Facing Struggles

[OnlySunshine]

I know this is not really VS material (well, maybe...), but I have been struggling in the last week because of work issues that pertain to my vocation in life. I thought that I was called to be a nurse. It is my passion and something I have been working really hard towards as a CNA. All of that changed last week when my unit supervisor called me into her office and told me that she doesn't think I'm meant to be a CNA because it is not coming naturally to me. She told me that I work really hard and she sees my dedication, but even working hard can't cut it when you're not meant for a career. She knows my plans to go on and be a nurse and she doesn't believe I have what it takes. It was so hard to hear this from someone who I have learned to trust and I feel like my heart has been squeezed. I don't understand how something I worked so hard at and I believed that I was meant to do is not what I should be doing.

The hardest thing is figuring out where I go from here. To me, my nursing home was my religious community because it was practice for when I would enter a real order in the future (God-willing). I gave it my all and now my supervisor is telling me I need to think about leaving and working somewhere else where I will find happiness. There are other circumstances, but this was the clincher. I don't know what other field to try. I don't know if I should look in allied health like Physical Therapy or something like Radiology. I took a Myers-Briggs Career Test recently that had these choices listed:

* Interior Decorators
* Designers
* [i]Nurses[/i]
* Administrators and Managers
* Administrative Assistants
* Child Care / Early Childhood Development
* Social Work / Counselors
* Paralegals
* [b]Clergy / Religious Workers[/b]
* Office Managers
* Shopkeepers
* Bookkeepers
* Home Economics
* Librarian

That was just one website. Other ones have also alluded to office work, but the fact that Nursing is on that list makes me question if I shouldn't just go ahead with nursing. (It really surprised me to see "Religious Workers" on that list!) Does anyone have any advice? I'm already job searching, but I've only applied to other CNA jobs. Now I'm wondering if I shouldn't do that...

[osapientia]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' date='28 June 2010 - 09:26 PM' timestamp='1277771161' post='2135551']
I know this is not really VS material (well, maybe...), but I have been struggling in the last week because of work issues that pertain to my vocation in life. I thought that I was called to be a nurse. It is my passion and something I have been working really hard towards as a CNA. All of that changed last week when my unit supervisor called me into her office and told me that she doesn't think I'm meant to be a CNA because it is not coming naturally to me. She told me that I work really hard and she sees my dedication, but even working hard can't cut it when you're not meant for a career. She knows my plans to go on and be a nurse and she doesn't believe I have what it takes. It was so hard to hear this from someone who I have learned to trust and I feel like my heart has been squeezed. I don't understand how something I worked so hard at and I believed that I was meant to do is not what I should be doing.

The hardest thing is figuring out where I go from here. To me, my nursing home was my religious community because it was practice for when I would enter a real order in the future (God-willing). I gave it my all and now my supervisor is telling me I need to think about leaving and working somewhere else where I will find happiness. There are other circumstances, but this was the clincher. I don't know what other field to try. I don't know if I should look in allied health like Physical Therapy or something like Radiology. I took a Myers-Briggs Career Test recently that had these choices listed:

* Interior Decorators
* Designers
* [i]Nurses[/i]
* Administrators and Managers
* Administrative Assistants
* Child Care / Early Childhood Development
* Social Work / Counselors
* Paralegals
* [b]Clergy / Religious Workers[/b]
* Office Managers
* Shopkeepers
* Bookkeepers
* Home Economics
* Librarian

That was just one website. Other ones have also alluded to office work, but the fact that Nursing is on that list makes me question if I shouldn't just go ahead with nursing. (It really surprised me to see "Religious Workers" on that list!) Does anyone have any advice? I'm already job searching, but I've only applied to other CNA jobs. Now I'm wondering if I shouldn't do that...
[/quote]
I can't help but wondering....

Is your unit supervisor a nurse?
Did she cite some specifics for you so that you could work on some things or just make a general statement that you are not meant to be a nurse because it's not coming "naturally" to you.

I must say that I personally would be wary of any really generalized statements like it doesn't "come naturally". What does that mean?

If she was very general, perhaps you could ask her to be more specific and to please suggest some ways that you might improve. I sounds to me from your post that you ARE happy there so her statement about finding a place that makes you happy also kind of gives me pause.

You don't have to answer this in a public forum, perhaps just think about it. Is there a reason why your nursing home is your religious community rather than a religious community being your religious community? Is it practical things like age or debt? There are ways to resolve the latter. Is it that you want to get your education first? Perhaps the community you are drawn to requires this? Some of this is just me wondering out loud after reading your post, as I say you certainly don't need to answer them in public...that's up to you.

