Things A Newbie Should Know?

[Resurrexi]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' date='16 February 2010 - 01:31 AM' timestamp='1266301875' post='2057807']
Well this is awkward. My policy is to ask you or Apotheoun.

No, that's just a lie for the sake of the lulz. I ask Apotheoun or Raphael or Brother Adam. I ask you when I want something hilarious.


...but yea... Don't ask me.
[/quote]

I wouldn't suggest asking Apotheoun a question about the procession of the Holy Spirit or papal primacy.

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='Resurrexi' date='16 February 2010 - 12:40 AM' timestamp='1266302406' post='2057809']
I wouldn't suggest asking Apotheoun a question about the procession of the Holy Spirit or papal primacy.


[/quote]


...and I ask you or post on the Q&A when it's something legalistic and tricky.

[Archaeology cat]

As others have said, ask questions, but don't try to take in everything at once. I've been Catholic for 5 years and still have loads to learn, I know. Edited February 16, 2010 by Archaeology cat

[Hilde]

1) kneel when your entering a church if the little red light is on by the tabernacle, 'cause 'tis Jesus that's in there.
2) people might have more siblings than you're used to
3) nuns will guilt you into things
4) get a small prayer book that has a lot of the standard thingies for confession/mass et cetera.
5) be social
6) read some books, depending on your struggles or what gives you strenght. like catholicism for dummies( no offence, it's just a good book)

Edited February 16, 2010 by Hilde

[Arpy]

[url=http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=102356]This[/url] thread should tell you everything you need to know.

[Saint Therese]

My advice is to not be suprised when you find out that priests and religious are as human as you are. Also, pray the Rosary and stay close to Jesus in the Eucharist. The rest will take care of itself.God bless you.

[Maximilianus]

Get [i]The Bad Catholic’s Guide to Good Living [/i] & [i]The Bad Catholic's Guide to Wine, Whiskey and Song[/i] by John Zmirak and Denise Matychowiak.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Maximilianus' date='16 February 2010 - 08:56 AM' timestamp='1266310578' post='2057830']
Get [i]The Bad Catholic’s Guide to Good Living [/i] & [i]The Bad Catholic's Guide to Wine, Whiskey and Song[/i] by John Zmirak and Denise Matychowiak.
[/quote]
Good advice.

[Catholictothecore]

that you are loved and welcome.

[cmotherofpirl]

I have found this to be an excellent book and highly recommend it for newbies and the rest of us.

[i]Spiritual Progress[/i] by Father Thomas Williams. His book was highly recommended by Father Neuhaus.

[cmotherofpirl]

I also love this list from facebook:
Reasons why people think Catholics are "crazy"---------

- We like to keep Mass interesting. We sit, stand and kneel, in no particular order. Probably just to keep the blood flowing.

- It's not merlot and Ritz they're serving; it's the Flesh and Blood of Jesus. No, really.

- Forget a big meal afterwards, just pick up some of the breakfast tacos, so very tasty and good for you, they're always selling after Mass

- Purgatory.

- We all have 20 cousins. On each side of the family.

- Infant Baptism isn't dumb; it's after-life insurance.

- $5.00 in the collection basket is the epitome of generosity. Anything more than that, someone has hit the lottery.

- A missal is a book, not a weapon. However, it has been known to pull double duty.

- The signs we make aren't just a mark of respect, they're a lot of fun to do.

- We really like statues. A lot.

- After every confession, everyone hits themselves on the head. This is because they have realized that they forgot that really big sin, and they know that it'll hang over their head til the next time.

- Contraceptives? Why?

- Altar boys continue well into their twenties.

- The 14 Stations has nothing to do with TV.

- We've always been taught that celibacy til marriage is the only way to go, forever and ever, amen. That being said...

- The Mass doesn't start for a few minutes not because of tardy parishioners. It's because the priest is running late.

- The Virgin Mary is not a God and we don't treat her as such. But she is without sin, gave birth to Jesus and did it without having sex. That warrants more than a little respect.

- 11:00 a.m. Mass means 11:15.

- We actually get all the jokes in Dogma.

- There are two very different, irreconcilable factions in every single church in the world. They are known as the Saturday or Sunday Mass bunch.

- St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. SNAKES.

- You miss JPII more than you miss some relatives...

- Bake Sales are a way of life.

- Your knees are more calloused than your feet.

- Priests have been giving us alcohol since we were little kids. No wonder any one of us can drink Protestants under the table.

- The Catholic way of dealing with a mid-life crisis is having another kid.

- Mass is nearly unchanged after almost 2000 years. We're a little stubborn.

- Whatever you gave up for Lent, you have it in your hands at 11:59 p.m. Saturday night, counting the seconds til midnight.

- Episcopalians are referred to as "Diet Catholics"

- You either love or hate the Stations of the Cross. There is no middle ground.

- We all know Da Vinci code is bogus and inaccurate. Yet we'll still read it if nothing else is going on.

- "Offer it up!" = "Quit bitching!"

- We have Midnight Mass so there are no interruptions on Christmas morning

- You've slipped out an Amen after the Pledge of Allegiance.

- Holy Water can kill just about anything. So Protestants are pretty much screwed if a vampire comes calling.

- There's no need for impromptu prayer; you can always fall back on the Rosary.

- Alleluia becomes almost a swear during Lent

- It's not uncommon for just one family to take up an entire pew or two.

- Boondock Saints is the greatest movie ever. E-Ver.

- Confession. Enough said.

- You're of the opinion that Stephen Colbert should be Canonized.

- When in doubt, say a Hail Mary.

- Peter Griffin, a Catholic!

