The Right Place For You And Timing

[Sarah147]

Hello.

How have religious determined the right order, apostolate, and community? Have they been 100% or filled with a little uncertainty? It makes me wonder because it is such a big step, for life there, you know, and always there all day. People have told me that no place is perfect and there are crosses everywhere, so then there's got to be room for uncertainty about every place I would think. What is it about a place that tells a person strongly that this is the place, what strongly draws them to it, what compells them to desire entering at that specific place? Have they second questioned their descision at any point after entering and being there a while? What if they looked at a few places and like some things about all of them? I guess you not only would have to look at your conviction and desire for a place, but personality, abilities, age of the people, getting along with the community, location, strength, etc.

Also, for those who have found the right place for them, how have they and the vocation director determined when they are best ready to enter? I've read of stories such as one women who was told to wait 2 years before she could enter, some that were told to finish school, get some work, live on their own, etc.

From places I've visited, I seem to like smaller communities (but I'm not set on small) with close, loving, mature, real sisters with similar personality as mine. Some of the sisters in mid to upper twenties. Habit and veil. Fully or mostly traditional. Not too formal, austere, or over-packed schedule (I've been to convents where they didn't assign a block of "free time" to read, nap, walk, etc.). Faithful to the Pope, daily adoration a must, beautiful music. I'm more drawn to and fit for semi-contemplative and contemplaive communities than active. I'm concerned about the longevity, I feel a need to know the place will be there for my lifetime. The more places I've vistited and the longer I've been reflecting and praying about it and growing spiritually, I've better come to see what I'm drawn to in a community. I know in my case, I can see I need to be living where I am out of home longer to grow more (and I have very much already) in responsibility, independence, conviction about wanting the religious life, life skills, and health councelling. I feel like one to two years at least or more before I feel I might be better up to the commitment, responsibility, health and vows. By the way, if you know of any orders like I described, please share.

I read a good book a while ago about the call and entering. It is Come & Follow Me by Fr. Stefano M. Manelli, FI. Anyone here read it?

Any thoughts, comments, etc. appreciated.

God bless you.

[sistersintigo]

The magic word, in my experience, is "charism." That is the word insisted on, in conversations, with spiritual directors and vocations people, in English. The word is indeed related to the word "charisma"; in English these words are two distinct words with two similar, yet different, meanings. In other countries and languages, probably there is a single word for both -- I would guess that Italy says "charisma" for both meanings.
"Charism" is often defined as that which distinguishes one spirituality from another. This is on many more levels than one. For example, the charism of Saint Benedict versus the charism of Saint Teresa of Avila: two very different ways of living monastic life.
Then, for a different example, Saint Benedict's Rule gave rise to many little charisms which sort of branch away from each other, yet have one common root if you go back far enough. There is a visible difference from St Romuald of Camaldoli with his eremitical secluded life, to the more common Benedictine monks who teach in Catholic universities. Yet both are Benedictine in source.

[Sarah147]

Now that you mention it, I am tremendously drawn to the joy, simplicity, humility, realness, and poverty of Franciscans. But it's hard to find good Franciscan female orders. The one I tried was way too heavy on penances, and latin and having to learn a new language and yada yada. I keep a look out though. I see many beautiful male orders for Franciscan though, very beautiful. I love them.

[Sarah147]

Forgot to also mention that order was over board on poverty, too. Driving around in freezing cold weather, refusing to put the heater on is ridiculous. And the food, a friend said of all the convents they had been to it was the worst. I don't think it should be to the point that it's hard to get down. Just regular food.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' date='05 July 2010 - 05:56 PM' timestamp='1278366993' post='2138086']
Now that you mention it, I am tremendously drawn to the joy, simplicity, humility, realness, and poverty of Franciscans. But it's hard to find good Franciscan female orders. The one I tried was way too heavy on penances, and latin and having to learn a new language and yada yada. I keep a look out though. I see many beautiful male orders for Franciscan though, very beautiful. I love them.
[/quote]

Have you looked into the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal? If I didn't have a vocation to the Dominicans, I would have entered there. They are AMAZING!

http://www.franciscansisterscfr.com/

They are very down to earth women and I had a blast on the "Come and See" retreat I went to in January. I strongly recommend them to anyone interested in the Franciscan charism.