Times like this can be discouraging, but never in my considerable adult years on this Earth I have not yet been in a situation along these lines that did not have a good answer/solution/way out.....I only had to be open to it. There are many practical ways of "being open"....be open in prayer, be open to the ideas of others, be open to the constructive, positive criticism of others, be open to compliments from others, be open and listen to how others solved similar dilemmas, be open to your own thoughts, feelings, reactions and desires.

I'll give you one example from my own life that really opened my eyes about being open to my own reactions and what others tell me about them.....I was at one point really questioning my vocation and happened to be talking to a priest friend of mine...just chatting about the community I'm drawn to and the life there and then how I questioned whether or not Jesus was calling me to religious life.....he stopped me just about in mid-sentence and said (I paraphrase) "Are you KIDDING ME - haven't you ever noticed how your entire face changes when you talk about being a nun??" It's like night and day, you literally "come alive" right in front of my face."

Joy is a very big indicator that some "thing" is "right". I missed that up until then, but I assure you I don't miss those kinds of things now. I encourage you to pay attention to what wells up inside of you in terms of a nursing career, bring it to prayer and ask for the grace of discernment.

God bless you on your journey. You are in my prayers.
Osap
Perhaps a pretty Ave Maria will comfort you some [url="http://www.gloria.tv/?media=84850"]Ave Maria[/url]

Edited June 29, 2010 by osapientia

[mariaassunta]

Take sometime before the Blessed Sacrament and hand all this to God, through Our Blessed Mother asking her to intercede before her son, to whom He will never refuse anything. Life is full of trials and is not easy, but when we take our crosses and use them for good then all will fall into place, as long as we remain united to Gods Will for us. Trust, surrender, believe and receive.....HE Loves you so much....never forget that!

[vee]

Maybe this is Gods way of saying He wants you to work for Him alone, and sooner than you thought?

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='osapientia' date='28 June 2010 - 08:52 PM' timestamp='1277772758' post='2135566']
I can't help but wondering....

Is your unit supervisor a nurse?
Did she cite some specifics for you so that you could work on some things or just make a general statement that you are not meant to be a nurse because it's not coming "naturally" to you.

I must say that I personally would be wary of any really generalized statements like it doesn't "come naturally". What does that mean?

If she was very general, perhaps you could ask her to be more specific and to please suggest some ways that you might improve. I sounds to me from your post that you ARE happy there so her statement about finding a place that makes you happy also kind of gives me pause.

You don't have to answer this in a public forum, perhaps just think about it. Is there a reason why your nursing home is your religious community rather than a religious community being your religious community? Is it practical things like age or debt? There are ways to resolve the latter. Is it that you want to get your education first? Perhaps the community you are drawn to requires this? Some of this is just me wondering out loud after reading your post, as I say you certainly don't need to answer them in public...that's up to you.

Times like this can be discouraging, but never in my considerable adult years on this Earth I have not yet been in a situation along these lines that did not have a good answer/solution/way out.....I only had to be open to it. There are many practical ways of "being open"....be open in prayer, be open to the ideas of others, be open to the constructive, positive criticism of others, be open to compliments from others, be open and listen to how others solved similar dilemmas, be open to your own thoughts, feelings, reactions and desires.

I'll give you one example from my own life that really opened my eyes about being open to my own reactions and what others tell me about them.....I was at one point really questioning my vocation and happened to be talking to a priest friend of mine...just chatting about the community I'm drawn to and the life there and then how I questioned whether or not Jesus was calling me to religious life.....he stopped me just about in mid-sentence and said (I paraphrase) "Are you KIDDING ME - haven't you ever noticed how your entire face changes when you talk about being a nun??" It's like night and day, you literally "come alive" right in front of my face."

Joy is a very big indicator that some "thing" is "right". I missed that up until then, but I assure you I don't miss those kinds of things now. I encourage you to pay attention to what wells up inside of you in terms of a nursing career, bring it to prayer and ask for the grace of discernment.

God bless you on your journey. You are in my prayers.
Osap
Perhaps a pretty Ave Maria will comfort you some [url="http://www.gloria.tv/?media=84850"]Ave Maria[/url]
[/quote]


Yes, my unit supervisor is an LPN. To be honest, I'm not really happy there anymore, so I'm at peace with the idea of leaving if necessary, but I hoped it wouldn't be necessary. I had intense anxiety when I thought about job searching again. This is the second time she's called me into her office in 4 months and both times were for the same thing. The first time, I brushed it off because I was new and they didn't know me very well. Now, the stress is really building up and I can't handle it anymore.

