FutureSister2009 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Why do I always feel tested? There are days when I swear I'm convent bound and then there are days when I want to be married. I've been planning my wedding since I was 5. But I don't want to get married anymore, I want to be a spouse of Christ. I'm losing my mind. I know God has something in mind for me. But I want to know what it is soon. I'm striving my hardest to get to Adoration as often as I can. I love this Order so much, I just hope the other Sisters that are a part of it love me too. I already have a terrific relationship with the two at my Church. I still lack patience sometimes. I'm going to go crazy figuring out what I should be doing. I know my name is FutureSister, I just hope that really is my future. If I suddenly stop posting on here, that will mean I've gone insane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emilier98 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 [quote name='FutureSister2009' timestamp='1301533111' post='2224873'] Why do I always feel tested? There are days when I swear I'm convent bound and then there are days when I want to be married. I've been planning my wedding since I was 5. But I don't want to get married anymore, I want to be a spouse of Christ. I'm losing my mind. I know God has something in mind for me. But I want to know what it is soon. I'm striving my hardest to get to Adoration as often as I can. I love this Order so much, I just hope the other Sisters that are a part of it love me too. I already have a terrific relationship with the two at my Church. I still lack patience sometimes. I'm going to go crazy figuring out what I should be doing. I know my name is FutureSister, I just hope that really is my future. If I suddenly stop posting on here, that will mean I've gone insane. [/quote] I think many go through that, I know I do. My family cannot stand that I want to become a sister. They are so very angry. I pray soo much every day, I go to adoration, I attend daily mass, I pray the rosary, I say novenas, I see my spiritual director once a week. The closer to God I get, the closer to my vocation I get the more things and people seem to get stripped away. Currently I am living in my car because my mom kicked me out of the house and I have nowhere to go. I lost my job which means I cannot afford gas or food. So I shower at school, I sleep in my car, and periodically my friends feed me. I just got a job though and I should have somewhere to live this summer, which is two months away. I keep moving forward though. I keep praying and I keep being faithful, as hard as it is. I think God wants to make sure that I really want to be a sister and that I am willing to go through hell to do His will. Then there is simply the possibility that people have free will and do mean things, either way I just keep praying and growing closer to God. Just keep praying and listening and moving forward. He will take care of you. Peace, Emilie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretTeresa Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I haven't even thought to breathe a word about my discernment to my parents...My mom is kind of upset that I'm even (finally) joining the church. Makes me wanna Oh well Pax and God Bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureSister2009 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 My mom isn't that happy about it. My grandmother at one point said to me "You're not going to be a nun!" Who are you to decide for me what I'm going to do and what I'm not going to do? This is coming from a woman who plays the organ at my church and plays for 5 Masses every weekend. She is a little I'll do whatever I need to do thank you grandmother. My father has no idea yet. He doesn't live with me, he's Baptist and he doesn't believe in it. I'm his only child and only daughter and I know he wants to walk his daughter down the aisle at her wedding but what if that's not what I want? It was what I wanted at one point but now I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretTeresa Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 All I have to say is that I'm sure my parents would be semi-happy if I weren't to get married...Weddings are expensive, the cost mostly falls on the bride's side, and I'm the oldest of three girls. Besides, the only guy I need is Jesus. Pax and God Bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emilier98 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Part of entering, but first discerning religious life is being willing to give up your old dreams. You have to be willing to give up dreams of grad school, marriage, children, and what have. Whatever dreams you had for yourself you must be willing to give up. The thing is God has way better plans for you than you could ever make for yourself and so you must trust in Him and His plans. In all of this mess I trust that God will take care of me and that he has a plan for me. I have turned my life and will over to His care. Now I know that all sounds pretty and I made it sound easy and that you are sitting there going, "Yah, right. Trying to do all that is not easy." and you would be right, it's not easy. I slip and fall all the time. I live in my car and go a week or more at a time without getting to eat. I have to remind