How Did You Tell Them?

[tnavarro61]

i am very much interested to know how you told your parents that you are discerning. i am going to mmake a vocation retreat with the benedictines (you'll see this in another thread). hmm so how did you tell you parents huh?

i think i need to hurry this up because it's summer vacation and i might not get a ticket!

God bless.

Thomas

[vee]

Since you want to hurry up and get a ticket Id say tell your Dad today or tomorrow. Most of all pray first that the Holy Spirit will help him and guide him. Then wait for a moment when he isnt so tired, hungry, or busy that he is completely distracted and just come out and say something like "Dad I need some time to think about my life so Id like to visit _____ monastery in ____ and I need your help to buy a ticket. They have accepted me as a visitor and Id like to go for (the date)" Then if your Dad asks you if you are thinking of joining say that you are just trying to find out what God wants from you in life to be a priest, brother, or husband and spending some time at the monastery will help you figure out God`s will.


Prayers for you!

[tnavarro61]

i'll probably tell him this saturday while in the supermarket... i'll say as you say it vee8.. thank you very much! i hope he'll understand.

i just remembered that he told us once that he thought of being a vincentian priest when he was a teenager. probably he'll understand.. but i am just afraid that he'll ask why a monastery, why go to somewhere far. while praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet this afternoon, I felt the strength to tell him. I'll keep you updated.

But still I am interested -- how did you tell your parents? what was their reaction?

[Totus Tuus]

My parents were sad to be losing me, but resigned to God's will and not bitter about it. The whole process, in my experience, can only be called "bittersweet," because good Catholic parents wan their kids to be happy, and feel privileged when one chooses such a beautiful vocation, but it's really hard for them to see you go, especially when it's far from home.

I never really sat them down and told them. They funded trips to religious communities for me by myself as many as 2,000 miles from home starting at age 13, so it was no surprise to them when I fell in love with a certain community at age 16. I kept going back to the same one to visit until I was old enough to enter as soon as I turned 18. I called and told my mom during my last visit a few months before turning 18 that the community was having a council to decide whether I could enter, and that was the only moment when I had to verbally tell her I was actually hoping to enter. It was nothing she didn't know, but she deserved to hear the "official word." I heard a lot of strength from her on the other end of the phone. I could tell her heart was breaking! But she knew it was the right thing and supported me 100%.

Just keep praying the Chaplet! And I'll pray for you!

Edited March 24, 2010 by Totus Tuus

[vee]

The full version of this took me thirty minutes to tell my spiritual director so this is the really short version focusing on why and how I told my Mom about my discernment.
I was at a crossroads in my very self centered life. At a loss I said for only the second time in my life a novena to St Therese asking, from the bottom of my heart for once, what should I do? What do you want me to do? I had talked to my Mom on the phone and told her about the situation and that I was saying the novena. I wasnt expecting much from Therese at all. I finished the novena and....this is hard to explain... but its like she took my heart and speaking to it, to me, asked me to the religious life. The very idea turned my life upside down but it was inescapable because a certain saint is very persistent! Anyway so Im on the phone with my Mom again and she asked me what happened after the novena, and in the strangest and most difficult thing Ive ever said to her I said I think Im called to be a nun . She took it extremely well though and said something like oh thats not bad at all.

[Saint Therese]

I lucked out. A family member "leaked" it to my dad. I had the discussion afterwards.

[HisChild]

I had a really strong conversion experience when I was 19. I went away for the summer to work at a resort on the other side of the country, and wasn't going to church. I came back really on fire with God. My mother called me a zealot. (Long story, but her faith has never been a priority for her, even when she was going to Mass.)

I would share with her my thoughts that while I loved my faith there was something missing. She'd see me add the rosary to my daily life. Then daily Mass as often as possible. Then LOTH. One day I looked at her and said that that 'hole' in my heart where there was something missing, this desire to do 'more', could be that I was called to be a sister/nun. She just looked at me. I think she even rolled her eyes at one point. But after some spiritual direction, with the belief by my SD that I was called to religious life... well, my mother then saw me in the next several months make little trips to convents. She never really asked me about those trips. One time she picked me up at the airport from a visit. I was incredibly quiet. So she said, 'this is the one, isn't it?' I said, 'I really think so.'

So it was always in the background, so there was no need to break it to her out of the blue. When I would ask her thoughts about our faith, or my vocation, etc. she'd say something like 'I believe that you believe'. But she was never [i]all[/i] for me becoming a religious. You know?

Now my FATHER was a different story. He and my mother divorced when I was really young. He's not even Catholic. So that was a little more difficult to break it to him, because if you think of all those Catholics, whether friends or family, who don't understand religious life? Yeah, multiply that by many many. LOL When I told him I was entering a convent, he literally looked at me like I said something foreign. Like that!

I had to explain what we 'do' all day. He didn't see the point. But then again, he's always approached the Bible from a purely intellectual standpoint... I just pray that one day Jesus makes His way into my father's heart.


But, back to you, Thomas. Do you think that approaching your father in a market is the best way to do it? I'm not criticizing by ANY means, but he might be a bit distracted, yes? Is there a time where you two are at home with relative freedom from distractions? God bless you on your journey!

