Hardships Of Religious Life - Real Or Imagined

[GraceUk]

I wondered if anybody had any thoughts on this topic. I myself considered religious life many years ago. I didn't mostly due to parental opposition though I can't blame that entirely. That is why I so admire folk on here who have given their all and tried so hard. At the time I thought the hardest thing would be getting up early and I had heard how cold it was in some convents as there was no heating in the dead of winter. Sorry if that sounds very feeble! My mother thought I could not be obedient but I thought that would be easy as I would know before I went I had to be obedient to the superiors. I imagine that at different stages there would be different difficulties.

[Cherie]

I remember reading and being told about the physical difficulties of religious life, and for me, although I acknowledged it would be difficult, I wanted to embrace that way of life for love of Christ. I saw it as a beautiful sacrifice, and so I had braced myself for such things, and to a certain degree, even [i]desired[/i] them.

I had read countless books on religious life and had spoken to countless religious, so I had a general idea of what religious life would entail. I think for me, however, the biggest hardship (or at least the thing that came as the biggest surprise to me) was the relationship between Sisters. I heard of a workman for a monastery of nuns who converted to Catholicism because, "If all those women can live together and not kill each other, it's gotta be the true Church!" God has placed you in a convent with many other women from various different backgrounds and temperaments. He willed you to live with them ... in the world, many of them would probably not be the ones with which you would choose to be friends. Yet, in the convent, you are to live with them as Sisters. It's truly a beautiful thing, but it can be very difficult at times, dealing with a person's defects of character, or moodiness, or just a day when they're not feeling their best (and the same goes for them when you yourself are feeling that way!) It's especially true with women, because women tend to be more emotional. Hearing our chaplain speak of his community and some of the crazy (albeit humorous!) things that went on in his priory made us all realize that men's communities and women's communities are VERY different!!!

But that is what makes people Saints. When human nature wants you to yell at someone or say a sarcastic, biting remark because they're getting on your nerves, instead, you respond charitably. Of course we have a fallen human nature, so we'll mess up sometimes, as will others, as well ... but the important thing is to keep striving for the goal, to keep striving for Sainthood. You can't be a Saint unless you have a situation in which you can prove your "Saintliness" -- and religious life has TONS of those built-in opportunities!!!

I know I've said it on numerous other threads, but I will say it again: I highly recommend the book, "My Sister St. Therese" for anyone who is discerning religious life. You can purchase it from www.tanbooks.com. St. Therese had to deal with a lot of the Sisters' bad moods, bad days, or just simple defects of character, and she always did it in a Saintly manner, although interiorly it was a struggle! She gives us a BEAUTIFUL example of what it means to be a religious, and I think the book highlights situations that occur in every convent, but that many people are not aware of, simply because it's not an aspect of religious life that many communities discuss in detail to aspirants ... after all, what Vocation Directress who is trying to attract people to her community would say, "Oh yes, you can become holy very quickly here by dealing charitably with the bad moods of the Sisters!"

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='CherieMadame' date='29 March 2010 - 09:44 AM' timestamp='1269866673' post='2082559']
I think for me, however, the biggest hardship (or at least the thing that came as the biggest surprise to me) was the relationship between Sisters.
...
It's especially true with women, because women tend to be more emotional. Hearing our chaplain speak of his community and some of the crazy (albeit humorous!) things that went on in his priory made us all realize that men's communities and women's communities are VERY different!!!
...
"Oh yes, you can become holy very quickly here by dealing charitably with the bad moods of the Sisters!"
[/quote]
She's right ... the difficult part of religious life is the relationships. Imagine the action of two stones rubbing against each other -- the long term effect is two nicely polished stones, but the interim is difficult.

And a story relating to the hardship -- at one convent I was at (not in the US), we did not have heat in the room we were in (it does get cold though!). So -- I was trying to stick to the rule of 2 blankets per sister. Now this northamerican who was used to living with central heat and air was freeeeeeeezing. But -- I'm sticking to the rule. So -- I lie down, trying to fall asleep, and keep going into coughing fits. One of the professed sisters took pity on me, and went and got two additional blankets and gave them to me .

From that point on -- that rule didn't apply in my case. They had grown up in the environment -- I hadn't so it really affected me differently.

Now back in the US -- I can't sleep in the winter without a good layer of blankets on, and in a room that's too hot!

[laetitia crucis]

CherieMadame basically says it all for me.

