciate some advice. Thank you.

[JTheresa]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1282529101' post='2161740']
I need some advice. I just got an email from the Associate Vocation Director of the Religious Sisters of Mercy pertaining to the message I sent to her months ago. What do I do or say? Since I have stopped looking, I really don't want to pursue a religious vocation. I have told my mom that I am not discerning anymore. I don't have a spiritual director. I am quite happy with the idea of becoming a Dominican tertiary. I just don't think I can handle getting rejected again. I have a low stress threshold, which is one of the many reasons I gave up discerning convent life in the first place. I'm not in a good place to discern right now.

How do I explain this, though? If any of you were in the same position right now, what would you do? I would appreciate some advice. Thank you.
[/quote]

If you really don't want to pursue a religious vocation anymore, and you are at total peace with that, then just tell her. Id tell her that through some serious thought and prayer that you have decided to stop discerning. I"m not sure if you are stopping for good, or just taking a break, but being the AVD, she may be able to give you some advice herself. The Mercy Sisters are truly wonderful, and they might have actually had some "discerners" in a similar situation as yours before. They may not have entered religious life, but they may have insight as to something else God might be calling you to do. You probably don't want to tell her your whole story over email, but you could simply say that due to your illness you have stopped discerning religious life and are seeking God's vocation for you elsewhere.

[Lilllabettt]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1282529101' post='2161740']
I need some advice. I just got an email from the Associate Vocation Director of the Religious Sisters of Mercy pertaining to the message I sent to her months ago. What do I do or say? Since I have stopped looking, I really don't want to pursue a religious vocation. I have told my mom that I am not discerning anymore. I don't have a spiritual director. I am quite happy with the idea of becoming a Dominican tertiary. I just don't think I can handle getting rejected again. I have a low stress threshold, which is one of the many reasons I gave up discerning convent life in the first place. I'm not in a good place to discern right now.

How do I explain this, though? If any of you were in the same position right now, what would you do? I would appreciate some advice. Thank you.
[/quote]


I think you could tell her something along the lines of what you just said up there.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='JTheresa' timestamp='1282529713' post='2161744']
If you really don't want to pursue a religious vocation anymore, and you are at total peace with that, then just tell her. Id tell her that through some serious thought and prayer that you have decided to stop discerning. I"m not sure if you are stopping for good, or just taking a break, but being the AVD, she may be able to give you some advice herself. The Mercy Sisters are truly wonderful, and they might have actually had some "discerners" in a similar situation as yours before. They may not have entered religious life, but they may have insight as to something else God might be calling you to do. You probably don't want to tell her your whole story over email, but you could simply say that due to your illness you have stopped discerning religious life and are seeking God's vocation for you elsewhere.
[/quote]

Thank you for the advice. I plan to email her back soon. I wasn't expecting an email back from her because I had contacted her awhile ago and I thought my email was mis-sent. I was taking a break before with the intention of starting back up when my illness got better, but recently I realized that I am happier when I am not discerning convent life. To me, that is a big sign that God wants me out in the world. I think it's better this way because not only have I found deep peace, but if my illness gets worse, I won't have to worry about getting medical care.

Edited August 23, 2010 by MaterMisericordiae

[krissylou]

Oh, we definitely need more spiritual directors! This could be a wonderful role for you.

A note: I'm not sure how old you are but I'm guessing 20s. Many if not most spiritual director training programs want you to be significantly older -- it's really the reverse of discerning with religious communities, it's important to have LOTS of life experience. So this may be part of your role in the future but maybe not for a while.

And/or becoming a Dominican tertiary -- that could be wonderful too. One or the other! Or both! Or maybe something else entirely as God is sneaky.

(Way more Dominican tertiaries end up canonized than do Dominican nuns! What's up with that? )

[ksterling]

After visiting one community a few months ago, I received several calls from the sisters. If you read my posts on this, you know it was not a good experience. In the end I told them the truth - I did not feel called to their community. I would tell the Sisters of Mercy the truth - after prayerful reflection, you do not feel called to religious life and are pursuing other paths to serve God and find personal fulfillment.

[OnlySunshine]

I sent the email last night so it's officially a done deal.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='krissylou' timestamp='1282595019' post='2162132']
Oh, we definitely need more spiritual directors! This could be a wonderful role for you.