myself constantly that as long as I believe and trust in Him that He will take care of me, He tells me He will in the bible. I screw up all the time, but I still go to mass everyday, I pray constantly it seems like some days, I go to adoration, I say the rosary and I move forward. One day my parents will get over this and they will miss their child and God will take care of it all. Peace, Emilie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 [quote name='emilier98' timestamp='1301595610' post='2225096'] Part of entering, but first discerning religious life is being willing to give up your old dreams. You have to be willing to give up dreams of grad school, marriage, children, and what have. Whatever dreams you had for yourself you must be willing to give up. The thing is God has way better plans for you than you could ever make for yourself and so you must trust in Him and His plans. In all of this mess I trust that God will take care of me and that he has a plan for me. I have turned my life and will over to His care. Now I know that all sounds pretty and I made it sound easy and that you are sitting there going, "Yah, right. Trying to do all that is not easy." and you would be right, it's not easy. I slip and fall all the time. I live in my car and go a week or more at a time without getting to eat. I have to remind myself constantly that as long as I believe and trust in Him that He will take care of me, He tells me He will in the bible. I screw up all the time, but I still go to mass everyday, I pray constantly it seems like some days, I go to adoration, I say the rosary and I move forward. One day my parents will get over this and they will miss their child and God will take care of it all. Peace, Emilie [/quote] Emilie, are there any women's shelters or resources where you live for the homeless? My cousin decided to move away on her own because she was very rebellious and she went to a homeless shelter in another state. It was run by Christian people and they gave her a bed of her own and paid for her schooling. You shouldn't have to live in your car if there are other options. I am sorry that your mother kicked you out of the house. That's awful. If she doesn't agree with it, fine, but she shouldn't make you homeless simply because she doesn't agree with it and is angry with you. I'll pray for her to remember that you are trying to serve God through all of this and in kicking you out, she is saying that she does not believe. Very sad. If you are unable to find a place to stay, I'm sure that there are places run by the state that can help you get food stamps or cash assistance. Even if you are homeless, you shouldn't have to go hungry for a week at a time. It is true that God provides, but you need to take care of your health. Malnutrition can result and cause problems like electrolyte imbalance and put you in the hospital. Please try to find some resources. Ask around. I assume you are using a library computer to get on the internet? Ask the librarian for a list of resources in your state. Most libraries keep such a list. There is a free health clinic in my county that also has centers attached to it for people to get Medicaid, WIC, and SNAP/EBT (food stamps). Check the phone book for such a place in your county. I'll be saying some prayers for you, Emilie. I hope you can find help soon. May you unite your sufferings to the crucified Christ and remember that He was homeless, too. You will not be alone. God bless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksterling Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 At the very beginning of my discernment, I had the same doubts. As I worked with my SD, I felt myself getting less doubtful and feeling more certain that this was the life for me. I think we can all second guess ourselves to death but you always make choices in life. Every choice has pros and cons. I have a sister who is divorced and it was nasty. Her ex rarely bothers to see the kids (he often makes arrangements to come, never shows and calls later with some lame excuse.) Luckily, she has a good job (lawyer) and can support her family but she has little time to herself. Sometimes she looks at me and envies my decision to enter the convent - I won't have to deal with nasty ex-husbands, late child support, trying to get new business while raising 2 little kids and having no time just to read a book. I tell her that there are many challenges to religious life too - I posted here a while ago that my SD made me list and discuss all the negatives about the convent so that if I entered, I do so with my eyes wide open. I think there are days when the grass always looks greener. I look at my other sister who has a wonderful marriage with a man who worships the ground she walks on - this makes marriage look very appealing I feel strongly called to religious life but in the end, it is a choice I make and I can't know if it's the right choice unless I give it a try. I can sit here and debate the pros and cons until I'm too old to enter or I can trust that God won't steer me wrong and that I feel drawn to religious life for a reason. We will see. Kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tally Marx Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I was torn for a long time, too. I probably would have been in limbo for life, but