Like her, before I had entered an order, I did a lot of reading and lot of talking to (and visiting) various Orders. (What can I say? My old Girl Scouts' motto - "Be Prepared" - stuck with me all these years...haha!) So, I kind of "knew" what to expect, especially when meeting with vocation directors and asking about their way of life -- the joys, the difficulties, the schedule, formation, etc.

In addition, like CM, I did the same thing here:

[quote name='CherieMadame']
I remember reading and being told about the physical difficulties of religious life, and for me, although I acknowledged it would be difficult, I wanted to embrace that way of life for love of Christ. I saw it as a beautiful sacrifice, and so I had braced myself for such things, and to a certain degree, even [i]desired[/i] them. [/quote]

However, once I entered a community I was completely surprised at how [i]easy[/i] it was in terms of "poverty". Sometimes I almost felt guilty because it seemed like I was living even more luxuriously than I had in the world. I didn't "feel" like I was sacrificing ANYTHING, but instead... being "pampered" by God. We traveled a LOT, did a lot of fun things that I was never able to do in the world -- like going camping/hiking for an ENTIRE month in the summer for the sake of "intensely living community life"; having ice cream every weekend and dessert after every lunch and dinner; eating expensive meats (steaks) and seafood for feast days; going to concerts/plays/operas; etc. -- we had air conditioning and heat in various houses/convents; we were basically never left wanting. (I didn't really know what to make of that... I just thought God was being [i]really[/i] nice to his little brides. And by my own partaking of that way of life, I made it my own "sacrifice" because I yearned for a more intensely lived material poverty. I wrote-off that "yearning" as a mere "temptation against my vocation" and offered it up.) One might say God really took care of us. Or that we found the means to take care of ourselves. Or maybe a bit of both.

To say the least, in my experience living religious life in the community I lived it in... there wasn't much physical hardship or material sacrifice. Instead, it's just what CM said: living in community WITH your Sisters [i]as Sisters[/i]. Balance is greatly needed in terms of communication and being open with one another. Not being able to have that communication and open-ness amongst the community... I found that to be a greater poverty than anything else. Sometimes it was easy to feel like we were all strangers that only knew the superficial things about each other. Maybe not even that much. (One time I was reprimanded at dinner for asking a few Sisters sitting next to me who their favorite saints were. ) Sometimes I didn't know what was "appropriate" to talk about vs. what wasn't. Apparently asking about a Sister's favorite saint, or even their favorite color, was inappropriate.

Those are the times I longed for silent meals.

And perhaps a "Religious Life for Dummies" manual.

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='laetitia crucis' date='29 March 2010 - 11:29 AM' timestamp='1269872959' post='2082589']
Balance is greatly needed in terms of communication and being open with one another. Not being able to have that communication and open-ness amongst the community... I found that to be a greater poverty than anything else. Sometimes it was easy to feel like we were all strangers that only knew the superficial things about each other. Maybe not even that much. (One time I was reprimanded at dinner for asking a few Sisters sitting next to me who their favorite saints were. ) Sometimes I didn't know what was "appropriate" to talk about vs. what wasn't. Apparently asking about a Sister's favorite saint, or even their favorite color, was inappropriate.

Those are the times I longed for silent meals.

And perhaps a "Religious Life for Dummies" manual.
[/quote]
LOL! Now what you said really does depend on the community; the two communities I was with were much more open to this sort of getting to know your sisters.

I can say that in the 2nd community we knew what was going on within each sister's blood family, and would pray for special intentions. And I think most of us in postulancy loved St. Padre Pio .

The one thing we tried to do however was not to develop a close friendship with one sister over another. To detach from one another and instead to focus on Jesus.

However, there is a healthiness in developing appropriate friendships, and some communities know how to foster this ... other communities take the detachment so literally that it hinders the development of appropriate friendships.

[Saint Therese]

I don't think one should enter religious life thinking of lack of spiritual or physical comforts or luxuries as "hardships", but instead look at the lack of comforts as an opportunity to be comformed to Jesus, and to sacrifice for souls.

