Did I Commit A Big Sin Here?

[tinytherese]

So over a year ago I attended this one event at my liberal and secular women's college hosted by the pride alliance club on campus. They welcomed everyone regardless of their opinion to come and share their views on homosexuality, watch a documentary on "coming out," and discussed it. We slit up into groups to discuss our views and I brought with me a paper that I had previously written and used some of it to help me explain the Church's views on it. At no point did I use offensive speech or claim that "All the gays here are going to hell." I was trying to clear up confusion, pointing out that the Catholic Church was definitely not for living this lifestyle, but that we are still called to love persons with same sex attraction because they are human beings just like us. This didn't go over all that well with everyone in my group, but I seemed to have gained respect from at least some of the people who disagreed with me.

After this we watched the documentary and then as a big group people discussed it. I felt that it was best for me to listen to what they had to say and I must say that I came to understand persons who go through same sex attraction more. Not that my opinion about how the lifestyle is contrary to what God wants of us, but I listened to what my peers had to say regarding what it was like, how their family's reacted, and what their experiences were with having friends who had same sex attraction. I could tell from what I heard that what I wrote in my paper (including the philosophical parts of my essay,) just wouldn't do much of any good for them. It would be like talking to hearts of stone on the matter. I thought that by listening to them, trying to understand them, and to befriend them would be a good way to show love to them and be a witness to them. I remembered the quote from St. Francis of Assissi which was, "Preach the Gospel at all times and if neccessary use words." I seemed to get a better picture of what their hearts were like and I could see what they were really looking for--unconditional love, friendship, to be treated with dignity, and weren't sure what it really meant to be a woman or what it really meant to be a man. It inspired me more than ever to study the theology of the body. I hope to read the original texts someday and since then I have had a great desire to understand the feminine genius.

Yet at the end of the discussion, a girl spoke up. I didn't realize who she was at first, truth be told I forgot who she was. She had been told by someone that I was from the same city as her and we had exchanged emails, but hadn't had a proper introduction to each other. One of the things I shared with her was the name of my high school, which was a Catholic one. Now she had gone to a public school. She pointed in my direction and said that she was so glad that I came to this event, claiming that she thought that someone from a Catholic school wouldn't have an open mind on the subject, (meaning that they would be "homophobic.") She praised me and even ran over to give me a hug. I was just so shocked by what she said and did. I wasn't sure what to say. The people in my small group however knew what I thought about the matter, but because of this might have thought that I changed my opinion. I had the reputation at this school for being the devout Catholic girl on campus and speaking and writing about my faith in my english classes was known. So to many people, it would have looked like I was for gay pride or that Church teaching was evolving from its previous one and would be more "accepting" of persons calling themselves Catholic and being openly gay. I got to thinking about this incident recently, how I may have to answer to God for this, thinking, "Oh no, I unintentionally caused scandal. This is really serious."

I'm nervous about this. I'd like to go to confession today about it.

[Nihil Obstat]

You may be right about it having "caused scandal", or you may not. However it was entirely unintentional on your part, even if it did. In my opinion, if scandal was caused, which is still a big if, it was not through full knowledge and deliberate consent, so I don't think you should worry.

[Slappo]

Honestly,

You could mention it in confession and ask the priest what advice he can give, but it definitely is no grave sin of scandal.

It doesn't sound like you were fully aware that what she was saying could potentially cause scandal at the time she said it. You may not have had an opportunity to say otherwise in front of the entire group, and it could have been uncharitable to do so by interupting.

Also nothing she said would specifically cause scandal. She actually spoke the truth. Many Catholics would have been too closed minded to even listen to how homosexuals feel and try to understand them better. If others took that the wrong way it is by no means your fault.

[Veridicus]

So you attended this seminar with the intent of achieving an open dialogue while at the same time maintaining and delivering what the Catholic Church's position actually is regarding homosexuals and homosexuality? And while you were there you achieved this end, but you're afraid that because a few people were overly excited about the presence of a Catholic who wasn't outright condemning them to hell that they may have somehow inferred that you were giving consent to their homosexual [i]lifestyle[/i]?

