Advice From Your Spiritual Director

[Sarah147]

Hello.

Please share, what advice and direction has your spiritual director given you on discerning the religious life and the religious life in general?

God bless you.

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' date='05 July 2010 - 03:43 PM' timestamp='1278355397' post='2137961']
Hello.

Please share, what advice and direction has your spiritual director given you on discerning the religious life and the religious life in general?

God bless you.
[/quote]

Mine didn't really focus on it much, to be honest. He said to me early on, "Let's focus on growing in prayer, growing closer to Jesus. The rest will fall in place. The closer you are to Jesus, the easier it will be to know His will for your life." And that was pretty much what we focused on for two years. I kept bringing up religious life and he would repeat, "Focus on prayer, on Jesus." Then, at some point, he recommended that I get in touch with a few communities. We only began to seriously discuss it when I found *my* community and made an official visit.

Honestly, I found his advice frustrating most of the time. But looking back now, I can see the wisdom in his approach. It can be so easy to get wrapped up and worried about discernment-- so much so that it actually serve as a stumbling block in one's relationship with Christ.

[Sarah147]

Can you elaborate on finding "*my* community" and how you knew?

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' date='05 July 2010 - 07:07 PM' timestamp='1278367622' post='2138093']
Can you elaborate on finding "*my* community" and how you knew?
[/quote]

Well, I was on campus at the same time that a woman's discernment retreat ("Fiat Days") was taking place. Present at the retreat was somewhere around 20-25 religious communities (one or two sisters representing each community). I wasn't planning on attending the retreat, since I knew the Dominicans weren't going to be there. But, my best friend was going and I hadn't seen her all summer... so I figured I'd go if not just to spend time with her.

The retreat was fine, but nothing earth shattering for me. Again, the Dominicans weren't there. I met two sisters from a particular community that were basically my age. The four of us hung out quite a bit and I found an insane connection between myself and one of the sisters (she and I had played against each other at a national tournament three years back). Anyways, the two sisters invited me and my friend to come down to their convent the following Friday night for pizza, adoration, and recreation.

Since it was summer and there's nothing to do on Friday nights on an empty college campus, we decided to go-- plus the sisters were awesome and we really hit it off. We showed up on Friday night just in time for a rosary walk, followed by a holy hour. Then we ate a late dinner and stayed up with the sisters until nearly midnight-- playing games, and just having a great time. The sisters invited us to stay the night since it was so late. And we did. We went to Mass with them in the morning and then helped with work around the house-- I was helping in the library, rearrange books, and had an amazing conversation with one of the Sisters who teaches those in formation.

I remember never wanting to leave... Haha, I distinctly remember saying to myself, "Too bad I'm supposed to be a Dominican, these sisters are awesome!"

Oh! When we first arrived on Friday night, a sister whom we didn't know answered the door and said, "I think someone you know is in the kitchen." We were a bit confused, but figured that she just met that it was one of the two sisters we had met at the retreat. We proceeded into the kitchen and lo behold, one of our friends from school was in there!! Come to find out, she was entering with the sisters in less than two months!! We had no idea!!

So, I left the sisters particularly in love with them, but convinced I was supposed to be a Dominican.

Then I found myself constantly checking their website. Coming back to visit them. Meeting up with them when they were around my area. Keeping in touch with the one sister I had met at the retreat.

And then came that sneaking suspicion.... [i]Could I be called to [b]them[/b]?[/i] No, no way... I'm supposed to be a Dominican. But it kept eating at me, and I eventually had to bring it to my spiritual director. He laughed at me and asked if I had contacted the vocations director yet. I said, quite confidently, "No way!" Then he ordered me "under obedience" to give her a call. I think he knew I was too hesitant to actually do it.

That was the beginning of it all. This Order really did just appear out of nowhere and pull me in (figuratively, not literally-- not once did any of the sisters attempt to even talk with me about discernment or vocations).

[JTheresa]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' date='05 July 2010 - 06:33 PM' timestamp='1278369192' post='2138112']
Well, I was on campus at the same time that a woman's discernment retreat ("Fiat Days") was taking place. Present at the retreat was somewhere around 20-25 religious communities (one or two sisters representing each community). I wasn't planning on attending the retreat, since I knew the Dominicans weren't going to be there. But, my best friend was going and I hadn't seen her all summer... so I figured I'd go if not just to spend time with her.