- Whenever anyone in Star Wars saga says "May the Force Be With You", we get the urge to say "And Also With You" (coming soon: "And With Your Spirit)

- The Pope does indeed wear a funny hat. But it's way more interesting than Joel Osteen's suit and tie.

- Even though you never met her or been to a country she's been in, you're still willing to have "seen" a miracle by Mother Teresa.

- We're the oldest Christian religion. Period.


If you appreciated, chuckled or even smiled at some of these, you're not a wacko. You're just probably a member of the one of the oldest and largest religions in the world. Open to all Catholics around the world.
------------------------------------------------

[Winchester]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' date='15 February 2010 - 11:11 PM' timestamp='1266293484' post='2057780']
You are no slouch in the answering department yourself :0
[/quote]
True, I do have decent posture. Thank you for noticing.

[Old_Joe]

[quote name='KeenanParkerII' date='15 February 2010 - 10:09 PM' timestamp='1266289797' post='2057756']
Bend forward a little when you sit back in the pew, otherwise you may knock some little lady still praying off the kneeler.
[/quote]

I suppose there's a story behind this?

otherwise here's what mother angelica has to say:
[img]http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/129083965871777048.jpg[/img]

[KeenanParkerII]

[quote]1) kneel when your entering a church if the little red light is on by the tabernacle, 'cause 'tis Jesus that's in there.
2) people might have more siblings than you're used to
3) nuns will guilt you into things
4) get a small prayer book that has a lot of the standard thingies for confession/mass et cetera.
5) be social
6) read some books, depending on your struggles or what gives you strenght. like catholicism for dummies( no offence, it's just a good book) [/quote]

Good newbie advice, you newbie.

[quote]I suppose there's a story behind this?[/quote]

haha ya, I was so energized from praying I jumped back into the pew and hit a little lady like a sack of potatoes. NEVER will I make this mistake again.. Plus I continue to kneel after the consecration so I have to deal with people sitting in front of me while I kneel. (I'm afraid to sit at the front pew).

[quote]- We like to keep Mass interesting. We sit, stand and kneel, in no particular order. Probably just to keep the blood flowing.

- It's not merlot and Ritz they're serving; it's the Flesh and Blood of Jesus. No, really.

- Forget a big meal afterwards, just pick up some of the breakfast tacos, so very tasty and good for you,, so very tasty and good for you, they're always selling after Mass

- Purgatory.

- We all have 20 cousins. On each side of the family.

- Infant Baptism isn't dumb; it's after-life insurance.

- $5.00 in the collection basket is the epitome of generosity. Anything more than that, someone has hit the lottery.

- [b]A missal is a book, not a weapon. However, it has been known to pull double duty.[/b]

- [b]The signs we make aren't just a mark of respect, they're a lot of fun to do.[/b]

- [b]We really like statues. A lot.[/b]

- After every confession, everyone hits themselves on the head. This is because they have realized that they forgot that really big sin, and they know that it'll hang over their head til the next time.

- Contraceptives? Why?

- Altar boys continue well into their twenties.

- The 14 Stations has nothing to do with TV.

- We've always been taught that celibacy til marriage is the only way to go, forever and ever, amen. That being said...

- The Mass doesn't start for a few minutes not because of tardy parishioners. It's because the priest is running late.

- The Virgin Mary is not a God and we don't treat her as such. But she is without sin, gave birth to Jesus and did it without having sex. That warrants more than a little respect.

- 11:00 a.m. Mass means 11:15.

- We actually get all the jokes in Dogma.

- There are two very different, irreconcilable factions in every single church in the world. They are known as the Saturday or Sunday Mass bunch.

- St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. SNAKES.

- You miss JPII more than you miss some relatives...

- Bake Sales are a way of life.

- [b]Your knees are more calloused than your feet.[/b]

- Priests have been giving us alcohol since we were little kids. No wonder any one of us can drink Protestants under the table.

- [b]The Catholic way of dealing with a mid-life crisis is having another kid.[/b]

- Mass is nearly unchanged after almost 2000 years. We're a little stubborn.

- [b]Whatever you gave up for Lent, you have it in your hands at 11:59 p.m. Saturday night, counting the seconds til midnight.[/b]

- Episcopalians are referred to as "Diet Catholics"

- You either love or hate the Stations of the Cross. There is no middle ground.

- We all know Da Vinci code is bogus and inaccurate. Yet we'll still read it if nothing else is going on.

- [b]"Offer it up!" = "Quit bitching!"[/b]

- We have Midnight Mass so there are no interruptions on Christmas morning

- You've slipped out an Amen after the Pledge of Allegiance.

- [b]Holy Water can kill just about anything. So Protestants are pretty much screwed if a vampire comes calling.[/b]

- There's no need for impromptu prayer; you can always fall back on the Rosary.

- Alleluia becomes almost a swear during Lent

- It's not uncommon for just one family to take up an entire pew or two.

- Boondock Saints is the greatest movie ever. E-Ver.

- Confession. Enough said.

- You're of the opinion that Stephen Colbert should be Canonized.

- When in doubt, say a Hail Mary.

- Peter Griffin, a Catholic!

- [b]Whenever anyone in Star Wars saga says "May the Force Be With You", we get the urge to say "And Also With You" (coming soon: "And With Your Spirit)[/b]

- The Pope does indeed wear a funny hat. But it's way more interesting than Joel Osteen's suit and tie.

- Even though you never met her or been to a country she's been in, you're still willing to have "seen" a miracle by Mother Teresa.

- We're the oldest Christian religion. Period.[/quote]

So funny! Bolded the ones I liked.

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='Arpy' date='16 February 2010 - 04:22 AM' timestamp='1266308575' post='2057825']
[url=http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=102356]This[/url] thread should tell you everything you need to know.
[/quote]