They have a lot of what you are looking for including:

Daily Holy Hour
Emphasis on music
Traditional habit and veil

Edited July 5, 2010 by MaterMisericordiae

[Sarah147]

I get the impression that it is a very tough life those sisters have. Is it? And is it an active order? What is their apostolate?

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' date='05 July 2010 - 07:36 PM' timestamp='1278372964' post='2138147']
I get the impression that it is a very tough life those sisters have. Is it? And is it an active order? What is their apostolate?
[/quote]

Well, I'm not going to lie and say it's a very easy life, but I think it's a very beautiful life. They are austere, but not as austere as the Poor Clares. Their habit is simple and durable for working. Believe me, I am not one to be attracted by the extreme austerity of some orders, but this order completely took me by surprise. I loved how joyful they are! Even at the dinner table, they don't have silence. It is their recreation time so you'll find laughing and smiling sisters. Sometimes I would just sit back and observe and be in awe of their beautiful joy!

They are an active/contemplative order but they have complete emphasis on the contemplative because they believe that without prayer, the apostolate couldn't survive. While I was there, the "Come and See" retreatants and I were plunged into their apostolate and I felt like I was living the life. We helped clean up (which consisted of putting away Christmas decorations), cook for their yearly retreat, worked in the soup kitchen, went to the Handmaidens' meeting, and also went to the Youth 2000 retreat in Westchester, NY. They don't have one main apostolate, is what Sr. Francis told me. They are open to the Holy Spirit and they assist the CFR Friars in their apostolates, so anyone who enters needs to be flexible because you could be doing something different than the day before.

My advice to you is to contact Sr. Francis by phone and then send a "Come and See" interview form. I sent the interview form first and waited to hear back from her (in May 2009) but I didn't hear back until October! So she said that aspirants need to call first. You can find the interview form here:

[url="http://franciscansisterscfr.com/ComeAndSeeForm.pdf"]Come and See Form[/url]

[Cherie]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' date='05 July 2010 - 05:56 PM' timestamp='1278366993' post='2138086']
Now that you mention it, I am tremendously drawn to the joy, simplicity, humility, realness, and poverty of Franciscans. But it's hard to find good Franciscan female orders. The one I tried was way too heavy on penances, and latin and having to learn a new language and yada yada. I keep a look out though. I see many beautiful male orders for Franciscan though, very beautiful. I love them.
[/quote]

Unfortunately my husband and I are in the middle of a move to another state, so I have limited time and was just checking into VS when I saw your post. There's [i]a lot[/i] I'd like to say about the first part of your original post, and hopefully after we're all settled in I will get back to it!

In the meantime, however, since you asked about different communities, I'd like to recommend the [url="http://www.sisterservants.org"]Sister Servants of the Eternal Word[/url]. I was with them for five years, and they are a lovely group of Sisters. They are in the process of updating their website, so the "Sisters" section isn't showing completely, but check back often because I'm sure they'd like their website to be fully functional soon! They follow the Rule of St. Francis, but were founded by a Dominican Sister so they have many Dominican traditions as well, and consider their charism "Franciscan/Dominican". Their motto is "Caritas, Veritas, Maria" - "Charity, Truth, Mary" - three pillars for their spirituality. Their apostolate is retreats and catechesis, but they are very contemplative, although not cloistered. Although they do have an active apostolate, we often said our lifestyle was more "monastic" in a sense, because we didn't often go out into the world for our apostolate; rather, the people came to us at the retreat house. (Sometimes the Sisters would travel for vocation talks, etc. at parishes in other cities or states, but that wasn't regularly, and the main part of the apostolate was done at home, at the retreat house.) They are smaller - they have about 16 Sisters right now (can't think enough to count the exact number) so the atmosphere is very much like family. Many of the Sisters are in their twenties, but they also have some Sisters who are a little older, as well, so it's a great mix. Definitely 100% orthodox, and leaning toward traditional.

Anyway, I could say more - feel free to PM me if you're interested. I just thought I would mention them because they're the first community I thought of when you were writing what you were attracted to.

