How To Live Out The Vocation Of Marriage

[Slappo]

I'd love to get a good discussion going here about vocation to the married life.

Those who are married: How do you actively live out your vocation of marriage?

Do you consciously recognize the actions you do in your daily life for your spouse/family as part of your vocation?

How do you make the vocation of Marriage a prayer?


Please don't limit yourself to these questions! I'm a newly wed and I'm trying and learning to live out my relationship with my spouse as a vocation not just a relationship. It is definitely a challenge and a sacrifice, but it is oh so beautiful. I feel like I'm just beginning to understand what my spiritual director meant when talking about how you'll recognize your vocation as a sacrifice, but it will bring you great joy.

Sacrificing things for my wife can be very very difficult. I have to sacrifice the lifestyle I lead when I was single. I have obligations towards my wife with my time. I have to open up in discussions with her daily. I have to limit time spent on personal activities (video games, phatmass, reading by myself). There are some days where I don't want to give up those things as much as I need to (I want to play a video game for 3 hours straight, but should limit myself to 1/2 hour). There are some days where I am overwhelmed with joy at the opportunity to sacrifice my routine for the sake of my wife. Sometimes I can actively feel those sacrificial choices increase my love for her.



(insert mini rant on how much I love my wife) She's been away for 5 days and gets in tonight. The short trip away from her made me so much more grateful for our marriage. We've been married 2 months on Thursday.

[CatherineM]

There are several things that we made compromises on at the beginning of our marriage. It was kind of a bit of a surrender. One of them was that my husband asked me to grow out my hair. I haven't had long hair in years, and frankly don't really care what my hair looks like, so I agreed. It was important to him. It's more work, but seems a small thing really. Sometimes there are things you compromise on that seem silly, and you can't understand why it is important to your spouse. The key is that you don't have to understand the reasons, so long as you respect that it is okay for it to be important to them.

We also kiss goodbye and hello, every single time we part. There was an article in the Western Catholic this week that mentions that. It was called [i]"Ritual can be boring, but it will sustain our relationships"[/i] by Fr. Ron Rolheiser, OMI, and one part says, "A recent study on marriage points out that couples who make it a habit to give each other a ritual embrace or kiss before leaving the house in the morning and another ritual embrace or kiss before retiring at night fare better than those who let this gesture be determined by simple spontaneity or mood. The study makes the point that even if the ritual kiss is done in a distracted, hurried, perfunctory or duty-bound way, it still serves a very important function - namely, it speaks of fidelity and commitment beyond the ups and downs of our emotions, distractions and tiredness on a given day."

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='CatherineM' date='27 July 2010 - 08:24 PM' timestamp='1280273094' post='2148898']
There are several things that we made compromises on at the beginning of our marriage. It was kind of a bit of a surrender. One of them was that my husband asked me to grow out my hair. I haven't had long hair in years, and frankly don't really care what my hair looks like, so I agreed. It was important to him. It's more work, but seems a small thing really. Sometimes there are things you compromise on that seem silly, and you can't understand why it is important to your spouse. The key is that you don't have to understand the reasons, so long as you respect that it is okay for it to be important to them.

[b]We also kiss goodbye and hello, every single time we part. There was an article in the Western Catholic this week that mentions that. It was called [i]"Ritual can be boring, but it will sustain our relationships"[/i] by Fr. Ron Rolheiser, OMI, and one part says, "A recent study on marriage points out that couples who make it a habit to give each other a ritual embrace or kiss before leaving the house in the morning and another ritual embrace or kiss before retiring at night fare better than those who let this gesture be determined by simple spontaneity or mood. The study makes the point that even if the ritual kiss is done in a distracted, hurried, perfunctory or duty-bound way, it still serves a very important function - namely, it speaks of fidelity and commitment beyond the ups and downs of our emotions, distractions and tiredness on a given day."[/b]
[/quote]

I really, really like this.

I ALWAYS say "I love you" to my family and closest friends before hanging up on the phone or saying good-bye-- even if it is a hurried one.

[Cherie]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' date='27 July 2010 - 08:21 PM' timestamp='1280276515' post='2148921']
I ALWAYS say "I love you" to my family and closest friends before hanging up on the phone or saying good-bye-- even if it is a hurried one.
[/quote]

One thing this reminded me of is the fact that my husband and I say, "I love you" whenever we go anywhere-- like even if he's just leaving the hotel room for a minute to go to the car, before he leaves I always say, "I love you!" and vice versa.

