Trust As A Challenge

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='HisChild' date='24 February 2010 - 11:29 AM' timestamp='1267025384' post='2062391']
When I was first beginning in my discernment, I used to fret that our Lord wouldn't love me as much if I made the 'wrong' choice. I think I had brochures from over 2 dozen communities! One vocation directress once said to me, "If you chase after too many rabbits, you'll catch none.' Wise words. But it wasn't until later that I learned to be a little more gentle with myself. i knew my motives were to serve our Lord, and I just needed to focus on that.

Then I realized that I should stop searching for devils in the choices and realize that our Lord only wants our heart on Him. While He may have a will for us, a will that we may not be able to ultimately discern for whatever reason (I mean, after all, unless He comes and tells us bodily, how will we EVER know 1000% for sure what His will is? There will have to be a trust that we've prayed, seen the options, and done as best as we could in making the 'right' choice for us) as long as we are making our choices FOR Him, He will bless our response.

I think it was in Christian Totality where I read that vocational discernment isn't always a mystical decision making with a 'right' and a 'wrong'. Otherwise our decision making would be fraught with the thought of somehow being punished if we made the wrong choice... or not being blessed in our vocation, at the very least. That's what I took from that book. It made ALL the difference in realizing that discernment is simply choosing where we wish to spend our time on earth serving our Lord, after wisely looking at our options and praying for guidance, hopefully with the assistance of a Spiritual Father/director.

Granted, there are those who really wouldn't be best suited for the religious life... and what happens if we enter the religious life, only to either be sent home or choose to leave? Perhaps we're called to experience the life to be an advocate for vocations in our parish later? Or for our own children? Or to bring us into a greater awareness of the spiritual life so that we'll take it with us on our journey through life? Or maybe it really isn't to that community but to another, because after all, we may visit, even have a 'live in', but cannot know for sure what it's like to live the life until we're there on a more permanent basis.

Anyway... that's what I've garnered from my religious life experience. Heh. Easier said than done, to be sure.
[/quote]


HisChild, I love you.

Words cannot even begin to express how absolutely spot on you are in the above, especially (on a personal note) in regards to my own discernment progress/journey. For quite a while, I had fretted about "making the wrong choice" and imagining the potential consequences to that "wrong choice", and like you said, I just needed to focus on the real deal: "...realizing that discernment is simply choosing where we wish to spend our time on earth serving our Lord, after wisely looking at our options and praying for guidance, hopefully with the assistance of a Spiritual Father/director." I guess when you look at it that way, it seems pretty simple.

Although, I agree completely with your statement: "Easier said than done, to be sure."

[brightsadness]

Thank you His Child, TB, and LC for the discussion on free and voluntary choice. A big light just came on and with it a return to a bit of peace and trust in the spiritual practice I have been given. St. Teresa really gets what it means to be true sisters.

Maybe in the novitiate, all the theology etc won't be as tedious as I've feared[img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/dry.gif[/img]. (I'm not naturally inclined to philosophy etc.)
And I'm remembering again that vocation isn't so much about me but about God's call.

Edited February 24, 2010 by brightsadness

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='laetitia crucis' date='24 February 2010 - 11:12 AM' timestamp='1267024325' post='2062388']
The part you just mentioned really stood out to me, too, TB. The beauty of true freedom: being able to choose between two [b]goods[/b]. And the importance that there be more than one option to make a truly free choice. :yew:

I think I remember at one of the Thomistic conferences I attended, the whole theme of those three days was "On Freedom". (It was pretty awesome, though most of it probably went waaaaay over my head! ) Anyhoo, I thought that was something pretty profound to ponder -- that true freedom is choosing between two goods, not what we normally consider: choosing between "right" and "wrong".

Edit: I know this might sound somewhat silly to say, but a few months ago I found myself in quite a predicament of having "true freedom" in discerning between two wonderful Orders. To say the least, I was somewhat -- "devastated" might be too strong a word, so...I'll go with "troubled" -- troubled by this choice that needed to be made. The doors were wide open on both sides. In fact, I had already had an acceptance to one of them. Yet, for some reason that was somewhat unbeknownst to me I couldn't quite give my "yes".

