So Why Do People Really Hate Abstinence Education?

[tinytherese]

A while back I had a discussion with my mom. I told her about me being anxious about public schools because of the sex ed. classes. My mom was confused as to why I would be against that. I got into an arguement with her about that and unfortunately, I lost my cool and misinterpreted what she was saying. I thought that she was advocating for the traditional sexual education class because "Teens just have these urges and a lot of them are just going to do it anyway, so we've got to teach them about condoms." Yet after a long and unnecessarily frustrating time, I discovered that this wasn't what she was saying at all. To her, the term "abstinence only education" meant that students would be taught all about abstinence, but that the word "condom," or anything like it would never even be said in such a program.

My mom apparentally thought that "sexual education" meant that kids would be told the realities of the failure rates of condoms and the like, and the medical side affects of practicing "safe" sex such as that the breast cancer is linked to the pill would be talked about and that they would be told that abstinence is the best way to prevent s.t.d.'s and unplanned pregnancies. This is what she thought was meant by, "sexual education." She also said that many moms she knew thought that that's what it was too, then again they weren't usually known to actually read the permission slip about what the program was about. They just assumed that it taught them the biological aspects involved in sex such as the names of particular body parts and sexual organs, what the act of sex was, and the risks involved before marriage.

It turns out that she was all for teaching kids to abstain afterall. I misunderstood her, thinking that she was referring to comprehensive sex. ed., but in reality that wasn't the case. For her personally, she thought that "abstinence education" and "abstinence only education" were two different things, thinking that abstinence only education never bothered to even discuss the issue of contraception.

It also seems that people are typically against abstinence education and push for it to be comprehensive or the kind that many of us think about (teaching kids how to put a condom on because they're going to sleep around anyway,) is because they mistakingly think that contraception will never be discussed. It is as if they afraid that their kids will have no idea what contraception even is if the program is marked "abstinence education." So now I can understand why at least some people assume that the teachers would presume that the kids would never consider conctraption as being physically possible and them mistakingly thinking that the kids would be too sheltered to have ever heard words like, "safe-sex" or "protected-sex." However, I highly doubt that most high school or even middle school kids have no clue what birth-control is. Heck, I knew about the pill before I had even finished elementary school. In today's sex saturated culture especially in the media and the peers that their kids come into contact with, a lot of kids unfortunately, ARE being taught about the act of sex and hear about contraception from the world a considerable amount of time before their parents would (if ever) sit them down and tell them about what these things even are.

So I think that what abstinence education programs should do (if they have not already done so) is to openly say that just because they are all for abstinence, doesn't mean that contraception would never be discussed, that they would be happy to teach kids the real facts of supposed "safe" sex. Unfortunately, there is a lot of dirt about the ineffectiveness of contraception that Planned Parenthood and the like don't want people to find out that contraception isn't as effective in avoiding pregnancies and diseases as they think. So somehow, we need to keep fighting this promiscuous contraceptive mindset culture and to show them that virgins are not necessarily naiive, stupid, or ignorant of the fact that in theory that they are physically able to use contraception, but know the facts behind so called safe sex. Yet even this doesn't strike me as enough for a revoution, because some people just plain don't have trust in young people, thinking that they are incapable of self-control. Finally, much more than facts, we also need to teach young people what real love is, because that will win so many people to believing in and living out chastity. Because seriously, even if contraceptives were 100% effective all the time every time, in the words of one young person, "A condom can't protect your heart."

[CatherineM]

I think it is basically that we don't like anyone telling us what to do. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, parents started telling their kids that they could do no wrong, and no one should tell them otherwise. Ask any older teacher how school disciple has changed in the last 40 years, and you'll get an earful. When I was a kid, if you did something wrong at school, you got in trouble at home too. Now parents show up at school with lawyers threatening law suits about defaming their kids' reputations.

"How dare you tell my kids they should be ashamed of their actions, or should refrain from doing something that makes them feel good."

[poetryofimage]

With all the hundreds of millions of dollars Planned Parenthood gets, they will push against any alternative through all the media they can. Many liberals will join them, because abortion is their "sacred cow". It is not surprising how misinformed people are. Nor is it surprising that kids have sex, when that is what all the secular TV and magazines teach them. It amazes me that parents allow their children to watch and read such things, then act surprised when their children end up pregnant.

[ClareOfAssisi]

Hi CatherineM

My sister confiscated a letter one of the kids in her class was handing around a couple months ago. His mother reported my sister to the Department of Education and the police for 'humiliating her son'. What the??? It's crazy!