Another great thing is to always smile at your spouse whenever he/she enters the room. I love that, it's something a priest taught me once, and I always try to do it. What a beautiful way to let your spouse know that you love him/her and are happy to see them!

I want to really think about this and write more! But I'm in the middleof moving, so hopefully I can come back and write some more thoughtfulreflections! Married life has been SO BEAUTIFUL and I love every second of it - so I think this is a great thread, Slappo!!!

[let_go_let_God]

I know I'm not part of the married crowd yet. It's great to have outstanding people visibly living our their vocation. In our marriage prep stuff, our amazing completely Italian priest has us take notes about traits that we see most visible in successful married couples. That way we can adapt them and live them out ourselves as ourselves.

Thanks for your witness.

God bless-
LGLG

[Sojourner]

We have been married for a little over 18 months. While it has been a real roller coaster in many ways, every day I see something that affirms for me that I married the right guy.

Overall, our relationship is very strong. Part of that, I think, is because we come from such similar perspectives on major life issues. We didn't have to have long arguments over politics, or over where we'd go to Church, or over whether we'd have kids. And, we have similar philosophies financially. So many of the big things that couples argue about haven't been much of an issue for us at this point.

We are each the firstborn children in a large family, so we are both used to being in charge and getting our way. And, we were both older when we married, and used to living independently and making our own decisions with limited accountability. That has been an adjustment, but in many ways not as difficult an adjustment as you'd imagine. Mostly it's about learning to be considerate of the other person, and building new habits into your daily routine.

The biggest thing for me has been learning to control impulsivity. I am a very impulsive person; I tend to act without thinking. Over the course of my life, this has sometimes been fine -- fun, spontaneous trips, for example -- but other times has been really an issue. Marriage has shown me that I have to be more thoughtful in my actions, because they affect my family now, and not just me.

I think the other thing that has been an adjustment for me is learning how to handle disagreements. In my family, disagreements were handled through loud, angry argument. But if I lose my cool with my husband, he shuts down. I've learned that if I really want to address something, I have to cool down a little and rationally present my frustration, and talk it through. We're pretty good about actually talking and listening to each other as long as we keep anger in check.

Our unique circumstances have forced us to be more open with each other, I think, and in that way have been a good thing for our marriage relationship. While they've revealed areas in which we can grow, they also revealed how strong our foundational bond really is. For that, I'm thankful.

[Sarah147]

I once heard an Amish married man say something profound. When asked the keys to a good marriage, he said it was saying: "I'm sorry" and "please forgive me."

Edited August 8, 2010 by JoyfulLife

[Slappo]

As my wife just said... "living out the sacrament of marriage is giving my husband the last chip in the bag."




FOOD!

[add]

Our 27th year anniversary is next week

every day, 9,849 so far have been good. In sickness and in health I do cherishthis life, our union, forever

[Sarah147]

Marriage...

[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/cupid.gif[/img] [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/cupidhit.gif[/img] [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/marriage.gif[/img] [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/love.gif[/img]

Edited August 8, 2010 by JoyfulLife

[Rebecca2009]

Wow, very good question. Will be back later to read this whole thread and maybe add my two cents. I've been married for almost 26 years and I am only just beginning to really grasp some important things about it now!

[Rebecca2009]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' date='07 August 2010 - 09:19 PM' timestamp='1281233976' post='2153860']
I once heard an Amish married man say something profound. When asked the keys to a good marriage, he said it was saying: "I'm sorry" and "please forgive me."
[/quote]

[LoveConquersAll]

A good friend of mine once described it as "joining with someone and doing your best to get them to Heaven."
Which of course, you should do with everyone you meet (at least in some small way), but dedicating your life to that one person and trying to help them towards perfect union with God? Pretty sweet.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='LoveConquersAll' date='08 August 2010 - 07:21 AM' timestamp='1281273681' post='2154111']
A good friend of mine once described it as "joining with someone and doing your best to get them to Heaven."
[/quote]
I think that's a particularly important thing to keep in mind. Marriage is about having the shared goal of getting each other into heaven. It's not about the stuff you accumulate, or having the "right" number of kids, or whatever other temporal things we engage in. It is about mutually growing in holiness. That has to be your overall priority.

[Brother Adam]

We had a couple celebrating 50 years together the same day our cousin was married. When asked to give the newly wed advice, the experienced husband promptly looked at the new husband and said there are only two words you need to know to have a long, healthy, and happy marriage: "Yes, Dear".

After 7 years as of 8 days ago, I agree.