Happy_Catholic Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 Well, I hope you learnt your lesson. Fake sober is a hard act to grasp, but when you've got it, no bar tender will turn you away! The cheekiest thing I did when drunk, many a year ago: My friend got super drunk and couldn't walk straight, so I decided to walk her back to the student hostel we lived at. Being one of those people that can hold their liquor like you wouldn't beleive, I was simply "happy" more then intoxicated - though I wouldn't want to submit to an alcohol blood test. Anyway, I got my friend back to her room and I decided to return to mine. I was standing outside the door to our floor struggling with keys when I noticed a rather unpleasant smell. Uh oh. Left shoe clear. Right shoe covered in the biggest, sloppiest, mankiest, dog faeces I have ever seen! And I'm a farm girl!! So... I needed to wipe it off on something, I turned and looked around and then decided to wipe it on the hand rail... the bottom rail at least, as there was a top rail and bottom rail connected by verticle bars to connect them for stability. But then I ran out of space... so I turned around and wiped it on the other side's bottom rail. At this point I was still in possession of said shoe faeces and was starting to be amused by this, so I wiped it on the hand rail that was in such a place it wasn't used because when you opened the door the door would be in front of it. But still it wasn't coming off, so I wiped it on the other hand rail... the top rail where people DO put their hands. But it was relentless so I wiped it on several of the step edges., Finally, I got inside, hopped to the kitchenette where I used every single tea spoon, fork and knife to scrape the faeces out of my shoe's grid lines. Then I wiped it clean with the dish wash cloth, and then rinsed it in the sink but not enough that the faeces weren't still in the sink. THen I went to bed. I was still quite drunk. The next morning I heard voices outside my room in the small foyer bit. I came out to see what the hub-hub was about, the most pro-abortion, skankiest girl was ranting and raving abotu how some "Filthy ******** ***** ***** **** *** * ******* et cetera has wiped (slang for dog faeces) all over the steps" Not to mention the kitchen. I have to say at this point I was highly impressed at my ability not to crack up laughing, instead I responded with "What foul monster could do such a thing?" Even going so far as to view my handiwork and then fake cringe and wretch. I have to admit though, it was horrific!! It was like a cesspool exploded or somethign! Then it came to me in a blink of an eye, I said "Hey, you know, last night I was getting some toast and when I came out of the room I saw Greg with his foot up on the railing, I thought he was just stretching cos he likes to run... I came in the other door so I didn't find the faeces". The main dining hall was right across from our building. Anyway, Greg was known as the hostel drunk, and he could NEVER remember what he did when he was wasted, like the time he spewed all over the taxi... and the taxi driver! So, he actually believed he had done it and every sincerely and regretfully went about cleaning it up. At the end of the year I did tell Greg the truth. He wasn't impressed and chased me about the hostel for about five hours. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. But he saw the funny side. Anyway, I'm guessing its not a moral sin because I was drunk at the time so full knowledge and consent were somewhat impaired. Hehehe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIKolbe Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint Therese Posted February 9, 2010 Share Posted February 9, 2010 I agree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinytherese Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 I've heard someone say, "I'm not as think as you drunk I am." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIKolbe Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinytherese Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 But why is teh rum gone? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0NPKCANhpQ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIKolbe Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 i think you mean 'the' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ardillacid Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 [quote name='tinytherese' date='11 February 2010 - 07:06 PM' timestamp='1265933193' post='2055533'] I've heard someone say, "I'm not as think as you drunk I am." [/quote] Poseur Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinytherese Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 [quote name='MIkolbe' date='13 February 2010 - 09:24 AM' timestamp='1266071043' post='2056425'] i think you mean 'the' [/quote] Inded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIKolbe Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 i think you mean "indeed". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 I think she means indebted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinytherese Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 Dang, to think that I used to ace spelling tests. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilde Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 I's ded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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