I really wished I hadn't put religious community, but just "community." I built relationships there and friends and I am discerning religious life with the hope of entering somewhere in the next few years. Many religious communities have expressed concern over the fact that I had not been working, but I found this job in February. I've had a few medical problems so I have a waiting period to endure before I can enter anywhere. I haven't found THE community, yet (at least, I haven't visited THE one yet). I'm not even 100% sure I'm called. I'm testing things out.

I intend to talk to the Director of Nursing soon (hopefully tomorrow or the next day) and find out why my unit manager is so intent on letting me go. The UM will not give me straight answers when I ask her questions, so it is no good to count on her.

Thanks for the advice.

[dominicansoul]

I'm not sure if you are discerning a religious vocation...it sounds like you are interested, but haven't really begun to search? I'm not sure by your posts, so I'm just wondering how much in-depth discerning you have done?

If you are...
...there's one thing you must realize when discerning a religious vocation:

it has nothing to do with what type of work you'll be doing in the convent...

the vocation to religious life means a total gift of self to the Lord Jesus... it's the [i]being[/i], not the doing...

When I was in the convent, I realized that my whole desire was to be totally consecrated to my Spouse...it would not have mattered if Mother kept me there in the Motherhouse cleaning the toilets for the rest of my life...all that mattered was CONSECRATION to Jesus Christ...

don't let this hamper your discernment... God is calling [i]you[/i], not your nursing skills... Where He may be calling you is a mystery, but don't fret over something you wish you could have, and don't. God is just allowing doors to shut so that you can walk through the right ones to get where He wants you to be

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' date='28 June 2010 - 07:26 PM' timestamp='1277771161' post='2135551']
I know this is not really VS material (well, maybe...), but I have been struggling in the last week because of work issues that pertain to my vocation in life. I thought that I was called to be a nurse. It is my passion and something I have been working really hard towards as a CNA. All of that changed last week when my unit supervisor called me into her office and told me that she doesn't think I'm meant to be a CNA because it is not coming naturally to me. She told me that I work really hard and she sees my dedication, but even working hard can't cut it when you're not meant for a career. She knows my plans to go on and be a nurse and she doesn't believe I have what it takes. [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/sadder.gif[/img] It was so hard to hear this from someone who I have learned to trust and I feel like my heart has been squeezed. I don't understand how something I worked so hard at and I believed that I was meant to do is not what I should be doing.

The hardest thing is figuring out where I go from here. To me, my nursing home was my religious community because it was practice for when I would enter a real order in the future (God-willing). I gave it my all and now my supervisor is telling me I need to think about leaving and working somewhere else where I will find happiness. There are other circumstances, but this was the clincher. I don't know what other field to try. I don't know if I should look in allied health like Physical Therapy or something like Radiology. That was just one website. Other ones have also alluded to office work, but the fact that Nursing is on that list makes me question if I shouldn't just go ahead with nursing. (It really surprised me to see "Religious Workers" on that list!) Does anyone have any advice? I'm already job searching, but I've only applied to other CNA jobs. Now I'm wondering if I shouldn't do that... [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/sad.gif[/img]
[/quote]

I can imagine how awful you must have felt when your supervisor said what she said to you. But, didn't you say that they have been treating you badly at work? Because of that, I'd take your supervisor's comments with a grain of salt. She is not seeing you in a good environment.

If you respect your supervisor's opinion, you could ask her for specifics of what exactly what she feels "doesn't come naturally" (if you haven't already). But, even those opinions are going to be colored by the work situation you're in. Off the top of my head, I'd say:

--Don't EVEN THINK of giving up based on the opinion of this one supervisor. It sounds like there are other problems in your workplace, and I don't know that I would give total respect to the opinion of this one supervisor, because she is seeing you in a bad work environment. I think that the fact that your are looking for another job is a GREAT idea. It sounds like it is going to be tough to find another job, but you need more nursing experience than just this one workplace before you write off "nursing" as not "right for you."

--If I remember correctly, you are signed up to take some RN course prerequisites in the fall. If you do well in these classes and enjoy some of them, that will give you an idea that you may be on the wrong track. But, unfortunately, many times the prereqisite courses for career we enjoy are subjects we don't enjoy. But, have you thought that maybe you're not as good at being a CNA because you're meant to be an RN? I would think that, while those two jobs have some things in common, there are also some very different skills required.