The retreat was fine, but nothing earth shattering for me. Again, the Dominicans weren't there. I met two sisters from a particular community that were basically my age. The four of us hung out quite a bit and I found an insane connection between myself and one of the sisters (she and I had played against each other at a national tournament three years back). Anyways, the two sisters invited me and my friend to come down to their convent the following Friday night for pizza, adoration, and recreation.

Since it was summer and there's nothing to do on Friday nights on an empty college campus, we decided to go-- plus the sisters were awesome and we really hit it off. We showed up on Friday night just in time for a rosary walk, followed by a holy hour. Then we ate a late dinner and stayed up with the sisters until nearly midnight-- playing games, and just having a great time. The sisters invited us to stay the night since it was so late. And we did. We went to Mass with them in the morning and then helped with work around the house-- I was helping in the library, rearrange books, and had an amazing conversation with one of the Sisters who teaches those in formation.

I remember never wanting to leave... Haha, I distinctly remember saying to myself, "Too bad I'm supposed to be a Dominican, these sisters are awesome!"

Oh! When we first arrived on Friday night, a sister whom we didn't know answered the door and said, "I think someone you know is in the kitchen." We were a bit confused, but figured that she just met that it was one of the two sisters we had met at the retreat. We proceeded into the kitchen and lo behold, one of our friends from school was in there!! Come to find out, she was entering with the sisters in less than two months!! We had no idea!!

So, I left the sisters particularly in love with them, but convinced I was supposed to be a Dominican.

Then I found myself constantly checking their website. Coming back to visit them. Meeting up with them when they were around my area. Keeping in touch with the one sister I had met at the retreat.

And then came that sneaking suspicion.... [i]Could I be called to [b]them[/b]?[/i] No, no way... I'm supposed to be a Dominican. But it kept eating at me, and I eventually had to bring it to my spiritual director. He laughed at me and asked if I had contacted the vocations director yet. I said, quite confidently, "No way!" Then he ordered me "under obedience" to give her a call. I think he knew I was too hesitant to actually do it.

That was the beginning of it all. This Order really did just appear out of nowhere and pull me in (figuratively, not literally-- not once did any of the sisters attempt to even talk with me about discernment or vocations).
[/quote]

wow, that's a great story TB!!! Funny how things work like that!!

As for what my SD told me, he pretty much said the same thing; just focus on your relationship with God and do what He calls you to do right now. Be the best daughter, student and co-worker you can be and as long as you strive to do His will then He will always let you know what it is. I definitely wanted my SD to either tell me it was very possible that I had a vocation or that I seemed more like I was just called to be a mother. He did neither. He jus stressed doing what Gods will was for me in that moment. God would tell me what He wanted me to do when the time was right.

[CatherineM]

Five years ago, mine told me I was too set in my ways, and too old to be able to handle the obedience part. She was right, but sure made me mad.

[ksterling]

I joke to my SD that he is more like a shrink than a priest - I should be paying him $200 an hour! He mostly asks questions - tries to make me think for myself and find answers myself. Each week he suggests a topic or something to read - for example, a few weeks ago it was Edith Stein who I knew very little about (other than the basic story). He will ask me questions about the topic and I just talk. Inspiring, therapeutic and though-provoking all at once!

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' date='05 July 2010 - 02:43 PM' timestamp='1278355397' post='2137961']
Hello.

Please share, what advice and direction has your spiritual director given you on discerning the religious life and the religious life in general?

God bless you.
[/quote]

Hi!

My first spiritual director was the first person to really flat-out ask me, "So, have you ever discerned your vocation?" That pretty much got the ball rolling since in all honesty, I really hadn't. Furthermore, he said, "Pray about it."

I was fairly certain I had my life already planned out, but as this question came from my spiritual director, I decided maybe I should see what "the nun thing" was all about.

Asking me a question I don't know the answer to is like hiding a piece of candy from a sugar-hungry kid, or perhaps sending some adventurer off on a treasure hunt. I immediately turned to research and then spending additional time in front of the Blessed Sacrament.

That first director never really gave me direct advice about discerning my vocation, but really encouraged me to question "my" plans... giving them to God instead of assuming I already had God's "stamp of approval". That in itself was probably the biggest help. Also, in a rather providential way, I think he saw a lot of his younger self in me, not only in temperament/personality, but especially in my own "planned" career path. It's rather uncanny, really.

