$1000 To Have A Wedding In A Church

[Ash Wednesday]

I don't even remember our wedding fee at my church but it was a bit pricey. They would waive the fee for couples that would have a hard time paying, but it is an old, well-known historical church here in the U.K. and those kinds of places could always use renovations and funding so I guess I just looked at it that way.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='1337 k4th0l1x0r' date='14 June 2010 - 08:04 PM' timestamp='1276556667' post='2128849']
Does anybody know if $1000 is a normal amount of money for a parish to charge for its parishioners to get married there? My wife's friend is getting married there soon and they just got a shocking notice that they would have to pay $1000 to get married there. I'm not sure what my in-laws paid for our wedding, but my mother-in-law is shocked at the $1000 number so it must have been significantly less.

If this type of fee is not normal, might there be some egregious violation going on that the bishop needs to be informed of?
[/quote]
I would ask to see the written fee schedule, and then call the diocese.

[Brother Adam]

[quote name='Terra Firma' date='15 June 2010 - 01:35 AM' timestamp='1276576508' post='2129143']
It was a requirement for the Cathedral ... apparently priceless works of art are worth protecting.


I didn't mind paying the amount we paid, first because of what we got in return, and second because even if it is a large amount of money, it's going to a worthy cause.

Besides, I'm well aware of the ongoing needs of the Church for funds, particularly in the wake of the sex scandals. As recently as 2006, [url="http://www.fadica.org/documents/ParishDonorSurveyPDF.pdf"]Catholics were giving less[/url] than they had been because of the scandals, and I am pretty sure the economic situation hasn't made these numbers any better. And, although I couldn't quickly find data to back me up, it is my belief that Catholics give less, per capita, than Protestants do. My husband, a lifelong Catholic, agrees with my assessment on this. We think it is because Catholics are less likely to have an ownership feel with a specific parish than are Protestants, although I'm sure that other reasons play into this as well.

So, parishes are left trying to find creative ways to make ends meet and to provide the ministries they are called to engage in. One of these ways is to charge for weddings. A significant amount of the charge, I would guess, is to cover real costs associated with building usage and personnel in order to have a wedding. Anything over that is (or should be) a subsidy for other ministries.

My feeling is that in Protestant churches that are well-funded, subsidizing weddings is a ministry of the individual community. That's great, if a community can do it, but I don't think it's right for a parishioner/congregant to demand a free or cheap wedding from a parish or community. If a couple cannot afford $1,000 for a wedding, then get married in another parish, or just have a very simple ceremony.

All that being said, it's weird that the parish would ask for the fee in cash. That seems wrong to me.
[/quote]


I work in a parish, so I understand the need to make ends meet, but again, when do we start creatively charging for confession or to attend Mass? It seems the complete wrong way to go about it. You transform peoples lives by the Gospel, convert them to Jesus Christ and His Church and those who truly belong to Christ will give joyfully and sacrificially to the Church out of their moral obligation to do so. The pastors I have spoken about it do not charge for weddings - they won't even give stipend guidelines. They tell people to offer or not offer a stipend as they please, it is not necessary to get married. Sometimes they receive $10, sometimes $500, and they think no less or more of anyone for the amount. There is little to no cost to unlock the building and turn lights on. The priest does not cost anything, he is paid a salary by the church to minister the Sacraments. If you need to pay an organist, that's one thing, but you can just use recorded music as well. Whether or not the wedding is simple or elaborate doesn't seem to affect the $1000 fee the parish is charging. I still really feel that is completely absurd.

Telling the poor to leave and go somewhere else because they can't afford $1000 to get married is deeply scandalous. This is a holy Sacrament of the Church. Even poor people have a right to ask for it, assuming they are marrying for the right reasons and can care for their family.

[Slappo]

[quote name='Brother Adam' date='15 June 2010 - 09:26 AM' timestamp='1276622804' post='2129291']
I work in a parish, so I understand the need to make ends meet, but again, when do we start creatively charging for confession or to attend Mass? It seems the complete wrong way to go about it. You transform peoples lives by the Gospel, convert them to Jesus Christ and His Church and those who truly belong to Christ will give joyfully and sacrificially to the Church out of their moral obligation to do so. The pastors I have spoken about it do not charge for weddings - they won't even give stipend guidelines. They tell people to offer or not offer a stipend as they please, it is not necessary to get married. Sometimes they receive $10, sometimes $500, and they think no less or more of anyone for the amount. There is little to no cost to unlock the building and turn lights on. The priest does not cost anything, he is paid a salary by the church to minister the Sacraments. If you need to pay an organist, that's one thing, but [b]you can just use recorded music[/b] as well. Whether or not the wedding is simple or elaborate doesn't seem to affect the $1000 fee the parish is charging. I still really feel that is completely absurd.