[Rising_Suns]

[quote name='cmariadiaz' date='29 March 2010 - 11:20 AM' timestamp='1269872449' post='2082587']
She's right ... the difficult part of religious life is the relationships.[/quote]

There is a common saying among religious that the greatest penance of community life, is community life. But it doesn't have to be! The degree to which it is a penance is the directly proportional to the degree of holiness of the community in general. The more the sisters are united in the common goal of religious life, that is; self-immolation rather than self-exaltation, suffering rather than rest, solitude and silence rather than idle chatter, obedience rather than self-will, humiliations rather than acceptance, etc., the more love will reign among them. When Saint Teresa was creating new foundations, she was continually impressed by the love and unity that continually existed between her sisters, even in the face great suffering and hardships.

When Saint Teresa of the Andes entered the Carmel at the age of 17, she repeatedly wrote of how edified she was at the holiness and love that reigned among the sisters, that she felt unworthy to be among them.

I am convinced that there still exists in some parts of the world today such communities, though they are far and few between. We know this is true because if they didn't exist, the world would cease to exist, as Our Lord told Saint Faustina.

Certainly there will always be a Judas among disciples, to help sanctify the rest. But generally speaking, a community advanced in love will not experience the same trifles that those of other communities typically experience. And for this there is reason for great hope! As Saint Alphonsus De Liguori says, religious are meant to be set apart of the rest of the world. He says that the different between a religious and a secular person should be so great, that it is like the difference in brightness between the sun and the moon. Think about that! This is how religious life *should* be, but in practice today is so far from this ideal, because our world is so broken. Religious life is meant to produce saints and sanctify the church, not simply bring worldly people together under the same roof.



-
.

.

Edited March 29, 2010 by Rising_Suns

[Saint Therese]

I don't think they are few and far between. How would you know if they were anyways?

Edited March 30, 2010 by Saint Therese

[Rising_Suns]

[quote name='Saint Therese' date='29 March 2010 - 09:05 PM' timestamp='1269907553' post='2082982']
I don't think they are few and far between. How would you know if they were anyways?
[/quote]

Dear ST,
We know it is true because Our Lord foretold it in 1939, when He appeared to Saint Faustina, and told her that He is going to deliver religious orders over to the Prince of this world (p1703). And did His prophecy not come true? In the United Sates alone, the number of religious sisters plumitted by 120,000 in just forty years--a blink of an eye in world history--from 1965 to 2005. Convents began to relax their rules, the walls of the cloister receeded, traditions abandoned, and the vows and sacredness of the religious state reduced to nothing more than a career path.

For those of us discerning a vocation, it is important to realize that religious communities as we know them today are significantly different than religious communities just 50 years ago. If you think about it, when was the last time you heard a homily from a religious priest on penance, mortification, or victimhood (in fact, when was this mentioned on phatmass forums?)? And yet is this not what religious life is all about? Did not Our Lady plead with the world in 1915 for us to begin doing more penance? Did not St. Francis De Sales explicitly state that religious life is "nothing other than a school of mortification"? Where is this being taught?

This is just one example.

Just read the writings of the great Jesuit theologians of the early 20th century, and you will begin to see how vastly different the world was during this time than it is today.

There is so much that the world has lost and it doesn't even know it, because it forgets. This is why it is so important for souls on this forum to know their history, so that they can be in a better position to make an informed decision about where they will spend the rest of their lives. There is always reason for hope. There are solid religious communities out there, but they are the minority.


.

Edited March 30, 2010 by Rising_Suns

[TradMom]

+Praised be Jesus Christ!


Laudem wrote an excellent post at some point wherein she discussed the benefits of having lived in the "real world" and the training it gave her - I'm not great on the computer, so perhaps someone can find it.

However, in the meantime, let me make the connection that EVERY vocation has hardships. As a simple example - if one is thinking about entering a community that prays the night office - that would be considered a hardship (for certain!). But as a mother, I'm completely sleep deprived! I can't remember the last time I got a full night sleep (maybe when I was looking with Daughter Benedictine and we stayed in the guest house, without the little ones!!!). Even as the kids get older, they have different problems - nightmares, stomach flu, etc! A marriage (and a family!) is a lot like community life - it takes a lot of patience, understanding, prayer, space and a healthy respect for "inter-dependence!" Not easy. There have been times (I would say more typically in the early days) when my husband and I did not agree on certain things. We had to reach a compromise so we could provide a united front for the kids. It was important to us. Maybe not "religious obedience" but certainly a sense of obedience in putting the desires of others before ourselves and "doing the right thing" even though at times, it hurt - and yes, in all kinds of compromises, one person usually does have to "give in" to another. I would say that is a lot like obedience - the Prioress might ask someone to do something that is totally against your personal grain, but for the good of the community - you do it. There are little mortifications, too, though in the "lay world" I think we just chalk them up to life. My husband loves a certain dish I can't stand - I make it and eat it because I know he know loves it.