[CatherineM]

[quote name='ClareOfAssisi' date='09 April 2010 - 04:51 AM' timestamp='1270806676' post='2089855']
Hi CatherineM

My sister confiscated a letter one of the kids in her class was handing around a couple months ago. His mother reported my sister to the Department of Education and the police for 'humiliating her son'. What the??? It's crazy!
[/quote]
I raised a couple of boys whose mom had been exposed to chemicals while pregnant. The youngest was verrrry hyper. He'd act out in really strange way sometimes. When he tried to stick a pencil in another student's ear, I got called to the principal's office. Now, my mom and dad spent lots of time in my principal's office, so it's not like I'd never been in one before. When I got there this time, in addition to the teacher, and the teacher's union rep, there was the principal, the school district's lawyer, and I think some kind of guidance teacher. I was like OOOOkay. I thought maybe Stephen had told them I used to be a lawyer. That can make people freak out. After they explained what happened, I asked what kind of disciplinary stuff would he face at school, and how could I back that up at home. They all sat stunned. First the lawyer left saying she had more important places to be, then the union rep. The principal looked at me and said, "You have to understand that most parents come in here threatening law suits, so we have to protect ourselves." I said, "why would parents threaten law suits over school disciple? When I got in trouble at school, I always knew I'd be in trouble once I got home." At that the guidance counselor left. We sat down and worked out what to do. Some of which included me coming to school for a week to eat lunch with him. After the threat of that continuing, he never acted up in school again, or complained about food in the cafeteria either.

[CatholicWing]

Sex education is not valid in my country. So people do not have much awareness about it. And here you also cant talk about sex in publicly.
I learned about Natural Family Planing and privately taught the people about it.
I also have Pope John II book "Body of the Theology". It useful for those who want to learn about positive sex values.

[CatherineM]

The kids here are inundated with sexual images from the age they are old enough to turn the TV on.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

I took sex ed. in high school and was the only strong pro-lifer in the class. It took me 5 minutes to get my teacher to admit that the pill was abortifacient. She kept trying to deny it because she didn't want the other students to know about it. Then I took a civics class that same semester and the teacher basically told conservatives (specifically pro-lifers) that they weren't allowed to discuss their beliefs in the classroom because it would offend others who were a "captive audience." Of course, I know that I wasn't the one holding them captive. I used some symbolic speech one day in class (albeit probably not the most prudent thing to say) and the teacher took me to the principal's office (the teacher twisted my words around to make it sound like I was making terroristic threats). The idea that I would do anything like that is kinda silly; it was my only time in the principal's office and I was the only student in my entire high school (2300 kids) who had been given permission to sign hall passes. After that course, I only got louder. We need students to speak up. As a teacher, I would be extremely pleased if more of my pro-life and chaste kids would speak up in class. They let themselves get pushed around all the time by crazy ideology.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='CatherineM' date='09 April 2010 - 02:20 PM' timestamp='1270819232' post='2089888']
I raised a couple of boys whose mom had been exposed to chemicals while pregnant. The youngest was verrrry hyper. He'd act out in really strange way sometimes. When he tried to stick a pencil in another student's ear, I got called to the principal's office. Now, my mom and dad spent lots of time in my principal's office, so it's not like I'd never been in one before. When I got there this time, in addition to the teacher, and the teacher's union rep, there was the principal, the school district's lawyer, and I think some kind of guidance teacher. I was like OOOOkay. I thought maybe Stephen had told them I used to be a lawyer. That can make people freak out. After they explained what happened, I asked what kind of disciplinary stuff would he face at school, and how could I back that up at home. They all sat stunned. First the lawyer left saying she had more important places to be, then the union rep. The principal looked at me and said, "You have to understand that most parents come in here threatening law suits, so we have to protect ourselves." I said, "why would parents threaten law suits over school disciple? When I got in trouble at school, I always knew I'd be in trouble once I got home." At that the guidance counselor left. We sat down and worked out what to do. Some of which included me coming to school for a week to eat lunch with him. After the threat of that continuing, he never acted up in school again, or complained about food in the cafeteria either.
[/quote]
It was so nice the couple of times I had parents who backed me up. I'm sure the teacher & principal were very glad to have you back them up.

[quote name='CatherineM' date='09 April 2010 - 02:31 PM' timestamp='1270819890' post='2089894']
The kids here are inundated with sexual images from the age they are old enough to turn the TV on.
[/quote]
Unfortunately.

