New Discerner Needs Help

[ksterling]

I am 28 yrs. old and have been discerning a religious vocation for about a year. A month ago, my SD suggested I take my inquiry to the next level and visit some orders. I never had nuns in school and I don't recall ever meeting one in my life. My SD (let's call him Fr. X) suggested his sister's community. I went for a visit. The sisters were charming. However, the youngest was about 15 years older than me - no one has entered and stayed for more than 10 years and many of the sisters were very elderly. Part of me thought "just go where God points." The other part of me (the CPA part) worries about the finances of the order and what will happen to me. I am scheduled for a visit with Fr. X next week. I know his first question will be about my visit. He is a lovely man and I am afraid of hurting his feelings if I tell him that it was a very awkward visit. What should I do?

Question 2 - since I came back from my visit, I have been looking at some of the communities you talk about in this forum - Sisters of Mary, Nashville Dominicans, Srs. of St Francis of the Martyr St. George, Alma Mercies. I like that there are so many young women who actually seem to live in community (the order I visited had many sisters living alone in apartments). So here's my next problem. I am, as I said, 28. I am on a partnership track at my accounting firm. I own a home (well, a condo) car, etc. I serve on 2 corporate boards for local non-profits. Would I be treated like an adult in these communities? Looking at some of the websites, it seems as if there is so much regimentation and supervision, maybe I am just too old for this.

Confession - now I am getting a little discouraged. Your thoughts on my dilemma?

Edited July 1, 2010 by ksterling

[Chiquitunga]

[quote name='ksterling' date='01 July 2010 - 11:20 AM' timestamp='1278001240' post='2136596']
Would I be treated like an adult in these communities? Looking at some of the websites, it seems as if there is so much regimentation and supervision, maybe I am just too old for this.

Confession - now I am getting a little discouraged. Your thoughts on my dilemma?
[/quote]
I don't know anything really about discerning with these particular communities .. but my quick answer is, I am sure that you will be treated with much love and respect by these good Sisters. I believe many of the young women who enter these communities have some experience at least working in the world and everything too.

As far as being treated as an adult, I guess it depends on what you mean by that, as religious life does require a lot of obedience. That's one reason my SD told me that a lot of the older vocations don't persevere .. because they're not willing to submit to that kind of obedience .. but this is Carmel he was talking about .. (major note though .. I am in [i]no way[/i] against older/belated vocations .. this is just what my SD said from his experience .. but it doesn't apply to all .. St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein) entered at a later age, as well as tons of other saints. And I think they have a lot to give from their life experience to these communities)

You are not too old though! 28! That's a good age! Do not be discouraged. That does not come from God!

[Shana]

What charism to you feel called to? If you feel called to be a teacher, sure, look into some of the thriving dominican orders. What are you interested in?

[krissylou]

I would also say that different orders, and different communities within orders, understand obedience very differently.

One of my friends is preparing for her perpetual profession ("final vows") as an active Benedictine sister, and she was telling me a year or so ago about how her community understands obedience. Technically her prioress does have the authority to say "okay you go do this now" and she goes and does it, but in practice it's a much more mutual, collegial process.

That does NOT mean that it's easy, or she just does whatever she wants and the prioress rubber stamps it, but the emphasis is on listening to and hearing the voice of the Spirit throughout the community, not simply "The prioress says jump, you say how high." It is definitely about submission, and that is always easy, but it is submission among mature adult women.

Her community does have a steady stream of young vocations but they've finished college and most have some years of work experience. (My friend entered at age 24.) She tells me it's a very different sort of thing than a few generations back when girls were regularly entering at 16 or 17, going directly from their parents' authority to Mother Superior's.

So, for instance, they address their prioress as "Sister" rather than "Mother" -- one prioress in the 1970s (elected at age 35!) wanted it that way and that's what they've stuck with since. But maybe they might go back to Mother, as it would mean something different now than it did then.

Does this make any sense? I guess what I'm trying to say, is that communities are different. I cannot imagine that your spiritual director would be hurt or offended that you didn't click with that first community (ever date someone you didn't marry? Is there anything wrong about that?), get to know a lot of different places and ask a lot of different questions.