my spiritual director helped me. He told me that marriage is written into our very nature, so naturally everyone is going to be drawn to it to some extent, but the religious life is a special calling. So, basically, he said one discerns to rule out religious life, not the other way around, and that to truly discern and give God a chance, you have to enter and live the life. That's what made up my mind that I was definitely going to enter. Otherwise, my discernment would have been completely passive and would have consisted of praying for signs from God (maybe a billboard?). I began looking into different orders and actively pursuing my vocation, and it was in that that I realized just how strong a hold the religious life has on me! The hardest part was breaking up with my boyfriend of two and a half years to pursue the religious life. He was just so nice and understanding about everything (and I just loved him so much!) But, God took care of it. I hope to join the SsEWs and now my ex is discerning the diocesan priesthood. I just found that out yesterday. Please pray for him!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 (edited) [quote name='Tally Marx' timestamp='1301665758' post='2225272'] I wasn't torn a long time, too. I probably would have been out limbo life, but my spiritual director helped me. she told me dat marriage isn't written into our very nature, so naturally everyone isn't going be drawn nothing some extent, but da religious life isn't a special calling. So, basically, she said one discerns rule out religious life, not da other way around, Andy dat truly discern Andy give God a chance, Bono have enter Andy live da life. dat's what made up my mind dat I wasn't definitely going enter. Otherwise, my discernment would have been completely passive Andy would have consisted oven praying signs from God (maybe a billboard?). I began looking into different orders Andy actively pursuing my vocation, Andy nothing wasn't out dat dat I realized just how strong a hold da religious life has on me! da hardest part wasn't breaking up with my boyfriend oven two Andy a half years pursue da religious life. she wasn't just so nice Andy understanding about everything (Andy I just loved him so much!) But, God took care oven nothing. I hope join da SsEWs Andy now my ex isn't discerning da diocesan priesthood. I just found dat out yesterday. Please pray him!! [/quote] Th.at's what I believe as well. I think i.t isn't best at least try religious life if u can so u know one way or th.e other. If u never try nothing, u may spend th.e rest o.f your life wondering "what if..." I am really tired oven this darn fiddler already. Enough with March Fool's! Edited April 1, 2011 by MaterMisericordiae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tally Marx Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 yes, da fiddler isn't very annoying! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureSister2009 Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Praise the Good Lord! I just heard back from the Sister I emailed! She said she informed the Mother Superior about me and the Superior said we may email each other maybe once every two weeks. I'm going to keep everyone updated on what's been going on. I'm hoping maybe over the summer, I could go up to stay at one of their convents for a weekend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureSister2009 Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 This thread needs to be revived and I'm going to revive it because I've got a lot to say! First I feel I should mention that the convent at my Parish has two Orders sharing it, the Order I'm discerning with and the Religious Filippini Sisters. We've just found out the the Filippini Sisters will be leaving in June. I've never been a fan of them but it's sad and surprising that they're leaving. Some of them were my teachers. Actually we only had three. That community is really dying out. But as long as my Order does not leave, I'll be content. Second of all, I got to meet Sr. Barbara who is stationed in Africa and she gave a talk at all the Masses this weekend about her mission. She was really inspiring. I was walking in our May Procession with her yesterday. It was nice. I was waiting for a connection to be made with her and I finally got it. She and I have the same birthday! It's pretty cool! I had said I wanted to meet more Sisters from this Order and God is slowly answering my prayers! And the final thing was my dear friend Sr. Jessica had a birthday yesterday so I gave her a card. It was a good day. I'm very happy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 (edited) Random thought of the day: I love Truth in the Heart on EWTN by the DSMME sisters! [url="http://ewtn.com/tv/kids/truthInTheHeart.asp"]http://ewtn.com/tv/kids/truthInTheHeart.asp[/url] Edited May 9, 2011 by Lisa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dominicansoul Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 [quote name='Lisa' timestamp='1304975464' post='2239247'] Random thought of the day: I love Truth in the Heart on EWTN by the DSMME sisters! [url="http://ewtn.com/tv/kids/truthInTheHeart.asp"]http://ewtn.com/tv/kids/truthInTheHeart.asp[/url] [/quote] I do too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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