Disciplining Children

[Galloglasses' Alt]

A topic that comes to my mind every now and again, when questions of how to raise a child not to be an utter baddie when they grow up. What say you phatmassers? Do you agree that children needs disciplining from time to time? is the concept of disciplining children reprehensible to you? And if not, why not?

[CatherineM]

I preferred to make my kids clean when they acted up. We always had clean toilets. Occasionally push-ups. I told the younger one that he was either going to be the best behaved kid at the ball park, or in the best shape. The oldest one told his Navy recruiter that he wasn't afraid of dealing with drill instructors because he couldn't imagine them making him do anything that I hadn't already done.

[tinytherese]

Discipline has become a dirty word for a lot of people, especially with all of the so called new methods for raising children. So many people are just afraid to set standards for anything really, including how their children should behave. It isn't a bad thing to be realistically strict, just as long as the parents/guardians are also loving. I've read "Discipline That Lasts a Lifetime," by a solid Catholic child psychologist with ten kids who addresses this topic, as well as the sequel book on how to raise teens.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='CatherineM' date='01 August 2010 - 06:19 PM' timestamp='1280708376' post='2150641']
I preferred to make my kids clean when they acted up. We always had clean toilets. Occasionally push-ups. I told the younger one that he was either going to be the best behaved kid at the ball park, or in the best shape. The oldest one told his Navy recruiter that he wasn't afraid of dealing with drill instructors because he couldn't imagine them making him do anything that I hadn't already done.
[/quote]
That is a great idea. I have lots of toilets.

To the OP: I think children do need discipline, but it is not a "one size fits all" sort of thing. As a parent, part of your job is to know your child well enough to know what will and won't work, discipline-wise.

When I look at my child today, I often wonder what kind of man he will be when he grows up. I realize that I have a great deal of responsibility in shaping who he will be, and part of that means helping him to learn how to control himself. Eventually he will need to develop inner discipline, and a major way that develops is through parental discipline.

[homeschoolmom]

Of course they need discipline. But discipline does not always mean punishment. Do I agree that children need to be punished? Yes, from time to time. But not every act of discipline needs to be a punishment.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' date='02 August 2010 - 02:12 PM' timestamp='1280779942' post='2151045']
Of course they need discipline. But discipline does not always mean punishment. Do I agree that children need to be punished? Yes, from time to time. But not every act of discipline needs to be a punishment.
[/quote]
I agree with this.

I think discipline has both positive and negative aspects. On one hand, you "discipline" a child when he or she has done wrong, by giving a time-out, assigning less-than-pleasant chores, etc. But on the other hand, you teach "discipline" so that a child does things like making his or her bad, practicing musical instruments, doing schoolwork before playtime, etc. The word implies both deterring bad behavior and instilling good lifelong practices.

[Sternhauser]

One word: "Cooler!"

~Sternhauser

[kafka]

disciplining children is good and necessary for their maturation. Everyone needs some sort of discipline since we are all in a fallen state. Adults need discipline in one degree or another depending on circumstance and on occasion. An adult should come to a point where he disciplines himself like Saint Paul talked about using the athletes as an example, then he will need little if any discipline from others. He will be like a true king and master of his intellect and will and body for the glory of God and the others around him.

Here is some excellent verses concerning discipline of children from Sirach:

{30:1} He who loves his son will frequently chastise him, so that he may be happy in the very end, and not grope for the doors of his neighbors.
{30:2} He who instructs his son will be praised over him and will glory in him, in the midst of his household.
{30:3} He who teaches his son will make his enemy jealous, and in the midst of his friends, he will glory in him.
{30:4} When his father has died, it will be as if he were not dead. For he will have left behind someone who is like himself.
{30:5} In his life, he saw him and rejoiced in him. And at his passing, he was not sorrowful, nor was he confounded in the sight of his enemies.
{30:6} For he left behind himself a defender of his house against his enemies, and someone who will repay his friends with kindness.
{30:7} For the sake of the souls of his sons, he will bind up his wounds, and at every voice, his gut will be stirred up.
{30:8} An untamed horse becomes stubborn, and a child left to himself becomes headstrong.
{30:9} Coddle a son, and he will make you afraid. Play with him, and he will make you sorrowful.
{30:10} You should not laugh with him; otherwise you may have grief, and in the end, your teeth be clenched.
{30:11} You should not give him power in his youth, but you should not despise his thoughts.
{30:12} Bow down his neck in his youth, and slap his sides while he is a child, lest perhaps he may become stubborn, and then he will not trust you, and so he will bring sorrow to your soul.
{30:13} Instruct your son, and work with him, lest you give offense by his shameful behavior.