Telling the poor to leave and go somewhere else because they can't afford $1000 to get married is deeply scandalous. This is a holy Sacrament of the Church. Even poor people have a right to ask for it, assuming they are marrying for the right reasons and can care for their family.
[/quote]

On a side note... I don't think recorded music is allowed at mass...


I could be wrong but im pretty sure.

[fides quarens intellectum]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' date='15 June 2010 - 12:01 PM' timestamp='1276621268' post='2129281']
I would ask to see the written fee schedule, and then call the diocese.
[/quote]

best comment in here.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='Brother Adam' date='15 June 2010 - 01:26 PM' timestamp='1276622804' post='2129291']
I work in a parish, so I understand the need to make ends meet, but again, when do we start creatively charging for confession or to attend Mass? It seems the complete wrong way to go about it. You transform peoples lives by the Gospel, convert them to Jesus Christ and His Church and those who truly belong to Christ will give joyfully and sacrificially to the Church out of their moral obligation to do so. The pastors I have spoken about it do not charge for weddings - they won't even give stipend guidelines. They tell people to offer or not offer a stipend as they please, it is not necessary to get married. Sometimes they receive $10, sometimes $500, and they think no less or more of anyone for the amount. There is little to no cost to unlock the building and turn lights on. The priest does not cost anything, he is paid a salary by the church to minister the Sacraments. If you need to pay an organist, that's one thing, but you can just use recorded music as well. Whether or not the wedding is simple or elaborate doesn't seem to affect the $1000 fee the parish is charging. I still really feel that is completely absurd.

Telling the poor to leave and go somewhere else because they can't afford $1000 to get married is deeply scandalous. This is a holy Sacrament of the Church. Even poor people have a right to ask for it, assuming they are marrying for the right reasons and can care for their family.
[/quote]
I agree that no one should be turned away from a sacrament because they can't pay. That's just sad. That being said, though, I understand charging a small fee($1000 is a bit much, I think, depending on the area) for use of a church if the people aren't parishoners, particularly for historical churches who get a lot of people wanting to use them because they are beautiful, not because they ever intend on going back to that church or contributing anything to the church in the future. I mean, it is using the facility, and electricity, etc.

[quote name='Slappo' date='15 June 2010 - 02:15 PM' timestamp='1276625715' post='2129311']
On a side note... I don't think recorded music is allowed at mass...


I could be wrong but im pretty sure.
[/quote]
I think I've heard that before, too. Probably here, somewhere. But I think you're right.

[MIKolbe]

[quote name='Slappo' date='15 June 2010 - 02:15 PM' timestamp='1276625715' post='2129311']
On a side note... I don't think recorded music is allowed at mass...


I could be wrong but im pretty sure.
[/quote]
our Priest specifically told us this too..it was odd as we did not request it.

[Cherie]

I guess for most people, where the average wedding costs $30,000-$50,000 --- a $1000 fee isn't "that much."

That being said, though, there is no way on God's green earth we could have afforded a $30,000 wedding. Especially with today's economy. Yeah, it's nice to have a reception where family and everyone can get together and celebrate, and venues are rather expensive nowadays, but I mean the important part is the SACRAMENT!!! I'd rather have a beautiful, reverent wedding Mass with a congregation that is inspired and realizes the couple's seriousness about their God-given responsibilities, and a simple hoedown reception afterwards than waste so much money on a glamorous reception and all the "trimmings" without even thinking twice about the Mass! (A couple I know insisted on the Rite of Holy Matrimony outside of Mass because having it within the Mass "takes too long" ... )

But $1000 in cash, to pay the organist and priest? Our organist cost $125. Granted, if you're having Mozart's Great Mass in C Minor with a full choir, ok, maybe it's more expensive. But I agree with cmotherofpirl: ask to see the written fee schedule, and then call the diocese.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Brother Adam' date='15 June 2010 - 11:26 AM' timestamp='1276622804' post='2129291']
I work in a parish, so I understand the need to make ends meet, but again, when do we start creatively charging for confession or to attend Mass? It seems the complete wrong way to go about it. You transform peoples lives by the Gospel, convert them to Jesus Christ and His Church and those who truly belong to Christ will give joyfully and sacrificially to the Church out of their moral obligation to do so. The pastors I have spoken about it do not charge for weddings - they won't even give stipend guidelines. They tell people to offer or not offer a stipend as they please, it is not necessary to get married. Sometimes they receive $10, sometimes $500, and they think no less or more of anyone for the amount. There is little to no cost to unlock the building and turn lights on. The priest does not cost anything, he is paid a salary by the church to minister the Sacraments. If you need to pay an organist, that's one thing, but you can just use recorded music as well. Whether or not the wedding is simple or elaborate doesn't seem to affect the $1000 fee the parish is charging. I still really feel that is completely absurd.

