Why Parents Hate Parenting.

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No, it is not true for everyone. I have three amazing kids and while everyday isn't puppies and sunshine, I have no regrets and still cannot believe how overwhelming my love for them is.

[goldenchild17]

No its not fun for everyone, that's not too hard to see just looking around us everyday. I couldn't imagine why it wouldn't be fun for everyone however.

[Archaeology cat]

As with anything, there are ups and downs, fun days and days where you can't wait for bedtime. But overall, yes, it's loads of fun. I can't imagine not having the opportunity to wrestle my son and make my daughter "fly" on my legs. I think some people think their children should never act like children, or they aren't consistent with things, and so the child rebels against it. I mean, this starts even as babies, with people asking me if my baby is "good" (ie: doesn't cry and sleeps all night). My definition of good is different from theirs, I'd say. I don't mind a baby jabbering or child whispering during Mass. I don't expect my child to sleep through the night. I don't expect my child to be seen but not heard. And I've also had to learn how to curb my temper, as I don't want to upset my children with it, nor do I want them to pick up on it. So I guess what I'm saying is that a person's expectations of what children do/how they behave probably plays a big part in whether they consider life with children to be fun.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' date='12 July 2010 - 12:30 AM' timestamp='1278916239' post='2141558']
As with anything, there are ups and downs, fun days and days where you can't wait for bedtime. But overall, yes, it's loads of fun. I can't imagine not having the opportunity to wrestle my son and make my daughter "fly" on my legs. I think some people think their children should never act like children, or they aren't consistent with things, and so the child rebels against it. I mean, this starts even as babies, with people asking me if my baby is "good" (ie: doesn't cry and sleeps all night). My definition of good is different from theirs, I'd say. I don't mind a baby jabbering or child whispering during Mass. I don't expect my child to sleep through the night. I don't expect my child to be seen but not heard. And I've also had to learn how to curb my temper, as I don't want to upset my children with it, nor do I want them to pick up on it. So I guess what I'm saying is that a person's expectations of what children do/how they behave probably plays a big part in whether they consider life with children to be fun.
[/quote]
I would agree with that, and I think people's skewed perspective is heightened by the fact that people have less often spent time around small children. My husband and I both come from decently large families, and we had experience with younger siblings and so came into parenthood with a decent idea of what to expect. If we'd come from smaller families with children closer in age, we wouldn't have had that experience. This is, I think, one of the effects of having a significantly lower birthrate.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Terra Firma' date='12 July 2010 - 08:13 AM' timestamp='1278918791' post='2141562']
I would agree with that, and I think people's skewed perspective is heightened by the fact that people have less often spent time around small children. My husband and I both come from decently large families, and we had experience with younger siblings and so came into parenthood with a decent idea of what to expect. If we'd come from smaller families with children closer in age, we wouldn't have had that experience. This is, I think, one of the effects of having a significantly lower birthrate.
[/quote]
Glad my early morning rambling made at least some sense. I think you're onto something, too. I'm the youngest, but had experience around my nephews and foster brothers. My husband is the second youngest, with the next one being 2 years younger than he is, and had never changed a diaper or had much experience with kids (his first niece wasn't born until he was out of college, and he's never been around them a lot).

I'm sure our personalities play a role, too. We're both fairly relaxed about things, parenting-wise. some days more than others, of course.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' date='12 July 2010 - 05:45 AM' timestamp='1278935105' post='2141572']
Glad my early morning rambling made at least some sense. I think you're onto something, too. I'm the youngest, but had experience around my nephews and foster brothers. My husband is the second youngest, with the next one being 2 years younger than he is, and had never changed a diaper or had much experience with kids (his first niece wasn't born until he was out of college, and he's never been around them a lot).

I'm sure our personalities play a role, too. We're both fairly relaxed about things, parenting-wise. some days more than others, of course.
[/quote]
Haha ... I was worried about [i]my[/i] post making sense. It's a little dangerous to post while feeding baby, typing one-handed, with your eyes not quite focusing because you're not really fully awake.

Anyway ... yes, I think that a lower birthrate means people have less experience with children in immediate or extended families, and are therefore more hesitant to have children of their own because they have so little idea of what to expect. We all know it's one thing to read about parenthood and another thing to experience it. My husband is the oldest of 10, and uncle to 18, and even though he didn't marry until middle age he had no hesitations about having children. Crying babies, diapers, tantrums -- all that's completely within his experience. I had far less experience with children in my family, but as a girl I often babysat.