If this is how it went down, I don't think you have anything to worry about. You spoke your mind and presented the Church's position with charity. If these people decide your expression of compassion and love of them as human beings somehow represents the Catholic Church giving license to a homosexual lifestyle then this is a fiction of their own making. You stated you expressed explicitly what the Church taught. I don't believe you are culpable of any scandal.

If it bothers you so much, you can still confess it. Explain it to the priest and get his opinion and absolution if necessary.

[MithLuin]

I am not a priest, so I'm really in no position to tell you whether or not you committed a sin. I suggest you discuss this incident with a confessor, pray to the Holy Spirit for discernment, and get your own soul cleared up so you don't have to be wracked by guilt over this incident.

All that being said, I will point out that Jesus frequently was seen with public sinners and outcasts - he had dinner with tax collectors and prostitutes, touched lepers, etc. No doubt some of these actions caused scandal to the people of his day, and maybe led to rumors or gossip about 'where he stood' on moral/social issues. In modern times, people have insinuated things about his relationship with Mary Magdalene. Do you think people in his day weren't similarly scandalized when he allowed the woman with the alabaster jar to wash his feet with her hair and expensive perfume?

You cannot control what people will think. People may very well 'get the wrong idea' through no fault of your own. That doesn't mean we should be oblivious about 'what the neighbors will think' - Billy Graham made a point to never be seen alone in public with his [i]daughter[/i], because he knew that a scandal about him being seen with 'another woman' rather than his wife could be very damaging to his ministry. Once a rumor like that starts, you can't live it down entirely.

It seems to me that what you did was an attempt to reach out and be a witness in a potentially hostile environment. When it came time to 'share experiences', you chose to listen respectfully rather than preach to a hostile audience. Your goal was to better understand what these women were going through, and you [i]did[/i] take the opportunity to share your true/honest opinions and viewpoint in your small group, which was the more appropriate setting for that. Personally, I don't think that your presence at that gathering implied approval of the alternative lifestyle being advocated by other members of the group. They specifically invited people of all viewpoints.

The very public action that called out your presence to the larger group was not your doing; you barely knew this girl, and she assumed some things about you that were not true. But, there was something she got right - you were there. You were willing to listen and were not in the 'all gays are going to hell and God hates them' camp. Maybe that alone surprised her; maybe she didn't expect to see any sort of loving reaction from a Catholic girl.

Did she assume too much? Did she say things publicly that were not true about you? Well, yes. There's not much you can do about that. But I'm having trouble seeing where *you* did something wrong. But as I said, if you are uneasy about all of this, discuss it with a confessor and get it sorted out.

[Maggyie]

No way. This was not a sin. It was an awkward situation, but sometimes in evangelizing you are going to have stuff like this happen.

[JimR-OCDS]

This was not a sin. You were not affirming homosexual activity, but being open to what they have live with.

If anything, you showed the face of Jesus by your kind and gentle presence.

Remember, Jesus ate and drank with prostitutes and tax collectors.

Jim

[Winchester]

But He did not eat with Canadians.

[tinytherese]

Thank you everyone. Sometimes I can get scrupulous about stuff like this. It wasn't as if I was prepared for what that girl did and what with my introverted personality and not wanting to say something before I thought it through in my head I wasn't sure what to do. I got to thinking about scandal when I was reading yesterday in [i]Christian Courtship in an Oversexe[/i][i]d World: A Guide For Catholics[/i], about some couples who had done such things as sleep in the same bed, room, or to live in the same place but in different rooms, but didn't actually fornicate and the author of the book, a priest talked a considerable amount of time about the scandal that they were unintentionally causing for others and how serious scandal is. It just reminded me of what I did earlier and I got concerned.

[Ash Wednesday]

You didn't mean to do anything wrong. I would talk to your priest about it to put your mind at ease, though. You can't always help what people say or assume, and she could have said all those things after you had left anyway. You were there, so you know better than I, but it sounds like what she said could be interpreted various ways ("tolerance" and "keeping an open mind" can mean a lot of different things.) It sounds to me like she was pleasantly surprised that someone from a Catholic school would even show up and have an interest in hearing what the gay community has to say. That doesn't necessarily equate approval of all aspects of the lifestyle. If you weren't there, anything about the Church might not have been discussed at all and you were at least able to inform some people.

