" Don't You Judge Me!"

[Hilde]

How do you respond when people throw in your face that it's unchristian to judge?

An example I have is this one time when a girl wrote something in a blog, which got featured on the net page of the biggest newspaper here which were like entirely devoted to how people shouldn't judge her for having had an abortion. Since it was on the newspaper page it got attention and she got some praise comments, which were annoying but also a lot of sound logical arguments against abortion which of course didn't get much attention.

Matthew 7 is the one often quoted.

I mean she killed a baby, is she thinking that people are supposed to be a-ok with that?

This was a while ago but it has lingered in my mind ever since.

Edited February 3, 2010 by Hilde

[havok579257]

[quote name='Hilde' date='03 February 2010 - 01:20 AM' timestamp='1265178051' post='2050289']
How do you respond when people throw in your face that it's unchristian to judge?

An example I have is this one time when a girl wrote something in a blog, which got featured on the net page of the biggest newspaper here which were like entirely devoted to how people shouldn't judge her for having had an abortion. Since it was on the newspaper page it got attention and she got some praise comments, which were annoying but also a lot of sound logical arguments against abortion which of course didn't get much attention.

Matthew 7 is the one often quoted.

I mean she killed a baby, is she thinking that people are supposed to be a-ok with that?

This was a while ago but it has lingered in my mind ever since.
[/quote]


stating the truth is not being judgemental. just like when someone condemns a murderer. why don't people who bring up "don't judge" ever bring that up about child rapists or murderers or even Hitler. I mean according to their logic its wrong to judge Hitler and his near extermination of the eastern Jew.

If its wrong, then its not being judgemental to tell someone its wrong. Being judgemental is like looking down on a poor person because they are poor or looking down on an uneducated man because they are not as smart as you. that is what it means when it says not to judge.

[southern california guy]

[quote name='Hilde' date='02 February 2010 - 11:20 PM' timestamp='1265178051' post='2050289']
How do you respond when people throw in your face that it's unchristian to judge?

An example I have is this one time when a girl wrote something in a blog, which got featured on the net page of the biggest newspaper here which were like entirely devoted to how people shouldn't judge her for having had an abortion. Since it was on the newspaper page it got attention and she got some praise comments, which were annoying but also a lot of sound logical arguments against abortion which of course didn't get much attention.

Matthew 7 is the one often quoted.

I mean she killed a baby, is she thinking that people are supposed to be a-ok with that?

This was a while ago but it has lingered in my mind ever since.
[/quote]

Yeah, she doesn't want people to talk. I wonder if it ever works.

[KeenanParkerII]

God judges, we simply point out what will be considered right and wrong in that judgement. The unChristian thing to do would be to let them continue on in sin. When I completely mess up, I require someone to tell me "Parker you screwed up." >=T That doesn't mean they're judging me. If they were judging me, they would only think bad things about me and my worth in general. But normally it's the people who don't judge me and care about me that are most apt to tell me when I'm being stupid.

[Nihil Obstat]

You could punch her and demand she not judge you for it.

[Sternhauser]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' date='03 February 2010 - 10:20 AM' timestamp='1265210451' post='2050393']
You could punch her and demand she not judge you for it.
[/quote]

Good technique. You have to sound really hurt and offended if she protests. "Don't [i]judge [/i]me!"

Punching works for radical nihilists, too. They'll start believing something.

~Sternhauser

Edited February 3, 2010 by Sternhauser

[little_miss_late]

It is not judging to make it clear that you disapprove of someone's actions. But if you continue to let a person's prior sins define them, that is judgmental. This girl had an abortion- it's not judgmental to condemn what she did. But it doesn't mean that she is forever, and only, a murderer.

There are some who take it upon themselves to "punish" by gossiping about people, or shunning people, or attacking people in other ways. That is judgmental. It's not, as some would say, the "consequence" of the person's sin- it goes beyond that. Maybe the girl in the article has experienced some of that behavior.

[cmotherofpirl]

On the contrary we are called to judge, we are not called to condemn.
She is confused about the difference.