I think the other problem is in the expectation that parenthood should be "fun," and that fun is the ultimate goal. When you have people who've grown up being entertained in so many ways -- movies, video games, tv, etc. -- and have that expectation going forward, parenthood is a big wake-up call. But just because parenthood isn't always "fun" doesn't mean it doesn't bring happiness. Happiness is a choice we make in spite of the circumstances of our lives. We can choose to be happy even in the most dismal of circumstances.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Terra Firma' date='12 July 2010 - 03:47 PM' timestamp='1278946030' post='2141604']
I think the other problem is in the expectation that parenthood should be "fun," and that fun is the ultimate goal. When you have people who've grown up being entertained in so many ways -- movies, video games, tv, etc. -- and have that expectation going forward, parenthood is a big wake-up call. But just because parenthood isn't always "fun" doesn't mean it doesn't bring happiness. Happiness is a choice we make in spite of the circumstances of our lives. We can choose to be happy even in the most dismal of circumstances.
[/quote]
Exactly!

Oh, and I'm well acquainted with the one-handed typing whilst feeding a baby. Or wrangling a toddler.

[Ed Normile]

I do not think parenting is meant to be fun, however I can think of a few F-words that parenting is, its above all Familial, and it is always Fulfilling and if done right it can prove to be Fructifying for your children. All in all I would say parenting is Fabulous despite the forced Frugalities.

ed

Edited July 13, 2010 by Ed Normile

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Ed Normile' date='12 July 2010 - 07:28 PM' timestamp='1278984501' post='2141890']
I do not think parenting is meant to be fun, however I can think of a few F-words that parenting is, its above all Familial, and it is always Fulfilling and if done right it can prove to be Fructifying for your children. All in all I would say parenting is Fabulous despite the forced Frugalities.

ed
[/quote]
I thought "fructifying" was a made up word. But, it isn't.

[Ed Normile]

[quote name='Terra Firma' date='12 July 2010 - 09:22 PM' timestamp='1278987731' post='2141912']
I thought "fructifying" was a made up word. But, it isn't.
[/quote]

Naw, it means to produce fruit, or to produce something in or out of something. Now you can see why I do not write dictionary entries. By the way that baby in your avatar is so cute seeing the picture always is a pleasure.

ed

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Ed Normile' date='13 July 2010 - 10:18 AM' timestamp='1279037904' post='2142064']
Naw, it means to produce fruit, or to produce something in or out of something. Now you can see why I do not write dictionary entries. By the way that baby in your avatar is so cute seeing the picture always is a pleasure.

ed
[/quote]
Thanks.

That's my son; he's now almost 5 months old, and he loves to smile ... which works out well because I love to see him smile!

[MissScripture]

If people are having kids, because they think that will make them happy, then that implies they were probably not all that happy to begin with, and if they don't know how to be happy with where they are and what they have, there's a good chance they won't be happy no matter what. Like Terra said, happiness is a choice. I'm not a parent yet, but I hope to be, and I in no way expect it to be all teddy bears and rainbows. I've babysat enough to know the wonderful feeling when the parents get home and you can pass the kid off to them and run out of the house, free at last. However, I've also seen enough parents who truly love being parents to know that when it's all said and done, it's worth it. And I am very much looking forward to the day when I get to be a mommy!

[Katherine of Aragon]

As a mother of six (who is at the moment doing the one-handed nursing-typing thing)I would certainly say that, though rewarding, parenting is not fun. Why on earth should it be fun? It is hard work! However, I would not change it for anything. There is deep joy in parenthood, even if there is not fun. My sleeping-yet-somehow-still-eating infant in my arms fills me with a love so great it is nearly pain. But fun--nope.

[goldenchild17]

I guess it maybe depends on what people find to be fun in general. Sure it's hard work, as it should be, but some people think hard work is fun. Sure there are aspects of it that aren't fun, but in general I'd imagine it would be. Of course I don't know what I'm talking about as I'm not a parent, and may likely never be, but just going by my experience living with my parents and being the oldest of 10.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='MissScripture' date='13 July 2010 - 10:50 PM' timestamp='1279072239' post='2142311']
If people are having kids, because they think that will make them happy, then that implies they were probably not all that happy to begin with, and if they don't know how to be happy with where they are and what they have, there's a good chance they won't be happy no matter what. Like Terra said, happiness is a choice. I'm not a parent yet, but I hope to be, and I in no way expect it to be all teddy bears and rainbows. I've babysat enough to know the wonderful feeling when the parents get home and you can pass the kid off to them and run out of the house, free at last. However, I've also seen enough parents who truly love being parents to know that when it's all said and done, it's worth it. And I am very much looking forward to the day when I get to be a mommy!
[/quote]
You have so completely hit the nail on the head.
You don't have kids because you need fulfilled by little people, if that is one's attitude aproaching parenthood someone is in for a rude awakening, and both parent and child will suffer until the parent GROWS UP!