Online Dating

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='LouisvilleFan' date='19 March 2010 - 05:48 PM' timestamp='1269038909' post='2075981']
There have been a couple of couples over the years that I think originally met through phatmass... but I'm not familiar with the whole story. I want to say one of them had an engagement announcement last summer.
[/quote]
One such couple is married now.

[MissyP89]

It's more than two, actually.

As for me, I'm on the pro side, but that comes from a three-year relationship with a wonderful Phatmasser I met elsewhere on the web. We went our separate ways but still maintain the friendship, so as long as you're safe about it, why not?

[Winchester]

I met my wife in a pub.

[tinytherese]

People just really need to use their heads and be careful when meeting people online. I really don't think that minors should be doing online dating. In fact, if you do it should really be when you're old enough to be seeking a potential spouse.

I watched this 20/20 episode earlier tonight about online dating and that was just freaky. This 46 year old man went to this game site which had a chatroom for teens and he started to talk to this one 18 year old girl. He pretended to be 18 as well and when it came to showing pictures, he showed old ones of him in his younger days. He was really just a man with two kids and a wife who had an unsatisfying marriage and what he saw as a boring job. He found that taking up the new identity was his "escape" from real life and he designed himself to be everything that he wanted to be in life (younger, richer, stronger, etc.) So they chatted long into the night for hours. They flirted and had online sex. They contacted each other by phone too and he even proposed to her on the computer. (She said yes. Am I the only one who would definitely not get into an engagement with someone I had never met in person? ) Anyway, the man's wife noticed how much time he spent online and found out about her. She sent a letter to her telling her the real story. The girl contacted the guy and called him a liar. She contacted someone that he knew and asked him if what was said in the letter was true. He confirmed it and apparentally she started being his "online girlfriend" for revenge.

He found out about it and got jealous. He still talked to her. Either she would be mad at him for lying to her or she would claim that she wanted him back. She stopped doing that after a while and went back to the new younger 22 year old guy. She would also warn other teens in that chatroom, telling them who he really was and that he was a predator. He was ticked off by this. He would angrily speak to her and the 22 year old guy was one of his co-workers so he threatened him at work. Eventually he killed his co-worker and was put behind bars for it. The police found out that the girl behind this whole story was in fact middle aged herself and had used her daughter's pictures to tempt him. Yuck! They told him and he was shocked. He hadn't picked up any sign that she was deceiving him. Now he claims that he didn't murder his co-worker and blames the woman for it. I realize that she definitely played a part in it, but please he was still the one who chose to do what he did. He just had a hard time separating reality from fantasy.

[Christie_M]

That is bizarre, TinyTherese.

Shpout, it really depends on what you want in a relationship. Are you looking to just "date" or are you looking to get into a real, life committing relationship with a spouse? Online dating from good sites (like AveMaria and Catholic singles, and a few others) can get you some great results for a potential spouse, as some members on here have stated already.
and I really don't see it as desperate at all. It's really just another way to find someone, and like Socrates said, have more opportunities to meet people face to face. Who knows? maybe your "someone" could live on the other side of the country and you may not have found out until you signed up! God works in mysterious ways
You also have to keep in mind how much you're willing to put into a relationship, especially if it's long distance. Besides the normal time you would set aside for your boyfriend, you would also have to consider travel expenses, amongst other things, if your date was a bit farther away then on the other side of town.
Just some food for thought.

[Happy_Catholic]

Problem with where I am, small country, very small group of good Catholic men. The secular based sites I tried all turned out to find me nothing but scum - particularly amongst those who claimed to be "devout" Catholics.

So I've pretty much done with it, if marriage is for me, if there's a guy out there for me, God will have our paths cross.

And if not, well, either its the vocation of being a nun, or the vocation of being a creepy cat lady (I'm already practising the laugh and the fist shake).

But yeah, I view it as just another medium to meet other people. Some people have fantastic luck, others have shod all.

Edited March 20, 2010 by Happy_Catholic

[Shpout]

cool replies!
I do want a strong heading for marriage relationship, but I never felt the 'call' to go online but then again it seems so hard to meet good catholic guys! and i m so busy that i just dont meet many guys in general...
I dont really know, I am trying to be happy where I am at and let God work. so we'll see

[Cherie]

I met my husband on CatholicMatch.com, and I know two close friends who met their husband/fiance from there, as well.