[Winchester]

[quote name='tinytherese' date='06 February 2010 - 02:12 PM' timestamp='1265483548' post='2052053']
So over a year ago I attended this one event at my liberal and secular women's college hosted by the pride alliance club on campus. They welcomed everyone regardless of their opinion to come and share their views on homosexuality, watch a documentary on "coming out," and discussed it. We slit up into groups to discuss our views and I brought with me a paper that I had previously written and used some of it to help me explain the Church's views on it. At no point did I use offensive speech or claim that "All the gays here are going to hell." I was trying to clear up confusion, pointing out that the Catholic Church was definitely not for living this lifestyle, but that we are still called to love persons with same sex attraction because they are human beings just like us. This didn't go over all that well with everyone in my group, but I seemed to have gained respect from at least some of the people who disagreed with me.

After this we watched the documentary and then as a big group people discussed it. I felt that it was best for me to listen to what they had to say and I must say that I came to understand persons who go through same sex attraction more. Not that my opinion about how the lifestyle is contrary to what God wants of us, but I listened to what my peers had to say regarding what it was like, how their family's reacted, and what their experiences were with having friends who had same sex attraction. I could tell from what I heard that what I wrote in my paper (including the philosophical parts of my essay,) just wouldn't do much of any good for them. It would be like talking to hearts of stone on the matter. I thought that by listening to them, trying to understand them, and to befriend them would be a good way to show love to them and be a witness to them. I remembered the quote from St. Francis of Assissi which was, "Preach the Gospel at all times and if neccessary use words." I seemed to get a better picture of what their hearts were like and I could see what they were really looking for--unconditional love, friendship, to be treated with dignity, and weren't sure what it really meant to be a woman or what it really meant to be a man. It inspired me more than ever to study the theology of the body. I hope to read the original texts someday and since then I have had a great desire to understand the feminine genius.

Yet at the end of the discussion, a girl spoke up. I didn't realize who she was at first, truth be told I forgot who she was. She had been told by someone that I was from the same city as her and we had exchanged emails, but hadn't had a proper introduction to each other. One of the things I shared with her was the name of my high school, which was a Catholic one. Now she had gone to a public school. She pointed in my direction and said that she was so glad that I came to this event, claiming that she thought that someone from a Catholic school wouldn't have an open mind on the subject, (meaning that they would be "homophobic.") She praised me and even ran over to give me a hug. I was just so shocked by what she said and did. I wasn't sure what to say. The people in my small group however knew what I thought about the matter, but because of this might have thought that I changed my opinion. I had the reputation at this school for being the devout Catholic girl on campus and speaking and writing about my faith in my english classes was known. So to many people, it would have looked like I was for gay pride or that Church teaching was evolving from its previous one and would be more "accepting" of persons calling themselves Catholic and being openly gay. I got to thinking about this incident recently, how I may have to answer to God for this, thinking, "Oh no, I unintentionally caused scandal. This is really serious."

I'm nervous about this. I'd like to go to confession today about it.
[/quote]
You'll have to go to the Bishop; pretty sure you're excommunicated.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='Winchester' date='06 February 2010 - 03:50 PM' timestamp='1265489444' post='2052127']
You'll have to go to the Bishop; pretty sure you're excommunicated.
[/quote]
Winnie, stop being a Pooh.

[tinytherese]

[quote name='Raphael' date='06 February 2010 - 03:57 PM' timestamp='1265489862' post='2052129']
Winnie, stop being a Pooh.
[/quote]


Winnie the Pooh

[img]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_YH_2Y1Azor8/Sig6DftbM_I/AAAAAAAAAE8/77zO9aQsiVg/s400/winnie_the_pooh.jpg[/img]

[MIKolbe]

[Jaime]

Did you eat a turkey Panini at this event?