When I moved away, I had another spiritual director. One of the things he said to me that really stuck was, "I'm not here to tell you God's will. I'm here only to help guide you along the way." So often in my own discernment, I've found myself wishing God could just blatantly tell me, "Hey, LC! Do THIS. Now." or "Hey, LC, if you follow these steps in this order, you'll get to where I want you to be." (Or maybe even having one of those huge billboards with flashing lights from God to me would have been ideal. ) I have struggled a lot with feeling like an idiot in "knowing" God's will for me. Some people just seem to [i]know[/i]. I, however, have never [i]known[/i]... not the way Mother Teresa speaks about, or other Sisters I've heard speak about.

Anyhoo... using St. Ignatius' "[url="http://www.therealpresence.org/archives/Christian_Spirituality/Christian_Spirituality_030.htm"]Discernment of Spirits[/url]" has been helpful. It seems the spiritual directors I have used (and continue to use) this method in helping me with my discernment. It's a method I trust and can understand. Simple, and not based on the emotions/passions. I am a fan. And I'd recommend it to anyone and everyone.

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='laetitia crucis' date='06 July 2010 - 04:50 PM' timestamp='1278449405' post='2138601']
One of the things he said to me that really stuck was, "I'm not here to tell you God's will. I'm here only to help guide you along the way." So often in my own discernment, I've found myself wishing God could just blatantly tell me, "Hey, LC! Do THIS. Now." or "Hey, LC, if you follow these steps in this order, you'll get to where I want you to be." (Or maybe even having one of those huge billboards with flashing lights from God to me would have been ideal. ) I have struggled a lot with feeling like an idiot in "knowing" God's will for me. [b]Some people just seem to [i]know[/i]. I, however, have never [i]known[/i]... not the way Mother Teresa speaks about, or other Sisters I've heard speak about[/b].

[/quote]

Oops -- just wanted to clarify my bolded statement. I meant to say, I have never [i]known[/i] (in the Mother Teresa or various Sisters' sense) specifically which community God is calling me, too. However, blessed be God, I do believe I have [i]known[/i] that I am indeed called to the religious life.

[vee]

My SD said "focus on Christ, dont look to the left or to the right but always on Christ." From the conversation we were having the left and the right at that time meant religious life on one hand and marriage on the other. He also said "everyone wants to be at the foot of the cross with Mary but you cant stay there you have to get up on the cross." He also made me see myself in the good thief... I miss that SD!

[Cherie]

The most influential thing my spiritual director ever said to me was waaay back in the beginning of my discernment to religious life - I was completely set on entering the cloistered Carmelites, but he asked me, very simply, "What if God [i]isn't[/i] calling you to the cloistered life?"

That opened up a whole new world for me. At first, I resisted it, "Oh no, Msgr, he's definitely calling me to the cloistered life..." but when I really considered it, and opened myself to God's will, everything else fell into place.

It's beautiful to have a spiritual director who knows you well enough to be able to say something like that and know it's true!

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='vee8' date='07 July 2010 - 10:07 AM' timestamp='1278511649' post='2138887']
My SD said "focus on Christ, dont look to the left or to the right but always on Christ." From the conversation we were having the left and the right at that time meant religious life on one hand and marriage on the other. [b]He also said "everyone wants to be at the foot of the cross with Mary but you cant stay there you have to get up on the cross."[/b] He also made me see myself in the good thief... I miss that SD!
[/quote]

Oooo.. that's [i]good[/i]!

I'll have to remember that one.

[vee]

I remember something else not from an SD though but a nun. She was suddenly very serious and said "(my name) never say no to God because no is from the devil." That hit me like a ton of bricks.

[vee]

[quote name='CherieMadame' date='07 July 2010 - 09:12 AM' timestamp='1278511947' post='2138889']
The most influential thing my spiritual director ever said to me was waaay back in the beginning of my discernment to religious life - I was completely set on entering the cloistered Carmelites, but he asked me, very simply, "What if God [i]isn't[/i] calling you to the cloistered life?"

[/quote]

I know what Id say. Really?!

[quote name='laetitia crucis' date='07 July 2010 - 09:24 AM' timestamp='1278512651' post='2138891']
Oooo.. that's [i]good[/i]!

I'll have to remember that one.
[/quote]

Isnt it!