[b]I remember imploring a good friend of mine, "Whyyy??? Why can't God just make this choice FOR me? I don't want this freedom! I want to do His Will EXACTLY! Why won't He just tell me blatantly? I'd just do that out of obedience and not have to worry if I'm right or wrong... I just know God [i]can't[/i] be wrong, and that's good enough for me. Hah!" [/b]

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks... "God is asking me to choose between two GOODS. This is [b]true[/b] freedom. I don't know if I [i]want[/i] that gift. Objectively speaking, one is not better than the other. Both are paths to salvation as a semi-contemplative religious Sister. Wow. Please, God... a little help here?" Honestly, at that point in time, I just wanted to choose between a clear "right" and a "wrong". That would have been SO much easier. But God is good and sometimes I wonder if He places too much faith in me... and my own faith and reason.

Discernment is difficult journey. Surely, we get some bonus points in heaven for effort...
[/quote]

One thing I've also found helpful in understanding God's will for us... is that first and foremost God's will is that we [i]choose[/i]. That we make choices. That is how He created us- in the image and likeness of Himself (which, Tradition tells us that our human dignity is precisely in this rationality and ability to choose/freedom of choice). That is why Christ brings us true freedom, for through Him we are made truly free to choose the good, which is ultimately God Himself.

So, when we are prayerful, when we are using right reason, and when we truly desire for our actions to be in line with God's will [for us]... we can take comfort in the knowledge that whatever we choose, by our act of choosing, we are doing precisely what God wants for us.

Edited February 24, 2010 by TeresaBenedicta

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' date='24 February 2010 - 12:09 PM' timestamp='1267027794' post='2062399']
One thing I've also found helpful in understanding God's will for us... is that first and foremost God's will is that we [i]choose[/i]. That we make choices. That is how He created us- in the image and likeness of Himself (which, Tradition tells us that our human dignity is precisely in this rationality and ability to choose/freedom of choice). That is why Christ brings us true freedom, for through Him we are made truly free to choose the good, which is ultimately God Himself.

So, when we are prayerful, when we are using right reason, and when we truly desire for our actions to be in line with God's will [for us]... we can take comfort in the knowledge that whatever we choose, by our act of choosing, we are doing precisely what God wants for us.
[/quote]

These are very good points.

Blessed be God, we are not robots, right?

[HisChild]

[quote name='laetitia crucis' date='24 February 2010 - 08:43 AM' timestamp='1267026197' post='2062393']
HisChild, I love you.

Words cannot even begin to express how absolutely spot on you are in the above, especially (on a personal note) in regards to my own discernment progress/journey. For quite a while, I had fretted about "making the wrong choice" and imagining the potential consequences to that "wrong choice", and like you said, I just needed to focus on the real deal: "...realizing that discernment is simply choosing where we wish to spend our time on earth serving our Lord, after wisely looking at our options and praying for guidance, hopefully with the assistance of a Spiritual Father/director." I guess when you look at it that way, it seems pretty simple.

Although, I agree completely with your statement: "Easier said than done, to be sure."
[/quote]


LOL! I love you too!

[Sister Marie]

Dear Brightsadness,

As a sister in formation I had to respond to this post because it is a continual theme in my own life, and very natural and normal. There are so many things that continue to require trust as a young religious after you have made that initial decision to enter the religious life. I think that you have made a very wise decision, obviously I do not know you but since you have consulted your spiritual director I think it is safe to say that you have made a good decision in planning not to take the contract. It takes a special grace to do this!

Trust is an action, not a feeling, and you have already done the action in deciding against taking the new contract. Now as you watch it play out, prepare yourself to be amazed at God's goodness to you. I have experienced being changed to missions in which I never thought I would be working and living. I have lived with sisters who I wondered if I could love. I have prayed in times when I thought that God was not listening. Each time, He has amazed me with His love and His providence. I have been so blessed and am so thankful to Him for each place He has put me. I am continually humbled by the struggle to trust but He continues to show His glory through this.

Know that you are an instrument to show God's goodness to the world and that you are a powerful witness of His loving care for all people! I hope that you can take some comfort in this.

"Let us place ourselves unreservedly in his hands because he will not fail to have care of us." -St. Alphonsus Liguori

with many prayers, in Mary's Immaculate Heart,

Sister Marie

[Tammy]

I would just like to say, to ALL of you, that this post has encouraged me immensely tonight. My heart rejoices, and my soul smiles as it is uplifted to the very throne of God through all of these encouraging words. And even though they weren't intended for me, I have to say thanks for sharing.

God's richest blessings to all of you as you continue to seek God singlemindedly, whole heartedly, with wild abandon.
Tammy [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif[/img]

[vee]

So much on here has helped me too and just when I needed it.

This
[quote]How beautiful Our Lord is... He desires so much to make our decisionstruly free. And so we are presented with two very good options. We arefree to choose between two goods. A Martha/Mary sort of deal. We areenabled to freely choose the better part.[/quote]

And so many other points have been such a great help.


