Oh My Goodness Gracious...

[Piccoli Fiori JMJ]

+JMJ

I think my dad is trying to set me up on a blind date with someone he works with. Oh boy... I do not know how to respond to this.

[LadyOfSorrows]

[quote name='FutureNunJMJ' timestamp='1281917586' post='2157884']
+JMJ

I think my dad is trying to set me up on a blind date with someone he works with. Oh boy... I do not know how to respond to this.
[/quote]


If you must go out with him...I'm guessing a meal might be involved, insist to pay for what you eat. If you go to see a movie, buy your own ticket. It will get the message across that you're not looking for a relationship like that...he'll get the hint, and it won't be rude.

[LadyOfSorrows]

[quote name='FutureNunJMJ' timestamp='1281917586' post='2157884']
+JMJ

I think my dad is trying to set me up on a blind date with someone he works with. Oh boy... I do not know how to respond to this.
[/quote]


If you can't dissuade your father, that is!

[Amor vincit omnia]

[quote name='LadyOfSorrows' timestamp='1281917975' post='2157888']
If you must go out with him...I'm guessing a meal might be involved, insist to pay for what you eat. If you go to see a movie, buy your own ticket. It will get the message across that you're not looking for a relationship like that...he'll get the hint, and it won't be rude.
[/quote]



I would definitely agree with this!

[vee]

Weeelll ... if you cant get out of it at least make sure he isnt eating or drinking when you tell him you want to be a nun and arent interested in a second date.

[DameAgnes]

I knew someone who was all set to enter a monastery and two weeks before her entrance, she met her husband completely by accident; certainly not looking for a husband, was she.

Do what Jesus said: tell God "whatever; your will, not mine" and then be open. Probably nothing will come of it, but your dad will at least feel like you took his concerns seriously.

[Chiquitunga]

[quote name='FutureNunJMJ' timestamp='1281917586' post='2157884']
+JMJ

I think my dad is trying to set me up on a blind date with someone he works with. Oh boy... I do not know how to respond to this.
[/quote]
Oh wow ... and after you've already been accepted to the Poor Clares?


[quote name='vee8' timestamp='1281920368' post='2157901']
Weeelll ... if you cant get out of it at least make sure he isnt eating or drinking when you tell him you want to be a nun and arent interested in a second date.
[/quote]

[franciscanlady]

[Piccoli Fiori JMJ]

Well, I haven't said yes or no yet. I guess the guy has tickets for a concert or something. Also, he like tropical fish, got to go to Amsterdam to play soccer when he was 17 and is currently somewhere around 27 years old. [size="1"]Older guys tend to freak me out a bit.[/size]

We'll see what happens when he comes home this evening and asks about it (as I'm sure he will).

[HopefulBride]

Is not dad not supportive of your potential religious call? I would say go on the date but let the young man know where you are in your journey.

[MithLuin]

A high school teacher of mine had a sister who joined the convent. Upon hearing this news, their neighbor, an Italian lady with mob connections (no joke) paid her family a very formal visit. You know, dressed up, walked down the sidewalk rather than cross the yards, etc. The point of her visit? To inform them, 'My son will marry your daughter. She doesn't have to go into the convent.' While I'm sure the concern was appreciated, they explained to her that the girl actually wanted to join the convent, and all was well. Thanks anyway? Still, the idea that the matriarch could order her son to marry someone has stuck with me ever since I heard that story.

Likewise, my dad's family was trying to set him up with a 'very nice girl' the day he proposed to my mom. He (apparently) had a back-up date to the family New Year's party. My mom has never been too impressed by this, and is convinced it's because his family didn't think she was good enough for him.

Currently, one of my co-workers is trying to set me up with another coworker because she thinks we'll make a good couple (that, and she feels it's been too long since I've dated). It's flattering that she's looking out for me, but it will be [i]extremely[/i] awkward if the guy figures out what she's doing.



In other words, this is just one of those awkward parts of life. Sometimes, you can get out of it by explaining to the person that you are not nearly as available as your dad thinks you are. Other times, you have to grin and bear it. But really, what is important is that your dad understand your decision isn't about 'settling' because you couldn't find a good guy. I'm going to assume he wants you to be happy in life, so if he's playing matchmaker it's because he doesn't want you to have regrets. Maybe he'll have to see you happy later to understand.

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

[quote name='LadyOfSorrows' timestamp='1281917975' post='2157888']
If you must go out with him...I'm guessing a meal might be involved, insist to pay for what you eat. If you go to see a movie, buy your own ticket. It will get the message across that you're not looking for a relationship like that...he'll get the hint, and it won't be rude.
[/quote]

Maybe it's different where you live, but in my "world" the woman paying for herself is no indication one way or the other of whether she has any romantic intentions. In fact, standard practice for me, even with a guy I'm interested in, is that if he pays for dinner, then I offer to pay for the movie, etc. Most guys aren't rich, so it seems only polite.

FutureNun-- If you can't talk your father out of the date, or decide you will go anyway, for whatever reason, as others have suggested, I'd suggest being very explicit with the guy (in a nice way) about your plans for the future. By "nice way" I mean don't suggest that you were trying to lead the guy on by going on the date, but that you were trying to please your father. For all we know, the guy has a crush on someone else anyway, and just went on the date to be polite, as well.

I'd still suggest splitting costs, somehow, but if the guy wants to pay, let him. Some guys are hung up about this for some reason. If it's a meal, and he insists on paying, then say you'll cover the tip. Or, as I suggested above, if a movie is planned, say you'll pay for the movie if he insists on paying for dinner. But, simply paying for yourself does not make the point that you aren't interested. You owe it to the guy to be honest. And, if he seems upset that he felt like he went on the date under false pretenses, apologize, and then say, you'll be happy to cover the meal (even his, if necessary). And, when you get home, have your Dad pay you back. LOL

Best thing, though, would be not to go on the date at all. The guy would appreciate that, too. After all, the guy deserves to go out on a date with a woman who is truly available. It's not the guy's fault if your Dad doesn't really understand how serious you are about your vocation.

Edited September 6, 2010 by IgnatiusofLoyola

[AccountDeleted]

i suggest cutting all your hair off and then putting acid on your face to make yourself unattractive. Let's see, what else did the saints do?

Really, I am joking of course, but you have to ask yourself just how committed you are to discerning a religious vocation or whether you are still unsure about this and want to keep one foot still in the world, just in case. Commitment is a powerful weapon against doing what you don't want to do, but if your father isn't sure, perhaps it is because you haven't come across to him as being sure??