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='ksterling' date='01 July 2010 - 12:20 PM' timestamp='1278001240' post='2136596']
I am 28 yrs. old and have been discerning a religious vocation for about a year. A month ago, my SD suggested I take my inquiry to the next level and visit some orders. I never had nuns in school and I don't recall ever meeting one in my life. My SD (let's call him Fr. X) suggested his sister's community. I went for a visit. The sisters were charming. However, the youngest was about 15 years older than me - no one has entered and stayed for more than 10 years and many of the sisters were very elderly. Part of me thought "just go where God points." The other part of me (the CPA part) worries about the finances of the order and what will happen to me. I am scheduled for a visit with Fr. X next week. I know his first question will be about my visit. He is a lovely man and I am afraid of hurting his feelings if I tell him that it was a very awkward visit. What should I do?

Question 2 - since I came back from my visit, I have been looking at some of the communities you talk about in this forum - Sisters of Mary, Nashville Dominicans, Srs. of St Francis of the Martyr St. George, Alma Mercies. I like that there are so many young women who actually seem to live in community (the order I visited had many sisters living alone in apartments). So here's my next problem. I am, as I said, 28. I am on a partnership track at my accounting firm. I own a home (well, a condo) car, etc. I serve on 2 corporate boards for local non-profits. Would I be treated like an adult in these communities? Looking at some of the websites, it seems as if there is so much regimentation and supervision, maybe I am just too old for this.

Confession - now I am getting a little discouraged. Your thoughts on my dilemma?
[/quote]

1. In regards to your spiritual director, I would recommend [i]not[/i] being afraid of hurting his feelings -- be very open with him about your visit. Even though it's his sister's community, I'm sure he knows that not everyone is called there. Plus, often times finding out what "doesn't work" for you (as opposed to what does), is just as useful in the discernment process. I always thought of it as a sort of elimination list of sorts, if that makes sense. It was easier for me to find out what didn't work and cross it off the list.

2. In regards to "being treated like an adult", I suppose I'd first be curious to know what "being treated like an adult" means to you exactly. The thing is, in most religious formation houses, there is always a daily schedule/horarium to follow. There are also various customs and duties one has (for example, being the "bellringer" to wake Sisters up in the morning, and notify the change in schedule; being the laundress; cooking duty; etc.) Granted, each community does things their own way, but I'd say in general, life is rather structured. In my former community, a majority of my classmates (Sisters that entered with me) were in their mid-twenties. We had one 18yr old, a few in their later-20s, and one in her early 40s. All of us followed the same schedule.

From an outsider looking in, if one were to see my former community, they would see a very youthful, joyful, high-energy, and rather sanguine bunch. This, however, may not bode well with all discerners...and with others, it might be the best thing since sliced bread. The truth is, if we are indeed called, then God calls each of us to a [i]specific[/i] community that expresses it's charism and way of life in a [i]specific[/i] way.

The community I will be entering doesn't have any less joy, but is definitely not as "high-energy" and sanguine as my former community. For me, this is a much better "fit", so to say... a more [i]natural[/i] fit, really.

Just remember, "Grace builds upon nature," and the ever-popular, "Know thyself." The more I could truly know about myself and about my nature, the easier it was to discern what "didn't work".... and to let grace do it's thing when my nature found that which does work. (I hope that made some sense... )

[aalpha1989]

Everyone else has much better advice to offer than I. As far as discerning your charism, I would just recommend reading books by and/or about various Saints and Founders. I think if you do that you'll find your charism very quickly.

Above all don't be discouraged! Just think of how blessed you are to be given even the desire for the religious life! That alone is a great grace. When you find your community you will not find it hard to give up your career, house, or most especially your independence. Those things are small. [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif[/img] God will give you the grace to sell all you have when you find that pearl He has saved for you.

God Bless.

Edited July 1, 2010 by aalpha1989

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

I am the least qualified one here to answer your questions, but your post resonated with what I'm like, too, so I'm going to try to answer. As always, the other posters here who have actually been in religious life will correct me if I'm wrong.

You're not too old chronologically for religious life at all. But because of your work experience and your life so far, one subject you may want to discuss with your Spiritual Director is the vow of obedience, and related to that, humility.

I'm going to leave aside for a moment your considerations about the pros and cons of joining an older order that hasn't had any new vocations. There are not only questions to ask about finances, but also whether there have been younger women who have joined the Community, but not stayed, and why that is. It may just be that it's a wonderful Community that just hasn't gotten much publicity. But, from your post, it doesn't sound as if you are "in love" with that Community, the way I hear so many of those on Vocation Station talk about the Community they are going to enter.

