Turned Off...

[OnlySunshine]

Lately, whenever I think of religious life, I get really turned off at the thought. I used to think that I was called to religious life, and now I can't even picture myself in it or I get anxious at the idea. It's not that I don't think it's beautiful, but the desire has disappeared. Has this happened to any of you or am I just crazy?

[Hilde]

I have my up and down periods. Whenever I've been like sleeping over in a convent or something I always get all

[KeenanParkerII]

For sure. I haven't made any serious posts about religious life here, but it's always of interest. Some days I feel completely committed--other days I can't believe what I was thinking at the time. It's like CS Lewis said, we're creatures of undulation. It comes with the whole being part spirit, part physical. =]

[Indwelling Trinity]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' date='13 March 2010 - 09:07 PM' timestamp='1268528871' post='2072557']
Lately, whenever I think of religious life, I get really turned off at the thought. I used to think that I was called to religious life, and now I can't even picture myself in it or I get anxious at the idea. It's not that I don't think it's beautiful, but the desire has disappeared. Has this happened to any of you or am I just crazy?
[/quote]

Dear MM:

Not sure how old you are but i would like to share my experience with you. I wanted to be a religious since my confirmation in the fourth grade. I could think of nothing else until i turned 17 and was graduating from high school. All of a sudden the whole world was opening up to me and everything seemed so attractive that the thought of religious life left me totally BLAH....... LOL. But as a child i had made a promise to God to be a religious. I felt I had to keep my word and so began college and slowly perusing religious life without enthusiasm.

I volunteered at the Newman center at Saint John's University and was told that a summer camp for teenagers needed some help. It was run by the MC's. I had no inclination to join the MC's but just wanted to volunteer. as chance would happen when i got there Mother Teresa answered the door. Short form... Mother asked me in and asked me a few questions. three to be exact. I answered affirmative to her questions but also told her of my recent lack of desire. At that moment I knew I had to fulfill that promise made long ago deep in my heart...It was a painful choice. Two days later i had entered... now 53, I have never looked back or regretted for one moment that choice.

It maybe that God is calling you elsewhere and that is beautiful too. But also it may be a temporary condition or temptation. I would suggest talking it over with your spiritual director and praying much about it. In time you heart will let you know and God will show you the way.

Just remember feelings come and go and love is best shown in the will and not emotions only... but most important in this life is to be in God's will whether it is in marriage, single life, or consecrated life... all gives glory to God.

I will be praying for you.

Tenderly

Indwelling Trinity

[OnlySunshine]

Thank you I.T. for your answer. I wonder if this sudden change of desire stems from the fact that my life has changed very recently (I'm working full-time now) and I no longer have the time to look at religious communities as I once did. I do not have a spiritual director and it's rather hard to find one in my diocese (I used to have one but decided to stop seeing him as I felt he was not right for me). I do love religious life, it's just hard to see myself in it now, but I am definitely open to being a religious in the future, however, I feel more inclined to remain single or get married. We'll see.

[holly.o]

[quote name='Indwelling Trinity' date='13 March 2010 - 10:28 PM' timestamp='1268530093' post='2072564']Just remember feelings come and go and love is best shown in the will and not emotions only... but most important in this life is to be in God's will whether it is in marriage, single life, or consecrated life... all gives glory to God.
[/quote]

This is beautiful advice. Also, spending time in Eucharistic Adoration will help you discern and grow in love for Christ. Sometimes, I don't feel like even doing that, but when I do, I'm so glad I did.

Prayers for you!

[OnlySunshine]

I.T.--I've been thinking about your advice and it means a lot to me. I never thought about what it would mean to becom a religious in spite of difficult feelings against it. If my heart says yes, then that's the most important thing--right? It leaves me a lot to think about. Thanks again.