A note: I'm not sure how old you are but I'm guessing 20s. Many if not most spiritual director training programs want you to be significantly older -- it's really the reverse of discerning with religious communities, it's important to have LOTS of life experience. So this may be part of your role in the future but maybe not for a while.

And/or becoming a Dominican tertiary -- that could be wonderful too. One or the other! Or both! Or maybe something else entirely as God is sneaky.

(Way more Dominican tertiaries end up canonized than do Dominican nuns! What's up with that? )
[/quote]

Yes, you would be correct. I have a lot of experience to acquire, and school to finish before even heading in that direction. I also need to discern if it is a ministry God is calling me to. I'm pretty certain about being a Dominican tertiary, but I might have to wait awhile. Pretty soon, I will not have time to go to meetings because of school commitments, so I need to wait until my schedule is more open.

Honestly, I don't know why Dominican tertiaries are canonized more than nuns! I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that they have to be more disciplined in spirit to live in the outside world than in a convent. It's a lot more difficult when you are not living with a superior who can see you and guide you. You have to make the changes yourself.

Edited August 23, 2010 by MaterMisericordiae

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

Mater--I'm so pleased for you! As I think about all your posts over the past few months, their progress shows how far you have come in spiritual maturity and understanding. It may not be obvious to you--but it's obvious to me, just from reading your posts, how much you have learned and matured. I hope you are proud of yourself ("proud" in a good way!) The fact that you are at peace with your decision says to me that it is what God wants from you right now. Other people may not fully understand the reason for your decision, but you and God understand, so that's enough. (In my life I've become an expert on illnesses that other people don't understand, but are no less real because of that!)

Sending that email took a lot of maturity and courage!

I think going on for further education is a great idea! (Well, you know me, I'm very much in favor of education.) Also, the time you are a student will give you some "breathing room" before deciding what to do with your life. (Although, as I have found, I can "decide" all I want to, but God has his own ideas. I still have no idea what he has in store for me.)

In the short term, you and I can share one kind of vocation--being "cheerleaders" and offering support for the women on VS who are discerning and entering religious life, as long as that does not make you feel disappointed.

Edited August 23, 2010 by IgnatiusofLoyola

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='IgnatiusofLoyola' timestamp='1282600491' post='2162185']
Mater--I'm so pleased for you! As I think about all your posts over the past few months, their progress shows how far you have come in spiritual maturity and understanding. It may not be obvious to you--but it's obvious to me, just from reading your posts, how much you have learned and matured. I hope you are proud of yourself ("proud" in a good way!) The fact that you are at peace with your decision says to me that it is what God wants from you right now. Other people may not fully understand the reason for your decision, but you and God understand, so that's enough. (In my life I've become an expert on illnesses that other people don't understand, but are no less real because of that!)

Sending that email took a lot of maturity and courage!

I think going on for further education is a great idea! (Well, you know me, I'm very much in favor of education.) Also, the time you are a student will give you some "breathing room" before deciding what to do with your life. (Although, as I have found, I can "decide" all I want to, but God has his own ideas. I still have no idea what he has in store for me.)

In the short term, you and I can share one kind of vocation--being "cheerleaders" and offering support for the women on VS who are discerning and entering religious life, as long as that does not make you feel disappointed.
[/quote]

Thanks, that really makes me feel good. I've had a lot to deal with lately, especially losing my job that I wanted so badly to succeed at. In part, I felt like a failure, and I really have to make sure that I have positive self-talks with myself so I don't slip down in to a major funk. It can be very difficult. Last night, I was thinking about my job, and I started getting upset. It was really difficult for me to leave, but I know it was the best thing for me because my employer was dishonest and unsupportive to the point that it was affecting my health--emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I suffered burnout because I was working so hard to please her, and it just wasn't working. All in all, it's good that I don't work there anymore, but I hate not having a job to go to everyday.

I really am looking forward to being a student again. One of the most positive things about not working right now is that I can devote myself to my studies. I am really interested in Art History as a major and I'm taking an Art History class to see if I really think it would be a good move for me. I'm also thinking about taking some cake decorating classes as a creative outlet. Doing small stuff like this really helps me not focus on stress and opens me up to feeling more positive.

I really would appreciate some prayers. I'm experiencing some spiritual dryness, which I have faith that God will bring me through, but it can be very trying. Thank you all so much for your support. I will definitely stick around to give words of support and encouragement. I am always praying for more vocations to religious, consecrated, and priestly life! God bless!