But, let's get back to obedience and humility. Whatever Community you enter, active or contemplative, whatever charism, you are going to be "low man on the totem pole," at least for the first few years. From everything I've heard, you'll probably spend at least the first few years, not working as a CPA, but doing household chores, or cooking, or doing outside chores. (You'll also be studying, praying, perhaps taking classes.) Since you are 28, there will be women in the Community who are older than you "in religion" because they entered at 18, even if they are chronologically younger than you.

And, what your future job will be will be dependent on the Community, what skills it needs, what kinds of things it feels you need to do to grow in humility and obedience. You will have no guarantee that the Community will ever use your CPA skills. And, rather than being a manager, and having responsibilities, one lesson the Community will teach you at least at the beginning, is humility to your fellow Sisters, to the Superior, and to God.

When I was much younger, I considered religious life (not seriously enough to discern) and I very quickly realized that, for me, I could handle the vows of poverty and chastity, but obedience of the kind in religious life is something I doubt I'm capable of. I certainly wasn't capable of it when I was in my 20's. I'm actually much more capable of it now, because God has spent the past 6 years or so teaching me the hard way how to be humble.

Yes, there will be regimentation and supervision--although the amount varies by Order and Community. Will you be treated as an adult? You will be treated equally with Sisters who only went to high school, with Sisters who work in the kitchen or the laundry.

Forgive me for being blunt, but your question sounds less like whether you will be treated as an adult, than whether you will have the power and responsibility you have now, and whether your special talents will be respected and uitilized. From everything I've heard, you will be asked to learn humility, particularly at the beginning, before you are fully professed--the future after that is unknown. It's possible you may never use your CPA skills again because God is calling you to something different. (Again, please forgive me if I have read something into your words that is incorrect.)

If you feel the call to religious life, part of the call will be "God, use me as you will." How you will spend your days will be different in an active versus contemplative Order, so that will be something you'll want to look into carefully.

But, based on the many stories I have heard here, if God is calling you to religious life, he will "shoot you through the heart" and you may find yourself following him in ways and places you never expected. Obviously you need to take your basic temperament into account when choosing a community, but from what I have read, it's more that God chooses the community for you.

So, why have I not joined religious life, now that God has made me humble by taking away almost everything I valued before? It's a long story. God's doing something to me, but I don't know what it is yet.

Again, if I have any of this wrong, there are several regular posters who have been in religious life, and they will set me straight.

I wish you the best, and hope you keep posting. I think the Vocation Station group just may be the best part of Phatmass. And, we are very supportive.

Edited July 1, 2010 by IgnatiusofLoyola

[stlmom]

I would echo Krissylou here. As a parent, not a discerner, I'd suggest you visit some communities as your schedule allows and ask these questions, as diplomatically as possible. I've heard before that obedience is the most difficult of the vows for most women religious no matter the age, and no matter how "progressive" or "traditional" the community. I believe it is part of the whole adjustment to living with people of different backgrounds and levels of life experience as well.

I notice that some communities have larger numbers of professional women (post-graduate and beyond) who live a full community life. Maybe you could start there with your questions? I'm thinking of the Religious Sisters of Mercy of Alma, Michigan, the Franciscan Sisters of the Eucharist, and if you have any interest in monastic life, the Benedictine Nuns of Regina Laudis.
God bless your search!

[Indwelling Trinity]

[quote name='IgnatiusofLoyola' date='01 July 2010 - 06:31 PM' timestamp='1278019866' post='2136741']
I am the least qualified one here to answer your questions, but your post resonated with what I'm like, too, so I'm going to try to answer. As always, the other posters here who have actually been in religious life will correct me if I'm wrong.

You're not too old chronologically for religious life at all. But because of your work experience and your life so far, one subject you may want to discuss with your Spiritual Director is the vow of obedience, and related to that, humility.

I'm going to leave aside for a moment your considerations about the pros and cons of joining an older order that hasn't had any new vocations. There are not only questions to ask about finances, but also whether there have been younger women who have joined the Community, but not stayed, and why that is. It may just be that it's a wonderful Community that just hasn't gotten much publicity. But, from your post, it doesn't sound as if you are "in love" with that Community, the way I hear so many of those on Vocation Station talk about the Community they are going to enter.

