Reality Check For Religious

[Geras16]

This thread is hilarious.

Here's my own favorite.

It was one of those noisy days in Philip Neri's room. The children were playing various games, and one of the boys was whacking a tennis ball dangerously close to a water pitcher. Philip, picturing a broken vase on the floor, walked up to the boy and said, "Son, you are holding the racket wrong. Here, let me show you." The boy watched Father Philip closely as the Saint slammed the ball into the water pitcher and sent it crashing to the floor. Philip smiled sheepishly. "You see,"he said, returning the racket, "Father Philip gets results."

We should all get results.

Edited June 19, 2010 by Geras16

[Mary Veronica]

[quote name='vee8' date='16 June 2010 - 10:04 PM' timestamp='1276734881' post='2130165']
I'm going to try to make a top ten reasons to be a Carmelite so here goes. Feel free to add any.

10 brown doesn't show stains so easily
9 you won't miss tv with all the ecstacies and visions
8. when you say you're going to " hit the hay" you mean it literally
7. siesta is on the horarium
6. no worrying about having to eat donated liver
5. Carmel/caramel jokes
4.
3.
2

drum roll.........
1 actually order of secret ninjas
[/quote]

4. Wearing the Scapular is our first-class ticket out of here, woot
3. Because if someone asks "Which ones are they?" you can say "Like St. Therese."
2. Meditation and Contemplation is considered fun and cool: It's endless [i]fun [/i]to pick on yourself, and at the same time, be really [i]cool [/i]with God.
1. Actually an order of secret ninjas (highly trained in SPIRITUAL arts and stealth, martial arts is encouraged in the kitchen, hired for covert purposes ranging from espionage to sabotage and yes, enemy assasination).

Edited July 1, 2010 by Mary Veronica

[Mary Veronica]

So I took someone's recommendation on one of the later posts, and I read the book Tilted Haloes. I thought I'd post this encouraging but interesting story:

"All his life St. John Vianney was able to laugh heartily at his own lack of talent. Even when he was a student for the priesthood, John didn't take himself too seriously. The more he depended upon God, the more he laughed at his limitations. The professor who examined John before his ordination was exasperated with his seeming dullness.

'This fellow is a complete ass,' moaned the examiner. 'What can he possibly accomplish?'

The future Saint overheard the professor and cunningly replied, 'If Samson, armed with only the jawbone of an ass, could kill 1000 Philistines, imagine what God could do with a complete ass.'"


[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/shock.gif[/img] that's so true (nodding). St. John Vianney[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/saint.gif[/img] , pray for us.

[lookingforfaith]

[quote name='Mary Veronica' date='30 June 2010 - 08:19 PM' timestamp='1277943575' post='2136399']
4. Wearing the Scapular is our first-class ticket out of here, woot
3. Because if someone asks "Which ones are they?" you can say "Like St. Therese."
2. Meditation and Contemplation is considered fun and cool: It's endless [i]fun [/i]to pick on yourself, and at the same time, be really [i]cool [/i]with God.
1. Actually an order of secret ninjas (highly trained in SPIRITUAL arts and stealth, martial arts is encouraged in the kitchen, hired for covert purposes ranging from espionage to sabotage and yes, enemy assasination).
[/quote]


I'm a karate student and have my green belt. Does this mean I should become a Carmelite when I eventually recieve my black belt? [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/boxer.gif[/img]

Edited July 14, 2010 by lookingforfaith

[soon2becatholic]

A man went to a horse racing event. When he took his seat, he saw something rather strange... A priest was on the track making the sign of the cross and saying prayers over horse #1. As soon as the race began, horse #1 sprinted ahead and won.

The man was shocked and so he kept watching the priest..

Now it was time for the second race. So the priest walked down the line and went to horse #5. Made the sign of the cross and said his prayers, and sure enough when the race started, horse #5 bolted ahead and won.

Now the man decided to watch the priest VERY CAREFULLY. The priest went over to horse # 3,made the sign of the cross and said his prayers again. Now the man decided to call his bank and wire over his entire account of 25,000 dollars to bet on horse #5. The man at the booth tried to disuade him. "That horse has the lowest possible odds of winning, DONT DO IT!" But the man was so excited and sure of himself.

Bursting with excitment he waited for the race to start. As soon as the race started horse #5 bolted foward..But all of a sudden it started foaming at the mouth, then fell over and died. The man couldn't believe what he just saw. Full of anger he went to the priest.
"WHAT HAPPENED, I WATCHED YOU PRAY BY THE HORSES THAT WON, AND I BET ALL MY MONEY ON THAT LAST HORSE THAT DIED"

The priest asked "Are you a Catholic?" The man replied "NO!"

Father replied: "I see, or else you would have known the difference between a blessing and the last rites"

Edited April 5, 2011 by soon2becatholic

[Santa Cruz]

A few Italian women were dining together and they were each boasting on how wonderful their son is.

One woman said, "Well, my son is so wonderful that when women see him they say, 'Your Reverence'. He is a priest."

To that, another woman responded, "My son is so wonderful that when women see him they say, 'Your Excellency'. He is a bishop.

A third woman added, "That is nothing, my son is so wonderful that when women see him they say, 'Your Eminence'. He is a cardinal."

The fourth woman, "Sorry ladies, my son is so wonderful that when women see him they say, 'Your Holiness'. My son is the pope."

The last woman at the table said, "Obviously my son is the most wonderful, when women see him they say, 'O My God'. He is a Chip and Dale dancer."