The great thing about online "dating" is you find out things about a person via their profile that would take weeks or even months to find out if you met them "on the street". I know at least with CatholicMatch, you answer a lot of questions about yourself, including some "controversial" teachings of the Church (contraception, Immaculate Conception, etc) and whether or not you agree with them (both my husband and I did and do, of course!) It was only ever a positive experience for both of us.

Of course you have to be reasonable and use your head -- I know plenty of people who came across people who ended up lying to them, etc. But the odds of things like that happening on a Catholic dating website are drastically reduced, in my opinion, especially if they consider themselves "devout Catholics."

At first I was kind of embarrassed that I joined a site like that but I was encouraged by just about every single person I asked about it. It's definitely become much more socially acceptable, and even something of a NORMAL way to meet people. Anyone my husband and I have ever told about where we met have always given us a positive response, and often add comments about how THEY know someone who met on a place like that and are living "happily ever after," etc.

God works miracles and uses everything He can--including the internet -- to accomplish His Will. Deo Gratias!

[tinytherese]

My mom knows how to check someone's criminal background. She's even done that for my friends.

Also, you can use a webcam to see if you're really talking to who think you are.

The only thing that I see being a problem was if I ended up joining a site like Ave Maria singles and married someone, that my kids wouldn't be very careful about it. Minors especially need to be careful. Haven't we all heard of horror stories about predators contacting young girls online pretending to be younger and then when they meet...

"Well you and dad met online and you're happily married."

[mommas_boy]

My fiancee and I met on CatholicMatch.com.

[Sojourner]

I met my husband through Catholic Match and we've been together 2 years now and have a beautiful baby boy.

I paid for a one-month membership and found my guy within three days of joining. We exchanged e-mails on the site for about a week, then exchanged phone numbers and talked for a couple weeks, then met in person. I did background checks on him, and when we met I made sure friends knew where I was going and who I was meeting, and also pre-arranged a check-in call to make sure things were ok.

When we went looking for a reception site, the owner of one of the places we considered told us that about 40% of the couples he spoke with met online. My husband says he preferred it to other ways of meeting people. It was, in both our experiences, a better way of meeting like-minded people -- faithful Catholics looking for a spouse.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

I met my wife here on Phatmass, as most of y'all know.

As of February 2005, we felt that we were meant to be married. We met in January 2006. Yep. Kinda backward, but it worked out fine.

[BG45]

While I had a wonderful relationship with another Phatmasser for 24 days shy of three years, and we still maintain a friendship, I would say I definitively sit on the Con side of this issue. It can be a wonderful thing if done safely and properly (and it was), but not worth the sheer amount of heartache in the end. I didn't start out with the intention of dating online, and I surely never intend to do so again.

Edited March 23, 2010 by BG45

[MissyP89]

[quote name='BG45' date='22 March 2010 - 09:38 PM' timestamp='1269311915' post='2078110']
While I had a wonderful relationship with another Phatmasser for 24 days shy of three years, and we still maintain a friendship, I would say I definitively sit on the Con side of this issue. It can be a wonderful thing if done safely and properly (and was mostly), but not worth the sheer amount of heartache in the end. I didn't start out with the intention of dating online, and I surely never intend to do so again.
[/quote]

This is true. I forgot to mention that if you're doing an online relationship long-distance, be prepared to suffer. It is truly the hardest thing in the world to be away from the person you love. Be prepared for that. The wait is worth it, but there's also a lot of yearning along the way. It wasn't why my relationship ended, but it's definitely the hardest part of a situation like that.

[Cherie]

[quote name='MissyP89' date='22 March 2010 - 11:04 PM' timestamp='1269313498' post='2078134']
I forgot to mention that if you're doing an online relationship long-distance, be prepared to suffer.
[/quote]

I tend to agree with this. While some "long-distance" relationships are the exception, most of them are quite difficult and are very hard to work out.

Many online dating websites can let you search for people within a specified distance of where you live. That's how it worked out for me. My husband lived two hours away -- which, I suppose could be considered "semi-long-distance," but it was close enough for us to see each other every week. If he had lived further away, it would have been much more difficult and I'm not sure it would have worked out. (Praise God for His Divine Providence!)

I honestly believe that should be a criteria when one has found a person with whom they'd like to start a relationship -- close proximity, in my humble opinion, is a must!