But, let's get back to obedience and humility. Whatever Community you enter, active or contemplative, whatever charism, you are going to be "low man on the totem pole," at least for the first few years. From everything I've heard, you'll probably spend at least the first few years, not working as a CPA, but doing household chores, or cooking, or doing outside chores. (You'll also be studying, praying, perhaps taking classes.) Since you are 28, there will be women in the Community who are older than you "in religion" because they entered at 18, even if they are chronologically younger than you.

And, what your future job will be will be dependent on the Community, what skills it needs, what kinds of things it feels you need to do to grow in humility and obedience. You will have no guarantee that the Community will ever use your CPA skills. And, rather than being a manager, and having responsibilities, one lesson the Community will teach you at least at the beginning, is humility to your fellow Sisters, to the Superior, and to God.

When I was much younger, I considered religious life (not seriously enough to discern) and I very quickly realized that, for me, I could handle the vows of poverty and chastity, but obedience of the kind in religious life is something I doubt I'm capable of. I certainly wasn't capable of it when I was in my 20's. I'm actually much more capable of it now, because God has spent the past 6 years or so teaching me the hard way how to be humble.

Yes, there will be regimentation and supervision--although the amount varies by Order and Community. Will you be treated as an adult? You will be treated equally with Sisters who only went to high school, with Sisters who work in the kitchen or the laundry.

Forgive me for being blunt, but your question sounds less like whether you will be treated as an adult, than whether you will have the power and responsibility you have now, and whether your special talents will be respected and uitilized. From everything I've heard, you will be asked to learn humility, particularly at the beginning, before you are fully professed--the future after that is unknown. It's possible you may never use your CPA skills again because God is calling you to something different. (Again, please forgive me if I have read something into your words that is incorrect.)

If you feel the call to religious life, part of the call will be "God, use me as you will." How you will spend your days will be different in an active versus contemplative Order, so that will be something you'll want to look into carefully.

But, based on the many stories I have heard here, if God is calling you to religious life, he will "shoot you through the heart" and you may find yourself following him in ways and places you never expected. Obviously you need to take your basic temperament into account when choosing a community, but from what I have read, it's more that God chooses the community for you.

So, why have I not joined religious life, now that God has made me humble by taking away almost everything I valued before? It's a long story. God's doing something to me, but I don't know what it is yet.

Again, if I have any of this wrong, there are several regular posters who have been in religious life, and they will set me straight.

I wish you the best, and hope you keep posting. I think the Vocation Station group just may be the best part of Phatmass. And, we are very supportive.
[/quote]




Humility and obedience in love is the quick road to God Who as man was obedient, meek and humble of heart even to the point of death in order to redeem that which was lost. Scripture tells us unless you become as a little child you can not enter the kingdom of heaven. We come to Religious life to abandon ourselves to Gods will. Childlikeness is not the same as childishness. The simple loving abandonment and trust in God of a loving soul wounds Him to the quick and yield imense graces for other souls.

This should be our goal as religious, to belong totally to Jesus no matter what he asks of us. Love for LOVE. I have been in religious life over twenty five years and the older I become the more my heart longs to be humble and obedient so as to be formed into His image.

It is a learning curve that takes time and God understands that. As I possibly face the end of my time here on earth and the Fear surrounds me of what is to come. I am looking over my life.. As for choice of lifestyle of being a religious my heart tells me " Lord to whom else could I have gone but you. My being a professional, all the good works i have so poorly done amount to nothing....Love alone counts. I come t God with empty hands seeing how little good i have accomplished. But it is not about my or our acommplishments but His acoomplishments in us.

My friend in your search for your vocation be careful not to seek yourself but God alone if you wish to be a religious; for anything else counts for nothing. Take our Lords hand and let him lead you where he will. The apostles had to leave their fishing nets to become fishers of men. He asks the same of you.

I have known to many religious who identify themselves by professional degrees as opposed to their primary vocation to belong to Jesus and Him Crucified. Be careful not to fall into this trap so as not to give lie to you life's meaning.

Yes God draws often by attraction but also He takes us places we never could have imagined. I started as a Missionary only to become a cloistered religious now hermit religious for 9 years. I never would have guessed what he had in store for me. The age of the sisters with you should not be that important. They are your sisters in religion and as such should be loved equally with tender affection.

I wish not to discourage you but only to share what is most important in this life.... and that is the primacy of Love. You will have to discern these things too even as you search for a community that you feel called too.

Keep your heart open and listening to God's call and put no constraints on Him and in the end you will find you heart's desire and true happiness that surpasses anything this world can give.