[quote]Discernment is difficult journey. Surely, we get some bonus points in heaven for effort... [/quote]

Maybe its a bit off topic but Im reminded of a long quote from St Therese about meeting others in heaven.

[i]Oh! What mysteries will be revealed to us later... How often have Ithought that I perhaps owe all the graces showered upon me to theearnest prayer of a little soul whom I shall know only in Heaven. It isGod's will that in this world by means of prayer Heavenly treasuresshould be imparted by souls one to another, so that when they reach theFatherland they may love one another with a love born of gratitude,with an affection far, far exceeding the most ideal family affectionupon earth.

There, we shall meet with no indifferent looks, because all the Saints will be indebted to each other.[/i][i]No envious glances will be seen; the happiness of every one of theelect will be the happiness of all. With the Martyrs we shall be liketo the Martyrs; with the Doctors we shall be as the Doctors; with theVirgins, as the Virgins; and just as the members of a family are proudof one another, so shall we be of our brethren, without the leastjealousy.[/i]

[i]Who knows even if the joy we shall experience in beholding the gloryof the great Saints, and knowing that by a secret disposition ofProvidence we have contributed thereunto, who knows if this joy willnot be as intense and sweeter perhaps, than the happiness they willthemselves possess.[/i]

[i]And do you not think that on their side the great Saints, seeingwhat they owe to quite little souls, will love them with anincomparable love? Delightful and surprising will be the friendshipsfound there - I am sure of it. The favored companion of an Apostle or agreat Doctor of the Church, will perhaps be a young shepherd lad; and asimple little child may be the intimate friend of a Patriarch. Oh! howI long to dwell in that Kingdom of Love...[/i]

[url="http://www.littleflower.org/abouttherese/learn/hope.asp"]source[/url]

Edited February 25, 2010 by vee8

[Indwelling Trinity]

[quote name='vee8' date='25 February 2010 - 12:00 AM' timestamp='1267070459' post='2062725']
So much on here has helped me too and just when I needed it.

This


And so many other points have been such a great help.




Maybe its a bit off topic but Im reminded of a long quote from St Therese about meeting others in heaven.

[i]Oh! What mysteries will be revealed to us later... How often have Ithought that I perhaps owe all the graces showered upon me to theearnest prayer of a little soul whom I shall know only in Heaven. It isGod's will that in this world by means of prayer Heavenly treasuresshould be imparted by souls one to another, so that when they reach theFatherland they may love one another with a love born of gratitude,with an affection far, far exceeding the most ideal family affectionupon earth.

There, we shall meet with no indifferent looks, because all the Saints will be indebted to each other.[/i][i]No envious glances will be seen; the happiness of every one of theelect will be the happiness of all. With the Martyrs we shall be liketo the Martyrs; with the Doctors we shall be as the Doctors; with theVirgins, as the Virgins; and just as the members of a family are proudof one another, so shall we be of our brethren, without the leastjealousy.[/i]

[i]Who knows even if the joy we shall experience in beholding the gloryof the great Saints, and knowing that by a secret disposition ofProvidence we have contributed thereunto, who knows if this joy willnot be as intense and sweeter perhaps, than the happiness they willthemselves possess.[/i]

[i]And do you not think that on their side the great Saints, seeingwhat they owe to quite little souls, will love them with anincomparable love? Delightful and surprising will be the friendshipsfound there - I am sure of it. The favored companion of an Apostle or agreat Doctor of the Church, will perhaps be a young shepherd lad; and asimple little child may be the intimate friend of a Patriarch. Oh! howI long to dwell in that Kingdom of Love...[/i]

[url="http://www.littleflower.org/abouttherese/learn/hope.asp"]source[/url]
[/quote]

How these words sing to my Carmelite soul that longs for the communion of saints all united in love of a Merciful God whose love knows no bounds! What great reason we religious have to rejoice! For what little we sacrifice in this life will be made up for one hundred fold in Love for all eternity! Let us all take heart in being able to share even in this life one heart and one love no matter where he calls us to be his own.

Thank you vee8 !

Edited February 25, 2010 by Indwelling Trinity

[brightsadness]

[quote name='Sister Marie' date='24 February 2010 - 07:52 PM' timestamp='1267066363' post='2062707']
Dear Brightsadness,

As a sister in formation I had to respond to this post because it is a continual theme in my own life, and very natural and normal. There are so many things that continue to require trust as a young religious after you have made that initial decision to enter the religious life. I think that you have made a very wise decision, obviously I do not know you but since you have consulted your spiritual director I think it is safe to say that you have made a good decision [img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif[/img] in planning not to take the contract. It takes a special grace to do this!