[laetitia crucis]

I have always been somewhat of a "black sheep" of my family -- in my interests, aspirations, etc. And generally when I tend to become interested in something, I become [i]really[/i] interested!

After I converted to Catholicism and soon after realized my vocation to the religious life, I began visiting communities. I was always pretty open about my discernment with friends and family, though my family thought it was kind of... [i]strange[/i]. So, they knew from the beginning that I was visiting Sisters and was seriously considering entering after I finished university. I believed that had hopes that I was only going through a fanatic "phase". (Haha!)

When I finally found a community that I believed God was calling me to, I told my parents since they were curious about whether or not I would be going on to graduate school. My father took this relatively well, saying, "I'm happy if you're happy" and I know without a doubt he means that. My mother, on the other hand, was fairly saddened by this choice. She had high hopes that I would pursue my academic "dreams" of earning a Ph.D. and becoming an orchestral flutist and professor. But in the end, she accepted my choice even though she didn't understand how or why I could come to such a choice.

(By the way, my family is protestant "Christian" and used to attend Sunday church services, but within the past ten-fifteen years or so, they do not attend church services or really practice their faith.)

So... I suppose my situation is somewhat different that most that are raised in a Catholic family. Since having returned home, (and still discerning communities once again) my mother still hopes that I'll stay and pursue a "real" career. She doesn't really understand a religious vocation nor the importance of finding the right community. She thinks they are all the same and do the same thing...so, why can't I just enter a community in this area? I have tried explaining, but I suppose the best thing for me to do (at least right now) is to give all of this to Our Lady. I know she will take care of my mother.

Anyhoo -- I will be praying for you, Thomas, as you tell your parents. And as everyone else has already said -- keep praying that Chaplet!

[vee]

[quote name='tnavarro61' date='24 March 2010 - 06:56 PM' timestamp='1269420965' post='2078887']
i'll probably tell him this saturday while in the supermarket... i'll say as you say it vee8.. thank you very much! i hope he'll understand.

i just remembered that he told us once that he thought of being a vincentian priest when he was a teenager. probably he'll understand.. but i am just afraid that he'll ask why a monastery, why go to somewhere far. while praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet this afternoon, I felt the strength to tell him. I'll keep you updated.

But still I am interested -- how did you tell your parents? what was their reaction?
[/quote]

Didnt you say you have a brother who is also discerneing religious life too? If so and if he has told your parents about that then their reaction with you might be softer since they`ve already had this conversation before.


I havent said anything to my Dad but that will be one very interesting conversation if it does happen. Lets just say he thinks all priests and religious are, at best, losers. So in his case I will probably wait until the shocking event that I am actually accepted somewhere, have finished the postulancy (sp),and am ready to be a novice, then I might invite him to the clothing.

[Cherie]

My parents were VERY VERY much against my entering religious life. When I mentioned it in passing when I was in 8th grade, it turned into an argument and became taboo after that.

When I wanted to visit some communities the start of my senior year in High School, I knew I needed to talk to them openly. I had been receiving mail and phone calls from numerous religious communities, volunteering at the IHM's convent in my hometown, and some other clues that I was discerning, but I think they were in denial about it all.

One summer night I was talking to my friend (a seminarian who was my biggest vocational support!) and he told me now was the time. I told him to pray while I was doing it, I said a prayer to the Holy Spirit, then asked them to come out on the front porch because I wanted to talk to them.

I just sat them down and said I really feel like God is calling me to religious life, and I want your blessing in pursuing it. If God is calling me, it's the only way I'll be happy, and I need your support, etc.

They took it surprisingly well .... until I started visiting communities!! Then the reality of the situation set in and my mom especially was very upset about it. When I finally DID enter, she didn't even want to stay for the family's reception afterward, she was just going to drop me off. Thankfully, another Sister's mother convinced her to stay and it made a huge difference. It took a while, but she became SOOO supportive of me later! To the point that I was afraid to tell her when I wanted to leave!!!

The important thing is to pray to the Holy Spirit, and do what St. Dominic did: pray a "Hail Mary" to soften their hearts. Our Lord will guide you and Mother Mary will wrap her sweet mantle around you!

Edited March 24, 2010 by CherieMadame

[Hilde]

I don't remember really, but I remember I started telling people about it ( and the Catholicism thing) when the pope died. I was with some of my friends spending my weekend in a scout hut in the middle of the forest when I heard about it on the radio, and I had a visible reaction. So yeah, kind of a chain reaction from there. I wasn't raised to any kind of religion so I guess they were surprised. After that, my mom has told me she wants me to be happy, even though she might not be a huge fan of it or Catholicism. I know she knows any opposition won't make me waver, just make me dislike her. Resistance is futile.

And my friends called me "the pope" ever since.

[Saint Therese]

Pope Hilde?

[Hilde]

Just the pope, or Hildur. Rarely my real name.

[brandelynmarie]

Definitely Popess Hilde, certainly not Popess Joan...

[Hilde]

Popess? That's like dadette. Joan

Edited March 24, 2010 by Hilde