Telling the poor to leave and go somewhere else because they can't afford $1000 to get married is deeply scandalous. This is a holy Sacrament of the Church. Even poor people have a right to ask for it, assuming they are marrying for the right reasons and can care for their family.
[/quote]
In my opinion, when I paid for my wedding ceremony, I did not pay for the sacrament. I paid for the ability to get married at a particular time in a particular place with particular people in attendance and with a particular setting. I don't think I have a right to those things, even though I do believe that as faithful Catholics with no impediments to marriage my husband and I had a right to marry. If we hadn't been able to afford the fee charged at the Cathedral, we would have found someplace else to do it, and had a smaller and simpler wedding than we did have (although I wouldn't say ours was extravagant). The right to marry and the right to use a particular parish in which to do it are two different things, imo.

[MithLuin]

I think it is very reasonable for churches to charge higher fees for people who are not affiliated with the church in any way. Obviously, some politics can get involved....what if it's her parents' church, and she's come home to get married, but has lived out of state for the last several years? Technically, the [i]couple[/i] aren't parishioners, but it's the family's home parish, etc.

Likewise for a couple that couldn't afford the 'typical' donation - will the priest still witness their wedding and allow them to use the church building for a smaller fee? Hopefully, in most cases, yes...but I wouldn't see the parish making an exception if the couple has no affiliation with them.

So, there are cases where the parish has to make a call as to how much to charge. If they are putting a very high fee out there, it's to discourage people from using the space and to make revenue from it. Clearly, the location is in demand for weddings, so they can charge that much and people will pay. Doesn't make it a good thing, though.

Ultimately, the couple has to ask themselves if it's worth $1000 to get married in that particular location. There are likely other good options.....

[MissScripture]

[quote name='MIkolbe' date='15 June 2010 - 03:27 PM' timestamp='1276630047' post='2129375']
our Priest specifically told us this too..it was odd as we did not request it.
[/quote]
Maybe he'd been getting a lot of requests for it, and just wanted to avoid any issue. If we hadn't picked the organist we did (the one who usually plays for Mass, and has done 100+ weddings) we would have had to meet with the parish liturgist to go through our music selections to make sure they were appropriate (mainly, not secular music).

[let_go_let_God]

For me, there is no cost for the church because we are parishioners. They were working on changing that to help pay utilities for having the church open at a non regular time. The cost for that would have been $250. It is a Cathedral though. But $1000 sounds like a bit much. Do thy have the original contract that they signed for the church?

God bless-
LGLG

[1337 k4th0l1x0r]

The parents of the bride (and the bride herself) have been parishioners for a very long time, so this is not an issue of an outsider coming in just to use the facilities once. Also, they did not hear of this $1000 fee when they first booked the church. They booked the church, sent out invitations, then heard about this fee with less than 2 months to go until the wedding. Add in that it has to be $1000 in cash and it gets shady. I wonder if they looked up what the family donates and bases the fee on that.

[Brother Adam]

[quote name='Terra Firma' date='15 June 2010 - 05:25 PM' timestamp='1276633511' post='2129433']
In my opinion, when I paid for my wedding ceremony, I did not pay for the sacrament. I paid for the ability to get married at a particular time in a particular place with particular people in attendance and with a particular setting. I don't think I have a right to those things, even though I do believe that as faithful Catholics with no impediments to marriage my husband and I had a right to marry. If we hadn't been able to afford the fee charged at the Cathedral, we would have found someplace else to do it, and had a smaller and simpler wedding than we did have (although I wouldn't say ours was extravagant). The right to marry and the right to use a particular parish in which to do it are two different things, imo.
[/quote]

Since every person should be receiving the Sacraments in their territorial parish, it does matter though. To me that is like saying you are paying to receive the Anointing of the sick in a particular place with particular people, and so on. You may have not paid 'directly' for the Sacrament, but you have paid to have the Sacrament take place. Really, like confession, two people should be able to go their parish and request the Sacrament of marriage from the priest, who then witnesses their marriage. Any other pomp or circumstance is extra and unnecessary. If you want to spend it, fine, that is your choice, but to actually marry, at the bare minimum should not have a monetary cost associated with it that is demanded up front. If the average cost of a wedding is 30-50k, it answers a lot of questions about why divorce rates are so high and why people divorce over money so often. What a way to start a marriage.

[Brother Adam]

[quote name='Slappo' date='15 June 2010 - 03:15 PM' timestamp='1276625715' post='2129311']
On a side note... I don't think recorded music is allowed at mass...


I could be wrong but im pretty sure.
[/quote]

We got married at a baptist church. We were baptist. Then phatmass happened.

If we were married in a Catholic Church it likely would have been done in a very simple manner at a side altar like the good ol' days when Catholics were Catholic.