How Does A Woman Keep Her Head On Straight During Courtship

[tinytherese]

Thank you for the sound advise everyone. I suppose the real issue is knowing the difference between being too picky and not being picky enough.

To this day, it still boggles my mind how my parents who have hardly anything in common got married in the first place and not only that how they have managed to stay together. It was as if they've done it more out of habit than desire. "We've been together so long, why break it off, especially at our age?" So it's more as if they've survived each other more than anything else. For as long as I can remember they've had so many marital problems which until more recent months weren't even addressed.

My dad's parents didn't seem to even like each other when they got married. His brother married her sister, she was really shy, he was capable of supporting a family, a marriage would have had her provided for especially since it was during a time when being a homemaker basically was all you could do back in the day, and it just seemed to make sense for them to tie the knot. They definitely haven't been happy.

Other issues I've run into are different beliefs regarding family life. One I know definitely wanted a large family where the wife would stay at home with them all--and this wasn't negotiable for him. He also would have expected his own kids to do the same if they didn't enter the priesthood or consecrated life. I don't know how many kids I'll end up having. It may be 3 or it may be 8 for all I know. I can't say that now. I don't know what is feasible. I also can't say if I would stay at home with the kids or not. At the moment, God seems to be calling me to have both a career and a family. That just might better suite my temperament and how I was raised. Staying at home wouldn't be impossible, but I couldn't promise him.

Another guy had a masterbation addiction and I found that for the most part, if I wasn't strong purity wise (in terms of our speech,) than neither of us could be. Either I would continue with the immodest conversation or I'd be the "chastity cop."

There have also been these pet pieves of mine that came up with one. One of them was that I was practically being venerated as a saint by him. Now I realize that he was praising me for virtue that he noticed in me, but he just took it too far. "You're perfect and never sin." Like Limbo! The other is being thought of as cute (and I don't mean as in, "Whoa, what a strong, beautiful, captivating woman," but "Aww, you're such an adorable little toddler. )

[Slappo]

tt,

just remember that you don't marry for romantic love, you marry for sanctity and vocation.


Loving your spouse has nothing to do with your feelings for him, but everything to do with your action towards him, your family, and others.


I've been married less than 2 months and there have already been many times where I had no feelings of love or attraction towards my spouse, but my action proved a love of spouse greater than feeling or attraction ever could.


The feeling and attraction just help, but they aren't expected to last forever (although you might be graced with that).

[Archaeology cat]

I'd just echo what the others said. I'm thankful my husband didn't say he'd only date a Catholic, because I was Methodist when we started dating. Now, he definitely would have insisted that the children be raised Catholic, and that NFP be used and such, but not that I be Catholic, though obviously that would've been his preference. He never would've asked me to convert, though. I'm the one who brought it up. I wanted to be in the same Church as my husband, though I didn't convert for that reason, just something I wanted that happened to work out.

[tinytherese]

I'm such a stubborn head person and still haven't mastered the art of having a proper balance of both heart and head. I've gotten caught up with feelings before and the strong head inclination may be my defense mechanism against that. Must...not...be...a...Spock.

[let_go_let_God]

Don't worry about being Spock. Take the time to lay a solid groundwork first. It isn't as crazy as it may sound.

When CttC and I started "dating" we knew that it was a fully involved interview for marriage. He passed for me and I must have for him, we're tying the knot on Jan. 7 and are very excited.

One big advice for on a date or meeting his family. Look at how he treats the waiter. That is a tell tale sign into his true intentions. Also for his family. Look at how he treats his mother. That will be how he treats his wife.

God bless-
LGLG

[jeffpugh]

[quote name='tinytherese' date='23 July 2010 - 02:37 PM' timestamp='1279910229' post='2146906']
I'm such a stubborn head person and still haven't mastered the art of having a proper balance of both heart and head. I've gotten caught up with feelings before and the strong head inclination may be my defense mechanism against that. Must...not...be...a...[s]Spock[/s] Vulcan.
[/quote]
Fixed it. And understand. \\//,