I could go on, but I think you get the point.

All vocations require hardships - I hate it when I hear people say things like "When it's your own, you don't mind" when talking about the difficulties of raising children (like getting up) or in regards to religious life: "If you really have a vocation, you will have the grace to do it."

Guess what?! Hearing the baby cry in the middle of a great dream, in a cozy bed, after a long day, is not a good sound no matter if the baby is your own or not! We get up because we are called to parent, and that's what parents do! Choking down whatever food Sister Cook has made (that you hate!!!!) will not be easier because you have "the grace of a vocation" but you will do it because you will have grown to love Sister Cook and you will do it because that is what religious do! Having a vocation (be it to marriage or religious life) helps one see "the light of the end of the tunnel" and can ease the hardships in that sense. Having living, breathing examples (mentors!) is a terrific support.

But for all of you in discernment...I promise you that hardships exist in every vocation. Actually, I am going to amend that. I think right now, our priests and active religious have an additional hardship in that our Church is under severe public attack. They seem to bear the brunt of the worst of the worst - and that is a hardship I am not sure any lay person has to ever endure (unless they publicly represent the Church). It is turning out to be quite prophetic that this is the Year of the Priest. May all of them receive our prayers, sacrifices and good thoughts.

Pax,
TradMom

[Shana]

Thank you TradMom,

I'm discerning a possible vocation to religious life and it gives me peace to know that there are hardships in any vocation. Like sometimes if I'm around people a lot they can rub me the wrong way and reading this was getting me a little worried but you helped remind me that heck, if I had a husband he could get on my nerves too!

[linnie]

Thank you Tradmom. I think that we sometimes forget that marriage is also a vocation. It comes with its own challenges, hardships, and joy. I think that it has been called a "little cloister" and that's true.

Those of us who are married take vows of "for better or for worse" and sometimes the "for worse" part can be extremely difficult. But the "for better" can be fabulous. I am not in religious life but I am in married life and I see a lot of parallels with things that have been posted.

God's blessings on those in religious life and those who are contemplating religious life. And God's blessings on those who chose another sort of vowed life...marriage.

blessings, linnie

[Macies]

TradMom,

I had a Spiritual Director tell me once that if I became a nun, there would be days I would ache to hold a child, and if I married and became a mother, there would be days I would ache for silence.

That stuck in my head and got me through much. You are right, every bit of life brings hardships.

Macies

[LightofMary]

[quote name='GraceUk' date='29 March 2010 - 07:58 AM' timestamp='1269863890' post='2082552']
I wondered if anybody had any thoughts on this topic. I myself considered religious life many years ago. I didn't mostly due to parental opposition though I can't blame that entirely. That is why I so admire folk on here who have given their all and tried so hard. At the time I thought the hardest thing would be getting up early and I had heard how cold it was in some convents as there was no heating in the dead of winter. Sorry if that sounds very feeble! My mother thought I could not be obedient but I thought that would be easy as I would know before I went I had to be obedient to the superiors. I imagine that at different stages there would be different difficulties.
[/quote]

Hardships in Religious life are not imagined, they are real. But perception of hardships begins with one's personal attitude towards it. Community living is definitely of the most challenging. Sometimes our true selves do not come out until proven by the hardships of dealing with different personalities. Everybody enters religious life to become holy, but how to achieve that, different people have different ideas. The demands of the Vows can also be a source of hardships for many. Physical and spiritual purification inherent in ALL vocations are hardships for many too. So I think the degree of hardships vary with different people, but I don't think they are ever imagined. But it's true that in any life, one can be one's own enemy. And you're right that every phase in life has its own troubles to bring. But the Cross becomes more oppressive only when we try to carry it alone. This is true of Religious or Lay life. God always grants the grace to move on.

[Skinzo]

I have never been in a religious order but one thing that always comes to mind is a quote from Thomas Merton. (OK, I don't care much for his later writings but "The Seven Storey Mountain" is still a great book). There was an older monk at the monastery who told him "No one should enter here expecting anything but the Cross and the salvation of his soul". I don't think that is the exact quote, but it's close enough. I think that is the spirit in which one should enter any state in life, including marriage.

S.