1337 k4th0l1x0r Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Does anybody know if $1000 is a normal amount of money for a parish to charge for its parishioners to get married there? My wife's friend is getting married there soon and they just got a shocking notice that they would have to pay $1000 to get married there. I'm not sure what my in-laws paid for our wedding, but my mother-in-law is shocked at the $1000 number so it must have been significantly less. If this type of fee is not normal, might there be some egregious violation going on that the bishop needs to be informed of? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winchester Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 There aren't supposed to be fees. Donations, yes. It shouldn't cost the parish money to witness a wedding. Of course, most people plunk down more than 1K for the secular parts of the wedding, so... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissScripture Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 [quote name='1337 k4th0l1x0r' date='14 June 2010 - 07:04 PM' timestamp='1276556667' post='2128849'] Does anybody know if $1000 is a normal amount of money for a parish to charge for its parishioners to get married there? My wife's friend is getting married there soon and they just got a shocking notice that they would have to pay $1000 to get married there. I'm not sure what my in-laws paid for our wedding, but my mother-in-law is shocked at the $1000 number so it must have been significantly less. If this type of fee is not normal, might there be some egregious violation going on that the bishop needs to be informed of? [/quote] Our church cost us nothing because we were parishoners, but we gave the priest $100 for doing the wedding (which he gave us back as a wedding gift) and $25 to each of the other 2 priests who concelebrated. If we were not parishoners, the use of the church would have also cost $100-$200 (I don't remember, because it was irrelevant to me). We did have our own musicians, however. I know that some churches require you use theirs (and thus, pay for them, as well). Could it be something like that causing such a high price? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slappo Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 I've heard of regular amounts in the $150-300 range. According to the secretary at the church I just got married at, the money should actually go to the priest. It is properly referred to as a "stole fee" and is given to the priest for the legal services he provides (witnessing the marriage). The particular priest that said my wedding mass (who was not the pastor of the parish in which it was at), instructed me to give the stole fee as a donation to the church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winchester Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 I think the Church should stop acknowledging the state and just witness weddings. I'd rather have not gotten a wedding license--it's none of the state's business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissScripture Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 [quote name='Winchester' date='14 June 2010 - 07:11 PM' timestamp='1276557081' post='2128854'] I think the Church should stop acknowledging the state and just witness weddings. I'd rather have not gotten a wedding license--it's none of the state's business. [/quote] Yes, but then it would've been a larger hassle for me to change my name... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winchester Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Stop whining and make me a sammich. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie-Therese Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 [quote name='Winchester' date='14 June 2010 - 07:11 PM' timestamp='1276557081' post='2128854'] I think the Church should stop acknowledging the state and just witness weddings. I'd rather have not gotten a wedding license--it's none of the state's business. [/quote] THIS. I have often wondered whether it were possible for the Church to marry a couple in a religious ceremony that would have ecclesiastical approbation but have no particular legal significance, hence no binding limitations from the State. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Our parish didn't charge us. Our whole wedding, including rings and gown, etc. was less than $1000. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissScripture Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 [quote name='Marie-Therese' date='14 June 2010 - 07:30 PM' timestamp='1276558228' post='2128874'] THIS. I have often wondered whether it were possible for the Church to marry a couple in a religious ceremony that would have ecclesiastical approbation but have no particular legal significance, hence no binding limitations from the State. [/quote] I know that as it is now, the priest cannot perform a ceremony without the marriage license present, or he would be stripped of his abilities to peform future weddings (our priest nearly had to cancel a wedding once, because the couple didn't have a license until about 20-30 minutes before the wedding was to begin). But that really doesn't answer your question at all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherie Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Seems like it's a ritzy parish. Most places I've heard of, it's just "general knowledge" that you give the priest a donation, whatever you can. Besides "stole fee" it can also be referred to as "altarage" (from Catholic Encyclopedia):[quote]From the low Latin [i]altaragium[/i], which signified the revenue reserved for the chaplain (altarist or altar-thane) in contradistinction to the income of the parish priest. At present it signifies the fees received by a priest from the laity when discharging any function for them, e.g. at marriages, baptisms, funerals. It is also termed honorarium, stipend, stole-fee. [/quote] $100 or something like that seems more like a normal donation for that sort of thing - I'm not sure what our families gave. Remember, the average Mass stipend is $10, so you'd think a "stipend" would be a bit more than that for a wedding or baptism. But $1000 definitely seems like a lot ... but I suppose it's probably left up to the church, and I don't think it's something that a bishop would try to change or correct. (But that's just my personal opinion!) Is it a very old and beautiful church? Because sometimes I know they seem to "charge" more for weddings to take place there. Although I don't agree with a $1000 altarage, I could [i]understand[/i] it at least in a parish like that, since their fees are HUGE in order to keep an older church in good repair. Either that or it's a ritzy parish ... or, I guess I could be wrong and shouldn't make assumptions like that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IgnatiusofLoyola Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 (edited) [quote name='Marie-Therese' date='14 June 2010 - 06:30 PM' timestamp='1276558228' post='2128874'] THIS. I have often wondered whether it were possible for the Church to marry a couple in a religious ceremony that would have ecclesiastical approbation but have no particular legal significance, hence no binding limitations from the State. [/quote] [quote name='MissScripture' date='14 June 2010 - 06:34 PM' timestamp='1276558461' post='2128879'] I know that as it is now, the priest cannot perform a ceremony without the marriage license present, or he would be stripped of his abilities to peform future weddings (our priest nearly had to cancel a wedding once, because the couple didn't have a license until about 20-30 minutes before the wedding was to begin). But that really doesn't answer your question at all... [/quote] It depends on your particular financial situation, but for federal income tax purposes, a couple usually pays lower taxes if they are married. There are other boring legal reasons why it might be better to be married, but one important one is that many companies won't let an employee put their partner on their health insurance unless they are married. And, while many companies now do allow an unmarried partner to be included on the employee's health insurance, under federal tax law, the amount paid by the employee for health care premiums for the unmarried partner is taxable. (The amount an employee pays for health insurance for a spouse and dependent children (and themselves) normally isn't taxable income.) At least the U.S. isn't like some countries in Europe where you actually have to go through a civil wedding (not just the license), in addition to the church wedding, if you want to be considered legally married. But, $1,000 for the church? Must be some church! If that was their charge, I'd ask to be married in the Mary chapel, and just invite fewer guests. However, as someone said earlier, if it is an old and historical church, upkeep is probably very expensive, and that may be the reason for the charge. Edited June 14, 2010 by IgnatiusofLoyola Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winchester Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 [quote name='IgnatiusofLoyola' date='14 June 2010 - 07:52 PM' timestamp='1276559560' post='2128898'] It depends on your particular financial situation, but for federal income tax purposes, a couple usually pays lower taxes if they are married. [/quote] I don't support income tax, either. It's asinine, expensive and ineffective. Sales tax makes much more sense, with a property tac because landed people have responsibility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Adam Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Many priests I know don't even use the stipends they receive, they are put in an account for the church and the priest pays for things for the church from the stipend account. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted June 15, 2010 Share Posted June 15, 2010 I have heard of this kind of thing happening when the couple is marrying in the church just to satisfy their family, and don't actually attend. One priest told me it is his way of trying to have them marry elsewhere without actually turning them down, and upsetting the family members who do attend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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