[Indwelling Trinity]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' date='14 March 2010 - 07:37 PM' timestamp='1268606227' post='2073143']
I.T.--I've been thinking about your advice and it means a lot to me. I never thought about what it would mean to becom a religious in spite of difficult feelings against it. If my heart says yes, then that's the most important thing--right? It leaves me a lot to think about. Thanks again.
[/quote]

Smiling, take time, be still... and listen to the Lord speaking to your heart in the murmuring of a gentle breeze and He will lead you to his heart and your true vocation.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='Indwelling Trinity' date='14 March 2010 - 05:56 PM' timestamp='1268607373' post='2073148']
Smiling, take time, be still... and listen to the Lord speaking to your heart in the murmuring of a gentle breeze and He will lead you to his heart and your true vocation.
[/quote]

the good thing is I am not in a rush to find my vocation right now. When I found my full-time job last month, I believe God was telling me to take a break and stop rushing my discernment. It has slowed down considerably. I plan to visit some more communities in the near future, but I don't feel like I have to know right away. After all, I am only in my mid-twenties.

Edited March 14, 2010 by MaterMisericordiae

[HisChild]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' date='14 March 2010 - 04:44 PM' timestamp='1268610246' post='2073159']
the good thing is I am not in a rush to find my vocation right now. When I found my full-time job last month, I believe God was telling me to take a break and stop rushing my discernment. It has slowed down considerably. I plan to visit some more communities in the near future, but I don't feel like I have to know right away. After all, I am only in my mid-twenties.
[/quote]


I absolutely agree with you. However... many Roman Catholic communities have exceedingly low cut off ages for entrants. I've seen some as low as 28. So by their standards you're almost to the age where you're pushing it. Some granted will accept you as 'late' as 35, but just be aware that if you wait too long the opportunity for some will have passed you by.

The only advice I could even fathom giving is to remain debt free. As it's been said on this forum many a time, debt is the #1 impediment to a discerner. I know many who have had to say 'no' to religious life because of debt... or at least 'no right now'. And regardless of some mentioning the vocation funds that are available, only a small percentage of applicants receive any assistance.

I'm stuck in debt and it's the one thing I regret after leaving the PCPA. I should have done what was necessary to remain debt free.

Prayers for you.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='HisChild' date='14 March 2010 - 08:18 PM' timestamp='1268615888' post='2073214']
I absolutely agree with you. However... many Roman Catholic communities have exceedingly low cut off ages for entrants. I've seen some as low as 28. So by their standards you're almost to the age where you're pushing it. Some granted will accept you as 'late' as 35, but just be aware that if you wait too long the opportunity for some will have passed you by.

The only advice I could even fathom giving is to remain debt free. As it's been said on this forum many a time, debt is the #1 impediment to a discerner. I know many who have had to say 'no' to religious life because of debt... or at least 'no right now'. And regardless of some mentioning the vocation funds that are available, only a small percentage of applicants receive any assistance.

I'm stuck in debt and it's the one thing I regret after leaving the PCPA. I should have done what was necessary to remain debt free.

Prayers for you.
[/quote]

This was the same concern that the Vocation Director for the Little Sisters of the Poor had for me. I wanted to wait awhile because I've been really rushing my discernment up until 2 months ago when I decided to take a break for a while and reevaluate while I get back on my feet. She thought it important to mention that their age limit is 40 years but that several communities I might be interested in have a limit of 30. I don't plan to wait forever to try out my vocation, but I think it would be best to wait awhile since I have had some medical problems in the past that several communities have posed questions and concerns about. When I visited a community in January, the VD told me that I would not be able to be considered for several years because I just recently came off the medication I was on for about 7 years. It made me sad, but it also made me think. Not every religious community has the necessary insurance to handle someone with medical problems. She even suggested to me that I may not have a calling to religious life, which is true. It's the hard truth, but she put it kindly.