[JTheresa]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' date='05 July 2010 - 05:56 PM' timestamp='1278366993' post='2138086']
Now that you mention it, I am tremendously drawn to the joy, simplicity, humility, realness, and poverty of Franciscans. But it's hard to find good Franciscan female orders. The one I tried was way too heavy on penances, and latin and having to learn a new language and yada yada. I keep a look out though. I see many beautiful male orders for Franciscan though, very beautiful. I love them.
[/quote]


[quote name='JoyfulLife' date='05 July 2010 - 06:02 PM' timestamp='1278367379' post='2138090']
Forgot to also mention that order was over board on poverty, too. Driving around in freezing cold weather, refusing to put the heater on is ridiculous. And the food, a friend said of all the convents they had been to it was the worst. I don't think it should be to the point that it's hard to get down. Just regular food.
[/quote]

Franciscans!!

Here are some Women's communities that you could look at:
[url="http://www.altonfranciscans.org/"]Sisters of Saint Francis of the Martyr St. George[/url]
[url="http://www.ssfpa.org"]Sisters of Saint Francis of Perpetual Adoration[/url] (I know plenty about these Sisters if you have any questions; they're my future community!)

The Institute for Religious Life also has a pretty good list of communities
[url="http://www.religiouslife.com/"]IRL[/url]

Here's another list that I found:
[url="http://www.religious-vocation.com/media_links.html"]List of Orders from religious-vocation.com[/url]

Sorry I can't be of any more help right now, I'm kinda in a time cramp. More later!!

Edited July 6, 2010 by JTheresa

[Sarah147]

[quote name='CherieMadame' date='05 July 2010 - 11:24 PM' timestamp='1278383044' post='2138241']
In the meantime, however, since you asked about different communities, I'd like to recommend the [url="http://www.sisterservants.org"]Sister Servants of the Eternal Word[/url]. I was with them for five years, and they are a lovely group of Sisters. They are in the process of updating their website, so the "Sisters" section isn't showing completely, but check back often because I'm sure they'd like their website to be fully functional soon! They follow the Rule of St. Francis, but were founded by a Dominican Sister so they have many Dominican traditions as well, and consider their charism "Franciscan/Dominican". Their motto is "Caritas, Veritas, Maria" - "Charity, Truth, Mary" - three pillars for their spirituality. Their apostolate is retreats and catechesis, but they are very contemplative, although not cloistered. Although they do have an active apostolate, we often said our lifestyle was more "monastic" in a sense, because we didn't often go out into the world for our apostolate; rather, the people came to us at the retreat house. (Sometimes the Sisters would travel for vocation talks, etc. at parishes in other cities or states, but that wasn't regularly, and the main part of the apostolate was done at home, at the retreat house.) They are smaller - they have about 16 Sisters right now (can't think enough to count the exact number) so the atmosphere is very much like family. Many of the Sisters are in their twenties, but they also have some Sisters who are a little older, as well, so it's a great mix. Definitely 100% orthodox, and leaning toward traditional.

Anyway, I could say more - feel free to PM me if you're interested. I just thought I would mention them because they're the first community I thought of when you were writing what you were attracted to. [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif[/img]
[/quote]


Wow. Now that I look back at that and reflect on what's been going on within me, that order interests me very much. Thank you for posting about it and describing it. It helps me a lot!

God bless you.

[cmaD2006]

I would say just start visiting communities that you feel attracted to.

I applied to one order (was considered a candidate), and entered aspirancy/postulancy in two. I lost count as far as communities visited/contacted when I reached 16; I suspect I got up to about 20-25.

How did I make my decision to pursue religious life within those three communities? a) charism seemed to be a fit for me personally b) come-and-see visits (or in one case -- a one month live in) c) prayer and discernment with my spiritual director and the vocation directress.

And ... with respect to deciding to enter aspirancy/postulancy in the 3rd community; I actually discerned this one fairly quickly with respect to the other two. I got in contact with this particular community after leaving the 1st aspirancy/postulancy. Spent about a year and a half in contact/communication before entering (due to distance I made two visits).

Hope this helps,

[Sarah147]

All the help, helps! Thank you.

[Sarah147]

I found a thread about how people found "the one."

[url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=93561&st=20"]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=93561&st=20[/url]

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' date='19 July 2010 - 10:54 PM' timestamp='1279594492' post='2145299']
I found a thread about how people found "the one."

[url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=93561&st=20"]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=93561&st=20[/url]
[/quote]

Here is the thread you linked to: [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=93561"]The Right Community: How Did You Know?[/url]

The link you posted only linked to one reply in that thread.