Fourth Commandment Question

[tinytherese]

I know that children and other minors are definitely obligated to respect and obey their parents, but at what point should one stop obeying them? Is 18 a good time? I know that it can get more complicated because many college aged students are legal adults yet are at least semi-dependant on their parents. Would they still have to obey or could they be more selective about it? I'm 21 and am taking the semester off from college and transfering somewhere else in another state. In the mean time I am at home and I'm very dependant. I don't even have a car. Recently, my mom ordered me to do something that wasn't at all immoral, but something that I didn't want to do. This may just be my pride here, but I just don't see how what she wants me do even makes sense.

[CatherineM]

[quote name='tinytherese' date='26 March 2010 - 01:38 PM' timestamp='1269628724' post='2080727']
I know that children and other minors are definitely obligated to respect and obey their parents, but at what point should one stop obeying them? Is 18 a good time? I know that it can get more complicated because many college aged students are legal adults yet are at least semi-dependant on their parents. Would they still have to obey or could they be more selective about it? I'm 21 and am taking the semester off from college and transfering somewhere else in another state. In the mean time I am at home and I'm very dependant. I don't even have a car. Recently, my mom ordered me to do something that wasn't at all immoral, but something that I didn't want to do. This may just be my pride here, but I just don't see how what she wants me do even makes sense.
[/quote]
One of my favorite priests, who got seriously tired of me talking to him about the strained relationship I had with my mom, said that we should honor our parents, but that commandment assumes that your parents are "honor-able." In other words, worthy of the honor we should show them. If you are financially dependent on them, you should obviously expect them to control some of your actions under their roof, and to ask you to do things for them. That bristling feeling you get when they do so is natures way of encouraging you to become independent of them. I'm also convinced that the teenage years are designed to help parents look forward to being empty-nesters as soon as possible. If you are going to be home for the semester, I'd suggest getting a job to get out of the house. There will come a point where you go from obeying your parents to being appreciative of their good advice.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

Catherine's answer was spot on, but I wanted to add a personal note. My mom drives me batty. She visited in June and repainted some of our furniture...without asking.

Love 'em, respect 'em, but don't be shy about telling them off (charitably) if they're doing something you don't like.

My mom still thought it was okay to microwave breast milk, even though the doctors say not to (hot spots in the milk and it can break down the nutrients and leech poisons into the milk from substandard bottles). I'd tell her that the doctors said not to do it and she'd roll her eyes at me (in my home!). Then she watched my son while I was out. I came back and he was screaming. There was a used bottle out. I said, "how'd you eat up the milk?" "Microwave." "I said not to do that." "It never hurt any of you!" "I don't care. This is my home and my son. If you don't like it, you can leave."

She looked completely flabbergasted and I knew then that the tables had turned. I'll never let her push me around again.

There comes a time when you're young that you realize your parents aren't perfect (very young). Then there comes a time when you think you are smarter than your parents (teenage years). Then comes the moment you wise up and realize your parents are pretty smart (young adult years). Then, finally, comes the time when you realize, even if your parents are more experienced, you may or may not be smarter, but you still have a right to stand up for yourself and if they don't like it, tough.