Ice_nine Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Hey guys I know this may belong in the prayer forum, but I just feel so broken and nearly (which is a key distinction) hopeless. It's about a friend. We've only known each other for 7-8 months or so. We initially met online, we met up with each other once in "real life" and we live about 20 hours away, but I ask that you don't use these things as a barometer for how close we are. I know the circumstances seem odd, but please be with bear with me. Anyhow, this person and I are incredibly close. The closest friend I have ever had bar none. But my heart is incredibly broken for her. She is quite messed up in the head. She is severely depressed and there are possibly some other mental health issues as well. She's been through a number of traumatic events (although there are times when she tries to minimize it as no big deal). There will just be some nights where she'll have these angry episodes and she'll just be mean and irrational and lash out for no reason, in trying to be like Christ I never hold it against her. I don't even think she's in control of it. It's almost like she snaps and an hour or so after she isially expresses that she didn't know why she did/said hurtful things at that she doesn't even realize until after it happens. Here's what really kills me. She's suicidal and convinced that I'll be able to move on and get over her death eventually and that it's not really a big deal. But I just love her so much and it kills me to imagine her being gone for good. She said she won't leave me now, but she doesn't feel like she can handle school and she's said she doesn't want help, she just wants out. She absolutely hates religion and religious people. In fact I usually try to avoid the topic because her disdain is so astounding. Forget rational and articulate arguments, it just won't fly. Her anger and resentment is so deep-seated (grammar?) that these approaches just simply do nothing. All I know how to do is just be a loving friend and pray for her (she's said before that she hopes I don't pray for her cause that disgusts her). The topic of religion turned particularly nasty tonight. She's just mocking it saying "oh yeah look at how great the world the world is God must be helping all those starving kids etc" and "better not tell a lie or you're going straight to hell." She admits I'm intelligent, but thinks I'm brainwashed. It's really really ugly let's put it that way. But I still love her so much. She is so dear to me and . . . I'm just approaching a breaking point. I feel absolutely exhausted in every meaning of the word. I'm on day 40 the 54 day rosary novena, "the miracle novena" for the intention of mental, emotional and spiritual healing. That's a tall order if you knew this girl. I know our Lord is powerful and the intercession of the Blessed Mother is powerful but things seem more hopeless than before. I really can't handle, when this novena is over, something like "maybe it's not God's will" or something like that, I NEED to see something because I am on the verge of collapse. It's so beyond my control. I don't know what else to do. I guess I'm posting this for prayers, encouragement, commiseration, advice, sympathy. Anything really I'm not picky. And I'm sorry I come bustin in here as a n00b and dumpin this on you like you guys even care, but I sorta don't know where else to go exactly :-/ She just told me "go pray that I don't kill myself. You'll lose" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selah Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 I'm so sorry. Prayers for your friend. I actually have had a similar experience myself. May God and the Blessed Mother be with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dominicansoul Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Is there anyone else close to her that you can talk to about this?? Someone who is actually closer in distance to her, that can sort of "keep a watch" over her so that she doesn't do anything rash? Prayer is the best thing you can offer, and also coming here to Phatmass! Know that we will all pray for her! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KevinSymonds Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 She doesn't hate religious people. She wouldn't speak to you if she did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice_nine Posted June 27, 2010 Author Share Posted June 27, 2010 See the thing is I'm the only person she trusts. Her family situation isn't the best and she's utterly convinced no one, even her friends up there, cares about her. I fear if I were to say something to another (not that I know anyone in her life particularly well) she may feel betrayed and end up doing something crazy. It's a very delicate situation. I've already suggested the usuals (tell a family member, encourage seeking professional help, be a listener), you know all the things they tell you you should to but it rarely works out that easily. It's really sad because she can be such a sweet, fun person but she'll just have these episodes where she gets really nasty and mean and tries to push me away. I refuse to bail no matter how harsh she reacts. It's like something takes over and it's a shame to see someone's personality overrun by mental illness. I rarely cry but, let's just say I'm a total wreck right now. I can't sleep, I haven't even tried to choke down any food today. Maybe I should fast . . . We're supposed to meet up in a few months and I think (and hope) she won't do anything rash before then. It's just so scary the way she talks sometimes She's been through a lot and doesn't feel like she's worth anyone's love. It just kills me. And I'm praying that she doesn't somehow by chance find this thread because she would absolutely flip her poo if she found out I was praying for her and asking other people to do so. It's just crazy, I don't get it and I don't think she gets it either. but I truly appreciate your prayers and concern. From the bottom of my heart. I'm just so exhausted right now. Christ have mercy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice_nine Posted June 27, 2010 Author Share Posted June 27, 2010 [quote name='KevinSymonds' date='27 June 2010 - 10:56 AM' timestamp='1277647001' post='2134852'] She doesn't hate religious people. She wouldn't speak to you if she did. [/quote] Well she's not exactly mentally stable and it's really easy for her to dissociate my faith from the rest of me. She sees it as merely annoying add-on rather than something interwoven through every facet of my life. I hope that makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Dealing with people who have serious mental illnesses can be exhausting. I had a friend live with me who had ultra rapid cycling bipolar for 15 years, and my husband of almost 5 years has schizophrenia. She was much harder to live with because she didn't like taking her medication and basically liked being sick and out of control. My husband likes being stable and never misses his meds. I don't know you, and I don't know your friend, but it is possible that the chaos she is causing for you is part of her illness. She may have borderline or some other type of personality disorder where causing drama feeds her illness, so in a way, you may be her drug of choice. You have to take care of yourself first, or you are not going to be good for either of you. I found quiet prayer very beneficial when I lived in a chaotic home. If you have adoration as an option, take advantage of it. I also have the capacity to separate a person from their illness. When my former roommate would be hospitalized, and screaming, I would ignore her rants, say a rosary, and remember it was the illness talking, and not my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selah Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Is there any way you can alert her family or friends, so they know to watch her closely? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
add Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 [quote name='Ice_nine' date='27 June 2010 - 11:17 AM' timestamp='1277648260' post='2134855'] See the thing is I'm the only person she trusts. Her family situation isn't the best and she's utterly convinced no one, even her friends up there, cares about her. I fear if I were to say something to another (not that I know anyone in her life particularly well) she may feel betrayed and end up doing something crazy. It's a very delicate situation. I've already suggested the usuals (tell a family member, encourage seeking professional help, be a listener), you know all the things they tell you you should to but it rarely works out that easily. It's really sad because she can be such a sweet, fun person but she'll just have these episodes where she gets really nasty and mean and tries to push me away. I refuse to bail no matter how harsh she reacts. It's like something takes over and it's a shame to see someone's personality overrun by mental illness. I rarely cry but, let's just say I'm a total wreck right now. I can't sleep, I haven't even tried to choke down any food today. Maybe I should fast . . . We're supposed to meet up in a few months and I think (and hope) she won't do anything rash before then. It's just so scary the way she talks sometimes She's been through a lot and doesn't feel like she's worth anyone's love. It just kills me. And I'm praying that she doesn't somehow by chance find this thread because she would absolutely flip her poo if she found out I was praying for her and asking other people to do so. It's just crazy, I don't get it and I don't think she gets it either. but I truly appreciate your prayers and concern. From the bottom of my heart. I'm just so exhausted right now. Christ have mercy [/quote] someone needs her mother and visa-versa [quote]Her family situation[/quote] is the crux of the matter prayers for her family situation, as well do you know of or can you contact her family? personally i would try Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peach_cube Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 Does she have a therapist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice_nine Posted June 27, 2010 Author Share Posted June 27, 2010 [quote name='CatherineM' date='27 June 2010 - 11:22 AM' timestamp='1277648541' post='2134857'] Dealing with people who have serious mental illnesses can be exhausting. I had a friend live with me who had ultra rapid cycling bipolar for 15 years, and my husband of almost 5 years has schizophrenia. She was much harder to live with because she didn't like taking her medication and basically liked being sick and out of control. My husband likes being stable and never misses his meds. I don't know you, and I don't know your friend, but it is possible that the chaos she is causing for you is part of her illness. She may have borderline or some other type of personality disorder where causing drama feeds her illness, so in a way, you may be her drug of choice. You have to take care of yourself first, or you are not going to be good for either of you. I found quiet prayer very beneficial when I lived in a chaotic home. If you have adoration as an option, take advantage of it. I also have the capacity to separate a person from their illness. When my former roommate would be hospitalized, and screaming, I would ignore her rants, say a rosary, and remember it was the illness talking, and not my friend. [/quote] I understand what you're saying but I really don't think she creates drama to feed off of it if that's what you were speaking about. I am aware that happens with some people, and I'm no expert by any means but I just think she's deeply wounded and when you're in that much anguish, getting help seems more terrible than just dying. So when people try to help the person responds violently out of fear or whatever. I can't get into all the details of her life but she's been hurt by people close to her in some pretty messed up ways and I think that's were a lot of the animosity stems from. She's on antidepressants that clearly haven't worked. Usually doctors will try another option after a couple months but it's been years on the same beaver dam pills. I think the healthcare in her area is poor. And I absolutely know what you mean about separating the illness from the person. Having dealt with mental ailments myself (severe social anxiety, depression) I'm aware that sometimes there are just internal forces that are beyond our control and I don't take the insults personally. And I do try take care of myself, but I'm just human, and I guess it's in my personality to hurt for other people. I've been praying the rosary daily for her. Adoration is a good idea. I'm not gonna have a mental breakdown in the forseeable future, but it is taking a toll on me for sure. I appreciate you all so much. I really feel bad about joining a forum and dumping all this on here. I just feel sorta funny about it but I dunno. Thanks anyhow. Much appreciation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice_nine Posted June 27, 2010 Author Share Posted June 27, 2010 When I was dealing with my mental issues at college someone notified my parents, and I was genuinely appreciative cause I wasn't able to tell my parents directly. But I know my parents love me and care about me. Unfortunately not everyone has loving parents. An unfortunate trend in modern America I know And no she doesn't have a therapist. I think the healthcare in that area really smells of elderberries Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 [quote name='Ice_nine' date='27 June 2010 - 09:57 AM' timestamp='1277650636' post='2134867'] I appreciate you all so much. I really feel bad about joining a forum and dumping all this on here. I just feel sorta funny about it but I dunno. Thanks anyhow. Much appreciation [/quote] Don't worry about it. We are much more likely to reach out to God when we are hurting than when everything is fine. Be comforted to know that now you have a bunch of Catholic nerds praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaime Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 [quote name='apparently' date='27 June 2010 - 10:38 AM' timestamp='1277649491' post='2134861'] someone needs her mother and visa-versa is the crux of the matter prayers for her family situation, as well do you know of or can you contact her family? personally i would try [/quote] stop projecting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
add Posted June 27, 2010 Share Posted June 27, 2010 [quote name='hot stuff' date='27 June 2010 - 12:06 PM' timestamp='1277651188' post='2134877'] stop projecting [/quote] abandon hope all who enter here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now