Reality Check For Religious

[Mary Veronica]

we have to admit, we've all run into some people who just need to lighten up. Especially if there Catholic. St. Teresa of Avila spoke out against that kind of deadly serious Catholicism. "A sad nun is a bad nun," she said. "I am more afraid of one unhappy sister than a crowd of evil spirits.... What would happen if we hid what little sense of humor we had? Let each of us humbly use this to cheer others."

So here's the game:

1) Make-up or pass-on some kind of saintly humor (whether it really happened or could happen)

OR

2) just reply and represent




EX:

(really happened)
In the 1940s, Blessed Pope John XXIII (when he was still a cardinal and the papal nuncio in Paris) was at an
elegant dinner party, seated across from a woman wearing a very revealing low-cut dress. Someone turned to him and said, "Your Eminence, aren't you embarrassed that everyone is looking at that woman?" And he said, "Oh no, everyone is looking at me, to see if I'm looking at her."



to all the Carmelite's out there, heheh
(could happen, and.... should happen)

A Franciscan and a Dominican were debating about whose order was greater. After months of arguing, they decided to ask for a message from God. God sent the following letter:

My beloved children,

Please stop arguing over such trivial matters. Both of your orders are equally great and good in my eyes!

Sincerely yours,

God, O.Carm.

[TeresaBenedicta]

A well-known and hard-working Jesuit has caught the eye of the local Cardinal. Impressed with the work of this young Jesuit, the Cardinal contacts his superior and asks if he can meet with the up-and-coming priest. The superior is obviously pleased and agrees. Speaking to the young Jesuit he says,

"Now, Father J., this is a huge opportunity for the Order-- you know, give us some new credibility. So, you need to make sure you really impress this Cardinal. That means greeting him properly. So, this is what you're going to say... 'Your Emminence-"

[i]"[b]His[/b] M&Ms, what about [b]my[/b] M&Ms?!!"[/i]

:-D

Edited June 14, 2010 by TeresaBenedicta

[stlmom]

A little boy attending Mass with his father was trying his best to behave through a long and boring sermon when he caught sight of the red sanctuary lamp near the altar. "Dad!", the little guy whispered. "When the light turns green, can we go??"

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='stlmom' date='14 June 2010 - 09:45 PM' timestamp='1276566347' post='2129013']
A little boy attending Mass with his father was trying his best to behave through a long and boring sermon when he caught sight of the red sanctuary lamp near the altar. "Dad!", the little guy whispered. "When the light turns green, can we go??"
[/quote]

[OnlySunshine]

A young priest was so nervous about his first mass, he memorized the Gospel, he got it a little mixed up and read, “Jesus baptized Jordon in the John.”
_________________________________________________________________________________

Jesus was walking along one day, when He came upon a group of people surrounding a lady of ill repute. It was obvious that the crowd was preparing to stone her, so Jesus made His now-famous statement, "Let the person who has no sin cast the first stone."

The crowd was shamed and one by one began to turn away. All of a sudden, a lovely little woman made her way through the crowd. Finally getting to the front, she tossed a pebble towards the woman.

Jesus looks over and says, "I really hate it when you do that, Mom."

Edited June 15, 2010 by MaterMisericordiae

[Mary Veronica]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' date='14 June 2010 - 07:35 PM' timestamp='1276558545' post='2128880']
A well-known and hard-working Jesuit has caught the eye of the local Cardinal. Impressed with the work of this young Jesuit, the Cardinal contacts his superior and asks if he can meet with the up-and-coming priest. The superior is obviously pleased and agrees. Speaking to the young Jesuit he says,

"Now, Father J., this is a huge opportunity for the Order-- you know, give us some new credibility. So, you need to make sure you really impress this Cardinal. That means greeting him properly. So, this is what you're going to say... 'Your Emminence-"

[i]"[b]His[/b] M&Ms, what about [b]my[/b] M&Ms?!!"[/i]

:-D
[/quote]

interesting ....I THINK, I might be a little bit Jesuit

[laetitia crucis]

This thread is FANTAAASTIC!!!

[Mary Veronica]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' date='14 June 2010 - 10:10 PM' timestamp='1276567803' post='2129046']
Jesus was walking along one day, when He came upon a group of people surrounding a lady of ill repute. It was obvious that the crowd was preparing to stone her, so Jesus made His now-famous statement, "Let the person who has no sin cast the first stone."

The crowd was shamed and one by one began to turn away. All of a sudden, a lovely little woman made her way through the crowd. Finally getting to the front, she tossed a pebble towards the woman.

Jesus looks over and says, "I really hate it when you do that, Mom."
[/quote]

the Dogma of the Immaculate Conception, WOOT! WE LOVE YOU MOTHER MARY!

[OnlySunshine]

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest, fingers crossed. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' date='14 June 2010 - 10:21 PM' timestamp='1276568519' post='2129068']
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest, fingers crossed. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
[/quote]

That's one of my favorites!!!

[laetitia crucis]

During a Eucharistic Congress, a number of priests from different orders are gathered in a church for Vespers. While they are praying, a fuse blows and all the lights go out.

The Benedictines continue praying from memory, without missing a beat.

The Jesuits begin to discuss whether the blown fuse means they are dispensed from the obligation to pray Vespers.

The Franciscans compose a song of praise for God's gift of darkness.

The Dominicans revisit their ongoing debate on light as a signification of the transmission of divine knowledge.

The Carmelites fall into silence and slow, steady breathing.

The parish priest, who is hosting the others, goes to the basement and replaces the fuse.

[OnlySunshine]

This one is my absolute favorite!

Two men considering a religious vocation were having a conversation. "What is similar about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?" the one asked.

The second replied, "Well, they were both founded by Spaniards -- St. Dominic for the Dominicans, and St. Ignatius of Loyola for the Jesuits. They were also both founded to combat heresy -- the Dominicans to fight the Albigensians, and the Jesuits to fight the Protestants."

"What is different about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?"

"Met any Albigensians lately?"

[Nihil Obstat]

A young man was talking to a Franciscan priest and a Jesuit priest. He asked them "How many novenas would I need to pray for God to give me a BMW?" The Franciscan asked "What's a BMW?" The Jesuit asked "What's a novena?"

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' date='14 June 2010 - 10:31 PM' timestamp='1276569086' post='2129079']
This one is my absolute favorite!

Two men considering a religious vocation were having a conversation. "What is similar about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?" the one asked.

The second replied, "Well, they were both founded by Spaniards -- St. Dominic for the Dominicans, and St. Ignatius of Loyola for the Jesuits. They were also both founded to combat heresy -- the Dominicans to fight the Albigensians, and the Jesuits to fight the Protestants."

"What is different about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?"

"Met any Albigensians lately?"
[/quote]


Despite my ever-lingering love of Ignatius and his Jesuits , I can't help but proclaim a big "MUWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" when I hear that joke. Love it!

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' date='14 June 2010 - 10:36 PM' timestamp='1276569394' post='2129082']
A young man was talking to a Franciscan priest and a Jesuit priest. He asked them "How many novenas would I need to pray for God to give me a BMW?" The Franciscan asked "What's a BMW?" The Jesuit asked "What's a novena?"


[/quote]

Poor, poor Jesuits...