[tinytherese]

This may sound like a stupid question, but I've gotta ask, if you don't feel attracted to religious life why then would you pursue it? Call me ignorant, but that sounds as logical as marrying someone you have nothing in common with and are not at all attracted to. Does that mean that you just have this sense within you in prayer that you are supposed to do it even though you don't have a desire for it? I realize that feelings come and go, but to me there seems to be a limit to that, as I've heard it put with prayer and really knowing what your gut reaction is, is supposed to help you to figure it out.

P.S. I just realized how much I sounded like Spock what with my talk of logic.

Oh and of course, live long and prosper.

Edited March 15, 2010 by tinytherese

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='tinytherese' date='14 March 2010 - 09:29 PM' timestamp='1268620198' post='2073262']
This may sound like a stupid question, but I've gotta ask, if you don't feel attracted to religious life why then would you pursue it? Call me ignorant, but that sounds as logical as marrying someone you have nothing in common with and are not at all attracted to. Does that mean that you just have this sense within you in prayer that you are supposed to do it even though you don't have a desire for it? I realize that feelings come and go, but to me there seems to be a limit to that, as I've heard it put with prayer and really knowing what your gut reaction is, is supposed to help you to figure it out.

P.S. I just realized how much I sounded like Spock what with my talk of logic.

Oh and of course, live long and prosper.
[/quote]

I'm not sure, but I think it might be a phase of my life where I don't feel attracted to religious life anymore. I felt attracted to it for about 2 years, but I was also a revert to the Church so some VDs said it could just be "convert zeal." I'm going to wait it out and see what happens. I don't plan to enter just to enter and be a religious. I want to do it only if I believe wholeheartedly it's God's will for me. I think I'd feel worse for not at least trying it out, if you know what I mean.

[morostheos]

[quote name='tinytherese' date='14 March 2010 - 11:29 PM' timestamp='1268620198' post='2073262']
This may sound like a stupid question, but I've gotta ask, if you don't feel attracted to religious life why then would you pursue it? Call me ignorant, but that sounds as logical as marrying someone you have nothing in common with and are not at all attracted to. Does that mean that you just have this sense within you in prayer that you are supposed to do it even though you don't have a desire for it? I realize that feelings come and go, but to me there seems to be a limit to that, as I've heard it put with prayer and really knowing what your gut reaction is, is supposed to help you to figure it out.

P.S. I just realized how much I sounded like Spock what with my talk of logic.

Oh and of course, live long and prosper.
[/quote]
Just from listening to other's vocation stories, I think that it is not uncommon to feel called to religious life but not really attracted to it. I know for me right now that's definitely the case. So many times God's plan for our lives isn't the same as our own, and when you realize that it's not always pleasant. Even though right now I don't feel particularly attracted to religious life, I'm kind of just getting used to the idea. There are certainly a lot of sacrifices, some of them big ones! Of course, that's one of the things that makes religious life so special, because it allows you to make such an open gift of your life to God. There have been so many times in life where the right decision or the one that would make me most happy in the long run was not the one I wanted to choose. That's just being human though.

Does that make any sense? Sorry, I just kind of started rambling there...

[tinytherese]

[quote name='morostheos' date='16 March 2010 - 09:59 PM' timestamp='1268794778' post='2074408']
Just from listening to other's vocation stories, I think that it is not uncommon to feel called to religious life but not really attracted to it. I know for me right now that's definitely the case. So many times God's plan for our lives isn't the same as our own, and when you realize that it's not always pleasant. Even though right now I don't feel particularly attracted to religious life, I'm kind of just getting used to the idea. There are certainly a lot of sacrifices, some of them big ones! Of course, that's one of the things that makes religious life so special, because it allows you to make such an open gift of your life to God. There have been so many times in life where the right decision or the one that would make me most happy in the long run was not the one I wanted to choose. That's just being human though.

Does that make any sense? Sorry, I just kind of started rambling there...
[/quote]

Yes it does. I don't know what will happen to me regarding my vocation. Going through a severe case of depression and nearly four years of the dark night of the soul definitely make discerning harder.