I think there are other verses in Sirach.

Also it is interesting that discipline come from the the same root as disciple.

Edited August 3, 2010 by kafka

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Galloglasses' Alt' date='01 August 2010 - 08:57 PM' timestamp='1280707065' post='2150635']
A topic that comes to my mind every now and again, when questions of how to raise a child not to be an utter baddie when they grow up. What say you phatmassers? Do you agree that children needs disciplining from time to time? is the concept of disciplining children reprehensible to you? And if not, why not?
[/quote]
It depends on how you define the word. Discipline to me means showing the right way to do stuff, leading by example, then correcting errors a long the way.

She who screams came at me this morning with teeth bared because I said we don't have popsicles for breakfast.
I told her I would bite her back, and she responded "Meemaw no bite", and I said "fine, then Kelsey doesn't bite".
So she smacked me instead and then had to sit on a chair....

[CatherineM]

[img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3612/3363490458_ca182ce826_m.jpg[/img]
This was my naughty chair. The black eye tells me that I didn't go down without a fight.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Terra Firma' date='02 August 2010 - 08:54 PM' timestamp='1280778891' post='2151037']
To the OP: I think children do need discipline, but it is not a "one size fits all" sort of thing. As a parent, part of your job is to know your child well enough to know what will and won't work, discipline-wise.
[/quote]
Exactly. What worked with me didn't work with my sister and vice versa. I can pretty much tell that what works with Kieran might not work with Charlotte - they have completely different personalities. That being said, I personally don't do corporal punishment because I don't trust myself to not lose my temper. I struggle with my temper as it is. So I guess that also brings up the point of every family having a different dynamic, really. Different things work for different people.

[cmotherofpirl]

She who screams was doing well with her behavior until she was moved to the toddler room at daycare where she is the tiniest child [22 pounds] Then the kicking and biting started, certainly in self-defense. She hates sitting on the naughty chair, so at this point that and simple reasoning works best. She has an irish-italian hot temper which needs curbed but not extinguished, because with her size she is gonna have to take care of herself and defend herself her whole life.

[Ed Normile]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' date='04 August 2010 - 11:22 AM' timestamp='1280938930' post='2152036']
She who screams was doing well with her behavior until she was moved to the toddler room at daycare where she is the tiniest child [22 pounds] Then the kicking and biting started, certainly in self-defense. She hates sitting on the naughty chair, so at this point that and simple reasoning works best. She has an irish-italian hot temper which needs curbed but not extinguished, because with her size she is gonna have to take care of herself and defend herself her whole life.
[/quote]

LOL, sounds like my daughter, she is 20 now and engaged to a decent young catholic man we are thrilled for her. She was 7lbs when she was born, she is about 5 foot tall now, she claims 5-3 but will not allow an official measurement.

Of course kids need discipline and that would vary due to the child and how they handled things, my girl being forced to sit in a chair was like pulling her teeth out one by one and rubbing salt in the wounds to her. My youngest son joe, tell him to go to his room and he would stay there until he left for college, and he is now 13. A child that does not learn that there are consequences to ill behavior as a child will never learn right from wrong, I guess thats why we have prison guards.

ed

[elizabeth09]

Disciplining Children should be taught at an early age, and should be thoughtout the life. I beleive that the only gift that you should give them are brothers and sisters, because that is all they need in life. If you disciplining the first four children, then the rest should fall into place, but still having the discipline in order with them, as well. They will be the easiest to discipline because they will look up to the oldest. Mockey See, Mockey Do.

[kafka]

discipline is basically instruction.

A modest and ordinate form of corporeal punishment used on children is a fitting means of instruction especially when teaching them right from wrong. God punishes the human race when they sin and in one sense this is instruction so we may learn the consequences of evil and repent. Punishment for evils committed is just but it is also merciful. If God did not punish us for the severe evils we commit in our consciences and in our bodies then we in our fallen state might not ever realize the wrong we do and all the harm it causes. Ordinate punishment is merciful because it may lead to repentance and changing one's self. So parents are in a sense imitating God when they use ordinate punishment on their children which is in accord with their roles of teaching, leadership and authority over God's children.

Edited August 6, 2010 by kafka