[thessalonian]

As always CMP summed it up well. Certainly there are things people do that your friend would agree can be emphatically stated as wrong. Murder and rape are easy ones. So if we tell those people who do these things that they are wrong, are we judging them? Not in the context of condemning (i.e. your going to hell) but certainly in the context of there being right and wrong behaviors. We leave the judging of the person to God but the judging of the action is clearly biblical. 1 Cor 5 has a case of a man living with his father's wife. Paul condemns the action and insists that the community take steps to reprimand the man so that he may reform. It is merciful to point out to someone that they are hurting themselves and others throgh sin.

[rhetoricfemme]

[quote name='Hilde' date='03 February 2010 - 01:20 AM' timestamp='1265178051' post='2050289']
How do you respond when people throw in your face that it's unchristian to judge?

An example I have is this one time when a girl wrote something in a blog, which got featured on the net page of the biggest newspaper here which were like entirely devoted to how people shouldn't judge her for having had an abortion. Since it was on the newspaper page it got attention and she got some praise comments, which were annoying but also a lot of sound logical arguments against abortion which of course didn't get much attention.

Matthew 7 is the one often quoted.

I mean she killed a baby, is she thinking that people are supposed to be a-ok with that?

This was a while ago but it has lingered in my mind ever since.
[/quote]
I still haven't figured out what to say in those situations. It seems as if the only that can be said is that you're not criticizing their character or anything, but you're letting them know that a particular action of theirs was not okay. As long as that is stated in a fair manner, it's up to the other person to receive the comment as they wish. The defensive, "Don't judge me!" is likely because consciously or subconsciously, they realize that they indeed did do something wrong.

Having said that, was the comment that the woman lashed back at a judgmental comment? Sometimes it can be so hard to tell when someone is actually judging you or if they're pointing out that an action of yours is not okay. Especially when comments are text-based. I think some people use God's rules in order to be critical of someone's character, as if understanding God's law gives them a free pass to talk down about someone and/or gossip about their wrongdoings.

[quote name='Sternhauser' date='03 February 2010 - 11:19 AM' timestamp='1265213965' post='2050413']
Good technique. You have to sound really hurt and offended if she protests. "Don't [i]judge [/i]me!"

~Sternhauser
[/quote]
I gave my +1 to Nihil cause his comment was awesome, but now I wish I had two...

[little_miss_late]

[quote name='rhetoricfemme' date='03 February 2010 - 01:22 PM' timestamp='1265221326' post='2050499']
I think some people use God's rules in order to be critical of someone's character, as if understanding God's law gives them a free pass to talk down about someone and/or gossip about their wrongdoings.

[/quote]

YES. This is said much better than the way I said it.

[Veridicus]

[quote name='Hilde' date='03 February 2010 - 12:20 AM' timestamp='1265178051' post='2050289']
How do you respond when people throw in your face that it's unchristian to judge?

An example I have is this one time when a girl wrote something in a blog, which got featured on the net page of the biggest newspaper here which were like entirely devoted to how people shouldn't judge her for having had an abortion. Since it was on the newspaper page it got attention and she got some praise comments, which were annoying but also a lot of sound logical arguments against abortion which of course didn't get much attention.

Matthew 7 is the one often quoted.

I mean she killed a baby, is she thinking that people are supposed to be a-ok with that?

This was a while ago but it has lingered in my mind ever since.
[/quote]

People have a difficult time distinguishing between the judgment of an immoral action and the judgement of a person. If you criticize her divorce and she feels like she is being judged then it is in fact HER who is summarizing her whole existence into that single criticism. Remind these people you aren't summarily judging their existence but a particular action you find morally reprehensible. It is their choice to take this specific criticism and apply it to their entire personhood. In my opinion, this superimposing a judgment of an action with the entire self belies a deepset insecurity in themselves concerning the magnitude of the action and how it reflects on them.

[Happy_Catholic]

Well, firstly, what does she expect? Abortion is one of the biggest dividing issues of our culture, she posted a blog that got published about it, what did she expect, everyone was going to be "you go guuuurlfriend!!"

As others have above mentioned, its not judgemental to point out the truth.

I've come to notice that when someone harps on about "don't judge me" they in some way, know what they did was wrong, they dont' like to hear the truth.

