Hassan's Drunken Shenanigans

[Hassan]

I had woken up about 5:00pm this Saturday, and went to dinner with some friends. By the time I got back I decided, "to hell with school work!" and decided to be drunken and irresponsible. I sat around with some friends of mine who were studying until about 11:00 ish and then walked down to a bar on Franklin St. (An establishment I can now enter, seeing as I JUST TURNED 21!!!). A had screwdriver and five shots of Vodka in about 15 minutes and then left because the bar tender refused to serve me any more. Six shots of Vodka is not enough to get me drunk, just kind of tipsy. I was waiting for the P2P, which at this time on a Saturday is packed full of drunk people and often a fun time. But while I was waiting I got some ice-cream at stone cold. I got my ice cream (obviously I had been drinking as it was about freezing and I somehow was willing to spend five dollars on ice cream) and then bought a brownie from a Church group raising money for Haiti. I started to walk back to me dorm when I realized I had accidentally taken two and sprinted back to return one. By that time the P2P arrived and I got on, after having a nice conversation with a girl about the dangers of women wearing high heels while walking down bus steps. After getting off the bus stop I decided it would be a fine idea to run back to my dorm. I got back and ran into a girl named Olia whose friend helped pick a lock for me a few days ago to get my phone battery back. As I was talking to her about her classes and such my friend came out and asked if I'd help him loft his bed.

I expressed my reluctance by yelling "BGWAGGHHHHHHHHH!!!" and drooping to the floor with my back on the ground and my feet behind my thighs in one fluid motion. He asked in shock "how did you do that" to which I relpied "I used to be a blackbelt", Olia asked if it wasn't true that once a blackbelt you were always a blackbelt, to which I replied "very well! I AM a blackbelt" I then sort of snapped myself up so I was sanding and then jogged off to help my friend loft his bed.

For two Chinese science majors, neither my friend nor his roommate are good at lofting a bed, which one would think is really just basic engineering. I explained to them that even though I was the one who had been drinking, it seemed clear even to me that the ed was dangerously unstable (it was an extra they were setting up for a friend who was coming in). I strolled into the study room to find Paul, the hard drinking, sexually active, varsity athletic drunkenly explaining to Joe, the short, socially awkward, nerdy, geology major, how sorry he was for being a jerk to him in the past. Joe refused to shake his hand until his show he was watching on his laptop was over and denied that Paul had ever been a bully to him. "Come on Joe, everyone says I was a total ******* to you last semester, I want to to shake my hand, admit I was an ******* to you, and I'm going to be cool to you from now on". I snapped into action and grabbed joes hand, I then grabbed Paul's hand and brought them together until then had clasped each other's hands and then gave a firm shake. I exclaimed loudly "I'm a difference maker!" and then strolled out to find more people. I found some friends from earlier-still studying. One kept the other two on task as both had a great deal of work to get done. When he explained to me that he was keeping the other two focused, I tossed a bagle chip at him. I threw bagel ships at several people, demonstrated my awesome blackbelt move, and kept giving Stuti bagle chips. "Here! Stuti! Have a bagle chip!" "no Will! I don't want a bagle chip" at which people she'd take the bagel chip and eat it, which I found immensely amusing no matter how many times it happened.

I then strolled back upstairs to find Olia studying Organic Chemistry. I plopped down and engaged her in conversation, seeing as she had tried talking to me several times that week, but I was always in a rush. I turns out her family is Egyptian. Upon finding out she was Muslim I asked if she knew Habib, she said she had, to which I loudly replied "beaver dam IT!!!!" I then explained to her that I was disappointed because Habib had claimed he knew every Muslim in the dorm and seeing as she didn't seem devout, hung out with non Muslims, and didn't have an Islamic name, I thought there was a chance he didn't know her. At some point Paul came over and joined us, and tried to convince her to join the fencing team. The conversation went nicely, aside fro me forgetting her name twice, when Habib came in. No one else noticed him, so I alerted all present by announcing "IT'S HABIB!!!". Habib is one of the funniest people I've ever met, and so took this odd situation in stride, plopping down and explaining he'd been at the movies. Eventually, after insisting on his intention to make a key-lime pie the next day Paul went to bed. Olia, Habib and I talked a little bit until she also went to bed. I convinced Habib that it would be funny to lt me wear his mole skin jacket and go down stairs, to see if out friends noticed I was wearing this odd garment.