--Is there someone you respect and feel comfortable talking with at the Hawthorne Dominicans? I would consider an experienced nurse at the Hawthorne Dominicans to be a much better, more objective source of the qualities the Order looks for in a good RN. If you feel comfortable talking about your current work situation with her, maybe she can give you some suggestions of things you should be doing differently, or better yet, maybe she'll tell you that most of the things you are doing are exactly right, and your current supervisor is off-base because her opinions are tainted by the overall work situation. Be honest with her about what you're good at and what skills are more difficult for you. She can give you ideas of how to tell if nursing is your true calling, and both personal qualities and work skills you should be developing to make the kind of good nurse the Order is looking for. It may be that working with the terminally ill requires different qualities and/or skills than what your current job requires. It could even be that what is the "wrong" thing to do in your current job is exactly the right thing to do when working with the terminally ill.

--One thing I found out during my years of working was that learning some things came harder than others--but that I eventually DID learn them. I've always been someone who picked up new information very quickly. But, every once in awhile, I'd hit a subject or a task that was hard for me to learn. It was a very humbling experience, but one I needed, to give me some lessons in humility. So, it's possible that there are some things that are harder for you to learn than others.

But, I think it's WAY too soon to tell what is the right career for you. You've only been in one LPN job, and that job only for 6 months, and in a working environment that is toxic. If you hated what you're doing (as opposed to hating your work atmosphere, as you do now), that might be different (but maybe not, because the bad atmosphere could be coloring the way you feel about nursing).

--I find it very telling that when you look at other job areas, they sound like "second best." You obviously still love nursing or some of these other job ideas might appeal to you more.

If nothing else, you are learning humility, and learning how to wait (yuck!!) and you are learning more about your strengths and weaknesses. You are also learning more about what kind of job atmosphere you need, and what doesn't work for you. Sometimes, in order to figure out the right thing for ourselves, we have to try something and realize that we've made a mistake. But, it's FAR!!! too soon to tell if the mistake was simply in picking this particular job, or if you are in the wrong career.

The work world is VERY different than being a student. It takes different skills and you need to act differently. Some lucky people fall into the work world and are immediately successful. But, for most of us, there are some hard lessons in humility to learn, and we find that in the work world we have to do as much, or more "learning" than we did in school.

But, although this is VERY discouraging and is making you question yourself, DON'T GIVE UP YET!!!!!! If you truly love nursing, don't decide to follow some other career path because of the opinions of one non-objective supervisor.

I hope this helps, at least a little. We're all behind you! [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/console.gif[/img] [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/grouphug.gif[/img]

[Graciela]

I am sorry to hear that this LPN felt it was her duty to evaluate whether nursing might be the path for you as a career. I say this as a registered nurse who teaches in a nursing school. Early in my career, a nurse manager (an RN) who had unrealistic expectations of the speed of work for a newly graduated nurse (me) working in a critical care setting, told me that I wasn't cut out for that specialty area. It was clear that that meant that I was leaving that job- but she made sure to try to "deflate my tires" about my longer term goals to specialize in that area.

Well, she was not the last word at all- I found another hospital with a better program to bring new nurses into the specialty and I succeeded very nicely there and did indeed continue on to more education and qualifications in that specialty.

I share this experience just to encourage you that this experience may not need to be the end of your goals in nursing.

[regina_coeli]

There is a difference between your job aspirations and your current job performance. Whether or not you will reach a future goal to be an LPN or RN, how is your current position? What parts of being a CNA are difficult for you, and what parts do you enjoy and find easy? What is the source of the stress? Relations with the patients? physical labor? the hours? A good supervisor should be first interested in helping you grow in your current job, and then in guiding you to the next step. Seems like she is avoiding dealing with the teaching part of her job by discouraging you. Concentrate on being the best CNA you can be until you are truly comfortable in that job, even if that means a different employer. Prayers!

[OnlySunshine]

Nursing does seem to be the only thing that really makes my face light up when I talk about it. I love medicine (even though I know I'm not meant to be a doctor) and all that goes along with patient care.

The CNA job is a very physical job. I'm in charge of transferring patients, bathing, dressing, feeding, cleaning, etc. I spend more time with the resident than the nurse does. However, I've been told by my family members (who are nurses) that nursing, in and of itself, is different than being an aide. I think one even told me it's more "think on your toes" work as opposed to just doing daily ADLs that can be redundant.

I'm wondering if I should look for another job besides being a CNA, and still continue to pursue pre-nursing in the fall. Something that has to do with patient care (like activities or a unit clerk), but is not as physical. I'm going to be looking for jobs like this.

Thank you all for your advice. God bless.

Edited June 29, 2010 by MaterMisericordiae

[osapientia]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' date='28 June 2010 - 10:39 PM' timestamp='1277775598' post='2135603']
Nursing does seem to be the only thing that really makes my face light up when I talk about it. I love medicine (even though I know I'm not meant to be a doctor) and all that goes along with patient care.