Years ago there was a documentry in NZL about women who had aborted, a 16 year old girl was going on about how a pregnancy would stop her going to school, having a social life, getting a real boyfriend and other such reasons, people wrote into our TV guide and other media saying what she did was selfish. The girl then wrote back to the papers saying she wasn't selfish and how dare they judge her!! Selfishness is considering oneself above others, and in some ways, going beyond ignoring others to raising oneself above, abortion does that, she said all the many reasons why she had an abortion and they were all focussed on her.

She was selfish. That is truth. That is not "judging" her, that is pointing out the truth. She just didn't want to hear the truth and she didn't want to face up to the person she had become. The documentry actually followed the girl for a few months after the abortion where she had another pregnancy scare!

[KeenanParkerII]

Wait a minute. The Bible does say don't judge:

[quote]Matthew 7:1-5 Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you judge, you shall be judged: and with what measure you mete, it shall be measured unto you. And why behold you the mote that is in your brother's eye, but consider not the beam that is in your own eye? Or how will you say to your brother, Let me cast out the mote out of your eye; and lo, the beam is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of your own eye; and then shall you see clearly to cast out the mote out of your brother's eye.[/quote]

However, I still think it's right to point out that she's wrong in what she's doing.

[Hilde]

With the scriptural passage in mind I can't really imagine the probability of something the average person has done that's a beam in comparison. [quote name='Nihil Obstat' date='03 February 2010 - 05:20 PM' timestamp='1265210451' post='2050393']
You could punch her and demand she not judge you for it.
[/quote]
Oh I'd love to. But maybe she'd say that's different because in case with the abortion it's not really any of my business. But what ability does a fetus have to defend itself anyway. I don't feel like this is a live and let live situation, because that's just morbidly ironic.

[quote name='rhetoricfemme' date='03 February 2010 - 08:22 PM' timestamp='1265221326' post='2050499']
I still haven't figured out what to say in those situations. It seems as if the only that can be said is that you're not criticizing their character or anything, but you're letting them know that a particular action of theirs was not okay. As long as that is stated in a fair manner, it's up to the other person to receive the comment as they wish. The defensive, "Don't judge me!" is likely because consciously or subconsciously, they realize that they indeed did do something wrong.

Having said that, was the comment that the woman lashed back at a judgmental comment? Sometimes it can be so hard to tell when someone is actually judging you or if they're pointing out that an action of yours is not okay. Especially when comments are text-based. I think some people use God's rules in order to be critical of someone's character, as if understanding God's law gives them a free pass to talk down about someone and/or gossip about their wrongdoings.


I gave my +1 to Nihil cause his comment was awesome, but now I wish I had two...
[/quote]
I don't remember exactly, but clearly someone had said to here that abortion was wrong, and she wasn't a fan of that.

[quote name='Happy_Catholic' date='04 February 2010 - 12:55 AM' timestamp='1265237736' post='2050763']
Well, firstly, what does she expect? Abortion is one of the biggest dividing issues of our culture, she posted a blog that got published about it, what did she expect, everyone was going to be "you go guuuurlfriend!!"

As others have above mentioned, its not judgemental to point out the truth.

I've come to notice that when someone harps on about "don't judge me" they in some way, know what they did was wrong, they dont' like to hear the truth.

Years ago there was a documentry in NZL about women who had aborted, a 16 year old girl was going on about how a pregnancy would stop her going to school, having a social life, getting a real boyfriend and other such reasons, people wrote into our TV guide and other media saying what she did was selfish. The girl then wrote back to the papers saying she wasn't selfish and how dare they judge her!! Selfishness is considering oneself above others, and in some ways, going beyond ignoring others to raising oneself above, abortion does that, she said all the many reasons why she had an abortion and they were all focussed on her.

She was selfish. That is truth. That is not "judging" her, that is pointing out the truth. She just didn't want to hear the truth and she didn't want to face up to the person she had become. The documentry actually followed the girl for a few months after the abortion where she had another pregnancy scare!
[/quote]
Oh it's very self centered. Sometimes they even try to defend it's what's the best for the child or what they may view as a potential child.

And she did get some "you go guuuurlfriend!!" comments.