Now in my hospital bed I can look back and thank God for His graces and only beg Him to become less and less so that He may become more and more. Maybe in my ilness I am accomlishing more for souls than in all the good works i had done until i became ill. I beg Him for that humility obedience and childlikeness that recieves all from the hands of a Merciful Father.... I beg Him for faithfulness when all is night around me a faithful love until the end whenever He may choose to call me.

May you me and all here seek to live only in faithful love and whatever imperfections or sins we have, let us trust them to His merciful love.

My sincere prayers for you and all my dear friends here that like me you may find your hearts desire and rejoice that he has called you to be His very own.

I love you all !

Tenderly,

Indwelling Trinity

Indwelling Trinity

Edited July 2, 2010 by Indwelling Trinity

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

Indwelling Trinity,

Thank-you so much for posting. We miss you so much! You have a unique wisdom that we all need to hear.

We pray that God lessens your pain--you've given so much to Him already. Don't discount what you've done for all of us here. You've touched our hearts, although we haven't told you often enough.

Love,

IgnatiusofLoyola (aka Denise)

[Luigi]

I should think that a [i]number[/i] of orders/congregations would be very interested in your accounting skills - remember that the vocation fit is not a one-way street. Orders that sponsor hospitals, private high schools, and so forth would probably value your gifts and the way you've developed them - but I agree with everybody else's comments that you may not be doing that kind of work during your formation. And monasteries also have to raise money, spend it, account for it, and so forth; look into monasteries that sponsor schools, colleges, nursing homes, etc. The thing is the order may ask you to expand your skills beyond accounting, too - if you're smart enough to figure all that stuff out, you're probably smart enough to become an administrator or something.

And if they don't treat you like an adult, whoever they might be, that's an indication of "no fit".

[Cherie]

Everyone has good advice; I'm simply focusing on one aspect of what you said.

Particularly if you're interested in a community with a more traditional view of religious life (like the Sisters of Mary, Nashville Dominicans, Srs. of St Francis of the Martyr St. George, Alma Mercies, like you mentioned) I think what you may have meant by "treated as an adult" could [i]possibly[/i] be a difficulty for you in formation. Of course that doesn't mean it's impossible, and I certainly wouldn't say you're too old at all, but it's something to recognize now and get a better understanding of what you're looking for, and most especially what God wants from you, and what to expect should He be calling you to religious life.

When you enter a community, you are, in a sense, a "spiritual child" and would be treated as such. There are many things to be learned in those first few, intense years of formation. You will be corrected often as you learn what is appropriate for a religious and that particular community's way of life. That's just the way it has to be - the world here is very different from religious life, even with those communities that have more "professional" leanings. The years of formation are for forming a [i]religious[/i], and so in the first few years, THAT, not any sort of job or professional skill, will be the focus. I believe Canon Law even has a clause for novices that says, basically, they should take the novitiate, especially the canonical year, to focus on the religious life, and should not be part of any kind of "job" (even in the Sisters' apostolate) that would interfere with that time of learning how to be a good religious. Realize that your talents and professional skills will be put to good use for God's honor and glory! But your formation as a consecrated religious comes[i] first. [/i]

Yes, in a healthy community all Sisters are treated as adults. But the formative years, one (especially one with a professional background) could [i]feel[/i] as though they are being treated as a child, just because of the nature of the novitiate, and they find they are being corrected for things that, in the world, may seem "stupid" or "useless." But it's part of conforming yourself to God's will, which is most especially manifested in a religious through obedience, something she will be vowing once she finishes her novitiate.

My Vocation Directress often said that obedience can be very difficult for people who are in the professional world before entering religious life. Obedience is difficult for ANYONE (yes, even married people!) but that's the beauty of religious life -- you are giving up to God as a pure sacrifice the most precious thing He gives to all of us: our free will. Yes, obedience is often the most difficult thing for people entering religious life, and for those who are used to many years of doing their own thing and being the one in charge, it can be extremely difficult to give all that up. Of course, that does not mean it's impossible or that God is not calling them. On the contrary! Because of its difficulty, it can reap even greater merits than one who enters religious life after high school and doesn't find obedience to be that difficult at all since they're used to following directions from parents and teachers their whole life thus far.

Don't think obedience is something servile--it's not supposed to be. Religious obedience is truly a BEAUTIFUL thing, and the community in which it is found is harmonious and most importantly, HOLY! But the world scoffs at obedience, especially religious obedience, and without even realizing it we are subconsciously affected by the influences of our environment and, to a certain degree, our society. Therefore, without a proper understanding of religious obedience people can get discouraged or even lose their authentic vocation to religious life given by God.