The CNA job is a very physical job. I'm in charge of transferring patients, bathing, dressing, feeding, cleaning, etc. I spend more time with the resident than the nurse does. However, I've been told by my family members (who are nurses) that nursing, in and of itself, is different than being an aide. I think one even told me it's more "think on your toes" work as opposed to just doing daily ADLs that can be redundant.

I'm wondering if I should look for another job besides being a CNA, and still continue to pursue pre-nursing in the fall. Something that has to do with patient care (like activities or a unit clerk), but is not as physical. I'm going to be looking for jobs like this.

Thank you all for your advice. God bless.
[/quote]

Sounds like a plan...maybe you just need a break from the physical. CNA work is hard work. Been there...worked my way through school that way. You might also consider a CNA position in a different type of facility...acute care hospitals while the same in many ways are also very different from Nursing Homes. CNA duties are still physical but depending upon the unit you might actually find yourself with a growing interest in a particular type of care...you could likely be exposed to a lot more than you would be in long term care.

Pax,
Osap.

[Luigi]

Mater:

Have you considered becoming a hospice counselor or chaplain? It would combine your love for all things medical with your religious proclivities as identified in the Myers-Briggs (and her on Phatmass ), keep you in nursing homes - an environment where you seem to thrive, and keep you in close patient contact. There's such a need for it, and a lot of people don't have the heart (or the stomach) for it - your work experience indicates that you have both. Should you enter an order at any point in the future, you'd have some ministerial-type experience under your belt. The training takes about a year(?) and is available at a number of Catholic hospitals - maybe other places, too. You might even be able to start certain kinds of hospice-oriented work (visiting, reading, writing letters for patients) on a volunteer basis now - I have a friend whose mother had hospice care as she was dying and my friend is now volunteering with a hospice provider. She visits the same patient a few times a week and really enjoys it.

I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

BTW, I do consider this topic VS material - you're trying to find your vocation just as surely as all the folks discerning religious life.

Edited June 29, 2010 by Luigi

[CatherineM]

I had been told many times that I wasn't cut out for something, or that I wouldn't make it. Tosh. Granted, if I wanted to be a marathon runner, no amount of work would let me be one, but being a nurse requires compassion and caring and a willingness to work hard. If you pass your classes, she has no right to tell you such trash. I've had people say things like that in order to inspire, but it rarely does.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='Luigi' date='28 June 2010 - 11:46 PM' timestamp='1277783166' post='2135665']
Mater:

Have you considered becoming a hospice counselor or chaplain? It would combine your love for all things medical with your religious proclivities as identified in the Myers-Briggs (and her on Phatmass ), keep you in nursing homes - an environment where you seem to thrive, and keep you in close patient contact. There's such a need for it, and a lot of people don't have the heart (or the stomach) for it - your work experience indicates that you have both. Should you enter an order at any point in the future, you'd have some ministerial-type experience under your belt. The training takes about a year(?) and is available at a number of Catholic hospitals - maybe other places, too. You might even be able to start certain kinds of hospice-oriented work (visiting, reading, writing letters for patients) on a volunteer basis now - I have a friend whose mother had hospice care as she was dying and my friend is now volunteering with a hospice provider. She visits the same patient a few times a week and really enjoys it.

I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

BTW, I do consider this topic VS material - you're trying to find your vocation just as surely as all the folks discerning religious life.
[/quote]

I've never thought about going this route. I've looked into being a CNA for the Community Hospice here, but I don't have enough experience yet. I know that one hospital (where I actually did my clinicals for CNA school) has volunteers who can become chaplains, but I always thought that a chaplain was supposed to be a priest, not a lay person. I would love to do something to help people in their time of need and pray for them. That'd be sublime!

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='CatherineM' date='28 June 2010 - 11:55 PM' timestamp='1277783731' post='2135671']
I had been told many times that I wasn't cut out for something, or that I wouldn't make it. Tosh. Granted, if I wanted to be a marathon runner, no amount of work would let me be one, but being a nurse requires compassion and caring and a willingness to work hard. If you pass your classes, she has no right to tell you such trash. I've had people say things like that in order to inspire, but it rarely does.
[/quote]

The more I think about it, the more I realize that my unit manager is just taking the easy way out. Instead of training me to be better, she's talking me out of what I'm passionate about. I shouldn't give her this much power over my life, especially if I felt before all of this that God was calling me to be a nurse. I need to learn to trust a heck of a lot better!

BTW, I got the day off today since we were overstaffed so I'm going to be going around doing job hunting. I could sure use the prayers.