Trust is an action, not a feeling, and you have already done the action in deciding against taking the new contract. Now as you watch it play out, prepare yourself to be amazed at God's goodness to you. I have experienced being changed to missions in which I never thought I would be working and living. I have lived with sisters who I wondered if I could love. I have prayed in times when I thought that God was not listening. Each time, He has amazed me with His love and His providence. I have been so blessed and am so thankful to Him for each place He has put me. I am continually humbled by the struggle to trust but He continues to show His glory through this.

Know that you are an instrument to show God's goodness to the world and that you are a powerful witness of His loving care for all people! I hope that you can take some comfort in this.

"Let us place ourselves unreservedly in his hands because he will not fail to have care of us." -St. Alphonsus Liguori

with many prayers, in Mary's Immaculate Heart,

Sister Marie
[/quote]

Thank you. Please pray for all of us on our pilgrim way.

I love you all, my sisters.
Anya

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='laetitia crucis' date='24 February 2010 - 12:09 AM' timestamp='1266984555' post='2062285']
I think, at least for myself, that total trust is something that's going to be a lifelong journey for me. My own insecurities regarding religious stem a lot from my first experience living religious life. I don't mean to be a black cloud coming forth , but after that experience (no matter how many graces were received, nor how much I learned and grew) I initially ended up very frightened, and worried about my future as a religious Sister. [b]Doubt crept in as the cracks formed and crumbled in a broken heart[/b]. I felt as though I couldn't even trust myself to trust God, if that makes sense. I didn't have any back-up plans when I entered those few years ago. I entered "for life" and that was it. Now I was unexpectedly faced with the totally unplanned.

All I could do was pray for the grace to trust again.
...
I also can't help but say, "Blessed be God!" for placing the right people in my life at the right time, including a great spiritual director, a wonderful superior, and some very intuitive priests and religious Sisters that I met along the way.
...
The first time around, I literally gave away everything I had. ... Needless to say, I found myself embraced in His Love when I least expected it.
[/quote]

laetitia crucis -- wow and thank you for this post. (Indwelling Trinity thanks as well).

I wasn't even sure what to quote from the post because it was all so relevant to me as well.

LC -- I *completely* *100%* understood your statement [b]Doubt crept in as the cracks formed and crumbled in a broken heart[/b]. I've tried religious life twice thus far ... and the second attempt left me with such a broken heart. And yes -- after "giving it all up" (twice) and then having to face giving up what you "embraced for life", it is facing the unplanned.

I think for the longest time I was unable to even *pray* for the grace to trust again. I felt like I was in a void; as if I couldn't figure out which way was up ... but life was moving on and I had to figure out how to live it. (not sure if that made any sense).

Having the right people be there at the right time has been key ... I can now say that I am learning to trust again, embraced in His Love. And yep when I least expected it.

I have to laugh at one thing though -- I keep expecting God to pull the rug from under me ... I guess that says that I don't completely trust yet. Although I still say "show me what You want, for I know that it will be true happiness."

So to the original poster (Brightsadness): I've posted this just to confirm that trust is a challenge to all of us. The question is one of fidelity (in my humble opinion). Regardless of what happens, am I willing to walk towards the goal, of becoming more like Christ ... to seek holiness, regardless of how it may come to be? Am I willing to give all of me for the One I Love, for my Beloved?

These questions become that much harder when things happen ... when life twists and turns in such a way that you no longer see where you are heading.

This past year for me was one that was "in the dark." I don't know if I would call it a dark night, or desolation, or depression, or grief, or something else -- what to call it really doesn't matter. What kept me going was Love, that regardless of what I was feeling or not feeling, or the difficulty I was going through deep down within my soul and my heart one thing still was there ... I still Loved my Beloved. I was in Love with Jesus. That was enough to sustain me through all of the doubts/fears/insecurities/questioning/sorrow/etc.

Blessings to all during this season of Lent.

Edited February 25, 2010 by cmariadiaz

[Saint Therese]

I think it only makes sense that our vocation is going to be about "testing" or strengthening our love and trust in Jesus, because its also about becoming a Saint. I think our trust grows in proportion to our trials; if we have trials, but live them with Jesus- I think He blesses us with trust and faith. I often think of the often remarked upon trust and faith of Mother Teresa- Imagine how horribly trying, terrifying and painful it must have been for her to leave her congregation and literally go out on her own into the slums of Calcutta.