Dealing With Vicious Gossip At Work

[zabbazooey]

I just found out through a friend of mine that a certain coworker is talking trash about me and everyone else behind my back. She has said things about my religion, weight, how I dress, look, about my mental illness (says I'm "psycho" and always look depressed ) and whatnot. She is talking about my boss and other coworkers and management as well. I've talked to this girl maybe 10 mins out of the entire time I have worked there.

I'm nothing but nice and considerate to everyone I work with. I help people out all the time, do my work well. I don't understand what this girl's problem is. I know a lot of things about her, which I have never said to ANYONE, so I know her life really smells of elderberries right now. She's been convicted of a felony for theft and swindle. She's currently a temp at the job I have, and I know she was offered a permanent position but turned it down due to the required background check. I mean, I know she's miserable but I never did anything to this girl to deserve what is being said about me.

I'm not going to management, I don't want to make anything worse. I'm just going to stop associating with anyone at work that I cannot trust so maybe this will stop. Have you guys experience anything similar? How did you deal with it?

I'm trying my hardest to turn the other cheek and just move on. I am so angry right now that all I can do is wish her ill will at this point. I know I'll get over it eventually but right now I'm very hurt and upset.

[Archaeology cat]

I really don't know about pertinent advice, other than to remember to pray for her, hard as it is. And I will pray for both of you.

[Sojourner]

There will always be people who like to cut other people down in order to make themselves look or feel better. They seem to go out of their way to misread your words or actions. It hurts when you're the one getting trashed, especially if it's someone you've trusted or been nothing but cordial to in the past.

You have a couple ways you can address the situation. One option could be to address it directly with the person in question. The downside of this is that it can quickly backfire into a messy real-life flamewar if you're not careful in how you approach it, or if she's not receptive.

Another option would be to go out of your way to be nice to this girl. Take her to lunch, get to know her, and maybe you'll end up with a new friend. I think you're probably right that there are other things going on in her life; maybe she could use a friend right now. Looking past your hurt and feeling true compassion for someone in a situation like this is hard, but it's possible.

Another option is to just ignore what she's saying, and go about your business as usual, to the best of your ability. When people say stuff like this, it says more about them than it says about you, and people who know you will see that.

[Hassan]

A good curb stomping should do the trick.

[dominicansoul]

I agree with Hassan... teach that chic to RESPECK

[Slappo]

wow how charitable of you both

[img]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_LZM17kbFZ6I/SMx4k-9PBaI/AAAAAAAAAfY/vb90iE2peFI/s1600-R/i+like+it.jpg[/img]

[Norseman82]

[quote name='zabbazooey' timestamp='1281798815' post='2157149']
I'm not going to management, I don't want to make anything worse. I'm just going to stop associating with anyone at work that I cannot trust so maybe this will stop.
[/quote]

The problem is that by NOT going to management, it could become worse; you also need to protect yourself. Additionally, if this ever rises to the level of harassment (if it has not already), and you are ever in management, you could be in trouble for not acting to prevent a "hostile work environment". But you know the situation far better than I do. I would only suggest to keep a log of any interactions or "incidents" involving her. Also, as much as possible, if you do interact with her, be sure to not do it alone, but with witnesses.

Unfortunately, in the reality of the working world, the rule of thumb is not "turn the other cheek", but rather "CYB" (cover your butt).

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Norseman82' timestamp='1281803806' post='2157215']
The problem is that by NOT going to management, it could become worse; you also need to protect yourself. Additionally, if this ever rises to the level of harassment (if it has not already), and you are ever in management, you could be in trouble for not acting to prevent a "hostile work environment". But you know the situation far better than I do. I would only suggest to keep a log of any interactions or "incidents" involving her. Also, as much as possible, if you do interact with her, be sure to not do it alone, but with witnesses.

Unfortunately, in the reality of the working world, the rule of thumb is not "turn the other cheek", but rather "CYB" (cover your butt).
[/quote]
Given what zabba has told us, and my own experience in the working world, going to management to complain about another co-worker's gossip would make zabba look like a whiner rather than helping her situation. Some bosses don't look kindly upon tattling.

I think keeping a log of things she directly witnesses is a good idea, but what she's said so far is that she heard about the remarks against her from another person, not things she's personally witnessed.

In any event, just talking smack about other people isn't harassment in my experience unless it is either sexual in nature, or it escalates to something more than nasty talk.

[Hassan]

[quote name='Norseman82' timestamp='1281803806' post='2157215']
The problem is that by NOT going to management, it could become worse; you also need to protect yourself. Additionally, if this ever rises to the level of harassment (if it has not already), and you are ever in management, you could be in trouble for not acting to prevent a "hostile work environment". But you know the situation far better than I do. I would only suggest to keep a log of any interactions or "incidents" involving her. Also, as much as possible, if you do interact with her, be sure to not do it alone, but with witnesses.

Unfortunately, in the reality of the working world, the rule of thumb is not "turn the other cheek", but rather "CYB" (cover your butt).
[/quote]


That might solve the problem. My idea will solve the problem.

[Slappo]

[quote name='Hassan' timestamp='1281804126' post='2157223']
That might solve the problem. My idea will solve the problem.
[/quote]

your idea won't solve the unemployment and jailtime problem though...

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Slappo' timestamp='1281804232' post='2157229']
your idea won't solve the unemployment and jailtime problem though...
[/quote]
Three squares ain't so bad ...

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='Slappo' timestamp='1281804232' post='2157229']
your idea won't solve the unemployment and jailtime problem though...
[/quote]
Three square meals a day and a bed and roof in prison.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Terra Firma' timestamp='1281804124' post='2157222']
Given what zabba has told us, and my own experience in the working world, going to management to complain about another co-worker's gossip would make zabba look like a whiner rather than helping her situation. Some bosses don't look kindly upon tattling.

I think keeping a log of things she directly witnesses is a good idea, but what she's said so far is that she heard about the remarks against her from another person, not things she's personally witnessed.

In any event, just talking smack about other people isn't harassment in my experience unless it is either sexual in nature, or it escalates to something more than nasty talk.
[/quote]

Well, the part about "religion", depending on the remarks, as well as the remarks about her mental illness could be seen as "creating a hostile work environment". But again, she knows the situation better than I do, but having been in the corporate world for many years I do know that many companies have very strict anti-harassment policies.

Zabbazooey,

It is best to review your workplace/HR policies to see if any of this is addressed.

[CatherineM]

You should have something on file with someone just in case.

Healthy people have no need to do this kind of thing, only sick people.

[zabbazooey]

Thanks everyone for your input. I really appreciate it.

Yes, this is something I heard through a friend of mine who is friends with this coworker. There inlies the problem, it's not someone who is even working there that is giving me this information. I have no proof. I do know for a fact this coworker was talking smack about my friend to another coworker via work email (very stupid of her) so I'm 99.9% sure she is talking about me.

I know I'll never hear about it again through the rumor mill because my friend who gave me this info is no longer friends with her (friend found out this girl was backstabbing her as well) so she finally told me about it because she no longer had to worry about getting in the middle of things between two people she was close friends with.

It's a tricky situation all around. This is a very gossipy workplace, I'm not sure why I'm surprised this eventually happened to me as well. I just don't want any further backlash from the people who are giving her this information or from the coworker herself. I truly just want this to stop and go away. I just want to work.

You guys are great. Even though I don't post on here a whole lot anymore, I can still count on you for good advice. Thanks