Maybe I'm off base in my interpretation of what you said. But I say these things even in general to anyone discerning religious life, because I know from experience that many people can be thrown off or shocked by the change, particularly in the area of formation and obedience, from the "outside world" into religious life.

Religious life is SUCH a beautiful vocation!!! Remember, if God is calling you to religious life, it's the only thing that will make you truly happy, and you certainly will not be disappointed! Be assured of my prayers for you in your discernment.

[vee]

To the OP I can only suggest reading and really thinking about the things in this article.
http://www.lafayettecarmelites.org/god_calling.php

A very modern saint for you would be Edith Stein.

Edited July 2, 2010 by vee8

[osapientia]

[quote name='ksterling' date='01 July 2010 - 01:20 PM' timestamp='1278001240' post='2136596']
I am 28 yrs. old and have been discerning a religious vocation for about a year. A month ago, my SD suggested I take my inquiry to the next level and visit some orders. I never had nuns in school and I don't recall ever meeting one in my life. My SD (let's call him Fr. X) suggested his sister's community. I went for a visit. The sisters were charming. However, the youngest was about 15 years older than me - no one has entered and stayed for more than 10 years and many of the sisters were very elderly. Part of me thought "just go where God points." The other part of me (the CPA part) worries about the finances of the order and what will happen to me. I am scheduled for a visit with Fr. X next week. I know his first question will be about my visit. He is a lovely man and I am afraid of hurting his feelings if I tell him that it was a very awkward visit. What should I do?

Question 2 - since I came back from my visit, I have been looking at some of the communities you talk about in this forum - Sisters of Mary, Nashville Dominicans, Srs. of St Francis of the Martyr St. George, Alma Mercies. I like that there are so many young women who actually seem to live in community (the order I visited had many sisters living alone in apartments). So here's my next problem. I am, as I said, 28. I am on a partnership track at my accounting firm. I own a home (well, a condo) car, etc. I serve on 2 corporate boards for local non-profits. Would I be treated like an adult in these communities? Looking at some of the websites, it seems as if there is so much regimentation and supervision, maybe I am just too old for this.

Confession - now I am getting a little discouraged. Your thoughts on my dilemma?
[/quote]

I love the term "spiritual child" used in one of the replies to this thread - forgive me I forget which one it was. This is really the crux of the first few years. You are not a chronological child and of course by 28 years old one expects that you are not an emotional child either...but a spiritual child you will be when first coming into a community. There will be much to learn...the history of the community, their particular customs and unless you have been an oblate or "third order" member of an order you will need to study and learn about the charism as well, you will learn about decorum and how the sisters interact with each other, visitors, benefactors etc. With all that learning to do, one can certainly feel like a child in comparison to the learned "adults" around you who move about their day in perfect harmony with God, nature and their Superior, always managing to be in the right place at the right time doing the right thing while you can barely figure out the shoes to wear for that Rosary walk you are now missing because you forgot what time and from where the procession starts on a Wednesday that falls after a Tuesday that falls after a Monday which follows a Sunday that is the 1st day of a month starting with a J in a year ending with a 2....and yet EVERYONE else is out there walking and praying (except of course for your fellow postulant who has given up on finding the procession and is wandering aimlessly about the great halls of the Abbey. <wink wink> Yes, sometimes you'll FEEL like a child who can't even figure out the most simple things.....

That being said I believe that it's important to remember that the type of obedience we are discussing is a choice made by an adult who presumably has the intellectual, emotional and spiritual capacity to make such a choice. The expectation will be that you "come through" and live that choice in the community. I believe that treating someone as an adult is to present them with a choice, allow them the freedom to make the choice, respect that they have made it and believe (expect, at least in some degree) that they mean it and will live it...but it IS a growing process and formation is the time that you will have to acclimate yourself and grow into the choice you made...it isn't the kind of mentality that says "well you chose it, so do it and do it now" or "you made your bed so lie in it". You'll have the time and space to integrate your choice into your life, emotions, behavioral patterns and to be integrated into the life of the community. I think it's also wise to consider that a community doesn't come looking for us, we go looking for them...if you know what I mean.