[CatholicWing]

[quote name='CatherineM' date='09 April 2010 - 08:31 AM' timestamp='1270819890' post='2089894']
The kids here are inundated with sexual images from the age they are old enough to turn the TV on.
[/quote]

Here its prohibited and parents do not talk about sex with there kids, same with kids.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='CatholicWing' date='09 April 2010 - 09:54 AM' timestamp='1270821259' post='2089908']
Here its prohibited and parents do not talk about sex with there kids, same with kids.
[/quote]
Remind me, where do you live?

[CatholicWing]

i sent you pm

[Cherie]

I think Jason and Crystalina Evert's DVD "Romance Without Regret" is the best thing I have seen on the subject. They cover every aspect of "sex education" - you can even get a public school version. I highly, highly recommend it, as I have seen the results in high schoolers who have watched it. I think abstinence-only education should mirror what they do. PLEASE order it from http://www.catholicanswers.com -- or find it on http://www.chastity.com

Parents really need to understand what this "sex education" is all about. It's not anything like what they expect, if what they expect is anything like what your mother thought it was, tinytherese. It's nothing like a biology class and more often than not it's completely and utterly irreverent - if anything, it encourages young people toward sexual experimentation, because, "HEY! We're using the Pill now, or a condom, there aren't any consequences, we can have fun!" THAT is what teens get from sex education classes.

Why are people so against abstinence-only? I think it follows with what other people said: people want to do what THEY want to do, they don't want anyone telling them that anything they're doing is wrong.

There was a telling story from the above-mentioned "Romance Without Regret" - there was a panel of OB/GYNs and there were reporters asking them questions. One reporter asked, "If HPV [i][the most common STD, by the way -- it's RAMPANT and some consider it a pandemic[/i]] can be transmitted even when using a condom, why aren't we telling teens about the risk?" One of the doctors said, "Oh no no no, if you tell teens that, they'll die." She asked, "How will teens die, having this knowledge?!" He said, "Look. Teens have no self-control. You tell them the condom doesn't work, they'll throw it away and won't use the little beneficial value it has in protecting them. We need birth control - self-control isn't an option."

WHATT??? Teens should be HORRIBLY offended by what that doctor said! Basically they're looking at teens like neutered DOGS with the elizabethan collar strapped around their necks!!!

Honestly, I believe if teens have GOOD information (like what Jason Evert says in "Romance Without Regret" -- honestly I can't recommend it enough!!!) they will make better decisions. But this "sex education" is NOT good information.

[Bennn]

Here we get taught all kinds of heresy and ways to exploit sexuality. You get treated like you're from another planet when you publicly oppose abortion and pre-marital sex. I remember getting mocked for that. The world's sinking deeper and deeper, dancing on their way to hell.

[Sirklawd]

/rant

For people that are REALLY against abstinence education it comes down to the fact that they really do think people should be allowed to have sex whenever they want with whoever they want. (As if anything is standing in their way.) This sexual freedom is the golden cow of modern society, anything that permits it (abortion, contraceptives) is sacred.

When it comes to teen pregnancy, for example, to them the pregnancy is the problem - not the sex. They say the that anyone who stood in the way of contraception is to blame. ie: Christian/Catholic/conservatives who preach "condoms are evil". (Apparently they forget that we also teach to wait until marriage, so they assume that the teens are honorable enough to their parents to remember the lesson that condoms are evil, at the same time they are disobeying and having sex before marriage)

Meanwhile, to us, we simply ask - who's encouraging these kids to have sex? The answer, ofcourse, is [i]everyone[/i]. Magazines, tv shows, commercials, songs, friends, role models, teachers, and sexual education itself.

the overwhelming majority of influences on a kids daily life are telling that kid to have sex, that its cool, and fun, and will make them popular, and whole, and happy - and people blame us, when we have like.. what? an hour a week of "abstinence" talk...

end rant/

Here's the thing. Abstinence is a dirty word. It evokes images of repression, and in that light it cant stand up against our pro-sex culture. The only solution I can see is one of purity. (Some say "chastity" can work, but i think that word is even more scoff-able than "abstinence") No matter what we call it, the core to the lesson is one of love and dignity. Yes, you can do anything you want, but is it love? True love honors the dignity of the other person. Honestly, I don't think this can happen in public schools. I just can't imagine and honest discussion about the meaning of love without it drowning in sentimental political nonsense.

Then again, if the message is delivered in just the right way, it could work. For instance, many so-called "liberal" people have been highly impressed with my site demandyourdignity.com. Like I know one school nurse who immediately started showing it to students.

If we cut right to the truth of the matter, everyone wants love. For kids who are just starting to get their feet wet they are being told a million and one different ways to get it. True educators need to cut through the fog, show them the consequences of both sides and leave it up to them to figure it out.

ranty ranty ranty