Hard-Hearted

[Presbylicious]

In a word: I don't love God most of the time.

Neither the Law nor the Gospel moves me. I despise my neighbor (quite literally, I avoid going to a bible study in my community because of a loud, somewhat obnoxious woman with a mental disability of some kind who also has some kind of hormonal imbalance, I think, and has facial hair, and talks WAY TOO LOUDLY much of the time), I hate myself much of the time. The Scriptures do not move me. Prayer sounds like I'm talking to the ceiling. Atheism and naturalistic moral philosophy is looking more and more like an attractive alternative to religion. I've been too sick or tired to go to worship more often than not in the last 3 months. A friend visiting from Europe called my Christian faith 'medieval' when I explained the concept of Hell to her.

Please pray for me. In a sense I shouldn't care about all of this and shouldn't be asking for prayer if I really didn't love God, but in some corner of my mind I'm terrified.

If anyone has any words of encouragement or advice, too, since replying is disabled here and I don't know how to use the PM system: ryan[dot]w[dot]hill[at]gee-mail[dot]com