The vow of obedience in religious life is not about control and/or manipulation - it's about the will to give over your will to the will of another....as Jesus was willing to give over His will to the Father. If Jesus was ANYTHING, he was obedient and it was always a choice not a manipulation.

If you enter a community and have a deep, lingering sense that their approach to obedience is more about control than allowing you to conform your will, say something about it - courteously, respectfully, humbly and to legitimate authority only. In a healthy community this kind of thing should be handled with charity and without unhealthy repercussions...but be prepared to hear that it might be YOU and not the community because that just might be the truth...listen first and don't prejudge. In my opinion it is MUCH better to ask the question or bring up the "thing" that is bothering you than it would be to let it fester because you could then find yourself leaving a community over something you never really understood - either in yourself or from the community's perspective.

If God calls you to religious life, He will not leave you alone, nor will it be some kind of horrible burden to bear or "figure out". It actually happens fairly naturally if you are called to the life and are able to be open, humble and sincere in your quest.

God bless your journey.

Pax,
Osap

[Indwelling Trinity]

[quote name='CherieMadame' date='02 July 2010 - 08:55 AM' timestamp='1278071744' post='2136911']
Everyone has good advice; I'm simply focusing on one aspect of what you said.

Particularly if you're interested in a community with a more traditional view of religious life (like the Sisters of Mary, Nashville Dominicans, Srs. of St Francis of the Martyr St. George, Alma Mercies, like you mentioned) I think what you may have meant by "treated as an adult" could [i]possibly[/i] be a difficulty for you in formation. Of course that doesn't mean it's impossible, and I certainly wouldn't say you're too old at all, but it's something to recognize now and get a better understanding of what you're looking for, and most especially what God wants from you, and what to expect should He be calling you to religious life.

When you enter a community, you are, in a sense, a "spiritual child" and would be treated as such. There are many things to be learned in those first few, intense years of formation. You will be corrected often as you learn what is appropriate for a religious and that particular community's way of life. That's just the way it has to be - the world here is very different from religious life, even with those communities that have more "professional" leanings. The years of formation are for forming a [i]religious[/i], and so in the first few years, THAT, not any sort of job or professional skill, will be the focus. I believe Canon Law even has a clause for novices that says, basically, they should take the novitiate, especially the canonical year, to focus on the religious life, and should not be part of any kind of "job" (even in the Sisters' apostolate) that would interfere with that time of learning how to be a good religious. Realize that your talents and professional skills will be put to good use for God's honor and glory! But your formation as a consecrated religious comes[i] first. [/i]

Yes, in a healthy community all Sisters are treated as adults. But the formative years, one (especially one with a professional background) could [i]feel[/i] as though they are being treated as a child, just because of the nature of the novitiate, and they find they are being corrected for things that, in the world, may seem "stupid" or "useless." But it's part of conforming yourself to God's will, which is most especially manifested in a religious through obedience, something she will be vowing once she finishes her novitiate.

My Vocation Directress often said that obedience can be very difficult for people who are in the professional world before entering religious life. Obedience is difficult for ANYONE (yes, even married people!) but that's the beauty of religious life -- you are giving up to God as a pure sacrifice the most precious thing He gives to all of us: our free will. Yes, obedience is often the most difficult thing for people entering religious life, and for those who are used to many years of doing their own thing and being the one in charge, it can be extremely difficult to give all that up. Of course, that does not mean it's impossible or that God is not calling them. On the contrary! Because of its difficulty, it can reap even greater merits than one who enters religious life after high school and doesn't find obedience to be that difficult at all since they're used to following directions from parents and teachers their whole life thus far.

Don't think obedience is something servile--it's not supposed to be. Religious obedience is truly a BEAUTIFUL thing, and the community in which it is found is harmonious and most importantly, HOLY! But the world scoffs at obedience, especially religious obedience, and without even realizing it we are subconsciously affected by the influences of our environment and, to a certain degree, our society. Therefore, without a proper understanding of religious obedience people can get discouraged or even lose their authentic vocation to religious life given by God.

Maybe I'm off base in my interpretation of what you said. But I say these things even in general to anyone discerning religious life, because I know from experience that many people can be thrown off or shocked by the change, particularly in the area of formation and obedience, from the "outside world" into religious life.

Religious life is SUCH a beautiful vocation!!! Remember, if God is calling you to religious life, it's the only thing that will make you truly happy, and you certainly will not be disappointed! Be assured of my prayers for you in your discernment.
[/quote]


So True and perfectly said!