I went down stairs, and managed to convince our friends that the jacket was mine and that I'd had it for ages. I then found Habib's Business School name tag and wore it, announcing that I would be stealing Habib's identity (I'm a bit sad to admit, that by this point I had been fully sober for a bit). Once Habib made it down stairs, after various mini adventures, I informed him of this fact, returning the coat, but keeping the name tag. Eventually I made it up stairs and had to crash in a friend's dorm. The same one from earlier with the horrible poorly done lofting job. I had to climb up, which rocked the bed violently, and then had to crawl across the mattress to get in the middle. It seemed like the slightest tremor would make the bed collapse (not to mention there was probably 15 inched of space between the mattress and ceiling.

I woke up the next day and found that I did still have the name tag. At a supperbowl part I found a Pakistani girl and got her to teach me how to say in Urdu "Hello, my name is Habib!". Quite a few people actually though I was in Business school, and some could be convinced that my name really was Habib.

Seeing as I wasted the whole weekend, I've been pulling an all nighter to catch up with school work.

MIKolbe posted something on my facebook and it made me remember that I hadn't been around in a bit. So now that I've filled you all in on my productive recent past, what have you all been doing?

Edited February 8, 2010 by Hassan

[MIKolbe]

so i take it they don't offer Spelling in college?

[TotusTuusMaria]

typical drunken, floozy filled escapades.



one would have hoped you would have bettered yourself during your absence.




the children are fine... not that you care.

[MIKolbe]

Hassan didnt ask for your opinion.

when he wants your opinion, he'll give it to you.

[TotusTuusMaria]

[quote name='MIkolbe' date='08 February 2010 - 09:32 AM' timestamp='1265635923' post='2053282']
Hassan didnt ask for your opinion.

when he wants your opinion, he'll give it to you.
[/quote]

[URL=http://img706.imageshack.us/i/ohnon.jpg/][IMG]http://img706.imageshack.us/img706/5331/ohnon.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

[MIKolbe]

I am just saying what Hassan would say, minus the cracks about your weight.

[Saint Therese]

[quote name='Hassan' date='08 February 2010 - 05:29 AM' timestamp='1265624977' post='2053267']
I had woken up about 5:00pm this Saturday, and went to dinner with some friends. By the time I got back I decided, "to hell with school work!" and decided to be drunken and irresponsible. I sat around with some friends of mine who were studying until about 11:00 ish and then walked down to a bar on Franklin St. (An establishment I can now enter, seeing as I JUST TURNED 21!!!). A had screwdriver and five shots of Vodka in about 15 minutes and then left because the bar tender refused to serve me any more. Six shots of Vodka is not enough to get me drunk, just kind of tipsy. I was waiting for the P2P, which at this time on a Saturday is packed full of drunk people and often a fun time. But while I was waiting I got some ice-cream at stone cold. I got my ice cream (obviously I had been drinking as it was about freezing and I somehow was willing to spend five dollars on ice cream) and then bought a brownie from a Church group raising money for Haiti. I started to walk back to me dorm when I realized I had accidentally taken two and sprinted back to return one. By that time the P2P arrived and I got on, after having a nice conversation with a girl about the dangers of women wearing high heels while walking down bus steps. After getting off the bus stop I decided it would be a fine idea to run back to my dorm. I got back and ran into a girl named Olia whose friend helped pick a lock for me a few days ago to get my phone battery back. As I was talking to her about her classes and such my friend came out and asked if I'd help him loft his bed.

I expressed my reluctance by yelling "BGWAGGHHHHHHHHH!!!" and drooping to the floor with my back on the ground and my feet behind my thighs in one fluid motion. He asked in shock "how did you do that" to which I relpied "I used to be a blackbelt", Olia asked if it wasn't true that once a blackbelt you were always a blackbelt, to which I replied "very well! I AM a blackbelt" I then sort of snapped myself up so I was sanding and then jogged off to help my friend loft his bed.

For two Chinese science majors, neither my friend nor his roommate are good at lofting a bed, which one would think is really just basic engineering. I explained to them that even though I was the one who had been drinking, it seemed clear even to me that the ed was dangerously unstable (it was an extra they were setting up for a friend who was coming in). I strolled into the study room to find Paul, the hard drinking, sexually active, varsity athletic drunkenly explaining to Joe, the short, socially awkward, nerdy, geology major, how sorry he was for being a jerk to him in the past. Joe refused to shake his hand until his show he was watching on his laptop was over and denied that Paul had ever been a bully to him. "Come on Joe, everyone says I was a total ******* to you last semester, I want to to shake my hand, admit I was an ******* to you, and I'm going to be cool to you from now on". I snapped into action and grabbed joes hand, I then grabbed Paul's hand and brought them together until then had clasped each other's hands and then gave a firm shake. I exclaimed loudly "I'm a difference maker!" and then strolled out to find more people. I found some friends from earlier-still studying. One kept the other two on task as both had a great deal of work to get done. When he explained to me that he was keeping the other two focused, I tossed a bagle chip at him. I threw bagel ships at several people, demonstrated my awesome blackbelt move, and kept giving Stuti bagle chips. "Here! Stuti! Have a bagle chip!" "no Will! I don't want a bagle chip" at which people she'd take the bagel chip and eat it, which I found immensely amusing no matter how many times it happened.

I then strolled back upstairs to find Olia studying Organic Chemistry. I plopped down and engaged her in conversation, seeing as she had tried talking to me several times that week, but I was always in a rush. I turns out her family is Egyptian. Upon finding out she was Muslim I asked if she knew Habib, she said she had, to which I loudly replied "beaver dam IT!!!!" I then explained to her that I was disappointed because Habib had claimed he knew every Muslim in the dorm and seeing as she didn't seem devout, hung out with non Muslims, and didn't have an Islamic name, I thought there was a chance he didn't know her. At some point Paul came over and joined us, and tried to convince her to join the fencing team. The conversation went nicely, aside fro me forgetting her name twice, when Habib came in. No one else noticed him, so I alerted all present by announcing "IT'S HABIB!!!". Habib is one of the funniest people I've ever met, and so took this odd situation in stride, plopping down and explaining he'd been at the movies. Eventually, after insisting on his intention to make a key-lime pie the next day Paul went to bed. Olia, Habib and I talked a little bit until she also went to bed. I convinced Habib that it would be funny to lt me wear his mole skin jacket and go down stairs, to see if out friends noticed I was wearing this odd garment.

I went down stairs, and managed to convince our friends that the jacket was mine and that I'd had it for ages. I then found Habib's Business School name tag and wore it, announcing that I would be stealing Habib's identity (I'm a bit sad to admit, that by this point I had been fully sober for a bit). Once Habib made it down stairs, after various mini adventures, I informed him of this fact, returning the coat, but keeping the name tag. Eventually I made it up stairs and had to crash in a friend's dorm. The same one from earlier with the horrible poorly done lofting job. I had to climb up, which rocked the bed violently, and then had to crawl across the mattress to get in the middle. It seemed like the slightest tremor would make the bed collapse (not to mention there was probably 15 inched of space between the mattress and ceiling.

I woke up the next day and found that I did still have the name tag. At a supperbowl part I found a Pakistani girl and got her to teach me how to say in Urdu "Hello, my name is Habib!". Quite a few people actually though I was in Business school, and some could be convinced that my name really was Habib.

Seeing as I wasted the whole weekend, I've been pulling an all nighter to catch up with school work.

MIKolbe posted something on my facebook and it made me remember that I hadn't been around in a bit. So now that I've filled you all in on my productive recent past, what have you all been doing?
[/quote]
[img]http://crywithme.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/drunk-cat.jpg[/img]

[Marie-Therese]

That was one of the funniest things I have read in a long time.

You are nothing if not unique, Hassan, I will give you that. Been wondering what in the world you have been up to.

[MIKolbe]

i miss Hassan.

[Winchester]

[img]http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/694/shenanigans7sy.jpg[/img]

[Marie-Therese]

[quote name='Winchester' date='08 February 2010 - 01:42 PM' timestamp='1265654573' post='2053465']
[img]http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/694/shenanigans7sy.jpg[/img]
[/quote]




Do I look like a cat to you boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer? DO YOU SEE ME EATING MICE?

[Winchester]

I wish they'd do a firefighter movie.

[Hilde]

You just made a lot of, like, sentences made up of words, man.

[Hassan]

[quote name='MIkolbe' date='08 February 2010 - 01:33 PM' timestamp='1265653998' post='2053451']
i miss Hassan.
[/quote]

[Hassan]

[quote name='MIkolbe' date='08 February 2010 - 01:33 PM' timestamp='1265653998' post='2053451']
i miss Hassan.
[/quote]